"Hurry James, they are going to be here any minute!" I pull at the bottom of my dress, adjusting the hem of it, as to not accidentally expose myself. Mentally cursing myself for not putting on a longer one.
"Don't worry, we are almost all ready down here, and we should have another good five or so minutes before they show up. You know your sister is always late!" James responds from downstairs, his voice bringing some sense of comfort to me. He was right, my sister did always run fashionably late.
What a weird term, and what the correct definition of it was, I would never know.
"Are you coming down here, or are you going to stay up there picking at your face until I drag you down here?" James questions. My whole body freezes, leaning against the counter with my face inches away from the mirror. How did he know?
"I'm not picking at my face..." I shout back, rubbing the spot on my chin that was now slightly red. "Anymore," I mutter to myself quietly.
"Yeah, okay, and I'm not the world's best husband or father." James teases. Even though he was downstairs and I was still locked in our bathroom, I could hear the smile on his voice.
The doorbell rings, pulling me out of my thoughts and causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. Glancing at the clock on my phone, I realize that for the first time in my entire life, James was wrong and my sister was right on time. I rush out of the bathroom and down the stairs to greet her by the front door. Sending James daggers as I pass him.
"Natalie, you made it!" I smile, giving her a big hug. It'd been less than a week since we had seen her last, and normally we'd be spending our new years at my mother's house as well, but this year Natalie and I had chipped in and purchased our parents a romantic trip to Italy for Christmas. They weren't aware they were leaving in three days when they opened the present, but they couldn't have been more surprised.
"Yes, we almost got lost looking at all the Christmas lights in your neighborhood. You guys really need to put some up next year so you don't stand out so much as the only house that didn't decorate." Natalie enters our house, and trucking along behind her are Luca, Tommy, and Dax.
"Hazel is in the living room. You can play for another hour or so before she needs to go to bed." I smile at the boys. "Also, thanks for the reminder of the Christmas lights. I meant to get them up, but you know I was busy."
"Busy with what? Figuring out how to spend more than two hours at the house a day again?" Natalie teases, wrapping her arms around me once more, pulling me in for a big bear hug.
"Yeah, yeah, get all your jokes out now," I mutter, feeling my bones nearly crush under her clutch.
"Oh, you've got me all night. Why would I get them all out right away?" She smiles, placing her coat on the shoe rack.
We head towards the kitchen, passing the kids in the living room. They all were sitting around a castle that Hazel had for some of her dolls, looking inside as they searched for some hidden toy Hazel must have gotten stuck within its walls.
"Man! I always love your house every time I come over here." Natalie says, reaching for one of the beers on the dining table.
"Really? You do?" I question, trying to remember the last time Natalie had been to my house. I couldn't lie to myself. I didn't remember. If she hadn't made that comment, I would have been convinced she had never been here in the first place.
"Yeah, you have such a minimalist style, I really like it. I love all of our family photos, but sometimes I regret getting so many done because I feel bad taking the old ones down, so now my walls are just covered with my face and I hate staring at myself all day every day." Natalie looks around, her hands out in front of her as if she's showing us a room we've never seen before. "But here your walls are so empty, and there are minimal decorations that feel like they really add to the room, instead of taking away from it."
"That's so weird that you mention that, earlier this week, I was feeling really awful for being such a horrible mom and housewife that we only have the one family photo and it's that one tucked back in the corner of the living room." I say, pointing to the image hung up on the wall. "Matter of fact, I think the only wedding photo we have is the one in the hallway as you're coming into the living room." The words seem to fall out of me, leaving all of my emotions out in the open, unprotected, and ready for any predator to pounce.
"I don't think that makes you a terrible mom at all, and it's such a stupid concept, anyway. A bad mother is someone who tortures their child or purposely hurts them. Neither of us has done anything other than our best to take care of our babies and yet why are we the ones sitting around feeling like we are horrible mothers?"
"It's a part of being a mom. If you didn't care, you wouldn't worry." James pipes in.
"I guess he has a point." Natalie says, cracking the beer open before taking a drink of it. I grab some soda, adding some whiskey to it. Beer was never my thing.
The TV whirs in the background, celebrities singing as the crowd cheers and the host announces the next act. It was the New Year's special, going through all the memories of the last year and talking about what exciting things were coming up in the next one.
But who knows what the new year really held?
