A sun-scorched desert inhabited by battle-hardened Inklings and Octolings, that is the Splatlands. It's a dry and large place, but I, and every Splatlandian, am proud to call it home. It might not be grandiose like Inkopolis, but it does have its unique charm. The barren wasteland holds many secrets beneath its sandy surface.
While Turf Wars are fun and all, to me, the real fun is venturing out into the wild and seeing what goodies I can recover. Every piece of material shares a story, and the land is rich with history. The Splatlands has many tales to tell, and I'm always on the lookout for more.
I've been living in the Splatlands all my life. I've heard about the luxuries provided in Inkopolis, and to be honest, I do not think I would like such an environment. The hustle and bustle of the city didn't appeal to me. I prefer the chaotic yet freeing nature of the Splatlands. There's something about the desert that just speaks to me. Maybe it's the endless expanses of sand or the way the sunsets paint the sky. Whatever it is, I'm grateful for it. The Splatlands might not be the most hospitable place, but it's my home, and I love it. What we lack in resources, we more than make up for it with heart.
However, while the land is a treasure trove of secrets and adventure, it is also a spicy cesspit of danger. History isn't the only thing lurking in the dunes. Horrific monsters that would make a normal Inkling's skin crawl have made the Splatlands their home, and we have fought to keep them out of ours. Splatsville is known for its chaos, and I'll be splatted before I let a Cod damn worm make mincemeat out of us. This is our turf!
Many in the community, myself included, dedicate their time to searching the desert to find what relics of the past have been left behind for us. It's a shame what people throw out, but hey, another squid's trash is another Octoling's treasure. We call ourselves, Remant Chasers, and no, it is not because it sounds better than treasure trawler, even though it is.
I've stumbled across many objects and relics. Some are interesting, some are weird, and some are just plain odd, but there is one day I hold dear to my three hearts. On that day, I found more than just a cool haul.
I found a new friend, and they would continue to stick with me for many days to come.
~Chaser and the Chum~
The day started like any other, me sitting in my small apartment while preparing for another excursion.
For the mission, I opted to bring my Splattershot since it consumes the least ink of all my weapons, three Splat Bombs, some rope, and enough provisions to get to the afternoon. The rope was for securing large pieces of scrap metal and pulling them. They are the most common materials found in the desert, so with the rope, I make a little carrier to help transport smaller pieces. The junk hauler that enters my dreams and beckons me with its beauty is yet to be mine.
I made sure I had everything I needed. Only a fool would brave the depths of the desert unprepared.
First rule of being a Remnant Chaser, travel light and travel cautiously. Hydration is the number one priority. If you run out of water, it's game over. Carry too much gear, and you'll tire out faster. I can't count how many Inklings and Octolings bring too much with them and collapse in the sun from lack of energy.
Second - light, protective clothing is a must. Avoiding heat stroke is necessary and made easier when you're not bogged down by too much fabric. I recommend a short-sleeved shirt, some shorts, and some comfortable boots to help traverse the sand. I also never leave home without a shawl and some tinted goggles to keep the sun away and the sand out of my eyes.
Third - unless you need to check your water, snack on something, or need to take a breather, I suggest you keep moving. Trust me, I know it sounds stupid, but there are things in the desert you want to avoid at all costs. I'm a professional Remnant Chaser who refuses to call it anything else. By staying on the move, the sun won't sap your energy and leave you all dried up. It's important to stay active but also important to move carefully so you don't hurt yourself.
I've had my fair share of close calls. It's better to be cautious than careless. The scar across my left eye and on my tentacles can attest to that.
After I finished preparing, I headed out into the bright, sunny day. The streets were already littered with cephalopods this early in the morning. Most were going about their business, but some stopped to talk, asking about my plans. I told them the same thing I always do.
"I'm going out to see what I can find."
They all know what that means. I'm going remnant chasing.
I wave goodbye and head to the station. The sun was barely up and beating down on everyone and everything.
It was horrible, but listen, this was normal. Surviving in the Splatlands is hailed as a right of passage. Unless you can beat the sun and its harsh environment, you're gonna have a bad time. If you wanna rock with the city of chaos, you have to brave its storms.
