Warning: This chapter mentions suicide. This may bring discomfort for some readers, so please be advised. Prioritize one's state of mind all the time. Thank you.
"ADAMAS!"
"Mr. Adamas!"
He closed his eyes intently and listened to the sound of footsteps closing in. Hindi na niya mabilang pa ang araw at gabi na dumaan. Hindi niya na rin mabilang kung ilang beses nang bumabalik ang dalawa para bigyan siya ng pagkain. Pero kahit ni isang beses, hindi niya ito ginalaw.
Wala siyang gana.
"Dalawang linggo ka nang nakaupo r'yan. Buti at buhay ka pa," nakapamaywang na saad ni Gonietta. Kinuha nito ang pagkain na hinatid nila kahapon at pinalitan ng dinala nila ngayon.
"Now I'm more convinced na hindi ka nga tao." Logan sighed. "Hindi ka pa rin ba tatayo? Walang magbabago kahit umabot ka pa ng buwan sa paghihintay."
"She will be back."
"She's not!" kaagad na sagot nito dahilan para mapakuyom siya.
Tinaas niya ang tingin. Sasagot na sana siya nang may hinagis na phone si Logan sa kama. Tinignan niya ang nakasulat sa screen. Tuluyan siyang nanghina nang mabasa ang nakasulat.
It was a news from two years ago containing Noa's death.
"Can't you see? Wala na siya Adamas. We're not lying."
Umiling lang siya bilang sagot pero ang mga luhang no'ng nakaraan niya pa pinipigilan ay tuluyan nang nagbagsakan.
"She's dead, Adamas. And you have to accept it."
"I know!" singhal niya. Nanginig ang kaniyang labi at tuluyang nabasag ang kaniyang tinig. Pain punched his chest, making him sobbed. "I . . . know. I know she is dead. I know she will never be back."
He knew it all along. The moment he sat on the bed and hugged the pillow, he knew already what had happened. The dark-clouded emotion came from here--from the very thing he was hugging.
Napahigpit ang yakap niya sa unan. "I know she died here."
Noa died while sleeping on this pillow.
He buried his face on the soft cotton while screaming all the pain he denied for weeks. Not once it crossed his mind that she died. For two years, he thought she had abandoned him. Ang akala niya'y tinalikuran na siya ni Noa. Akala niya'y nakahanap na ito ng panibagong karakter na palagi nitong iisipin at pag-uusapan. Akala niya'y pinagpalit na siya.
But no. She died.
Wala na ang manunulat niya. At para na rin siyang pinatay dahil sa katotohanang hindi niya kayang tanggapin.
The negative emotions he saw from Noa's message started to make sense now. But . . .
"Why did you do this, Noa?" he bawled. Mas matatanggap niya pang may panibago na itong karakter na kinahuhumalingan kaysa malamang wala na ang manunulat niya.
Nanatiling tahimik ang dalawa habang pinapanood siyang ibuhos ang lahat ng sakit sa unan na yakap-yakap niya. Hindi niya lubos maisip na ang Noa na punong-puno ng pangarap at saya ay kayang bawiin ang sariling buhay.
"You said all you want is to live."
How come she decided to end herself? Why?
"Why did you kill yourself?!" His voice echoed as he let out the frustration he kept hidden.
Tumayo siya mula sa pagkakaupo. His entire body was sore, but he endured it and looked at the paper from the table. There must be something he could find here. Noa would never do this unless something had put her in a place where she couldn't think of anything else but leave this world.
There must be something . . . or someone.
She wasn't murdered. She committed a suicide, and suicide only happens when strong forces pushed someone to do it. A strong force that would leave them thinking there was no other way to feel happy, that they'd forever miserably suffer.
Kinuha niya ang manuscript na hindi natapos ni Noa at binuklat ang mga pahina. Hanggang sa umabot siya sa dulo, isang mensahe ang nabasa niya.
Nanginig ang kaniyang labi habang binabasa ang mensahe ng kaniyang pinakamamahal na manunulat. Nagliliyab ang itim at pulang emosyon mula sa sulat.
'Avenge me, Adamas.'
Muling tumulo ang mga luha niya.
Binitawan niya ang ibang papel at iniwan lang sa kamay ang isang piraso. Mariin niya itong hinawakan habang pinapakiramdaman ang umiinit niyang palad.
Almost whispering, Adamas casted the gift he had received from the system. A gift that had the ability to reveal what people could never find out by only using the naked eye. It was a gift that could unravel history and people from a medium--living or not.
