[31 October 2000. 11.40 PM]
Your eyes slowly opened and the first thing you saw was a dark sky, a sky full of stars.
It was still dark, which meant that you weren't down for too long... You hoped. You moved your head with a soft moan as you started to feel the grass, leaves and dirt under your body. "F-Fucking hell" You mumbled as you tried to sit up but you couldn't move an inch. Your body felt weak and your head was spinning.
'What happened-- Why am I feeling like this?'
Your mind was in a haze. You looked around with slight confusion, squinting your eyes.. It was dark, you could barely see a thing. But then you looked up, noticing a bridge in front of you, and the second you did, the memories instantly came flooding into your mind. You were pushed off, he pushed you off of the bridge. He hurt you. He tried to KILL you. Your own father.
As you tried to move, a pained groan left your mouth.
He didn't want you, he never did and tonight was the night you finally realised it. You tried so hard to be a good daughter for him, despite him being one of the worst people you knew. In every argument, fight or disagreement, you always tried to remain calm, not to anger him and even apologise to that selfish human.
Yes, you broke one of his rules today. But you had never done that before and you never expected him to do what he did today. You can already imagine the stares you'll get in the school hallway. And it's his fault, the one person you tried so hard to please, to love. You had enough.
You carefully stood up but soon fell down again, feeling a terrible sting of pain in your leg as a soft yelp left your lips. Your attention went to your hurting leg, quickly looking at it and noticing some blood stains on the white pants you were wearing. You slowly turned your leg around to examine it and you gasped in horror as you saw a stick pointing out of your leg. That's the reason it hurt, you probably landed so hard that a stick managed to stab through your skin. You stared at the bloody mess with widened eyes, thinking of what to do now. 'Pull it out?' That was the first thing you thought. 'No, no it'll hurt too much...'
You just had to get home, then you'll look for what you can do with it. You took a deep shakey breath and forced yourself to stand up. You wobbled forward, dragging your leg in pain as you whimpered softly. All of a sudden, you felt a painful sting in your leg again, you tried to ignore it despite it hurting like hell. But as you took another step, your leg gave up and you fell down, letting out a gasp as you harshly hit the ground again.
After laying completely still on the ground for a minute, you turned over in pain, rolling on your back. You looked up at the sky with teary eyes, heavy breath escaping your lips while you wiped the dirt and leafs off of your face. Your body was weak after the fall, but still, you HAD to go home. There was no way you could just lay here until someone found you, which would likely never happen anyway.
You put both your hands beside you on the ground for support and sat up with a grunt. You held your leg still as you wrapped your other hand around the stick that was stabbed through your flesh. And with a clenched jaw, you began to pull. You let out a pained scream, you could feel the stick move inside your leg. After a minute of trying to pull the stick out of you, you unwrapped your hand and closed your eyes, letting yourself fall back against the ground in exhaustion. It wouldn't get out, it indeed hurt too much.
After laying on the ground for another minute, catching your breath and trying to calm yourself from hyperventilating, you decided you'd try to go home, even though you still had the stick stabbed through your leg. You had to, you had no other choice.
'Cmon [Y/N] get a grip on yourself'
You slowly stood up, hands beside you on the ground for support again as you pushed yourself up. You clenched your teeth as you stood. You took a slow step, trying to put not too much pressure on your leg and started limping your way home, nearly falling at some points.
. . .
As soon as you arrived back home you wanted to bang on the door in anger, but to your surprise, it was already open. You growled to yourself, already starting to feel yourself getting mad again. You stepped inside, slamming the door behind you and limping through the hallway, your palms pressed against the wall for support. You looked around as you entered the living room and saw your father sleeping in his chair with another beer bottle in his hand. Looking at him made the same rage you felt in the morning fill your mind again.
'How dare he be sleeping here, so peacefully while he almost killed his fucking daughter!?'
You suddenly heard something in your pocket, distracting you. You reached inside it and found your now cracked phone. You looked at it and saw dozen of texts from people, talking about you and your father, pictures of you and your father were all you saw. You looked at the phone in horror, everyone was making fun of you now, just as you had imagined. Everyone thought you were the weird kid whose father crashed a Halloween party now. You couldn't believe it. You were so angry, hurt, and confused by the situation you were in. You slammed the phone on the ground and ran to the kitchen. You couldn't do this anymore.
You turned on the faucet and ran your dirty hands through the warm water. You took a deep breath and brought your wet hands to your face, wiping your face and getting off the dirt and blood, but also hoping the warmth would calm you. But it didn't, your hands kept trembling and you could feel the tears prick in your eyes.
