You run as fast as you can back to your dorm, not stopping to look at anything. Some people watch you, but you can't do anything about it now. 'Have you lost your mind?! He probably thinks we hate him! Well, we don't exactly like him, do we? Of course we do! You don't even know him, how could you say that?'
You feel terribly guilty, but you don't know what you could have done differently. Tears still stream down your face as someone grabs your arm to stop you. You yank your arm away, not looking back as you start running again.
You unlock the door and open it with haste, slamming it behind you as if you just escaped a monster. Yuqi shoots her body upright and looks at you with huge eyes. "What's wrong?" She immediately asks.
You begin to bawl. You were already crying, but this was different. It is more painful and embarrassing to bawl in such a way. You collapse to the floor and she jumps off her bed to hold you. She places your head in her lap as she runs her fingers through your hair. After about 10 minutes, she prompts you to talk.
You explain everything that happened with great detail, including your thoughts behind your actions. She nods along and asks questions here and there, hoping it could help clear your mind. It helps you to calm down, and when you're at a sensible level, Yuqi takes over.
She begins to give you advice. "Have you thought about how he feels? I'm not trying to guilt trip you, but you just left your very first soulmate high and dry," She chuckles, "He is probably worried sick about you...maybe try texting him? Or ask to meet up with him soon. Later today or early tomorrow would be best. I don't know if you know this, but the longer you are apart, the more your heart will hurt, and I mean literally hurt. You'll be throwing up and everything, and I know how much you hate throwing up." You sigh, wiping your eyes. You hardly thought about his feelings. 'Oh my gosh, he probably thinks we rejected him! His heart must hurt so badly?" Your mind cries.
You know she is right, so you text him:
Can we meet at the pond at 8? I'd like to talk to you.
You wanted it to be later so that you could go to class and then get dinner. This would hopefully clear your mind. You tell Yuqi your ideas and she thinks it's good. She pushes you to get a warm, relaxing shower to help make you feel better. You do just that and also pick a new outfit.
You slowly make your way to your art class when you get a text from Hyunjin. It reads:
Hey. I saw you running earlier. Wanna talk about it in class?
You sigh, knowing you should explain it to him. So you text back:
Yeah. As long as you don't laugh at me.
He replies with:
I would never....unless it's really funny.
You roll your eyes and put your phone away. At least it's your favorite class.
You enter the classroom, and upon seeing you, Hyunjin gets up and walks over to you. Your eyes fog up again as you pull him into a hug. He quickly puts his arms around you, knowing you need this hug. You keep the tears in as you pull away. He takes you back to his seat and sits you down next to him. He gives you a comforting look that says, 'start when you're ready' and you do.
You tell him everything, and he says, "That's great news! Well...not the whole situation, but you found him! I'm sure you can work things out. I bet he will understand as long as you explain it to him. Soulmates aren't little high school relationships, they are so much deeper than that. I know he will understand." He finishes. You never mentioned that he is one of seven.
You nod at him, letting his words sink in. He gives you a brief hug, congratulating you again. "Everyone says 'congrats!', but what if I'm more nervous than excited? I don't know how to deal with this kind of thing..." You trail off. He nods, understanding what you mean.
"I guess it's all trial and error, you know? Just do what feels best, and if it's wrong, explain it later. Well...maybe that's not the best advice, but basically I'm saying: do what your heart tells you to do." He says.
"Well it's hard to do that because my heart says: 'Go spend all of your time with him! Go to him now! Hug him!' Like come on, Hyunjin. I don't even know this guy!" He hums at you, thinking.
When he is about to respond, the teacher walks in. Class is in session. You and Hyunjin talk back and forth in-between lessons and mini projects. As class ends, Hyunjin asks if you need anything from him. You shake your head. "I have to deal with this by myself. I'll keep you updated, but I'm going to see him tonight. If I remember, I'll text you how it went." He nods and gives you a parting hug. You embrace him and pull away once you're ready. You sigh, knowing that the only thing between you and Taehyung meeting again is one dinner.
You check your phone to see if he responded. You see his name in your phone notifications and your heart jumps again. You shake your head as you click on it, opening your messages. It reads:
Sure. I'll be there.
Your heart aches, wondering if it is an angry text, a sad text, or just a confirmation text. 'Ever thought that it's just a plain old text, bozo? Maybe it has no extra meaning."
You have about two hours to get dinner which is plenty of time at the little campus café. You sit down with a menu in your hand, looking at the options. You get a sense of Deja vu when you look up and see piano boy swiftly sit across from you. He smiles brightly at you, and you try to match his brightness. Of course, you fail. He wrinkles his eyebrows and leans his upper body on the table. Tilting his head, he asks, "What's wrong? You don't look so happy." You question how much you should reveal. 'What if he's a soulmate of mine, too? I don't want him to know I'm terribly unstable. Ha! He'll figure it out whether you like it or not!"
All you can say is, "To put it simply, I'm not so happy... I should be good soon though, so don't worry." You decide to take a risk and ask, "So... you know how some people have more than one soulmate, right?" He nods, confused. "Do you know if all of them are each other's soulmates? Or like...if I were to have three, do my three soulmates also have three? Or can they have a different amount with different people? Maybe this is a stupid question.." You trail off.