I boarded the train to the outskirts. The only Chaser on board was me. I assume some are already active in the desert, which was both good and bad for me. On one hand, I have allies out in the field to help with any large creatures that may spring up, but on the opposite side, rivals are contending for the treasures. It's a first come first serve basis. The best thing to do is mark your findings with your ink. It's meant to deter people, but it's not a guaranteed method. Cephalopods have broken out in fights over small treasures.
Was it petty? Yes.
Did we care? Not really.
That's just how we did things. It's the Splatlands, baby!
~Chaser and the Chum~
The journey was uneventful, just a quiet ride that served to gather my thoughts, but I could feel something was off. The suction cups on my tentacles were tingling, and a cold chill ran down my nonexistent spine.
I couldn't put my finger on it. Then again, the vast desert is always playing tricks on the mind. It's easy to get lost in your thoughts out here.
"I have a bad feeling about this," I muttered to myself.
My stop came soon, and I was the only one to get off. Upon stepping on the desert grounds, I was immediately assaulted by a gust of wind. It was strong enough to knock me off my feet, and I had to brace myself against a nearby pillar to keep from being blown away.
'The guys didn't say anything about a sandstorm!'
I put my goggles on and steeled myself. Sandstorms are a rare occurrence. The hazard levels became a real high-risk and high-reward situation.
It did not deter me though. My plundering spirit wouldn't allow me to turn back and wait it out. As crazy as it was, that's just how we liked it.
Before I headed into the storm, I called up a friend while I had the signal.
"Hey, it's me. ... No, I'm not injured yet. I just got off the train and stepped up to a sandstorm. ... Of course I'm going in! Are you insane? ... I need you on standby. We might have something big here. ... Thanks, man. I'll see you on the other side."
There was no turning back now. I was all in.
~Chaser and the Chum~
The storm was as bad as I expected it to be. It was as if the very desert was angry. The sky, which was bright mere moments ago, was dark, and the wind was howling. It was impossible to hear anything over it, and I could barely see more than a few feet in front of me.
I do have good knowledge of the land, so the restricted range did not hinder me much. Several meters away from the station was a small cave to a nearby grotto I knew was relatively close, but the wind was so strong that I could barely move. Every step was a battle, but eventually, I made it to a small cave with little issue. I took a moment to plan my next move.
'Winds are strong, and I bet my usual spots are compromised. They probably have more cans and trash than anything. Wouldn't hurt to look though, just gotta be quick about it.'
I took a few deep breaths and rushed into the sandstorm. I did know where one landmark was.
The Downspiral Lattice.
The Lattice was a humongous monument buried in the crater several meters from my present location. Its legs are badly damaged, but as long as I know where it is, I can use it to find my way back home. I can never get lost, which lightened my step a bit. The sandstorm aside, I didn't have too much to worry about except a bad find.
As I assumed, there was only trash. I can find cans and bottles back home, but I did grab a couple of trinkets. I never knew when they might come in handy.
'That's a bust. Oh well, I did find a trinket or two. That's better than nothing.'
After several minutes of searching, I decided to move on. I wasn't going to give up that easily. There must be something of value. My goal is to find one specific part I need for a project. With a sandstorm underway, there might be a chance. Even if I don't find it, I'm sure something else of importance will show up. A Remnant Chaser doesn't back down.
Along the way, I finally saw more Inklings and Octolings roaming around. Some stopped to chat with me, while others just gave me a passing nod. It wasn't just me having bad luck though. The Inklings I spoke with said they were having a rough time as well. They decided to call it quits and wait another day when the scenery was faring better, but I chose to stay on the chase. I couldn't shake the tingling in my suction cups. It was a feeling I couldn't seem to scratch.
I had to keep going.
The next spot yielded the same results. I grabbed some more small trinkets and went to the next area of interest, taking a break midway between to rehydrate and sustain my hunger.
'Storm's not going to let up any time soon. I may need to head home sooner than I thought.' I thought to myself as I forced another drink down my throat. I'd gotten used to the wind, but I was now approaching uncharted territory. I didn't know where I was going, and the Downspiral Lattice was nearly out of sight. I could hardly make out its silhouette.
Should I keep going or should I go home? That was my internal conflict.
Just as I was about to venture further, I heard a faint noise. It was almost inaudible over the howling of the wind, but I could hear it. It sounded like... crying?
'What is that?' I strained my senses, following the noise until I reached a rocky drop. The sound was coming from below.
I heard it again.
