Kai worked at a garage in Springvale, roughly twenty minutes away from my house. I wasn't sure exactly what he did there. This was partly due to my complete lack of understanding of anything car-related, so the little he did say on the matter only garnered vague nods from me. Really, though, he never had much to say about work other than that it was 'fine', or mentioning it in relation to Will, whose grandfather owned it. Kai, despite being chatty as a general rule, wasn't a fan of talking about himself.
The garage was fairly standard from what I could gauge when I pulled into the driveway, reinstalled into the driver's seat of my own newly-repaired car. Cars in various states of disrepair littered the small yard, with a shipping-container style room offering shelter at the back. It was on a fairly large block, and there was about 30 cars on my count for the boys—and the qualified mechanics—to work on.
Will was bent over a beat-up car in the drive, those massive shoulders tilted forward as he fiddled with something beneath the bonnet. His dark skin gleamed with sweat, illuminated by the evening sunset, and although I was consistently hot under the collar for Kai, the immense appeal of Will Kennedy wasn't lost on me. It was the shoulders; Will was a veritable giant, and if I felt small next to Kai, Will made me look like a Polly Pocket doll.
I hadn't spent a lot of time with Will outside the group. Not because I didn't like him—I did—but he wasn't as overtly friendly as Jameson, or as forced-to-hang-out-with-me-via-blackmail as Kai. I knew he was Kai's closest friend, though, and maybe even Isabelle's too. And despite being more reserved, Will had a good-natured humour that I liked, and an exasperated, fond tolerance for the antics of all of his friends that made me smile. Plus, there was his obvious love for the Delaney siblings. Somehow, that was his most endearing quality; it was easy to like Kai and Isabelle, but Will's steady love seemed to be a rarity in their lives.
He was also hot, which was always nice to have around.
I jumped out of my car and strolled over to Will. "Hi."
He squinted up at me from his crouch, shielding his eyes with a hand and flashing me a white smile. "Hey. You here to see Kai?"
"Yeah, he said to come visit him after work. Where is he?"
Will shrugged, unfolding himself from the ground to climb to his feet, which somehow unbalanced our height even more; we were probably closer to eyelevel when he was sitting down. "Out the back somewhere. Probably taking a shit, which is what he always says when he wants to sit on his phone for a bit."
I grinned. "Lazy bastard."
Will shook his head. "Kai? Nah. Solving the problems of the world is more likely. Or staring moonily at his text chain with you and trying to come up with a reason to text you."
The thought was laughable. Kai was effortlessly smooth—flirty without trying, charming without thinking—and imagining him debating the perfect text to send was so incongruous it was funny.
I didn't say that though; how was I supposed to know what a smitten Kai Delaney looked like? Maybe when he was falling in love—for real, instead of for blackmail and revenge—he was the kind of guy who sat on toilets like an anxious gremlin debating how many x's accurately conveyed hey let's fuck and also have my babies. I couldn't imagine it, but hey, Kai's emotional state was Will's wheelhouse. Not that Kai had ever been smitten with a girl before, to my knowledge.
"He's not very good at it," I said, lightly. "He needed Jameson to pass on the message that he wanted to talk to me."
"I'm sure James would've hated that," said Will drily, shaking his head. "But it was warranted. If I had to listen to Kai brainstorming a casual hello text message for another second, I was going to run him over. Izzy was about to smash his phone. Or his face, it was never really clear."
I would have to remind Kai that he was allowed to pretend to like me without making himself into a pining lovesick idiot. This was all so embarrassing for him; in a really fucking cute way, not that I would ever tell him that.
"That's a bit cute, though," I said with a smile. I could admit that to Will; if Kai was going to put his dignity on the line for the sake of our romance, I could do him the service of telling his friends that I thought it was cute.
"I'm glad you think so. Izzy and Jamie have been giving him so much shit for it. You don't even want to see the group chat."
I pinched my fingers together. "I do, a little bit."
Will grinned. "I'll add you to it."
