It's been a whole week since I saw my supposed fiancé. He hasn't been here once since our last encounter at his place which I still cringe at every time I remember how I almost fell for his words. I blame it on my period, it made me overly emotional.
"Princess, I haven't been with anyone since I laid eyes on you."
Lying jerk. The second his phone went off he disappeared and hasn't been here the entire week. He's texted me multiple times, but I've ignored each one of them- I'm not going to fall for manipulation or empty words.
My phone goes off, I expect it to be Pablo again, but it isn't. It's the same unknown number that texted me the night I left Pablo's house.
UNKNOWN: You've been good this week, keep it like that. Stay away.
At first, I thought that maybe Leah and Isabelle or Adrien were messing with me, but the texts just got weirder for each time, and now it's starting to get annoying. I ignored them until I got tired of my phone going off every five minutes.
Me: Are you like obsessed with me or something? Get a life, creep.
"Put down your phone."
I look up and see Alexis, followed by Adrien as they enter the kitchen.
"What do you want?" I ask, holding back an eyeroll.
"Fix your attitude or I'll fix it for you." Adrien snaps, I have seen him more than I like these last days - especially now that Pablo hasn't been here to drag me out of the house.
"Why haven't you been going out with your fiancé lately?" Alexis questions, because he's too busy with someone else.
"Did he get tired of dating a slut and decided to upgrade?" Adrien smiles, earning a nudge from Alexis - "What? Did I lie? Her clothes are literally shouting the word attentionwhore."
"Drop it, Adrien." Alexis warns.
I'm taken back by the fact that Alexis is actually kind of standing up for me but I'm guessing that it's just because he isn't in the mood for arguing - especially when dad is in the house.
"Where's Pablo?"
"I don't know." I answer, "and I don't care."
"Well, you should care because we need this alliance and if you fuck it up then you're the one who's going to pay, even dad is starting to get tired of your sabotaging and childish act."
Childish act. Sabotaging.
"I told you, I don't know where he is." I repeat, this time with a sigh.
Alexis shakes his head, "You have an event tomorrow, I'm expecting both you and him to be there. It'll look good in front of the other partners."
I nod and get up to leave before they can say anything else.
"Oh, and Bella?"
"what now?"
"Don't fuck this up or you won't like the consequences."
**
I grab my purse and head towards the car where Pablo is standing and waiting.
"You haven't been answering my texts or calls." He opens the car door for me, "Why?"
"Because I didn't want to." I answer, dryly.
I get inside and sit by the window, not bothering to greet or look at him. My whole mood has been bad since the conversation with Adrien and Alexis, it doesn't help that I'm seeing them at the event later today.
"Are you mad at me?" He asks, closing the door as he takes a seat in front of me. Martin starts driving the van, and I keep quiet. "I apologize for leaving abruptly, something-"
"Stop." I cut him off raising my hand.
I let myself slip a little one week ago, to make sure that it doesn't happen again I need to put some distance between us. He needs to know that he can do as he pleases, but don't expect me to play the perfect role in it.
"I think we need some rules." I say, hoping he won't make it difficult for the both of us. "I'll play my role as your fiancé, one day i'll be the housewife I'm supposed too without one single complaint and you can do whatever you want - whenever you want. I only have a few conditions."
He shifts in his seat and raises a brow - taken aback from my sudden idea.
"Don't sweet talk me, don't touch me unless it's needed and don't pretend like we're a real couple or that there's a chance of us being one. That's all." I let out with a stern voice, "in return I'll stay quiet and let you do whatever you want."
My phone goes off, I open my purse and take it out to see who it is.
UNKNOWN: I told you to stay away. Don't make me tell you again.
Whoever this is, is starting to get on my damn nerves with these stupid indirect messages. If it's a joke, then it's a stupid one at best. I've asked multiple times who it is and how they got my number, but they always ignore it - I'm guessing its someone I know considering they have my number.
Me: I suggest you invest your time into therapy or starting a fan club, either way the outcome should be the same - Stop texting me.
"I don't agree to those rules." Pablo speaks, catching my attention. I put my phone down and look up at him,
"I didn't ask if you agreed to them or not."