'That's not a normal sound.'
I reach for my Splattershot. I'm hoping it's just the wind, but my suction cups say otherwise. I carefully make my way down, trying not to make too much noise.
As I got closer, I started feeling strong vibrations in the sand. The initial shake nearly threw me off my feet, but I quickly adjusted and regained my footing. The source of the noise and shaking was getting closer. And then I saw it.
A large, obsidian black scorpion easily twice my size was stomping through the sand, slamming the ground with its massive pincers, but the strangest part was the creature it was attacking.
"What's a Smallfry doing out here?"
The Devil Scorpion swiped its tail at the small salmonid, but the thing leaped over it and landed on its head, where it proceeded to flail about, spreading its green ink over the arachnid.
'What the...'
I was greatly confused and widely impressed at the same time.
The Devil Scorpion was thrashing about, trying to shake the little inkling off, but to no avail. The Smallfry just clung on, inking everything in sight. I was rooting for it but kept my guard up just in case.
The scorpion eventually managed to throw the Smallfry off, flinging the salmonid into a nearby boulder. I winced at the sound of the impact. To its credit, it didn't stay down, but the impact left it winded, and the scorpion was about to take advantage of that.
"Oh no, you don't!"
I couldn't just stand and watch. I had to do something.
I aimed and fired my Splattershot. The ink pellet hit the scorpion square in the eye, and it let out a loud screech. The distraction was all I needed to paint an ink path to the salmonid and get it out of harm's way.
Now, the scorpion's attention was on me, and it was PISSED. It thrashed about, trying to get to me, but I was too quick. I inked a path around it, pelting it with ink the entire time, and dodging its stinger.
The pincers pounded the ground and kicked up another dust cloud. I was more blinded, letting it slam its tail against my side with enough force to knock the wind out of me, sending my body careening back and slamming against the cliff.
I collapse to the ground as the air expunged from my body. I was momentarily dazed, but the pain quickly brought me back to my senses.
The scorpion was now looming over me, its stinger poised to strike, but before it could, the Smallfry leaped on its back and started inking it up again.
The arachnid was now thrashing about violently, and I used the opportunity to get in close. It wildly takes a swing at me, but I duck under it and slide between its legs. I pop back up and unload my Splattershot into its underbelly.
The scorpion reels in pain and falls to its knees, and the Smallfry jumps off as I slide a Splat Bomb right next to the arachnid and watched the beast explode in a glob of yellow ink.
I let out a sigh of relief and went to check on the Smallfry.
"You okay, little guy?"
The Smallfry looked in my direction and tilted its head. Its comically huge bulbous eyes bore into my soul. Did it not understand what I was saying? Did it think I was going to attack it next?
Suddenly, the Smallfry latched onto my leg and made me jump. It moved so fast that I barely had time to react.
"Let go!" I shouted as I tried to shake it off, but it held on tight.
The Smallfry started to make its way up my body.
"No, no, no! Get off of me!" I shouted as I tried to pry it off, but its grip was strong. I thought it was about to attack, but instead, it clung to my shirt.
Nothing happened. I sat there for a minute. It had ample time to splat me, but it didn't.
Tiny whimpers entered my ear, and I looked to see the small salmonid trembling. The poor thing was terrified, or what I assumed was terror. I've never seen one behave like this. They are normally more aggressive like moments before, but this was not something I thought I'd ever see.
My three hearts were racing but I managed to calm down.
I slowly reach for it, and it flinches but doesn't move. I pet its head, and it seems to calm down a bit. I managed to pry it off and hold it in my arms. It's surprisingly light.
"It's okay. I won't hurt you," I said in what I hoped was a soothing voice.
The Smallfry just looked at me with its big eyes and stopped trembling. Its little body was banged up pretty badly, but that just made me more impressed by it. I don't know how I feel about being so gentle with one since I sometimes volunteer at Grizzco. Over there, the Smallfry Salmonids are very aggressive and won't hesitate to attack any unsuspecting Inkling or Octoling, but this one was calm. I mean, it's not attacking me.
"You're a tough little guy, aren't you?" I smiled and took out my water bottle. It was half full, but I offered it to the Smallfry.
It looked at me for a second before hesitantly taking a sip. After the first few gulps, it warmed up to me more.
"There you go," I said as I put the water bottle away. I let it sit on my lap and chuckled at the way it nuzzled against my chest.