The tears weren't just tears of sadness, but embarrassment, and anger. Deep down you just felt so sad that again, your father did something like this. He hurt you again even though you did nothing to him. You loved him and hated to see him like this. But at the same moment, the anger and embarrassment you felt towards him overpowered your sadness and the need of wanting to try everything to be loved by him. you felt ashamed of him and angered, angered that he was the one that had to ruin a great night again. And not only that, he had almost killed you, what if you landed wrong and broke your neck? Not like he would give a shit anyways, since he was just peacefully sleeping like always.
You turned off the faucet and grabbed a towel. As you dried your face and hands, still deep in your thoughts, something suddenly caught your eye. A half-opened shelf. As you slowly put the towel on the counter, you peeked inside and saw something shiny inside it.
You opened the shelf. 'knives.' You flipped through the knives as one of them caught your attention and a million thoughts raced through your mind. The thoughts and memories of him hurting you again, hitting you, and telling you how you're worth nothing were swarming through your mind. The way he had hurt your mother, how you had to see her pretend she was okay even though you knew she wasn't, all those thoughts suddenly hit you again.
You turned around with the knife in your hand. The rage you felt towards your father was becoming bigger the longer you looked at him. Your legs started to move on their own, slowly walking towards your father as the voices and thoughts in your mind became louder and louder.
You stared at your father's sleeping form, your eyes went from the smashed beer bottle on the ground to the one in his hands. As you stared at it, you remembered how he threw the beer bottle on the ground today, in the morning, and then proceeded to follow you outside and tell you how bad of a child you were, embarrassing you once again. Hurting you again.
'Kill him.'
You held the knife up in the air, your eyes focused on the man in front of you.
Before you could think, or realise what you were about to do, the hate and rage you felt towards him had already consumed your mind. You pushed the blade down with force, hitting him right in his shoulder. His eyes shot open and he stared at you in shock, beginning to scream loudly. Your eyes widened and in shock. You stabbed him again as his pained cries were heard throughout the whole house. You pulled the knife out and then stabbed him again and again...
But suddenly you froze, your hands still tightly wrapped around the knife's handle. Your lip trembled as your fearful eyes went from your father to the bloodied knife in your shaking hands, realising what you just did. He was covered with blood, and so were your hands, you had HIS blood on your hands. The knife fell to the ground and you put your hands on your mouth in shock. "Oh my god." You breathed out as tears of shock filled your eyes. "What have I done." You gasped while stumbling back, towards the wall. "What have I done!?" You cried out as you bumped into the wall and let yourself slide down. Your leg was still bleeding, your body was still weak and you could still feel the disgusting leaves and dirt on your body. And yet, you still couldn't believe this was real.
'Is this a dream? Am I dreaming?'
You wished you were. You just killed someone... You killed your own father. You let out a sob and put your hands on your head, your cries and breathing becoming louder and heavier as you went into a state of panic and shock, until you suddenly heard loud sirens from outside, your mind filled with confusion. 'Who informed the police? How are they here this fast!?'
'Fuck, I'm going to jail.' You thought as you covered your mouth and muffled your cries.
As you started to hear people from outside your house you looked at the knife and voices filled your mind again. You crawled over to it and grabbed the knife, holding it tightly in your grasp. You looked at it in your shaking, bloodied hands, your mind was telling you all sorts of things now, you had to focus. "I-I can't go to jail." You whispered to yourself while you could hear someone banging on your door. 'He tried to kill me.' Again loud banging was heard. 'He deserved it.'
Suddenly the door swung open.
You gasped as you saw 3 officers run into the room. You stood up, holding onto the wall for support and the knife to defend yourself as they came closer. "Ma'am put the knife down now!" The officer called out. Tears were running down your cheeks as the realisation hit again, making it feel like the world suddenly froze while the voices in your mind continued to speak to you. "I didn't mean to!" You cried out, shaking. "I-It was an accident! I-I didn't mean to actually kill him!" You said with a despairing tone, lowering the knife while the officer slowly came closer. "It's okay ma'am calm dow--" The officer spoke until you gritted your teeth and suddenly swung the knife, stabbing the man in his chest. a loud gasp was heard from the man as you pulled the knife out of him and looked at the man with widened, teary eyes as you got a strange rush of adrenaline.
It felt good.
The man fell down and you ran upstairs, the adrenaline causing you to completely forget about the pain in your leg. "Call back up, call back up!" One of the other officers yelled while they both ran after you, holding out their guns. Your heart was beating faster than it ever did as you entered your room and hid inside your closet.
The two officers rushed into the room and began searching for you.
One of the men slowly walked towards the bed while the other walked to the closet, both holding their guns tightly. You quickly thought about what to do now... It was dark, would they see you if you slipped past them? What if you stayed hidden in a corner?
Suddenly, you realised the knife was still in your hand. You froze.