Date on Earth: Sunday, October 8
Fear is a funny thing.
It makes you do things you'd never do. Say things you'd never say. Act in ways you'd never act.
And nothing is scarier than guilt. Knowing that you are the reason something bad is happening to somebody else.
It's easy to pretend an event isn't your fault. You just need to find someone else to blame.
And the easiest person to put the blame on at the moment was Tristen. The boy who had bullied me for years. Who got on my nerves the second this alien crap started.
Who also happened to be the person that held the messaging device which had broken.
Deep down, I knew the incident had been my fault, as everything seemed to be. And Tristen had done the right thing keeping the device away from me at the time.
But if I admitted that, my walls would crash down. I wouldn't have the energy to hold back tears.
So I walked behind the group in silence, arms crossed and head down. I refused to talk. Refused to apologize.
"Which way, Captain?" Asher said to Tesha, arm around Tristen's shoulder. I quickly glanced at Tristen. His face was pale and his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. But he was smiling and his eyes were brighter, despite his earlier panic attack. I almost sighed in relief after seeing that he was doing better.
Which irritated me more than anything.
I didn't want to feel bad for Tristen. That made it harder for me to make him seem like the bad guy.
Tesha rolled out the map and lifted it up. "According to the map, we should continue heading south."
"We can just follow the road from yesterday," Tristen said. "That should keep us in the right direction."
"So smart," Asher teased, and I rolled my eyes. It was obvious Asher was being extra to cheer Tristen up. Though I had to hand it to him; it did seem to be working.
What I wasn't prepared for was for Asher to slow down and walk in step with me and decide to attempt bringing up my mood as well.
"You look upset," he said bluntly as we continued forward together. I snorted sarcastically.
"Smiles, I'm really not in the mood," I huffed. Asher clicked his tongue and put his hand on his chin.
"You know, that's exactly what Tristen said."
I felt a mix of guilt and anger at the statement. "Yeah, well maybe that should tell you something."
"That you and Tristen might be more alike than you think?"
I growled. "Oh, I see what you're doing here. And forget it. I'm not going to say sorry to that slimy low-grade rhinoceros."
Asher covered his mouth, shaking slightly. I watched in annoyance as he slowly lost control and started laughing hysterically.
"HEY TRISTEN," he yelled in between laughs. "DIANA SAID YOU'RE A SLIMY LOW-GRADE RHINOCEROS!" My cheeks flushed(in anger, not embarrassment.)
"It's true," I mumbled, arms crossed.
Tristen smiled slightly, but he still looked pained. "Yeah, I deserve that."
Another wave of guilt surfaced, and I quickly pushed it down, determined to hold on to the grudge a little while longer.
Asher wiped tears from his eyes. "That was amazing, Diana. I applaud you for that wonderful insult. Almost better than 'Unicorn Guy.'" My lips twitched like they wanted to smile, but didn't have the energy. Asher frowned. "Come on, no smirk at least?"
"Like I said before, not in the mood."
He sighed. "Okay, fine. Since making you laugh is clearly not the way to go, then feel free to rant. I'm all ears."
"Are you even capable of listening?" I retorted.
"You'd be surprised."
We slowed down slightly to let Tristen and Tesha go ahead. Tristen looked back with worry before turning away.
"Well?" Asher said as I kicked the ground.
I was tempted to fight. To say that everything was Tristen's fault. That if he had just given me the device, none of this would've ever happened. That he wasn't worthy to be a host for the supposedly most powerful weapon in the galaxy.
But I'd be lying to myself. If the recent events had proven anything, it was me that wasn't the right host. I was the one that succumbed to fear.
I freaked out when the message came on. And it wasn't even for the reason they thought.
The last thing I felt like doing was spewing more lies, digging myself into an even deeper hole that I'd soon not be able to escape. So I settled for a simpler phrase. One that still held true.
"It's all my fault."
The expression on Asher's face showed that he wasn't expecting me to say it. He tilted his head. "Go on."
I took a deep breath, wanting to say too much while not wanting to say anything at all. "Everything. Everything's my fault. The messaging device broke because I couldn't control myself. Tristen had a panic attack because I pushed him over the edge. Heck, you ended up getting stabbed in the leg and had hallucinations because you were trying to save me."
"That's not fair," Asher interrupted. "I did that because I wanted to help you. And, well, I got stabbed because I was stupid. But either way, you can't blame yourself for that."
"And what about the other two, huh?" I told him, and he bit his lip like he desperately wanted to say something, but stayed quiet.
"But that's not even the worst part." I felt my eyes start to water, and quickly looked away. "It's because if-," I hesitated. "If my family dies, I'll be the reason for that too." Saying it out loud felt like a stab in the heart, but it needed to be said.