"Okay, that's cute."
It moved from my lap to my backpack and started nudging me again, giving me a whimper that I immediately put together.
"You hungry?"
The salmonid spun around as if it understood the inquiry.
I took a little protein bar out and gave the little one a bite. It nearly devoured my hand, but it graciously accepted the food.
"Hey, save some for me," I hurried and put the food away before it ate me dry. "Yeesh, starving, aren't we?"
It let out a short cry and bit my shirt sleeve. It yanked hard, trying to pull me along with it.
"Ow! Hey!" I yelped as I tried to pry it off. "What are you doing?"
It didn't want to let go and kept tugging.
"Okay, okay. I get it. You want me to follow you."
The salmonid stopped and looked at me.
I checked my sea-cucumber phone, but there was no reception. It was early afternoon. I've gone past my supplied time, but I couldn't leave now. I had to tough it out.
"We'll have to move quickly," I told the Smallfry as I reached to pick it up, but it suddenly took off.
"Hey! Wait a minute!" I yelled out to it.
The Smallfry paused and turned towards me. It hopped up and down while flapping its flippers.
"Why not? It seems to know where it's going," I took a few deep breaths and trekked through the sandstorm once more. I had to trust the little guy. Hopefully, it will lead me to safety.
The Smallfry took off again, and I followed close behind. It was hard to keep up, but it stopped whenever I fell behind.
'Glad at least one of us isn't affected by movement.'
We continued like that for some time. The Smallfry would run a bit and then stop to wait for me. It clearly had no issues traversing the storm, but I was pushing against a violent force. One mistake could have me being blown away to parts unknown or worse.
Eventually, the little Salmonid stopped completely and bounced up and down with excitement. Not only that, but its body also started glowing like one of the rare Goldies I've seen on the job. Could the little one be a baby version of that one?
I put the question on the back burner. I had to investigate its findings.
The sand dips down considerably. A pit perhaps? I couldn't tell with my vision obscured.
I cautiously make my way down, and the Smallfry joins me.
When we hit the bottom, my jaw dropped. Aside from Shiver of Deep Cut, I have never seen a more beautiful sight. There was so much beauty that I nearly broke out in tears. I've been a Remnant Chaser for several years now and never happened upon a treasure trove this magnificent. Pieces of scrap, parts from old weapons, and even some minerals filled the sand pit.
It was glorious.
"Well, I'll be a tentacle's uncle."
I was about to start collecting until the Smallfry nudged me to follow it again. It took point and guided me through the gold mine. My three hearts couldn't take the suspense. The fact it wanted to show me something else made me more eager.
"I forgot Salmonids have an incredible sense of smell," I muttered to myself.
The Smallfry jumps and lands on something stuck under the sand. Its glowing dance told me this was the real deal, and with bated breath, I dug through its contents.
"Please, be still my three hearts," I mumbled. I could hardly contain my excitement.
When the final grains of sand fell away, I resisted the urge to squeal like an obsessed fan girl finally meeting Off the Hook or the Squid Sisters for the first time.
The planets were in a line. The great cosmos has truly shined its rays upon me.
I examined the artifact, brushing off whatever leftover grains dirtied its form.
"I can't believe it."
Out of all the weapon classes, there is no beating the destructive power of the Splatlings. The heavy machines may provide some of the worst mobility in the scene, but their power more than makes up for it. The real strength comes from the motor they run on. Those bad boys are built to last and built to destroy. However, this wasn't just any Splatling motor.
This was the motor of a pre-errata, first-generation, black-coated, Hydra Splatling.
It was as if the stars themselves have aligned to gift me this relic. Through their cosmic energy, they led me across the sandstorm to test my worth. When I wouldn't give up, the stars then sent me another test. Would I help the Smallfry or not? Would I trust it to lead me to the promised land? Safe to say I embraced its wisdom, and I am now picking up my guide and giving it a big hug.
"Thank you, little buddy. This is..."
I was lost for words and was entranced by the motor's beauty. The thing about splatlings and every other weapon is that they had to go through multiple phases before the public could use them.
The first generation always had the best quality, but they were also the most expensive. This particular splatling motor would have cost a pretty penny.
The second generation was a bit cheaper, but the quality took a noticeable dip. They had to nerf the power so it was deemed safer... for a bunch of amateurs.