"To... your friends group chat?" The group chat was sacred; I even knew it from my days of having a friendship group. When you made a new friend, sometimes you would make a new group chat to include them in plans and some casual conversation, but there was always the OG group chat. The one with the weird nicknames and the funny label and years and years of inside jokes that you refused to abandon if this new friendship didn't have the tenacity of the old ones. Adding someone to the group chat was the mark of a long-term friendship; a forever friendship. Because it was far too awkward to text someone and ask them to leave it when things went south. "Uh, don't you need to approve that with the council?"
"Nah," said Will, waving off my elated panic. Because holy shit did these guys consider me a forever friend? What the fuck? What would Kai, who was my friend but who was being blackmailed into dating me, think about this? "I know the council. They all love you."
"Are you sure?"
Will rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, tapping the screen a few moments until my phone buzzed in my pocket. When I pulled it out, the notification read; the least hot and rich Kennedy has added you to SEXY MOFOS AND SEB. I assumed that most of the nicknames were down to Jamie. The chat photo was a ladybird with a gun, and bolded text that proclaimed 'NOW THE FUCKER IS SCARY JAMESON'. I grinned.
Will patted the top of my head. "Yes, I'm sure. Jamie is half in love with you, Isabelle has a wedding binder for your future marriage to Kai, and when Kai tells her to stop being ridiculous, he only half means it. I don't think we're getting rid of you anytime soon."
I smiled, and it felt a little watery. "Thanks, Will."
"You also don't have other friends, so we would feel really bad about getting rid of you if we wanted to."
I punched him in the arm, and he laughed. I knew why Will and Kai got along so well; they were both sarcastic dicks.
But still. I had friends. I wasn't antisocial; I'd never been left in the position where I thought I wouldn't have friends. But Sydney and Tommy were gone, and somehow all those old friendships had been so intrinsically tied to them. I never thought being added to a fucking SEXY MOFOS group chat would reduce me halfway to tears.
And when the messages started flooding in, I might've even let one slip. Will, ever the gentleman, studiously ignored that.
Homewrecker (Isabelle): VALERIEEEE
BIG GREEN RED (Cora): aw hi vally
ladybird fucker (Jamie): The important question must be voted on by the council. Is Valerie a SEXY MOFO or an AND
picadildo (Seb): there should be no and's. why am I an and.
ladybird fucker (Jamie): because you ditched me and that's not what sexy ppl do
picadildo (Seb): oh, fuck off. val can be a sexy mofo
Homewrecker (Isabelle): damn straight she is
I didn't understand any of the nicknames or the text bubble colour—which was, for some misguided reason, a vibrant shade of puke yellow-green—but I was so fucking happy and I had friends and it was all a lot, and even though he was covered in grease, I wrapped my arms around Will for a fierce, short hug.
"You'd think I cured cancer," he muttered, but he sounded pleased.
"This is what happens when you adopt tragic loners," I said, with a small sniffle that we both ignored. "They get very emotional over anything that might spare them from being a tragic loner."
Will bumped my shoulder with his, like, hip, basically. "It's not that bad, trust me." His smile was sweet and kind, and in that moment, I totally understood why Izzy stared at Will Kennedy like he was the fucking sun. He had universal appeal, and he kind of deserved it.
I tried to scroll up, and frowned when it wouldn't let me. "Aw, I can't even see the old messages. I wanted to make fun of Kai for his cute, embarrassing pining."
"Probably for the best. He'd kill me."
"That would be tragic." I tapped absently on the hood of the car Will had been working on. "Why didn't Kai just text me? Was it because..." I didn't know how to ask the question that had been haunting me since that afternoon at Kai's, when I'd seen the open, friendly expression on his face shutter and his guard rise with a swiftness and severity that was jarring.
Will knew what I was talking about almost instantly, and I watched the cogs of his mind turn as he searched for the answer to the question I didn't know how to ask.
"Kai is... an intensely private person," said Will finally. "Not because he doesn't want people to know, but because he doesn't know how to say it out loud, and because he can't stand pity. And I don't think he knew how to discuss what you saw, but he also didn't know how to pretend you didn't see it."
I leant against the hood of one of the cars, thinking about Kai, about Izzy, and the complexity of their life. "I imagine it can't have been easy, going to the school we go to, trying to make it work while also dealing with everything. Looking after Isabelle..." I grimaced. "Maria."
