"Shhh...It'll be over soon baby. Don't worry it'll only hurt for a bit"
I jumped in my seat and realized i zoned out while staring outside the window. It is really a beautiful day...I wish i could go out. But i knew i would not be able to stand the noises in the main lobby. I stood for a while and then decided to get myself a glass of water. When i found the cabinet for glasses the door bell rang again and i knew instantly who it was. My heart skipped a beat when i saw Nathan. He was in a black tee with the words 'Dont Be Afraid', a pair of tight dark jeans and was holding shades. He was so hot.
"Hey Miranda. I was just wondering if you um...wanted to grab a drink at the canteen or something." He smiled. I stared at him for what seemed like forever and then i gave a small nod and followed him out of my apartment. I don't know what suddenly made me so brave but after about 50 ft away from the door I panicked and ran back into my apartment.
"What's wrong Miranda? Hey! Come on! I'm not going to hurt you!"
"I'm not going to hurt you baby. Im not going to hurt you"
"GO AWAY CALVIN! GO AWAY!" I threw myself into a ball under the dining table and began to cry.
"Miranda? Are you okay? OMG." I heard him run away from my door and then i suddenly felt relieved. Its been 2 years...Why cant i forget what happened? So many things had happened after it but why was that the one thing that scarred me the most? I don't know. I didn't want to think about that incident anymore. I closed my eyes and counted to three. 1...2...3...
"All you ever brought me was trouble! Cant you ever be a good daughter?!" Mother whacked me hard on my arm with a hanger. I didn't move or say anything."Huh? Nothing to say? What did i ever do to deserve something like you?" She cursed at the ceiling "STEALING?! What were you thinking?!" Mother looked at me waiting for an answer but i didn't move an inch. "What are you going to do next? Kill? Well you know what? You're not going to. Tomorrow you'll be transferred to the High School For Troubled Teenagers and I am NOT to not hear a SINGLE bit of bad news from you." Mother gave me one last glare before she stormed out of the room. I stood there. And then i felt it. I knelt down on my knees and then tears started to pour out of my eyes and down my cheeks, I could taste the warm bitterness of my tears crawling gently on my lips and down my chin. "I have no point of existence." I said to myself getting up to go to the privacy of my own bedroom. Gently I pulled out my cutter from under my mattress and began to cut on my forearm. I couldn't feel anything so i cut deeper, and deeper, and deeper until my skin ripped open revealing the fresh red blood slowly oozing out of me. I hated doing this. But it was the only way i could stop myself from suicide and yes, I regret is so much. I knew from the start i wouldn't be able to stop and i knew that every cut just gets deeper and deeper but it made me feel better...temporarily it felt as if things were actually going to be okay. At least thats what i tell myself. Every time.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and gently felt the scars on my arm. Pain. Regret. I heard the door bell ring again. Why wont Nathan leave me alone? I made my way to the door and looked through the peephole. To my surprise it wasn't Nathan. My heart dropped and i opened the door.
"Good Evening Miss Esther. Is everything okay? I heard from your neighbor you seemed rather upset about something he did." The stranger spoke in a rather annoying accent. I think it's english.
"I'm fine." I responded with another one of my 'smiles'
"That is good news! He wanted me to give you this." He handed me a piece of paper nicely folded into a square.
"Thank you." I said reaching out to take it and then closed the door. I waited till i heard the man leave before opening the small piece of paper with very bad handwriting inside.
Miranda,
I'm so sorry I scared you. I didn't mean to. I hope I can make up to you somehow...
I will wait for you outside your door tomorrow morning as we have first class together.
Take care and Welcome to H.S.F.T.T,
Nathan.
I have first class with him. Suddenly i felt a bit better at least i know i wont be alone...Not that i mind anyway...I'm used to isolation...