This is the final chapter of this book. The synopsis of the sequel to this book will be out. Then the next books are out right after, you can check it out! Both Raven's Light as well as The DarkNess in the Night [Kai's book] are out now!
Song for the chapter: Last Time I Say Sorry by Kane Brown & John Legend.
When I woke up, the sun was assaulting my face and I groaned wildly. My limbs felt groggy as I sat up and when I checked, I pulled my hair from behind, it was slightly knotted.
When I looked over, Enzo wasn't there and if not that I felt a little throbbing below and the sheets were wrapped over my naked body, I would have doubted that I had actually spent the night with him.
I pulled the bedsheet tighter over myself and walked out of the bedroom. When I got to the joint living room and kitchen, the smell of breakfast overtook the apartment and when I looked over, Enzo was cooking.
I walked over to him. He was flipping sausages when I sat down on the dinning chair of the island.
"Good morning," Enzo greeted me before setting down a plate filled with waffles, an omlette and sausages before me. "I figured you might be hungry when you woke up so I made you some breakfast,"
I wished I had concealed my blush better but I didn't. No guy had ever cooked for me before. This was an actual first.
"Thank you," I told him as I went over to the sink to wash my hand then grabbed a knife and fork. "You cook?"
"You don't?" Was the retaliation as Enzo reached for his own knife and fork.
I shook my head. Or else you counted boiling water and pouring it into instant box ramen, I didn't know the first thing about cooking.
"You've been on your own a long time, how don't you know how to cook?" Enzo enquired as he dug into his sausages. His hair was wet and I understood that he had showered. Even in other's pack, he still respected his culture and never sat down to a meal without taking a shower first.
"I never needed the skill until now. When I was an Assassin, I had a personal chef assigned to me to make sure I never strayed away from my diet. Every single thing I ate was counted. And as for now, I just don't know where to start from," it was true. I took a bite of the waffles alongside the omelette and it tasted divine. "How did you learn? In your pack, there were chefs to feed you and everyone in the mansion,"
"I lived alone for a bit, remember?" He was referring to when he lived in this very pack for about three years or four. I forgot the specifics. "I learnt how to cook during that time because my father was very stingy with money and so my allowance was very less. I couldn't afford to eat out too often and I've always had a very rabid appetite so I needed to cook my own food because I don't get full easily,"
I nodded and then I ate more. My stomach started making funny noises as I fed it. Enzo went over to pour a glass of milk and hand it over to me. I drank it. I didn't even remember the last time that I drank milk.
"How do you feel now?" Enzo asked me and I nearly choked on my milk. He went back to eating his sausages.
"I'm fine, Enzo," I told him because I was. I wasn't as hysterical as I was yesterday. "Taylor was meant to find out one day. I just wish it had been on my own terms,"
"I wasn't asking about him. Albeit painful, you're not his mate so he'll get over it. I meant I know that I hurt you last night. How does your body feel now?" Enzo looked at me when he said that and I felt my cheeks deepen to a red tint.
"I'm better. Don't worry. You didn't break me or anything. It's just been a while since I slept with anyone. My body tensed up for some reason. I don't know why," I confessed. What was the point of lying? Last night was a disaster by my standards. "Please don't make anymore virgin jokes, Enzo. It's not about that,"
Enzo chuckled looking over at me slyly. I burnt beneath his gaze. "No jokes here but I am curious. You haven't slept with anyone or Taylor, why? And why did you lie to him that you were a virgin of some sorts?"
I stepped away from my plate when he asked that and stared into my hands. Suddenly, I felt cautious of the sheet around me and I pulled it tighter around my chest. Emotions began to bubble to the surface.
"This may sound completely insane but after you, Enzo I couldn't bring myself to let anyone else touch me in that way. I don't know if it's because I'm deeply in love with you or because you're my mate but whenever Taylor's hands came to slip my pants off or his lips came to my neck, I lost my mind. Sex was always the most casual and easiest thing in the world for me to do. Even easier than speaking and telling someone about my interests to try and find some common ground but ever since I slept with you, that changed. I couldn't see anyone else after you touching me like that so I lied. I thought that if I lied that I was a virgin, he wouldn't push me and I was right. He didn't,"
Enzo nodded and kept eating. If he had something to say to all that I had revealed, he didn't say it. He just stared down at his food and diverted his gaze away from me.