Natalie and Henry grab some snacks, placing them on a plate as we all head into the living room to watch the TV.
"I hope, even if this year ended kind of weird for you two, that you guys have still had a wonderful year and are excited about the future." Natalie smiles, taking a seat on the couch.
Taking a brief moment to reflect on the last year was easy. When I think back through everything as a whole, it all felt like happy moments. Though when I really started to dissect it, it felt like it was nothing but work. I was happy about all the accomplishments I'd made, but was barely there to see Hazel learn to walk. Sure, the year felt great, but did I feel good about it? That was a whole other question.
"Yeah, I think we had an amazing year. Hazel accomplished so much, and Nicole did too, even if it ended in one of the worst ways possible. But the thing is, we are good, we are stable and we can move on with minimal repercussions." James tried to make it sound better, but the more everyone pointed out the fact that I got fired two weeks ago, the more it was bugging me again. But I tried to ignore those feelings, pushing them to the side so I could just focus on making memories and being present in the current moment.
I mean, that's what I was supposed to be trying to do, anyway? That was what James had asked for when I had gotten fired. He was so stoked that I would have more time to be around for the family.
Another song comes on the TV and before I can even process what the words are, Hazel is up on her feet dancing to the tune. Her little body shakes as she bounces to the rhythm.
"Yeah! Get it, girlfriend!" Natalie shouts, throwing her hands in the air to cheer Hazel on. Hazel giggles, mimicking her aunt. Dax jumps up, trying to copy what she is doing, obviously loving the attention it was getting her. I lean against the counter in the kitchen, watching all of it unfold in front of me. How could you pick a more perfect way to end the year?
I grab my phone, scrolling through my contacts. When I find Sienna's name, I click on the messages.
'Hey happy New Year, I hope you are celebrating tonight, and able to enjoy it even just a little bit.'
Once the message was sent, I place my phone back on the counter, tucking it next to the sink. I would not need it for the rest of the night, so there was no reason to keep it close.
James turns and smiles at me, closing the distance between us.
"I'm going to go put Hazel to bed here once she gets done dancing to this song." He says, placing his drink on the counter.
"Sounds good." I pause for a moment. "I love you so much, you know that right?"
James cocks his head.
"I love you too, you weirdo."
•••●•••
"Nicole, I just wanted to let you know. I know this is probably a bad time to mention it, since I'm not sure if you are ready to tell people or not, but I wanted to let you know that I took some time to really think about it, and I think you opening the business is a fantastic thing. You should call Sienna on Monday to see if she's interested in helping you. I'm here to support you in all of your endeavors and if you think you can do it, then I know you can do it." James smiles, pulling me to the side so that no one else hears our conversation.
"You really think so?" I question, sloshing the liquid in my glass once more, before bringing the drink to my lips.
"Yes, I really do. At first, I was a little skeptical even if I told you I had full faith in you, especially with you saying you were thinking about having another kid at the same time. It honestly all felt like too much, but the more I really thought about the idea, the more I realize that's what you need. I may be happy with just my family, and honestly if you could get this business up and running and making money so I could quit my job, that would be great, but I realize you are your own person and editing is a part of your life, and I don't want to take that away from you."
"James, I'd give up anything to keep you happy, and I hope you know that."
"I don't want you to ever have to. So I think this is what's best for our family." The tv rings in the background, and the host on the screen starts the ten second countdown. I catch James's eyes looking into mine, searching my face for any response.
"Alright, I'll call her on Monday. Looks like we are going to be business owners." The words felt so insane coming out of my mouth. James wraps his arms around me, kissing me on the forehead. We walk back towards my sister and her husband, watching the screen as the large numbers appear.
8...
The ball drops a little lower.
7...
The screen shows couples preparing to kiss, their eyes watching the tower carefully.
6...
"We are almost there!" Tommy shouts.
5...
Nerves start to fizzle in my body, reminding me of all the changes at the end of this last year. But I knew in my heart this new year was going to be just as crazy.
4...
James's hand squeezes my arm, causing me to look at him.
3...
The world around me was shifting, feeling like all the pieces were falling into place.
2...
1...
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everyone shouts, risking waking up Hazel. But it didn't matter, because this felt like a moment worth celebrating.
And before I know it, James's lips are press passionately against mine in the most perfect New Year's kiss.