And the medium he'd use was Noa's note.
He would put all the blame to those people involved. How dare they hurt her?
For him, they were never less than a criminal. And once he find out, he would execute judgement on them.
He gritted his teeth. With full of rage, he called the power of the system's gift. "Impart me the memory. Unfold what lies behind the vehemence. Show me the very thing hidden behind these words."
The moment he finished casting, his hand lit out a black, cold fire. It engulf his author's note without burning it. It didn't last for too long when the fire disappeared and smokes appeared in his mind in the figure of many creatures.
Six humans.
They were the people Noa thought in her last hours. The people who pushed her to death.
"Laurien."
A dying voice echoed in his head.
The moment he clenched his fist, he promised himself he would never leave in the real dimension until he would get his revenge for his author.
"They will perish. I will find them and kill them all for you, Noa."
NAKAPAMAYWANG na tinitigan ni Logan si Adamas na parang isang baboy kung lumamon. Sumama na ito sa kanilang umuwi at dinala niya ito sa kaniyang apartment. Nasa kusina ito ngayon. Kaagad nitong naubos ang ulam na dinala nila kanina. Isang kaldero na rin ng kanin ang naubos nito at ngayon, nagsasaing na naman siya ulit dahil gusto pa raw nitong kumain.
"Ayan. Umaayaw-ayaw ka pa kasi. Gutom na gutom ka na pala."
Lumunok muna ito bago sumagot. "For my Noa, I will endure anything! Get me one more bowl of Adobo!"
He sighed while shaking his head. Hinarap niya ang kaniyang stove kung saan naroroon ang niluluto niyang Adobo. "Maghintay ka."
Sa totoo lang, puwede naman nilang pabayaan si Adamas. Matapos nitong umalis, wala na silang dahilan pa para sundan ito. Pero pakiramdam niya'y may responsibilidad siya. Ganoon din ang naramdaman ni Gonietta. Sa apartment ito ng babae biglang lumabas, sila rin ang nagsabi tungkol sa manunulat nito kaya isa sila sa dahilan kung bakit nagtungo ito sa bahay ni Noa Green.
Kinuha niya ang potholder na nakasabit at binuksan ang pot. Bumungad agad sa kaniya ang nakakatakam na amoy ng Adobong baboy. Napangiti siya.
"It's--"
"It smells so good, human! Hurry and give me! Don't make me wait for too long!"
Napangiwi siya at tinakpan na ang pot. Naunahan pa siya sa kaniyang sasabihin.
Hinain na niya ito. Nilagay sa square table pati ang bago niyang sinaing. Naupo rin siya kaharap sa inuupuan ni Adamas para kumain.
Hindi pa nga siya nakakatikim sa sariling niluto pero nilantakan na agad ito ng karakter na kaharap niya.
"Ah! It's so good! I now exactly felt how Noa felt everytime she ate her favorite food!"
Pinagmasdan ni Logan si Adamas. He was smiling the whole time while eating. Every time he took a bite, he always savored it like an ill patient doing the best to live their last hours. He was also subtly swaying his shoulders as if doing a little dance. Tinanggal nito ang veil kanina kaya naman kitang-kita niya sa pagmumukha nito ang pamumula ng pisngi.
"Aren't you overreacting, Mr. Adamas?"
His expressions were always exaggerated.
"Hindi ka nga talaga totoo," dagdag niya pa at nagsimula na ring kumain.
"Are you still not convince I am not real?"
"Not real, huh?" Sumandal siya sa upuan habang ngumunguya. Bahagya siyang ngumiti. "It's a little bit odd that someone not real is talking to me right now, convincing me he is nothing but just words on paper."
Tumawa naman si Adamas. Isang malakas na tawa na animo'y naka-loud speaker ang bibig. Idagdag pa kung paano ito humalakhak dahil literal na naririnig niya ang salitang 'haha'. Masiyadong detalyado. Nalilito siya kung peke ba ito o sinserong tawa.
"You are indeed a writer. You got words like my wordy Noa." Tinuro siya nito bago muling kumain.
"Did I just got a compliment from a villain? Hindi ko alam marunong ka pa lang magbigay ng compliment."
"Haven't you read the Odds of Tribes?" Dumighay ito. "My Noa highlighted how I am very vocal, human."
"I have read it. And yeah, you are so bold."
Hindi mapagkakaila na kagayang-kagaya ng deskripsiyon sa libro ang ugaling pinapakita ng karakter na kaharap niya ngayon. Ang hindi niya lang maintindihan ang panay na pagbanggit nito kay Noa Green at kung paano na lang ito kaapektado nang malamang wala na ito.