"Why did you decide to propose to me after one year? You could get any other girl that you can control and also, no one will refuse you. After everything I've done to you, why me, Enzo?" I asked him. Now, Taylor was off of my mind. I needed to focus on Enzo's proposal because it was no small thing. No small thing at all. It was all that occupied my mind.
"Erica said something that hit home," Enzo sighed and ate the last piece of omelette from his plate. He was a fast eater. "She said that if I'm going to be miserable anyway then isn't it better to be miserable with you than without you?"
"You're miserable?" I stopped chewing instantly as I looked up at Enzo. He avoided my eyes. He didn't seem miserable to me. He seemed normal. He seemed like 'Enzo'. Yes, with witty side comments here and there but he didn't seem sad. He definitely didn't seem like me at all.
"The way you hurt me, Raven was deep. It's not something that I'm over because I did love you truly and that's what I hate. That's what hurts me the most. The fact that I knew that you were playing me but I still fell for you so deeply like a fool. I hate the fact that half of the time when I see you, I want to rip your clothes off and the other half, I want to caress you in my arms forever. I hate how blue your eyes are and how I want to keep staring into them for the rest of my life. I hate the fact that despite you being a fraud and me knowing all of this, I still want you,"
I was so taken aback by all that Enzo said that I didn't notice when my fork fell to my plate. It made a loud clanging sound and I jumped, nearly spilling the milk all over myself.
"I-I thought that you hated me, Enzo. I'm surprised," I admitted. I still remembered the hatred with which his eyes were filled with. I still remembered everything from the full moon that night. I lived in those moments every single second of my continued existence.
"I never hated you," Enzo shook his head. "I hated what you did. Don't confuse them,"
"But you were so angry that night, Enzo. Your eyes don't lie. If you had it in you to kill me then you would have!"
Enzo clenched his fist. "Do I need to remind you that you slipped out of my bed to meet your ex to save you less than an hour after I made love to you?"
The way he said that brought goosebumps onto my skin. The wound was still fresh. I saw it in his eyes now that a year had passed but nothing had changed. To him, everything was still fresh. To him, that moment in time had not moved.
"I had a deadline," I tried to defend myself. Nessa wanted that stone by the end of that night and I had ended that night in his arms. I was scared, my hands were tied or so I thought. I made poor choices as Ronan said.
"It all doesn't matter anymore now, Raven," Enzo said and he stood up. He took the plate which he had eaten to the sink and began to wash all the dishes and utensils.
"I don't want you to hate me anymore, Enzo. I already hate myself enough for all the mistakes that I've made. There was a time where whenever you looked at me, I felt like a diamond, I felt butterflies. Now, whenever you look at me, I feel like mud. I just want to wash away and stop existing," I confessed and it took everything in me not to cry. It took everything in me to hold back my tears. I held it all back with every fibre I had.
"What do I have to say for you to understand that I don't hate you?" Enzo turned away from the sink now and to me. His hands were still soaking underneath the pressure of the tap water. "I'm angry,. I'm furious. I'm upset, yes but I don't hate you. Hate is a very different emotion. Hate is what I feel for Jude. Hate is nowhere near what I feel for you even with all of my anger,"
"But do you still love me?" I asked the question that had hung in my mind for the past year. My lips trembled as I asked.
Enzo looked at me for the longest moment ever and then looked away from me. His gaze got caught on the floor. I placed my face into my hands and my hair spilled forward as I exhaled.
"I knew it," I whispered into my hands but didn't let myself cry. I didn't want pity. I had had enough of it.
"I don't know, Raven. I honestly have no clue. I'm deeply attracted to you. I feel very bonded to you but I can't discern if it's the bond or if it's my true emotions. Whenever I look at you, I feel deep rage but I also feel softness and some joy and I also have the deepest urge to kiss the life out of you. So yes, I don't know if I still love you or not. The only thing I know for sure is that I don't hate you,"
"Well I still love you," I confessed through my hands, unable to look at Enzo. "I never stopped loving you. I don't think that I'll ever be able to stop and it tears me up inside knowing that you don't want me the way that I want you,"
Enzo sighed deeply and leaned against the sink.