"The message was about my family. If I had just listened, then I'd know how they're doing. If they're even alive. But I didn't. I was so scared the aliens were...punishing me for disobeying them that I didn't even pay attention. We lost the one thing that could be the difference between life and death. And it's all my fault."
We had stopped walking, and tears fell down my cheeks, no matter how many times I wiped them away. I felt so weak, like the words had sucked all the life out of me.
Asher looked at me, sympathy in his eyes. Suddenly, he pulled me into an embrace, squeezing tight. I bit my lip, but it wouldn't stop trembling. All the hug did was make me feel a thousand times worse.
"We don't have to do this," he said softly. "We all will understand if you want to abandon the mission and follow the Axone's orders to save your family."
I shook my head against his chest. I wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously. He didn't have the slightest clue how necessary it was.
I tried my best to stay detached as I said, "No ,we do have to do this. If Tesha is telling the truth, the Jh'ai have to stay safe. I-I care about my family. I would never want them to get hurt. But if it comes to saving them or the galaxy, then I h-have to do the right thing." By the end, I was muffling sobs, trying with my last bit of strength to hold myself together. Asher hugged me tighter, and I hugged him back.
We stayed like that for a while, before Asher pulled away to look at me.
"Okay, I admit, I'm not the best when it comes to words," he told me. "But I know that out of everyone here, you're one of the strongest. I mean, you were blind, got kidnapped by aliens, and was attacked by a monster. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you can handle anything.
"I get that guilt is different than those things. It's an emotion, and emotions affect you in a way other things can't. But I think I know something you can do to at least get rid of some of the guilt."
Closing my eyes, I tried to control my sobs so I could speak. "Talking to Tristen might help, but I'm not ready for that yet."
I opened my eyes to see Asher smiling. "Well, I was gonna suggest singing a song with me, but your answer is much more mature."
I felt the ends of my lips twitch up slightly. "You mean screaming with you."
His eyes lit up as he laughed. "Finally! There's the snarkiness we've been missing!" I rolled my eyes at his act, but it seemed to be the exact reaction he wanted.
Asher came up next to me and said, "Now, let's catch up with Tristen and Tesha before they completely abandon us." Linking arms with me, we chased after them. And even though I wasn't fully recovered, I had to admit, I did manage to feel a lot better than I did before.
...
The sun beat down on us and the heat felt unbearable, despite it being the middle of autumn. Even rolling up the oversized sleeves of my sweater didn't reduce the temperature.
I panted and rubbed my burning neck. We had ended up straying from the road when it no longer went south, which resulted in many hours of walking over tall hills that offered no shade whatsoever.
Saying it sucked would be an enormous understatement.
"I'm so thirsty," I groaned, looking over the hills to find some kind of water. At this point, I'd even drink toilet water.
Okay fine, maybe not that desperate.
Yet.
"Me too," Asher complained. "Does the map show any water nearby?"
Tesha turned the map. "Yes!" She exclaimed happily. "There seems to be a lake somewhere up ahead."
Asher cheered. "Finally, some good news!" And even though I didn't show it like him, I definitely shared his enthusiasm.
Tristen slowed down walking until he was at me and Asher's pace. "Your face is red," he told me. "You okay?"
"It's called a sunburn, idiot," I retorted. "Something that none of you guys seem to get." Tristen and Tesha's darker skin was seemingly unaffected by the sun, and Asher just seemed to tan. I caught Asher glaring at me, and I shrugged. Even though I had accepted that the incident wasn't his fault, it didn't mean I forgave him for the other things he had done.
"Right, sorry," Tristen rubbed his neck and looked away uncomfortably. He bit his lip before saying, "Sorry about earlier. Guess I was being overdramatic."
I sighed. "It's not your fault. And we were both being overdramatic."
Tristen looked at me with wide eyes. "You don't blame me?"
"Not for what happened today. But don't expect me to be nice to you. You still have a long way to go before I forgive you for bullying me and Mia."
He closed his eyes and sighed in relief, like me not blaming him had taken a large weight off his shoulders. "Thank you."
The prick of emotion that I was getting way too familiar with resurfaced. "Don't mention it."
In the corner of my eye, I caught Asher grinning widely at us and I flipped him off.
Suddenly, Asher came to a stop. "Hey guys, look over there!"
I traced my gaze to where Asher was pointing as he said, "There's a village!"
Tesha brought the map closer to her face. "That's strange. The map doesn't show a village here."
I tried focusing harder on the distant town. The houses were wooden and old, with cracked windows. "It looks like a ghost town," I said. "Everything's either ancient or broken down."