Are fictional characters like that? Do they love their author so much?
Iisipin pa lang niyang iniisip din siya ng kaniyang mga naisulat na karakter ay hindi niya mapigilang mamangha.
"What are you thinking, human? The color of your emotion suddenly changed." Tapos na itong kumain at nakapokus na ang tingin nito sa kaniya. Para bang inaaral siya nito.
"You can see my emotion?"
Tumango ito.
"Whoa! Bakit hindi binanggit sa libro na nakakakita ka pala ng emosyon?"
Muli itong tumawa. "This is not part of the book. This is a gift from the system."
"I've been so curious about the system you've been talking." Tinusok niya ang isang piraso ng karne.
"Stay curious. That is one of the attitudes you need to attain as a writer." sagot nito at tumango pa na para bang in-e-encourage siya.
Bahagya siyang natigilan dahil hindi niya inaasahan ang sagot nito. Or should he say, not the right words he expected at this moment. It was as if it didn't come from a real person--which was true. The way he speak and the way he say things, Logan felt he was really a fictional character.
But despite those words coming from someone fictional, it somehow made him feel light. Surreal if he could describe.
"Should I say thanks?" biro niya.
"Please do. Small or big things, do not forget to be grateful because that is the attitude that will lead you to success. That is what my Noa had been doing too all the time. " Tumayo na si Adamas. Mukhang maglalakad na papunta sa salas.
Tumayo rin siya at nagtungo papunta sa refrigerator. Binuksan niya ito at kumuha ng soft drink. Binigyan niya si Adamas. "Uminom ka muna."
Bumalik naman ito sa pagkakaupo, nagtatakang inabot ang baso. "What is this? The Earth and my House Spot are quite similar, but I haven't seen one like this. What is this called?"
"Soft drink 'yan."
Namilog naman ang mga mata nito matapos niya iyong sabihin at kaagad na tinungga ang binigay niya. Binagsak nito ang baso sa lamesa habang nakaawang ang bibig. Ilang sandali pa, bigla itong ngumiti nang pagkatamis-tamis. Niyakap nito ang sarili na animo'y kinikilig. "Ah! It tastes so good! So this is what my Noa used to drink. Indeed, it tastes like heaven!"
He's overreacting again.
"Bakit palagi mo na lang binabanggit si Miss Noa? Ganiyan ba talaga kayo sa manunulat niyo?"
Adamas paused. Biglang nagbago ang ekspresyon ng mukha nito. Ang kaninang kinikilig ay naging malamig. "No. Characters like me are not usually loved by their authors. They don't care about us. I just got lucky that I was Noa's favorite. But most of the time, authors only pay attention to their main characters."
Napakurap siya. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, hindi niya inasahan ang isinagot nito.
Kinuyom ni Adamas ang kamao bago siya tinuro. "You, Logan, better not become like those authors. Be a writer who value all their characters, so they will give the same amount of love to you."
Natigilan siya. Sa unang pagkakataon, narinig niyang tawagin siya nito sa kaniyang pangalan. Puno ng sinseridad ang boses nito kaya wala siyang ibang nagawa kundi ang tumango.
Is he really a villain? His words felt like he isn't.
"Someone's coming, human."
"Huh?" Napaangat ang kaniyang tingin nang muling magsalita si Adamas. Kasabay n'yon ang tunog ng mga pagkatok mula sa pinto ng kaniyang apartment.
"It's your girlfriend."
Tatayo na sana siya para magpunta sa salas pero napatigil siya sa sinabi ni Adamas.
"Girlfriend?"
He nodded. "Yes. Gonietta is your girlfriend, isn't she?"
"W-what? No!" Kaagad siyang napaiwas ng tingin. "She's n-not my girlfriend."
"How come? You two are always together, though."
"We've been friends since kids. That's why." Hindi na niya nilingon pa si Adamas at nagtungo na sa salas upang pagbuksan si Gonietta.
Isang matamis na ngiti ang kaagad na bumungad sa kaniya. Sunod niyang napansin ang hairpin na nakaipit sa buhok nito. Ang hairpin na binigay niya no'ng elementary pa lang sila. It still looked new despite how long it had aged. And just like the time, no matter how long it had past, how he felt towards her was still the same and never-ending.
"Good evening, Lolo. Patambay muna ako rito." Her not-so-gentle voice echoed in his ears, making him smack himself back to reality.