He smiles, showing his dimples - "Are you really that mad that we couldn't finish our date night? Did you miss me that much when I left?" asshole.
"It wasn't a date and missing you?" I let out a humorless laugh, "as if."
His smile doesn't falter, "I didn't want to leave, but I had to. It was rude though, and I'm going to make up for it."
There he goes again, trying to charm his way out of everything. Sadly, for him, I'm not someone from the underworld or a girl that's too attracted to him to see past his act.
"You don't have to; it won't change anything."
"You sure?" He asks, "I'll do anything you want." Anything?
"Cancel the wedding."
"Everything but that, princess." Bastard.
"Then there's nothing you have to offer that I could want."
He smiles, and I look out the window again to avoid his gaze. I hear some movement in the background and see him from my side vision, but I don't bother turning around.
"Not even this?"
I look at him, my eyes widen when I see the Birkin I've tried to get for ages.
"How- I've searched everywhere for one like that!"
"I have my ways." He smirks, "and it's all yours."
I reach out to grab it from him but he yanks it away,
"All yours ... if you forgive me for leaving you on our date night."
My face turns red, I want to punch him - "You're trying to buy my forgiveness? Really?"
His smug grin drops, "No, it wasn't like tha-"
"How douchey can you get? You leave, then you disappear for a week and now you're trying to put a price on my forgiveness?"
I bite back a smile when I see the shocked expression on his face. Before he can say anything, the car stops and I get out immediately.
He went through the trouble of finding me something rare that I wanted to make me forgive him? He's been listening when i've talked about things I wished for?
It doesn't matter. It's a manipulation technique, he wants me to get attached to him - to tear down the walls and give him everything he wants. The best of both worlds. If he refuses to back out of this marriage then I'll do my best to scare him away, there's still some time - the wedding date hasn't been set yet for some odd reason.
I start walking towards the building and soon enough, Pablo is right next to me. Neither of us say anything because we're greeted by people the second, we approach the doors. Everyone is stopping Pablo for a small chat, it's not hard to notice that he's popular between the men of the underworld.
Even the women here are ogling at him. They can have him.
"Pablo, Bella."
We both look up and see my brothers, mother and father approaching, followed with his parents. Our parents are smiling, Alexis looks pleased, and Adrien looks like his usual annoyed self.
"We haven't seen you these past days Pablo, everything good?" Alexis questions.
Pablo throws a glance at his parents, and then he puts on a smile. "Yes, there's just been some personal business I had to take care of."
"Ah, well - Hope everything is taken care of by now."
"It is."
Pablo's mother chirps in with a smile,
"I haven't been able to reach you, I wanted to tell you that we found the perfect venue for the wedding."
"Your mother made sure to find the best venue in Mexico." His father joins.
In Mexico.
It feels like a cloud of disappointment formed above my head right now. For some reason, I thought that I could at least have my own wedding in my home country. Guess not.
I cover my expression first, so they don't notice the displeased look on my face, and I don't think they do - until I lock eyes with Pablo. Our families are talking with each other about the wedding, but he's staring at me with an unreadable expression - like he's trying to figure me out.
"Stop looking at me." I say with a low tone that only he can hear.
"Never." He answers back quickly, I roll my eyes when I see the smug look on his face. No sweet talk.
We walk around a little more, and Pablo introduces me to some of his business partners. Just when I thought that we could have a small break from the talking, two girls approach us.
"Pablo," Both greet smiling, they drag him in for a hug and give him a cheek-to-cheek kiss. I feel the room get slightly warmer.
"It's been some time." Blonde one says, she's tall - long hair, and looks very familiar. They both do.
I take them in, one has black hair and the other blonde - both are tall, with long legs and flawless skin. They look like they're taken out of a magazine. Just like how I imagined the girls he knew looked like, it makes me wonder - is one of them the girl he was texting? Or the one who called him?
"Ana, Renee - this is my fiancé, Bella." He introduces me, the blonde shakes my hand with a smile while the other gives me the most obvious up and down look in the century. I realize why very quickly - model & heiress.
He just introduced me to not one, but two of his exes.
"Nice to meet you Bella," The blonde says, her german accent is more visible now. She gives me a quick look, but it's more a curious one and not a bitchy one as the model.