Because that was the real question, thousands of them, folded into her name. Maria.
Will slanted a knowing look toward me. "Yeah, Maria."
"Has she always been like that?" I asked.
Will was silent for a moment. Then he scrunched his nose. "Not exactly, no. It's a steady decline, but she was never the most crash-hot parent. It was easier on Kai, I think, when Zach was home. But Kai never saw Maria as Zach or Isabelle's responsibility like she was his."
"Why? Zach was older."
Will shrugged, but the movement felt heavy, as if he was pushing those massive shoulders against some decades-old weight. "Because Maria loves Kai, and she never had any time for the others."
I swore on a hiss. It wasn't a surprise; when Maria had stumbled home after the swimming carnival, all of her attention and smiles had been reserved for Kai. I recalled Izzy storming off, closely followed by Will, and my heart broke for her. Vibrant, beautiful, bubbly Isabelle, who almost demanded love with her personality, and yet the only person that infectious nature didn't work on was her own mother. And Kai, the only of the Delaney children to be blessed with what I took for granted—the love of my own mother—and yet what was for him, a burden, because that love made her his responsibility.
"He can't ask Zach and Izzy to love her," said Will quietly. "They do, though. Well, I don't know about Zach, but Izzy does. It just hurts too much to have it thrown back in your face every time you show it. So, it's Kai's problem, and she loves him, and I think he hates her for that a little bit."
For the second time, Will was going to make me cry. This time, it wasn't joyful. I remembered Maria's reverent words to her son—darling, sweetheart—and the way she ignored her daughter. Kai's kind, gentle hands on her shoulders as he tried to guide her into a chair.
"What's wrong with her?" I whispered.
"That's Kai's story to tell. Or Isabelle's." Will ran a hand through his short hair, curls bouncing almost immediately back into place. "Let him tell you."
I nodded, and quirked my lips in thanks.
And when I saw that Jamie had changed my nickname on the group chat to Kai's second fave after Jamie, I smiled.
Kai's second fave after Jamie (Valerie): a little wordy, don't you think?
ladybird fucker (Jamie): fuck off, runner up
"Valerie?"
Kai's voice interrupted my witty and scathing reply to Jameson, and I looked up from my phone toward the sound.
One of the most amazing things about life is discovering new things about yourself; those moments when some truth is uncovered, something that was always true, and yet you never knew it. When Kai walked out of the garage, I learned something about myself that really shouldn't have come as a surprise. I was deeply fucking attracted to Kai Delaney, sure, but Kai Delaney with dark hair falling into his eyes, wearing a white singlet that hinted at the abs underneath, covered in grease and sweat? I could've died.
Kai slung a grease-stained cloth around his neck, squinting into the sun as he emerged into the sunlight. But his smile when he saw me was equal parts shy and flirty, and so fucking endearing I could've screamed. I didn't know what my face was doing, but the persistent urge to drag Kai into one of the cars and straddle him must've been written across it, because Will took one look at me and rolled his eyes.
"I'm not watching this shit again," he muttered. "See ya, Valerie."
Will unstuck himself from the car, slapping Kai on the back in the bro-down way that guys had, before disappearing back into the garage.
His absence left me alone with Kai. Kai, who I hadn't seen since Friday afternoon and the encounter with Maria. Kai, who had told Jameson he missed me. Was that true, or was it for the sake of our faux-relationship? I'd missed him, but I was also a tragic loser who didn't really have friends anymore.
Fuck.
"Hi," I said, and it came out fucking breathless. I almost squeaked. Get it together, Williams. He's not that hot, you can do this. Then he quirked one of those knowing smiles, a flash of white teeth and arrogance, and it was that hot, and I couldn't help it, I repeated, "Um, hi."
"Hi."
I blinked. "Hi."
Kai laughed, and I was glad he seemed to find my 'being struck speechless at his overwhelming sexy factor' cute rather than creepy. Even I was little creeped out by how hard I was staring at him; not enough to stop, though. Grease apparently really did it for me. Good to know.