The third and final generation was the cheap model everyone could buy, and the quality was complete garbage. It was the one everyone used in the Turf Wars. They retain their destructive abilities, but they lack the punch of their first-generation counterparts.
This was the non-nerfed version, a time when the splatlings were at their most destructive and nearly banned until the second generation came about.
"Ooh, I am going to have so much fun taking this bad boy apart."
I don't care for Turf Wars, but I now have the urge to bust out this monster and see what it can do.
"You have no idea how great this is, do you, little buddy?" I told the Smallfry. "With this, I can finally finish that project I've been working on."
I heft the motor out of the sand and marveled at its three-cylinder splendor. One of them was damaged and another had rusted, but there was nothing extreme as far as I can tell. Regardless, I NEEDED to get this back home, but I have a problem.
The Smallfry.
To be honest, I'm fond of the little guy. I can't leave it behind. We took down a Devil Scorpion together, and I wouldn't have known about this treasure trove nor navigated through the sandstorm to find it without him. I didn't want to abandon it, but I can't carry it.
My bag is too small, and the engine requires both hands. If I let the Salmonid roam close to me, another Chaser might attack it and possibly me to take the engine. This was a rare beauty and I'm not giving it up! The Smallfry was a great help and I refuse to leave it to die!
"Carp!" I hissed under my breath. "What do I do?"
The Smallfry looked at me as if it was waiting for me to make a decision. Did I abandon it after its hard work? Or, do I take it with me and hope no one finds our treasure?
I thought about it for a bit then made my decision. I took everything out of my bag, food, water, rope, and the four trinkets I gathered much earlier.
I knew what I had to do.
"Here you go, little guy," I gave the Smallfry the rest of my provisions.
It happily devoured the food as I gathered some parts and scraps of metal to use as a makeshift platform. I tied everything, including the motor, up with my rope and marked the contents with my ink. Hopefully, it will keep others away, but it's never certain.
As for the Smallfry, I tucked the little guy inside my bag.
"I need you to stay in the bag. I'm taking you back home with me too, but stay hidden, okay?"
"Waaaah!"
It seemed to understand and nuzzled into the bag. I closed it just enough for him to get some air and then tightened the straps.
"You good in there?"
"Waaah!"
I smiled and patted the bag.
"Alright, here we go."
I yank on the rope and drag my haul out of the sandpit. It was a hard task, but with enough elbow grease, I was able to pull it to the surface.
"Phew! Okay, got it out of the pit. Now," I paused to gauge the situation. The sandstorm was starting to clear, but I can still feel the heat. "I think the best course of action would be to follow the sun."
I wasn't sure if I was going the right way, but it was better than aimlessly wandering around.
The Smallfry let out a muffled cry, and I stopped to check on it.
"You doing alright in there? Not too hot, I hope."
"Waaaah!"
"You're a weird one," I ruffled the bag before picking it up and continuing on my way. "We're gonna make it out of here, I promise."
I genuinely need that hauler. Cruising around the desert with my little friend sounded like too much fun. I can see it now.
"Hey, little guy, how would you like to-"
My body threw itself back, but unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough to dodge the incoming ink.
I just barely caught the sound before my arm was engulfed in a pool of orange and a sharp pain shot up my shoulder.
"AAAAAHHH!" I screamed and crumbled to my knees, reeling from the prickling of my nerves at the stub where my left arm used to be. I held back tears that threatened to spill. Inside my bag, the Smallfry started to freak out, but I kept it contained.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"
I looked up to see a female Inkling with magenta-colored tentacles done into a bun. She sauntered up with a Splatterscope, her face calm.
"A little trawler out here in the open. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should know better."
"W-who are you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Oh, you don't know?" she pretended to be surprised. "I'm just a humble Inkling trying to make her way in the world. Name's Squeegee."
"S-Squeegee?" I repeated. I've heard that name before, but from where?
It came back to me.
"Wait... t-the one everyone calls... Sniper Queen."
"Oh, so you have heard of me."
Of course, I have. She was one of the most notorious Inklings in the scene. It was said her shots never missed, and considering she was able to hit me through high wind and limited visibility, I believe the hype.
Imagine an Inkling but with Octarian training. That's the best way I could describe her, a foxy femme fatale with the combat skills to rock your world. It was a deadly combination; one my male friends say has gotten them down some ranks.