"I didn't expect you to get engaged so soon." The model - Ana says looking at Pablo and ignoring my presence.
"Neither did I, until I laid eyes on this one." He squeezes me slightly; she throws me another look and I hate the way she's looking at me - like I'm beneath her.
"Oh." She throws in a high-pitched laugh, "We'll see how long it'll last this time - no offence to you Bella of course, but we all know Pablo is married to his work."
Didn't seem like it.
"That is very true- I don't think we made it a single date without him having to leave early because of work." Blondie says, with a small laugh.
"He made it through plenty of dates when we were together." Ana laughs, "Of course that's all in the past, I hope you don't mind Bella - we're all good friends now." She says putting pressure on the friend's part almost as if she's hinting to something.
"Ana-" Pablo scoffs,
"Que? We did, didn't we?" She smiles - bitch.
I want to wipe that smile right off of her face. I know how girls like that are, they get off on making other you insecure - and they're not satisfied until they see you crying because that means they got to you. Now she's expecting me to do just that, be sad or get uncomfortable by the comments she's indirectly throwing.
Sadly, for them, I grew up surrounded by girls like that - we're way past crying.
I give her a smile, matching hers.
"Bella-" Pablo starts, but I cut him off by opening my hand and letting my purse fall down to the floor.
"Oops." I smile keeping eye contact, both girls look at the purse, then at me with a confused look.
I throw a small glance at Pablo, at first he seems confused too because he saw me drop it on purpose but it takes him one second to understand why i'm looking at him. Then with a smile, he falls to his knee with one hand on my thigh - he grabs the bag and looks up at me.
"If you want me to get on my knees for you, I'll do it anytime baby. All you have to do is ask." He gets up and gives me back the purse.
I turn around and look at the two women, one of them looks slightly confused while the other looks visibly annoyed.
"He is a busy man indeed, but then again - there's a difference between a girlfriend and a wife." I take a step forward, keeping the confident smile plastered on my face. "You'll find out the difference when someone gets on their knees for you, if that day comes."
I throw them one glance matching the one she gave me,
"Nice meeting you." With that I turn around and walk away,
"Ladies." I hear Pablo say with a monotone voice, before he's by my side again.
The sweet feeling of pissing them off is gone quickly when I let the words settle. He made it through plenty of dates when we were together. We're good friends.
It's not the fact that she was intuiting that they're more than friends - or that he treated her differently, no it's the fact that it got to me. It shouldn't have, I've always told myself that it was going to be like this - and I accepted it.
Why the hell did that change? Why did the way she confirmed all the thoughts swarming around my head make me feel a small hint of disappointment?
"Bella?" Pablo speaks, catching my attention.
"-I need to use the restroom." I say before he can continue, I walk to the nearest bathroom and enter the empty stall.
I need to pull myself together. All these feelings, emotions that I think I'm feeling. They're not real - I'm not jealous, I'm not disappointed, I didn't expect anything from him because he made it seem like he wanted me to be comfortable- Like he wanted me to want this.
The gifts, the words, the gentleness - it's not real. It's all an act.
What if it wasn't though? What if he meant It when he said that he wanted me to be comfortable? What if he does all these small things for me because he cares what I think? Why else would he care if I was on my period, or if I was mad or not?
He's a control freak that tells me what to do all the time and how to dress - he even made me wear a long sleeve dress today, I never wear those.
But he's doing it because he cares, he doesn't want anyone to make you uncomfortable. You've always wished for father or mother to notice it and tell you that you shouldn't wear that because they want to protect you from the world - because you're too young and naïve.
Or at least ask why you wore those clothes
They never did though.
Familiar voices snap me out my trance, "I know right.."
I walk inside and close the door as the voices come closer. I already recognize who it is and I'm in no mood to see them right now.
"He looks so good; can you imagine that we both went out with him?" Renee says, I recognize her high pitched voice and accent. "I wish that contract never ended."
The water starts running,
"I don't care what that contract says sweetheart, he'll come back - he knows what he's missing, he's probably thinking about the time we spent together right now."
"He's engaged though, Ana."
I hear the familiar bitchy laugh,
"So? That's never stopped them before."
"But he looks like he actually likes her."
