Imani
"Kaz, gimme a break," I groan.
He was holding onto me this whole flight and I wanted a bit of space. I get that he wanted to be near me seeing how I was pregnant, but it was irritating me. I was stressed out and I had so much on my mind.
I was worrying way too much about Azura and especially since my father was with her. He could have done anything to her. Plus Brayden somehow got my number to call me. I don't even know how, because he usually contacts me on the burner.
I have had the burner phone off for a very long time. It's the fact he knew I was in Russia as well. What he said was also stressing me out the most.
I couldn't possibly tell Kazimir. The phone call was all I could think about before we boarded the plane. My emotions were so detached right now, I can't deal with his presence right now.
I moved away from him completely and decided I rather sit in the chairs with everyone else. I barely got to the door, before he stopped me.
"What's wrong?"
"You're overwhelming me and I don't like it."
"I'm sorry, now lay back down," he orders.
"Seriously? This is exactly why I never wanted to tell you," I sigh.
"I would have figured it out either way," he shrugs.
"I hope the twins shit in your soup when they're older," I grumble.
"You said it wrong," he chuckles.
"No shit Kazimir, it was aimed toward you," I scoff.
He was making me moody and it was frustrating. I remember learning that for the first time. I couldn't stop laughing, it's a Russian saying for when you don't like people.
I go back to sit down on the bed and massage my temples. I have never known Russians to be so clingy, especially someone who never loved someone.
"I will stop, but I'm just a bit happy," he says.
"A bit? I haven't even left your side the whole way here. I can't go anywhere without you, you put me in shackles," I argue.
"You're exaggerating, I didn't put you in shackles. I'm protecting you," he reasons.
"How about you go out there with Mikhail and I stay here," I suggest.
"No," he deadpans.
"Can I go sit with Mikhail then?"
"No."
"You're being unreasonable, I feel trapped with you hovering over me like this. Can you just lay off at least a little bit," I say.
My emotions were all over the place for many reasons. Anything could go wrong in the next few hours and I know what's going to happen. I'm going to have to leave Kazimir. More as I am being forced to leave him.
I didn't want to tell him, because I knew he would be overprotective. It would have been easier if was just us two involved, now the babies are too.
I sighed and laid back down. My head was beginning to hurt and that was not good. The doctor said I do need to be resting a bit more. My stress levels were too high.
He sits down and the bed slightly vibrates from the airplane movements. I push myself up on the bed and rest my head on the backboard. He takes my hand and raises it to his lips. He kisses my hand and it makes my heart flutter.
"I'm sorry," he says.
"Kaz," I start.
"No, if I'm being honest with you I'm scared. I'm scared that anything could happen to you or to the baby. I'm scared for our future and being a father, but I'm excited. I just want to protect you and keep you around me at all times," he interrupts.
"Scared? Kazimir Ivanov scared? that's something I have never heard of," I laugh, a little.
"Don't laugh, I'm serious Imani," he huffs.
"I know you are, but I just never expected that."
"You don't think I'm not scared as well? I mean anything could happen in a week," I say.
"Nothing will happen, because we are going to get our daughter and take a small family vacation," he says.
My heart slowly breaks and the only feeling, I felt was sadness. I should be excited, but I lived in our reality long enough. I lived this lie between us long enough that I had become attached. I do love Kazimir, but it wasn't possible.
I knew it was secretly only temporary, but I want it to be forever. I looked away from him and tried to come up with a lie in my head. The minute we landed, I know how this would play out and it was a bad ending.
He gently caresses my face and pulls my face back towards him. I couldn't even look him in the eye. Why didn't I keep my distance or why didn't I go on birth control? The situation was way more complicated with me being pregnant.
"I have been thinking that we could use a break," I mumble.
"Say that louder," He grits.
"I think we should take a break from each other after this whole thing with Azura," I said.
"A break? Are you being serious Imani?"
"I- I- I just think it's been really stressful for a while and us arguing all the time it's not good. Kaz, I love you but I need some time to process the fact I'm pregnant and what I really wanna do," I quivered.
He pulls away from me and I feel my heart breaking with the very process. I had to do this now or never. if I waited till we landed it would have been even worse than it is now. I wanted to tell him everything, but he would never trust me again.
"I always had a feeling you would leave me one day, but you know I'm not going to let you while pregnant with my son."
"If you care about me or the twins, you would," I say.
"Honestly, we are always fine and something pops up to ruin it. Although you conveniently say this when Azura's life is on the line and he wants you back," he spoke.
"Kaz, it's not that. I just think were always back and forth. Our relationship is toxic and I think not until we take some time apart from each other. I only want to spend my pregnancy in London and at least allow Azura to have the smallest chance to a normal life," I reason.
"That's a lie and you know it. I always wonder if you still love him even in the slightest. You say you love me, but I'm not sure anymore. If you want to go back to Juan and be with him, I'm not going to stop you. However, get rid of my child or children and get the fuck out of my life," he glowered.
My eyes widen in shock and I look between his eyes. He couldn't possibly be serious, but his eyes said it all. I couldn't form any words and I just stared at him. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes.
"Kazimir, I'm telling you now. I don't want anything to do with him. This has nothing to do with him," I sputter.
My chest felt heavy as if something was pushing hard onto my chest. My air was barely reaching my lungs and my chest was raising at a weird pace.
"Then tell me a good reason, why you feel the need to take a break?"