"H-here and there," I tried to make small talk to buy some time. I had to think of a plan. There was no way I could take on a pro like her and win with only one arm.
My mind raced as I tried to come up with something, anything that could get me out of this.
I have my Splattershot, but the moment I reach for it, she'll splat me. Even if I could get a shot off, it wouldn't be enough to take her down. I need a distraction, something to buy me time.
"So, how goes the spelunking?" she asked as she started to loop around me like a vulture. The entire time, her charger was pointed at me. I could practically feel the reticle drilling through the back of my head.
"Y-yeah, it's going good," I tried to sound convincing, but my voice cracked from the stinging pain.
"Really now?" she stopped in front of me and smirked. "Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you hit the jackpot."
"I-I don't know what you're talking about."
The guys weren't kidding. I had a gun to my head, but I was still mesmerized by Squeegee. Her beautiful tentacles were paired with a piercing turquoise gaze.
"Oh, I think you do," she prodded my good arm with her charger and gestured to the carrier behind me. "That there came from a Hydra Splatling. And if I'm not mistaken, that is a first-generation model."
Great, she knew about that too. I had to sit through one of Sheldon's boring ass monologues to learn that!
"H-how could you tell?"
"I can tell by the way it's shaped. The post-errata models are a lot rounder. Plus, the paint job is a dead giveaway."
"I-is that so?"
I still haven't thought of something, but maybe the stars will align again for me. Please? I've been a good boy today.
"Oh, yes. This baby is worth a pretty penny," she rested her charger against her shoulder and cradled my chin. I was taller than her, but she held the authority. Like I said, strangely attracted right now.
"You wouldn't have happened to find more, did you?"
I wish I had a definitive answer. Who knows what else was hiding in that sandpit? If I had a better way to transport stuff, I wouldn't be in this situation maybe.
"I-I can't say for certain," I answered. "I didn't have much time to explore."
"Hmm, what a shame," she released me and orbited around me again. The charger was powering up. "Tell you what."
I froze upon hearing that phrase.
"I'm in a... generous mood today."
'Oh, is that so?'
"In exchange for not splattering your ink all over the ground, I'd like to have that little motor right there."
'Little? That thing is heavy!' I wanted to say.
"I-I can't d-do that," I said instead.
"Yeah," she stopped in front of me again and shrugged. "I figured you'd say that.
She reached behind her back, and I tense up. Was she going to bomb me?
She pulled out another weapon; however, it was mine. It was my Splattershot, but I normally have it secured below my bag when not in use.
How did she grab it without me feeling it?
"Surprised?" She inquired. "That always happens. Now that you understand your situation, I'd like to ask you again. May I have that motor? I doubt anyone will find another like it any time soon, and you seem to be a better hunter than the rest. I'm sure we can make a deal."
I know why the guys are so infatuated. She was good. Damn good.
"Tell you what," I glared back at her. "You can have whatever you want in that sandpit behind me, but I'm not handing over this motor."
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. That's not very nice," she chided me. "Oh well, I do respect the stubbornness, but how, pray tell, do you plan to stop me? You're disarmed, and I have you trapped in three different ways."
"Yeah, about that," I smirked.
Just then, the Smallfry in my bag started to squirm.
Squeegee was caught off guard as the bag started to move. She dropped my Splattershot and aimed her Splatterscope just as the Smallfry had managed to break free from the bag with a ferocious and terrifying screech.
"WAAAH!"
He pounced on her and bit her on the arm. She yelped and tried to shake him off, but he held on tight. Salmonids never stopped chasing their prey.
"Ow! Let go you little-" She tried to shake it off, but the Smallfry was relentless.
"Now!" I yelled as I made my move. I rushed towards her, but not before she got off a shot. The ink bullet grazed my good arm, but I ignored the pain and tackled her. We hit the ground hard with a thud, and the air was knocked out of my lungs. I tried to get up, but Squeegee was already on her feet. The Smallfry was still latched onto her arm, but she managed to pry it off.
"You little-" She was about to stomp on it, but I tackled her again.
"No!" We rolled around on the ground as we fought for control, but I was easily overpowered without a second arm to gain the advantage.
Squeegee pinned me to the sand, and her tentacles came to life and coiled around my neck, their suction cups locking on as the limbs tightened their grip. I tried to fight back, but she was too strong. The world started to fade as I struggled to breathe.