"Really?" Tristen looked at me. "Amazing how you can see that. I could barely make out that it was a town."
"It may be because of the Jh'ai," Tesha said. "Is the animal you transform into known for having great eyesight?"
I thought about it. "Yes, actually."
Tesha smiled. "That must mean the animal side of you doesn't just affect you as an animal, but as a human too, which is truly powerful."
"That's why I can resist pain more," Tristen noted. "My rhino side must be helping with that." Tesha nodded.
"But...nothing different is happening to me," Asher said, half to himself. "I mean, I can walk, which is awesome, but every healthy person can do that. Why is the Jh'ai acting different to me?"
Tesha seemed deep in thought. "I don't know."
We walked in silence, besides a quiet humming, surprisingly from Tristen. Unlike Asher's screeching, it was on key and soothing.
"Missing your headphones, Headphones Guy?" I said to him and he stopped humming.
"Music helps calm me down," Tristen admitted.
"Well," Asher said, "if music calms you down, I'd be happy to-"
"No!" We all said simultaneously—even Tesha. Another round of Asher's "singing" and my eardrums would've popped.
Asher huffed. "Rude."
Tristen didn't seem to notice when he went back to humming another tune.
Soon, the town came into better view, and a wave of uneasiness came over me. The village looked even worse up close, with litter scattered across the ground. Not only that, but there was movement, showing that people actually lived there.
Tristen must have been thinking the same thing. "Is there a way around it?" he asked Tesha.
She shook her head. "We can try, but the only way to get to the lake is through it."
"It will take too long anyways," Asher said. "Besides, maybe the village has a boat we can use, or somewhere we can stay, since in a few hours it will be dark."
"I don't know..." Tristen put his hand over his eyes to see the town better. "Don't think I'll be able to fall asleep there."
I snorted. "Please, considering how well you slept last night, I'm sure you could sleep anywhere."
He looked like he wanted to retort, but thought better of it.
With every step we took, the uneasiness got stronger, and I looked at Asher to see if his weird spidey-sense was being triggered. Luckily, he was as relaxed as ever. Well, he's never relaxed, but at least he was not stressed out.
Then the thought occurred to me—one that seemed so glaringly obvious I felt stupid not for noticing: this whole time we'd been brushing his ability off to the side. But...it wasn't normal, as far as I knew. What if that was Asher's ability?
"Asher," I said, trying to figure out a way to word it. "You get a weird feeling everytime something bad is going to happen, right?"
He shrugged. "Well, not every time. I mean, most of the time yeah, but-"
"Yeah, yeah. I get it," I interrupted. "But that's not something normal people can do. The rest of us don't have the ability to do that. So that's your ability!"
Tristen and Tesha both looked deep and thought. "How did I miss this?" Tesha mumbled to herself.
"Because there's nothing to miss." Asher's face had paled and he looked nauseous, but he still responded with certainty.
"What do you mean?" Tristen said. "You can do something none of us can do. It has to be from the Jh'ai."
"That's the thing," Asher broke eye contact. "I know it wasn't because of the alien thing, because I could do this before any of this ever happened."
We all stared at him, dumbfounded.
"Yeah, I know. I'm weird." He blew out a loud breath. "But it's true. Tristen, you remember at school when I started yelling for everyone to leave right before the fire happened?"
Tristen's eyes widened in realization. "You knew that was going to happen."
Asher bit his lip. "I had a dream about it a day before, but I didn't know exactly when it was going to happen. And by the time I knew, it was too late." Tesha moved to comfort him, but he put his hand up to stop her. "The point is, the Jh'ai couldn't have given me the ability if I already had it before."
"Why do you have it then?" I asked him. "Normal people can't do that."
"Then obviously I'm not normal. What, did you assume I was?" He looked around. "Well, Tristen called me basic, so I'm guessing he did. Which was very offensive, by the way." Asher said it in a joking tone, but it hit flat.
"None of you are normal," Tesha told him. "That is why the Jh'ai chose each one of you. Out of all the humans on Earth, you three were the ones picked. So do not delude yourselves into thinking that you are normal, or that being so is better. Being different is why you were chosen in the first place."
"Thanks, Tesh," Asher said quietly.
"Taking care of all of you is my mission, and I intend to do that job the best I can." I couldn't help but chuckle at her formality. "However, now we should get back on topic. Does anyone have any objections to why we shouldn't go through the village?"
"Uh, because it looks like a ghost town from Scooby Doo?" I retorted. When Tesha looked at me in confusion, I rolled my eyes. "Nevermind."
"Do we have a choice?" Tristen asked.
"We do, but it is not a very good choice."