"You lost my trust, Raven. Every single ounce of it, you lost. How can I love you when I can't even trust you? Everything between us ended because of your lies but when you came here to start afresh, you still kept lying. That poor guy Taylor fell in love with you and you let him. You did exactly what you did to me to him. You may be in pain but you have not changed and it scares me," I looked up at Enzo now. So this was his truth. Yes, he didn't trust me. I got it but still.
"I repeat Enzo, where did you expect me to start when it came to telling Taylor the truth?"
"Raven, if you weren't ready to be honest. If you weren't ready to open up and be vulnerable with someone then I'm sorry but you had no business being in any relationship! With Taylor or with anyone else," Enzo told me and I laughed out loud.
"Easy for you to say. Do you think it's easy being me, Enzo? You have Erica and her kids and your whole pack and people who look up to you, adore you, talk to you. You get to eat good food and wear nice clothes. The last one year of my life has been a living nightmare! I had no one! I couldn't even afford food or winter clothes! I was surviving by the skin of my teeth. If someone took an interest in me not just for sex and I could finally be less lonely then is that so bad? Yes, I lied because I didn't want him to reject me the way that you did because I knew that he would! Why would anyone want to date the gifted mate of the Moon's pack? Why would anyone want to mess with the moon or Alpha Enzo by taking his mate to their bed or into their life? Does all of this really make me such a bad person? Does constantly trying to survive make me such a bad person?"
The way Enzo looked at me with horror in his eyes forced me to look away. His gaze travelled all over my skin from head to to. Then, it settled on my collarbone and arms. I pulled the sheets tighter over myself.
"Have a very nice look at me, Enzo. You're not imagining whatever you're thinking or seeing. I am exactly that," I told him and then fully turned away from him. I was tired of this conversation. I was tired of Enzo making me feel worse than I already did. I was tired. I knew that I was wrong but I was helpless.
I didn't expect Enzo to come up behind me and place his hands over my shoulders. The minute his skin met mine, the bond overpowered my senses. I wiped the tears that fell onto my cheeks.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Enzo. I'm sorry for everything that I did. I'm sorry. I have said it a thousand times and if you want me to keep saying it then I will but understand that I am sorry and just because I lied to Taylor doesn't mean I didn't hate doing it. Just because I've told alot of lies doesn't mean that I enjoy telling them," I collapsed into my hands once more while Enzo continuously stroked my shoulders.
"I know you are but I just need some time to let things go. Please, don't cry," Enzo leaned down against me and pulled me into himself from behind. He pushed my hair over my shoulder to the side.
"I just want you to forgive me," I confessed. It was all that I wanted, all that I could hope for. Even if he couldn't love me again, I could accept that but I needed him to forgive me. For my peace of mind, I needed his forgiveness.
"Earn it then," Enzo said against me, he leaned forward and turned my face towards his ever so slightly. "I made a proposal to you. Accept it. Let me mark you and then come and be with me. We'll try to start afresh and then we'll see if you really mean all that you said,"
"But what if you still never forgive me?" I asked as another tear fell onto my cheek and down to my chest. Enzo wiped it away.
"Then I don't but at least you'll have protection. At least you'll have a home, a mate, a family. At least it will all be better than whatever you have now, however you're living now. Think about it," Enzo kissed my cheek very softly and caressed me behind my ear then he stood up and walked away.
He went back to washing the dishes and when he was done, he placed the breakfast which he had made for me in the fridge and went into his bedroom. I sat on the chair for what felt like hours in the same position and thought.
I didn't know what to do. Enzo was right; did I have it in me to lie to every single male after him because I couldn't be vulnerable with them? Did I have it in me to continue to live like this? To keep going on from paycheck to paycheck without even the right to my own identity? To continue to starve day in and day out and convince myself that I was fine with it? And if I didn't then could I even bring myself to face Enzo's pack again? All the Erica's, Tinley's, Jude's, Leilani's and others whom I had in some way scorned?
That pack didn't even speak. This was a huge feat. Would they ever accept me? Did I have the strength in me to face Enzo for the rest of my life? He would sleep with me, he would touch me, he would speak to me afterall, he was a man and had his needs but it may never be out of love. Did I want that?
Enzo had not forgiven me at all. Alpha Kai wasn't making it up when he said that Enzo never forgives. I saw it firsthand. He was a slave to his morals and the bond so he was being polite but the man had not forgiven me. Was I prepared to harbour the brunt of his anger for the rest of my life? Because that was part of the sacrifice that being his Luna entailed.