Nakatitig na pala siya kay Gon.
Tumikhim muna siya bago iniwas ng tingin. "Sige lang."
Kaagad itong pumasok at tinapon ang sarili sa sofa. Inabot nito ang remote na nasa small table sa harapan lang ng sofa at binuksan ang telebisyon.
Napunta ang tingin niya sa direksyon ng kusina nang lumabas si Adamas na dala-dala ang isang litro ng soft drink. Umupo ito sa couch katabi ng sofa na hinihigaan ni Gon habang tinutungga ang inumin.
Iniwan niya muna ang dalawa at niligpit muna ang kanilang kinain.
Pagbalik niya, naabutan niya ang dalawang nag-uusap.
"Ano ba 'yan! Ang tagal naman matapos ng news. Kating-kati na akong manood ng teleserye, e."
"News is important than those shows, reddy readsy."
"Ay, wala akong paki. Bakit ba tawag ka nang tawag sa akin ng reddy readsy? Ano 'yan? Ang corny pakinggan."
"That is what I call my readers."
"Reader mo rin ako, bakit hindi mo 'ko tinatawag ng ganiyan?" sabat niya at naglakad papalapit sa kanila. Umupo siya sofa kung saan nakahiga si Gonietta. Mahina ngunit sinadya niyang winaksi ang mga paa nito dahilan para mahulog ito sa sofa.
"Gago! Buti 'di nangungod mukha ko sa sahig!" Muli itong umakyat sa sofa at tinadyakan ang kaniyang braso. Pinatong nito ang dalawang paa sa kaniyang lap bago binalik ang atensyon sa telebisyon.
"You don't simp for me so I'm not going to call you that."
"Hindi rin kaya ako nag-simp sa 'yo," sagot ni Gon.
"You did. I can feel it. You were once attracted to me in the book."
"Edi wow!"
Napunta ang tingin nila sa telebisyon nang pinakita sa screen ang isang lalaking nasa late 20s ang edad. May kakisigan itong taglay at kasing pula ng mukha nito ang kulay ng buhok.
Pamilyar sa kaniya ang lalaki.
They listened as the reporter spoke.
"Mental Health Advocate Aivan Laurien is said to launch a website which offers free service check-up for people who is dealing with depression and other mental health problems. A website filled with registered and licensed psychiatrist to diagnose and give council.
He said in one of his interviews:
'I am always with people who struggle dealing with their mental illness. The people whose struggles were always ignored. I know how it feels because I have been in their shoes too. And as a fellow human being, I want to help at least. I believe that this is my life mission, and I will do my best to reach out and save those people.'"
"Hindi talaga nawawala sa news itong si Laurien. Ang daming ambag sa mundo," komento ni Gon.
Napatango naman siya. Aivan Laurien is famous because of how active he was when it comes to mental health movements. Although their surname, Laurien, was already known around the country because of their wealth and influence, Aivan was noticed and recognized as a man full of humility.
"Lies."
Sabay silang napatingin ni Gon kay Adamas. Napunta ang tingin niya sa mga kamao nitong nakakuyom. May lumalabas doong usok na kulay lila. Singdilim ang mga tingin nito sa gabi at matalim pa sa kutsilyo ang mga titig.
Nagtaka siya.
What's wrong with him now?
Tumayo ito at naglakad papalapit sa telebisyon. Hinawakan nito ang screen kung saan naroroon ang mukha ni Aivan.
"Aivan Laurien. You fit on one of the figures from my Noa's note."
Napayuko ito. Hindi niya maaninag nang maayos ang mukha nito dahil natatakpan ito sa mahaba nitong buhok, pero alam niyang hindi kaaya-aya ang naglalarong emosyon sa mukha ng lalaki.
Mahina itong tumawa ngunit unti-unting lumakas hanggang sa napuno na ng nakakalibot na tawa ang buong salas.
Muli siyang napalunok. Bigla siyang kinabahan dahil pakiramdam niya'y may hindi magandang mangyayari.
As Adamas continued to laugh, black threads started running out from his palms. It scattered like vines without him knowing where they would go.
"Crawl and find him. Mark this man," Adamas whispered.
And in that moment, he suddenly stopped laughing. Instead, he smiled. It curled up with grim and horror. It was a smile that made Logan felt shivers from his nape down to his spine.
"A-anong binabalak mo na namang gawin ngayon, Adamas?" kabadong tanong ni Gon.
Tumalikod si Adamas sa kanila. "I will seek vengeance for my author."