"I say we go through it," Asher said. "The worst that can happen is the town people are ghosts and we need to fight them off. Nothing we can't handle, especially with how salty Diana is. They'll probably be too scared to even come near us."
"You better watch it, Smiles," I threatened. "Or you might find something unpleasant crawling in your shirt tonight."
"You wouldn't."
"Oh I would."
Tristen sighed. "Guess this means we're going through the town?"
Rolling up the map, Tesha said, "It does."
Before too long, we were walking down a dirt road in the middle of the village. It was like we had been taken back in time. The houses were all wooden, and different tools stood rusted next to the road. People looked through windows at the newcomers, ducking when one of us would look at them. Their outfits were old fashioned and dirty, like they had never seen a washing machine in their life.
"Feeling uncomfortable yet?" I hissed at Asher, who was walking confidently with his stick in his hand.
"You need to stop worrying," he said. "They're not hurting us."
"He's right," Tesha agreed. "The people seem to be more afraid of us than we are of them."
She did look to be right the more I looked around. Families hustled by us and ducked into buildings everywhere we went.
"We really that scary?" Tristen joked as a mother picked up her kids and ran.
I was about to comment that his face was that scary, when the space opened up and the sound of chattering filled the air.
We came to a stop as we looked at the setting. It was like we had entered a whole new village. People everywhere were laughing and dancing. Two men sat on a small stage with guitars in their hands, playing music. Others were shopping at different stands placed around the area, selling fruits and clothes.
I caught a few people studying us, but for the most part, we were ignored.
"This place is...cheery," Asher said, looking around. I nodded in agreement.
From behind one of the stands, a man started to walk towards us. He had a gray beard and long hair, with rosy cheeks. He smiled when he was in front of us. "Ah, you four newcomers, right?"
"We're just passing through," Tristen assured him.
"We don't get a lota' folks passing through these parts, but don't be intimidated if y'all get a few stares. People here are one o' the friendliest lads you ever gonna meet."
"They were afraid of us," I told the man matter-of-factly.
He pulled his fingers through his beard. "I reckon they're just spooked by the recent events. Although you folks aren't lookin' too sharp. Runaways?"
"Something like that," I mumbled, but my mind was caught on something else he said. "And what recent events?"
"Nothing y'all need to worry 'bout. As runaways, I reckon y'all probably need a place to stay?"
"We do not want to inconvenience you," Tesha said politely.
"Ah, nonsense! Always there to help a few fellas in need," he winked. "Though we don't got anything fancy."
"I'm sure anything will work," Asher said. "Thanks, Mr...."
The man waved dismissively. "Please, just call me Teddy. No need for such formalities 'round here."
He gestured for us to follow him and he led us to a small wooden shack situated behind two shops. Multiple wooden slabs making up the structure were tilted and nails stuck out of them. The door was unattached to the wall and the handle had fallen off.
"Like I said," the man named Teddy told us as he picked up the door and moved it to the side, "it ain't much. But I'm sure it's better than other places folks offer runaways to stay, huh?"
I walked up to the shed and looked inside. It was small, with just enough space for the four of us. And there was a horrid smell coming from inside that smelled like something had died. Plugging my nose, I stepped back.
"At least we'll be away from bugs," Asher said, but by the look on his face, it was obvious he was just as disgusted as I was.
"That's the spirit!" Teddy exclaimed, slapping Asher on the back. "Now don't go thinking you gotta stay. Just an offer. But feel free to hang 'round for a bit. Y'all look like you've been through hell, and a little break never killed nobody."
"Thank you, Teddy," Tesha told him. "We will think about it."
"Great!" Teddy smiled widely. "The two folks on the stage, John and Henry, will be playing till dusk. It's also Karaoke Night, and anyone can participate." The man walked off, saying, "See y'all 'round!"
We stood in silence, trying to process what just happened.
"We're not staying here, right?" Asher asked desperately.
I put a finger on my chin. "That's strange. I thought I remembered you specifically wanting to come here."
"I did." Asher crossed his arms. "I just don't do well in-" he glanced at the shed, "-cramped places."
"Think we should stay," Tristen said. "A break would be nice, and Teddy seemed nice enough."
"Too nice in my opinion," I mumbled.
"We don't have to decide if we want to stay overnight yet," Tesha said. "However, I do think we should rest up for a few hours, like the man offered."
"Really?" said Asher. "Not like I think it's a bad idea or anything, but aren't you the one that keeps urging us to not stop and continue forward?"