"Well, this is unexpected," she was laughing. She was choking me to death and laughing. "Down one arm, a weapon, and you have the nerve to sick your little Smallfry at me?"
I wanted to say something smart, but all that came out was a gurgle.
"Not yet," she tutted and loosened her grip just enough for me to gasp for air. "I'm not too merciless. She was panting too. "You're so persistent. You really won't give it up?"
"No," I stated. "My little buddy found it."
"Stubborn too, but maybe we can work something else out. What's your name?"
"L-Luke," I answered.
Squeegee let me go, and I gasped for air as I clutched my throat.
"Hm, Luke," she let it roll off her tongue. "I like that. Much better than 'trawler.'"
I glared at her, but she just smirked.
"Tell you what, Luke. I'll let you, your pet, and your prize go if you do something for me."
I was hesitant to ask, but I did so anyway.
"And what's that?"
"I want you to be on the lookout for more pieces like that. Those weapons are legendary. There's a special type of charger we don't have access to that I'm very fond of."
"What kind?" I was curious.
"Uh, uh, uh," she wagged a finger. "Don't worry about the details. If I need your help with something, I'll find you. Just remember this," her Splatterscope was pointed at me, and my Splattershot was aimed at Smallfry, who was trying to come to my side. "You are currently alive because I allowed it."
She wasn't wrong.
"See? I'm not as merciless as everyone makes me out to be. I just know how to get stuff done."
She dropped my Splattershot, crouched, and patted me on the cheek.
"Try not to die on your way back to Splatsville."
With that, Squeegee disappeared in the sandstorm, leaving us on the hot grainy ground.
I didn't have time to process what happened before Smallfry's scream shook me from my daze.
"Waaaah!" he tugged on my good sleeve. He had a few bruises, but he was otherwise unharmed.
"Thanks, little guy. You saved my life back there."
I ruffled his head and got to my feet. The pain made me stagger, but I would make it. My arm would grow back within a day, but I was running on fumes.
Smallfry climbed into my bag, and I proceeded to gather my things. My dual with the Sniper Queen replayed in my head like a broken record. There were multiple times she could've killed us. If not for Smallfry, I'd be splatted on the desert floor.
I hoisted the bag over my good shoulder and grabbed the rope. True to her word, Squeegee left everything as it was.
"You good, little buddy?"
Smallfry didn't chirp back. He was probably exhausted, and I couldn't blame him. I felt the same way. A hot bath and a nice nap sounded like a dream.
"It shouldn't take us long," I assured the Salmonid. We started my trek back home. I had a lot to think about, but I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. I had to focus on the task at hand, which was getting out of the desert alive with my stuff and Smallfry.
I was starting to see familiar territory. The Downspiral Lattice was in view and knowing how it looks from the station, I made my way there.
"What a day, huh, little guy?"
The Smallfry chirps in response.
"When we get back to my apartment, I'll get you all cleaned up. It's not much, but I think you'll like it there. I mean, better than huffing it out in the desert with giant scorpions trying to kill you."
I was rambling, but I didn't care. I was just happy to be alive and almost home. Now that I was close to home, the adrenaline was fading, and my exhaustion was growing more apparent.
I nearly collapsed right at the station but mustered enough energy to sit down. I ignored the stares from other bystanders and their hushed whispers. I was missing a limb, I had an armed Splattershot ready to decimate any foolish cephalopod bold enough to touch my catch, and I had an energetic Smallfry perched on my head. All in all, I looked like a mess, but I didn't care. I had what I came for and more.
"Here comes our ride, buddy."
I saw the train approaching. I wanted to whoop and holler, but I was too exhausted for that.
The train came to a stop and opened the doors. I loaded up my things and entered the locomotive with barely any energy left. I plopped down on a seat and let the Smallfry snuggle into my chest. I let out a chuckle and petted its head.
"We made it, buddy. We're home free."
I take out my sea-cucumber phone and dial a friend.
"Yo, I'm not dead. ...It was ... eventful, but I'll tell you about it when I reach Splatsville. I'm going to need some muscle. ... Trust me, you'll know when you see me, and another thing, I made a new friend."
"Waaah!" my new friend stated.
His adorableness was infectious, causing onlookers to swoon.