"You okay there, Little Valerie?"
"Uh-huh." I swallowed, cataloguing the exact swell of his bicep and the line of black grease that somehow highlighted how good it looked. "I'm offering you a permanent lift back from work, if you like?"
A lazy expression that was so fucking seductive I had to check I wasn't drooling passed across his face. "Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah," I said definitively, letting my gaze trail down his body.
"Get a room!" Will yelled from inside.
"We'd love to!" Kai yelled back, and I smothered my surprised response with the edge of my jumper.
Dear lord, I would. Fake romance or not, the urge to jump him was painfully real. I chose to not consider that a problem.
I needed to change the subject, or I was going to do something very, very bad in public. I searched my scattered mind for something, anything to say. Most of the ideas were deeply NSFW, and given that this was Kai's workplace, that was not ideal. I couldn't change the topic with Nikki Minaj Anaconda lyrics, but that was pretty much all my mind was producing. Anything, Valerie. You never shut up, so hustle, and bring some of that energy to the table, thanks.
The thought struck me with the severity of a lightning bolt. I slanted Kai a curious look. "Why didn't you tell me to send my car here?"
Kai was paying for the repairs to my car—with money he didn't have, I knew—but surely if he'd told me to send it to Will's grandfather, he would've gotten some sort of employee discount. But Kai didn't slap his forehead with shock at his apparent blunder; instead, he just winced, and cast a cursory glance toward the shed where Will had vanished.
He lowered his voice. "Will's Pa wouldn't have let me pay for it. And I'm not in the business of accepting charity."
"It's not charity; it's an employee discount."
"It would have been charity."
Kai's tone brooked no arguments, but while Kai wasn't in the business of accepting charity, I wasn't in the business of letting things go. It was a personality flaw of mine.
"Sydney and I used to take a free pizza after every shift when the manager wasn't looking," I said, with a half-laugh. "They probably knew about it, but they didn't mind. There's nothing wrong with accepting help."
A muscle in Kai's jaw jumped, but he didn't look angry. I could hardly imagine him angry. He just looked tired; a bone-deep weariness that being settling into the marrow for far, far too long for any eighteen-year-old to bear. "Trust me." His voice was gravelly. "Sometimes accepting help is wrong."
Maria, accepting Kai's help for years. But Kai wasn't his mother, and a discount on car repairs from a thriving business owner wasn't the same thing as forcing your teenage son to look after you because you refused to love your other children or get any help.
I reached a hand up to touch Kai's shoulder, but he was already smiling again, looking over his shoulder to wave a goodbye to Will, who was watching our exchange with dark, worried eyes. My hand hung in the air between us for only a moment before I returned it to my side, any sympathy or platitudes I had to offer turned inward; no help to Kai at all.
But that smile of his seemed jagged, swiped across his face with a last-minute hand, its edges a little frayed and worn. "Ready to go, Little Valerie?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said, and my voice didn't betray any of the heartache or sympathy that Kai didn't want. "Where are we going?"
He slung an arm around my shoulders, and I savoured his warmth, though I didn't lean against him. "I was thinking," he said. "Dinner and ice skating?"
"I thought you wanted to see a movie?"
"Nah." His eyes glittered. "I haven't spoken to you for ages. I don't want to spend 2 hours in a dark room with you not talking unless it's under very specific circumstances involving consent and a bed."
I laughed, and elbowed him in the side. It was easy, I knew, for him to make pervy come-on statements to hide from the pity in my eyes; flirting was easy when it was fake. But my apology wouldn't have been.
"Shut up, you dick." And then, because Kai didn't want my sympathy or useless platitudes, because he wanted my shameless flirting and our easy banter, I grazed my finger down his side. "Although, I kind of dig the outfit. You know, if you ever convince me about that dark room thing."
"Done."
And we climbed into my car, laughing and flirting and joking, and I didn't try to reach for him again with sad eyes or an apology. That wasn't what we were doing; we were doing this instead, a strange, unexpected friendship and flirting that neither of us meant. If that was what Kai wanted, that's what I would provide.
Kai had certainly had enough of people forcing unwanted burdens upon his shoulders.