"No, no it's not stupid! All soulmates are bound to each other, so you have to share the same soulmates. They can't have a person that you don't have. Do you know what I mean? Like you all have the same people."
You nod and say, "Oh, okay. I was just curious."
After a minute he says, "Do you have more than one...per chance?" You take a minute to answer, debating in your head.
Though the length of the silence already answered his question, you still say, "Yes, I do." He smiles and says, "Me too." You look up at him with hope in your eyes. 'Finally, someone like me!'
You bring up the topic in your mind and say, "I have to go meet one of them after dinner and I'm terribly nervous. I didn't make a very good first impression because I was afraid. There's a lot that I'm not comfortable with sharing, but I will tell you that much." You sigh and take a drink of your water. He nods knowingly.
"I often hear of that happening between soulmates. Especially people that aren't fully...convinced that soulmates are good, if you know what I mean." You nod with wide eyes, knowing exactly what he means.
"Unfortunately, that's how I am. I made a little pro/con list to try and get myself on board, but I'm still so nervous about the whole thing." 'Why are you telling him so much?! What if he's also your soulmate?!' You choke up at the thought. You just explained that you're uncomfortable with soulmates to a possible soulmate. Though, you can't hide your thoughts from everyone, and you trust piano boy to keep it a secret. Not everyone can be your soulmate, and getting along doesn't mean that he is one.
He tilts his head down and says, "I made it really difficult when I met my first soulmate too. I freaked out and distanced myself for weeks. I had terrible side effects that temporarily physically disabled me. So my best advice is to not shy away from your soulmates. They are all there to help you. Distance is actually the worst thing you can do for the issue. Just talk about it. They will understand and actually prefer that you tell them." You tear up, now confirming what Yuqi had said before.
He leaves you to your own thoughts after he says, "I have to go meet with one of my soulmates actually. He's looking for some advice. I'll see you around! You have my number, so text or call me if you need anything." You wanted to hug him so badly, but you knew it would be inappropriate.
You finished your meal in silence, trying to feel better. Multiple times, you have run your hands through your hair. You think over everything that the piano boy and Yuqi said. You use the bravery that's in your soul to force yourself up. 'You were never a wimp. You worked so hard your whole life to get here. Don't throw it away now. Just let yourself be happy.' You repeat those thoughts in your head, trying to muster up as much courage as you can.
You make your way to the pond early and see a man walking away from Taehyung. You furrow your brows and think, 'He looks pretty familiar. Oh, he's looking! Don't wimp out! Strong women are hot!' You brush yourself off, take a deep breath, and confidently walk over to him. His head is down and he is bouncing his leg nervously. He looks up when he hears you step in a pile of crunchy leaves. He shoots a breath out and draws a bigger one in upon seeing you. You do a similar action.
He lightly pats the seat next to him, offering you a spot. You take it, not worried about the lack of distance between you. You felt a pull to him, so the inch of space was already too large for your heart. You practically wanted to sit in his lap and hold his hands. 'Chill. Let's focus, please.'
He looks at you patiently, with adoration in his eyes. You never noticed how beautiful he actually is. You were too worried to pay attention. You find your eyes sweeping over his features, soaking them all in. He tilts his head like a puppy which makes you just want to grab his cheeks. You snap yourself out of this trance and say, "I'm so sorry about earlier. If you're okay with it, can I tell you a story?" He just nods at you. You take a deep breath and begin.
"My parents aren't soulmates and although they weren't miserable, they weren't very close. I was never used to seeing soulmates, or practically any form of affection, so the closer I got to my birthday, the more afraid I became. Yesterday, when I turned twenty, I found your name on my forearm and it made me nervous, but then..." you choke up and he grabs your hand. You feel all warm again. You don't think you would ever get used to that feeling.
You bravely start again, "but then, my roommate found six more names in addition to yours. I freaked out. I hardly wanted one, but seven in total? I covered up, not wanting anyone to notice. I didn't want additional attention because I already didn't know how to handle it. I felt such a pull to you before I even knew your name that it scared me. Imagining how I would feel after we touched frightened me to death. I didn't want to depend on anybody because I never had to before, but after leaving you this morning, it already hurt so much. I didn't think this whole soulmate thing was real...but now I'm feeling it, and I don't want it to stop." You slowly lift your head after largely exhaling, afraid to see his eyes.
He is staring straight through your eyes and into your soul, making you look down again. He puts two fingers on your chin and gently lifts your head to meet his eyes again. He lowers his hands, but continues staring. You feel your face get really warm, and you desperately want to look away. Your wish is granted, but in a different way than what you originally thought. He wraps his arms around you, laying his head on your shoulder. You do the same, but when you put your hands on his back you feel a tremble.
You pull away and look at his watery face. You hold his head in your palms, swiping his tears away with your thumbs. Seeing him like this hurt your heart in a terrible way. You tear up, realizing that you caused him this pain. You wrap him back into a tight hug as he cries more. You wish he would say something because you need to hear his voice.
He finally looks up, sniffles, and says, "So you didn't reject me?"
You feel your heart shatter with just five words.
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