After I hung up the phone, I went back to petting the Smallfry.
"I can't thank you enough, little buddy. I owe you my life, twice."
I keep referring to him as he, but really, I don't know the gender. I don't think Salmonids have genders like Inklings and Octolings, but I'm not hearing any complaints.
The Smallfry purred under my cuddle.
"You want to join me on my next chase?"
I took the responding cry as a yes.
"Great, welcome to the team, partner. I need to come up with a name for you though. Let's see," I sat back and thought about it. I envisioned the evolutionary process of the Salmonids. They start out small but grow incredibly large.
"I got it. How about Levi?"
It was short for Leviathan. I thought it was cool.
He bounced up and down, so I took that as a yes.
"Nice to meet you, Levi. I'm Luke, professional Remnant Chaser."
Levi let out a yawn and snuggled deeper into my chest. It wasn't long before the little guy was sound asleep, and I was resisting the urge to cry at such cuteness.
"Sleep tight, Levi," I whispered and placed him in my bag. I was tempted to join him, but I had to stay awake.
I placed my head against the window and watched as the desert scenery passed by. I was glad to be out of there and back in the city I call home, with an unlikely new friend.
~Chaser and the Chum~
"And that's how I met Levi," I wrapped up my tale and ruffled the little Salmonid's hair. The room was silent as I fiddled with his locks, which I styled into a Mohawk. I would occasionally change it up if I felt it was time for something new.
I was sitting with my new group of friends, the New Squidbeak Splatoon, consisting of Captain Clora, Callie, and Marie, Agents 1 and 2 respectively. Deep Cut, to my euphoria, was also present. It was their studio after all. We weren't recording anything, just making small talk. The major question that wanted an answer to was how Levi and I first met. I didn't mind telling the tale, so I regaled the bunch about it.
"Wow," Marie commented.
"Yeah, it was a rough day for both of us, but I'm glad how it turned ou... are you crying, Callie?"
A sniffle came from the black tentacled girl.
"Yes, I'm crying! I'm so happy for you two," she blew into a napkin the captain handed to her. "This is the best story ever."
"There was nothing emotional about it though," I replied.
"You two almost died and bonded on the same day. You were willing to risk your life for a random Salmonid, and Levi for a random Octoling. You saved his life, so he wanted to return the favor. How can I not love it?"
"What happened to the so-called Sniper Queen?" Captain Clora inquired. "Did she ever cash in that favor?"
I sucked in some air and slumped in my seat. The team was even more interested in my tales now.
"She did, and that's how I ended up with this scar over my eye," I touched the sensitive spot. It no longer hurt when I put pressure on it, but still, the phantom sensations were just as real.
"That's a story for another time though. I exhausted myself after that last one."
"No worries," Marie said. "We can always listen to it next time."
"I second that," Callie agreed and wiped her eyes. "I might need more tissues."
"You already blew through a whole box," the captain stated.
I was surprised to hear this.
"Jeez, you got that emotional?" I wasn't making fun of her, but it amazed me she felt so strongly about it.
"Well, you don't hear feel-good stories like this every day," she gestured to Levi. "And I can't help but be a sucker for them. You two are an amazing team."
Marie and the captain nodded in agreement.
"I'm with you on that," Marie said. "Though I will say this was a great story, Luke. Maybe you should write them down and publish them. It might help you towards that hauler you've been dreaming about."
"A chronicle of your excursions leading up to this point," Shiver sounded fond of the idea. "And you have friends who I'm sure would love to recount their tales."
"I'm not sure about that," I admitted, my face heating up from the attention. "I doubt a lot of people would care about my stories."
"If it's something you're passionate about, then go for it," Callie encouraged me. "I, for one, would love to read it."
"I would as well," Marie added.
"You have our support," Cap'n Clora said.
"And ours!" Frye slapped me on the back. "We can make a segment on it during the newscast."
"Ay! (I'd like to hear more too!)" Big Man said.
"I-I'll think about it," was all I could say.
The group continued to voice their encouragement. In the meantime, I continued to think about that day, and another thought that frequented my mind since.
If Levi found his school again, would he stay with me or choose to go back?
It was a question I didn't answers to. If the situation ever arose, what was I to do? Levi is like a son to me. Do I let my son go back to his original home, or keep him with me?
Do my three hearts have the willpower to set him free?