"He doesn't sweetie, trust me - she's not exactly... his type."
"Oh my God Ana!" She whispers the last word like saying it is enough trouble.
The hand I had on the doorknob drops, as I frown when I realize what they're talking about. What they're always going to talk about, the only thing that makes me different from them.
It feels like a shower went off above my head, with ice cold water.
"Gosh Renee relax, I didn't say anything rude I'm just saying the truth. She's beautiful but like... not his usual type."
"He never said what his type is though." Renee says, with a confused tone.
"Yeah but like have you seen the girls he's went out with? They've all been..." She trails off as she tries to find the most "nice" way to say it.
White.
"I'm not going to talk about this."
"Gosh Renee, you're so dramatic. Let's go."
I wait a couple of seconds until they're gone before I step out. When I'm outside I look at the mirror, and freeze.
I look at myself. I feel helpless, bothered, mad at the world. No matter what I do, or how hard I try to get the attention on something else it always goes back to this. It's always this.
"She's pretty but not exactly.. his type."
How bitter is it that what was once your favorite part of yourself turned into some sort of weapon used against you until you couldn't bear the thought of it? Until you wished for nothing more than to be the same as everyone else around you just so you could fit in better even though you used to love being you.
You used to love it until the age of seven when your cousins used to have matching hairstyles and you couldn't be a part of it because your hair was too "different."
Until the age of eleven when you got the stupidest questions from kids that didn't know better because their parents gave them the worst examples.
Until the age of fourteen when every boy you came across went straight to your cousins and you sat there alone, feeling like a burden. An extra wheel.
Until the age of fifteen when every time you read about your favorite part of yourself it was being used as an insult, as a reason to be deemed "less worthy." When you saw it all over the news and every single time it was followed by a heartbreaking article.
Until you learn that the only way to feel good enough was to focus the attention on other parts of yourself that you knew was "worth" it in society's eyes.
I don't realize that a tear escaped my eye until I taste the saltiness on my lip. Then another one follows. I don't cry.
Bella Lyon doesn't cry, she doesn't let those comments get to her anymore, she doesn't give someone the satisfaction of getting past her walls.
I wipe away the tears quickly and take a deep breath. I'm Bella Lyon, and no one breaks me. They can try, but they won't succeed unless I let them.
But somehow, they just did. Instead of snapping back, of showing them just how mean you could get so they can back off you let the words get to you.
You cried.
This wouldn't have happened if it was for him.
You would've been home right now, in your bed, in your safe space.
I let out a sharp breath and exit the bathroom, I don't get far before a firm grip is placed on my arm.
"What's wrong? You were gone for-" He starts,
"I thought at least you had a little of respect for me, or your own damn self but you're not only an actor but an asshole-"
He grabs my hand before I can finish and yanks me away, "Let me go!" I whisper yell when I see the eyes on us. His stone hard expression doesn't even falter as he drags me until we're outside and then he shoves me inside the car.
"I don't want to be alone with you, let me go!" I snap, scratching and slapping at his grip. He doesn't budge, he locks the doors and drags me all the way to the end of the seat. My back hits the car window and my eyes meet his, that's when I see the rage in them.
"I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you Bella but I'm tired of you pushing me away all the damn time - I'm tired of you working against me instead of with me, I know that this could be good, that we will work but you refuse to even try for fucks sake! Why are you so against giving it a chance? You keep dragging me in then pushing me away, what is your problem?"
He never snaps, not like this - this is the first time I've seen him snap.
"My problem is you!" I shout back, unleashing my anger on him. "Your words, your stupid promises and acts and gestures! All of it! That's my damn problem."
He blinks a couple of times,
"You want me to act like the other shitty men you've been with? Is that it?"
"Yes. That's exactly what I want, I want you to stop pretending that we're more than two people stuck together because of a contract - like it isn't just business... Like I'll ever fall for you."
He looks away, and I see something soften in his eyes - if I didn't know better, I'd almost say that my words got to him, hurt him.
Then he backs away, "If that's what you want, then that's what you're going to get - I'll stop. You want strictly business? Fine, then so be it."
It should feel better, but it doesn't. Why doesn't it?
//
Writers block sucks -Red