Out of nowhere, I stood up and went to Enzo's bedroom. He was packing his suitcase with clothes laid out of his bed. I saw that my clothes which had been previously on the floor including my ripped panties and tights were now folded in a neat pile on the chair.
"You're leaving? I asked Enzo, still clutching to his bedsheet.
"Yeah, in two days. I'm just trying to organise my clothes before then," Enzo told me as he took his dark pants in his hand and folded it then kept it in his suitcase.
"Mark me," I announced and Enzo did a full one-eighty to look at me with surprise vested in his gaze. I walked closer to him now. His scent drove me to the moon and back.
"What did you say?" He asked me.
"Since the first day in your office when you tried to mark me, I have been delaying the inevitable. Mates or not, I was always destined to be yours. I'm tired of standing in my own way. So yes, Alpha Enzo, I accept your proposal. You may now proceed to mark me,"
Enzo looked at me cautiously for a moment then walked closer to me until he was staring right into my eyes. His gaze was growing darker.
"What changed your mind?"
"I'm a hot miserable mess and so are you so like Erica said, it's better to be miserable together than miserable apart. Better said, misery likes company," Enzo giggled and then touched the right part of my neck. His hair spilled forward.
"Are you sure because I want you to understand that once I mark you, it's done. I can never un-do it even if you change your mind. You don't even get to change your mind - it stops being an option for you," Enzo explained to me, making sure to look me straight in the eyes as he set his hands on my shoulders.
"I won't change my mind," I told him with a confident shake of my head.
"You do understand that this will make you Luna to a pack which you despise right?" He kept pushing, wanting to make sure that I knew exactly what I was getting into. "You will be bound by rules that you'll absolutely despise,"
"And also be bound to a mate who is struggling to absolve his anger in regards to me. Yes, I know and understand exactly what I am agreeing to. Exactly what I am getting myself into and I may be the biggest fool in the world right now for asking you to do this but seal my fate, Alpha Enzo. Do what you should have done the first day you laid eyes on me - mark me,"
Enzo's gaze was heavy as he stared into my eyes. A chill ran down my spine and then he nodded. I watched his eyes turn gold and his canines descend. Enzo placed his hand on my hips and pulled me firmly against him. The bedsheet almost dropped from my hands.
When he pushed my hair away from my neck, I shut my eyes.
"I'll ask you one last time - are you sure?" Enzo growled against me and I nodded. I was sure and I was an idiot. Both were very true about me.
Enzo's lips kissed my neck really gently. So gently in fact that I almost didn't feel it when the edge of his canines entered into me. That was the edge though because when he fully bit into my neck, I felt every single rush of it.
But there was no turning back now.
~*~The End of Part I~*~
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I'm crying so hard because I can't believe that I've come to the end of this part. I feel so happy, heartbroken and everything in between. Please leave me a full review or a little if you can of what you thought of the whole book.
Without further ado, this is the synopsis for Raven's Light which I hope that you'll check out now because the first chapter is out now - just go to my profile and search for the book!
Synopsis
"Sometimes, I feel like the only part of our relationship that actually works is the sex,"
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When Raven agreed to become the Luna of the Moon's most precious pack - the Blue Moon pack, she didn't realise that her life would be more than just supporting her mate.
Stuck with the repercussions of a string of poor decisions Raven once made, now, she must fix bonds that she has broken, build relationships she has tainted and grow into a Luna to a pack that she absolutely despises. All to keep the man she adores who she fears now hates her.
She must adapt herself to a world that is entirely different from her, her thoughts and beliefs all while mending bridges with the man she hurt and whose forgiveness and acceptance she craves so intimately. Mated to the strongest Alpha in existence, Raven must once again make a home in his heart and break down all his walls as he struggles to trust her again.
Will the pressure of being Enzo's mate capsize Raven or will she rise to the occasion and prove to her mate and herself that when she chose him, she truly meant it?
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So the above is the synopsis. You can check it out as chapter one is out now. Also, don't forget to check out Kai's book - The DarkNess in the Night because chapter one of that book is also out now.
Thank you so much for reading! I adore and love you all❤️💜🖤. Thanks for the support. If you like my work then Please remember to follow me so that you can get notified whenever I update something new or update in general!
~Эмма✌🏻💕