I couldn't tell him the truth, that intentionally I was using him in my own way. I was using him for some of my own gain. He was a part of my escape and I just had to feel a certain way toward him. I looked down at my hands and I felt him get off the bed. I looked back up at him and he looked down at me.
"When we land, I will have Mikhail arrange a separate hotel room for you. You can decide what you want to do after this and I want proof that you terminated the pregnancy," he said.
His face was emotionless and I wasn't looking at my Kazimir. I couldn't read him at all, but I can only imagine what he was thinking. Why couldn't the call wait until I was back in America, so I didn't have to think about this?
I nodded my head at him, because what else could I do? I couldn't plead or beg him to stay or listen. I couldn't tell him the truth at all and it would only make it worse. My heart ached for that moment of clinginess again. I already miss him, yet he was right in front of me.
He turned his back to me and my heart was aching so much that it physically hurt. He left the bedroom and I knew that was it. That was the end of us and there was no recovery from this. My tears finally fell and I started to sob. I guess Brayden will be happy to hear the news now.
***
When we landed we said nothing to each other and all his men could tell. Alexei and Sasha had met us a the airport strip. They could immediately tell as well because Kazimir went straight for the car.
I went to the other car and I never said a word to Sasha much as she kept asking. I tried to keep my hand away from my stomach. I was creating more reasons pushing my body and mental health to the limit.
I was going to harm them if I kept this up. I was going to have to destress a little bit. I looked at Sasha was staring at me closely.
"What did you do?" She asked.
"What?"
"The fucking FBI is looking for you and they started to ask me questions. They didn't even seem shocked to see me with Alexei," She spoke.
"What did they say to you?" I ask.
"Answer me first," She says.
"I don't fucking know Sasha, are you accusing me of something right now? I hope you remember that you are around the Russian Mafia and I used to be in the cartel. Of course, they're looking for me," I scoff.
"They didn't give a shit about the Russians, they wanted to know about you more," She snapped.
"I guess I'm just an important person," I shrug.
"You ratted didn't you, is that how you fucked up with Kazimir again?" She accused.
"Sash, be careful with what you say people in this world get killed for that shit," I warn.
I wasn't necessarily threatening her, I was just letting her know how it works. If she would force my hand then so be it. She glares at me and shakes her in disapproval. I roll my eyes at her and look back out the window.
"I'm pregnant, that's what our argument is about and the only reason the FBI is probably looking for me is cartel-related," I lied.
"Your pregnant?" She gasps.
"I just said I am."
"I thought he would be happy about something like that and it just seemed suspicious how they were questioning me."
"They should go away sooner or later, but right now I don't wanna talk."
The rest of the car ride was silent to the hotel and I really thought about these last few months in my head. All of this started because I had bumped into him at the club and for him to kidnap me with Alexei's help. There was also the trip to Italy and our "date" I guess.
In the last few months, I fell in love with him so fast that I genuinely wanted to stay with him. The way he was towards Azura made it even worse because he didn't care at all. He had acted as if she was his.
We really had our ups and downs, but he was just what I wanted and needed. We arrived at the hotel and it was just tense. He made sure he was far from me because we weren't on the same floor. I still had a VIP Suite in the hotel.
I had already called Brayden to make arrangements with him. I knew who to call to meet Juan and the rest. It didn't take long for them to answer me, since they were probably waiting. There was a private line that only we knew about.
It was used for emergencies and the calls were untraceable. I had guessed right where they as keeping her. They were keeping her near the border since it was easy to access Mexico and I assume there was a business deal going on.
I had left everything at the hotel, but I had also left a message. Although I couldn't leave just yet. I had gone up to the next level to Kazimir's suite. Mikhail and Henrik stood guarding his door. They saw me and I could see the pity in their eyes.
"Is he in there?" I ask.
"He's busy," Mikhail answered.
"So he's in there?" I repeat.
Mikhail nodded his head, but he gave me a disapproving look. There was someone else in there and I couldn't even be angry. They could tell I wasn't going to leave and walked down the hallway for privacy.
I knocked on the door and waited. I had to bang on the door at one point and he swung the door open after five minutes. He didn't have his shirt on and he was only his boxers. His hair was a mess, there were lipstick stains on him, he was sweating and he smelled of sex.
"What the fuck do you want," He snarled.
"I just needed to talk to you for a second," I said.
"Talk."
"You shouldn't worry about the pregnancy thing, because Juan would never let me give birth to them. If I did, he would get rid of them," I mumbled.
"Is that it?"
"Kaz, I'm sorry. I hate how this how it ends between us," I start.
"I'm sure you will be happier in London and be less toxic with him," He says, bitterly.
"I do love you, I really do," I admit.
"But not enough to choose me," he remarks.
He goes to close the door, but I stop him. He holds the door and looks at me. I knew this would be our last time seeing each other. I don't know if I would see him again. I just wanted to hear him say it back.
"Say it back," I say.
He stares at me and I can hear whoever he was in the room getting annoyed. He looks back and a scowl covered his face. He looked back at me still showing that resentment.
"I just wanna hear you say you love me that's it."
He doesn't say anything and he still looks at me. His face softens eventually and I can see how he felt. I could tell he was hurting and was in pain all because of me.
"I love you more than anything and I love our baby already even though I found out two days ago. I wish it was just us you were choosing," He says, softly.
"I wish I was choosing us as well," I whisper.
"Yet you aren't," He sighs.
He closed the door on me and that was it. This was the last time I would ever see him again. That was really it. I just hope he knew even though this is how it is. I was still only his in the end.