Tesha looked down. "I am, but I have started to realize that in order for you three to reach your full potential, you cannot be worked until the point of exhaustion. Your sleep-deprivation has caused you to lash out at each other. The fights between each of you is straining your relationship with one another. As the Chosen ones, you are supposed to have a bond that is unbreakable, but you can't form that if you cannot control your emotions. To savor this connection, I think a break is greatly needed."
A bond that's unbreakable. Right.
I huffed. "Fine, we can stick around. But I still don't trust this place. Did you see how Mr. Teddy Bear or whatever ignored the question of why everyone was on edge?"
"Maybe we can ask around," Tristen suggested. "Someone might tell us."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Asher said, rubbing his legs. "But I think I'll just sit around there for a bit. My legs are cramping up—which feels extremely weird, by the way. Does it always feel like something grabbing your muscle and squeezing it?"
"Guess that's one way to describe it," said Tristen.
We made our way back to the clearing, where the two men were still playing their guitars. Two kids were spinning at the foot of the stage and laughing while their parents watched them.
"That looks fun," I heard Asher say, looking longingly at the family before snapping out of it. "Well, I'm gonna look around. See you guys later!"
"Make sure to be back here before dark!" Tesha called out to him, like any mother would do.
"I'm gonna go listen to the music," Tristen said before walking away.
"Well, I guess it's just me and you," I said to Tesha. She sighed quietly and looked to the sky. "What's that look for?" I asked her.
She blinked and turned away. "It's nothing important. I guess I am just..."
"Homesick?" I suggested, and she nodded.
"I shouldn't be. There is nothing there for me back on Nibura. I am a fugitive. Lord Temaku wouldn't be able to excuse me for my crimes. Not this time."
"What did you do last time?"
"It...is more complicated than that. Many Axones didn't think humans should be allowed to live on their planet, since it went against an ancient treaty created thousands of years ago. Lord Temaku supported me and my mother and ordered for us to be treated like any other Axone. However, that still didn't stop them from wanting to get rid of us. Stealing the Jh'ai was the one thing they needed to prove that we should have never been allowed on the planet in the first place."
"That...sucks."
She smiled sadly. "Sometimes it does."
Suddenly a woman stepped in front of me and faced Tesha. "You darlin' must be new!" she said to Tesha. "I'm Francine, lovely to meet ya." She held her hand out and Tesha looked at it awkwardly. To save myself from secondhand embarrassment, I shook it for us.
Francine studied us for a second and pointed at a stand in front of us. "I run that small clothing store over there. Everyone in this town buys outfits from me. And you, darlin', look like you're in desperate need of clothes." She gestured to Tesha's alien armor and I caught the girl blushing in embarrassment.
"I do not have anything to pay you with," Tesha started, but the lady just linked arms with her.
"Not a problem! For an outfit like that, I do it for free." Francine pulled Tesha away and she looked at me desperately.
"Have fun," I told her as she was dragged around a corner.
I sighed dramatically. Space girl was getting a new outfit, Headphones Guy was listening to music, and Smiles was doing who knows what. So that meant I had to be the responsible one. Yay.
Walking around, I tried to find any hints to why the people seemed to be so scared. A paper was nailed to a pole and I read it.
Three more fishermen missing after taking a boat out on the lake.
A voice caused me to jump before I could finish reading it.
"That's nine in total," the person said, and I turned around. It was a skinny woman with a long nose. In her arms she couressed a baby that looked to be no more than a few months old. "They keep on going out, but never comin' back."
"Does anyone have any idea why?" I asked.
She pointed a bony finger at a man that sat against one of the stores. He had his head down and a beer in his hand. "He's the only one that's managed to survive a trip out, though he hasn't been the same since.
"I wouldn't go talkin' to him if I were you," the lady warned as I got up. "He ain't as nice as the rest of us."
"Yeah, well, I'm not either."
I stalked up to the man and said, "Hey, you!"
He didn't even flinch.
"Dude with the beer in his hand, I'm talking to you! Can you hear me? I said-"
The man suddenly grabbed me by the wrist. "What do you want, kid?" he hissed at me.
"First I want you to get your grubby hands off me," I snapped. "Then I want you to tell me what happened to the other fishermen."
The man growled but let go of my wrist. Lifting his beer up to his mouth, he said, "What makes you think I know what happened to them?"
"You were the only survivor, right? You must have seen something."
"Why would a newcomer like yourself care?"
"Maybe because I'm planning on crossing the water too."
He laughed. "Don't think that's very wise, little girl."
"Oh really? And why is that?"
The man closed his eyes and leaned back. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
He shifted, turning to face me. His putrid breath stunk like beer and his gaze seemed to dig into my soul as he looked into my eyes. "There's a monster that lurks in these waters, as dark as night itself. And it seems to have made a habit of eating fishermen for breakfast."