Charlottes POV
I felt horrible. I didn't know if it was because I was exhausted from worrying or if it was because I was sick. Sick ha.
Just say it, I told myself, grabbing my keys.
"Leukemia." I said out loud, walking to my car.
I got in, slamming the door angrily. This was unfair, I'd done it once, I shouldn't have to deal with this fucking disease again.
I picked up Bailey and we went to the party. I plastered a big fake smile on my face and acted out the part of happy Charlotte, the Charlotte that everyone expected, the Charlotte I was struggling to be.
Matt got me a drink and stood around making small chat, he obviously felt obligated or something.
"Go talk with your guests or something." I told him.
"What?"
"Go." I told him, waving my hand at everyone else.
Instead of going, he sat down beside me.
"Are you feeling better?" He asked me.
I wanted to reply with some smart ass comment but I couldn't, it wasn't my nature and besides it wasn't Matt's fault.
"I am." I lied. "Thanks for the other night."
"Anytime." He said quietly. "I mean it Charlotte, anytime, just call me."
"Such a sweetheart." I smiled, squeezing his hand. "Monique sure is lucky."
"I guess." He said, looking at me strangely. "I'm just gonna go see Brian."
I smiled and nodded as he walked away, glad when he was gone so I didn't have to wear this fake smile anymore.
I sat there, with my soda, I didn't dare drink, who knew what was going to happen to me next week. I looked at everyone, all coupled up, arms around eachother, couple mingling, couples talking to couples, me alone.
I glanced to my left, great, even Bailey and Arin were holding hands. I really was alone.
"Hey." Elizabeth said, sitting next to me.
I smiled at her.
"I won't go if you don't want me to Charlotte."
"Don't be stupid, of course you're going." I told her. "I'll be fine."
"Only if you're sure."
"I'm sure Elizabeth." I said standing up. "I'll try not to die before you get back."
She made a strange noise but I ignored it, heading into the house. I needed a bathroom and I headed upstairs to the one I was least likely to be annoyed in.
I walked in, closing the door, leaning on it and closing my eyes. I needed to get my shit together, I wasn't coping, at all.
I walked over to the basin and looked in the mirror. I had dark circles under my eye's and I generally looked crappy. I looked at the jacket I was wearing, I was hot, but because of the bruises left from my many tests, I didn't have an option.
"Oh god." I whispered to my reflection. "I can't do this again."
I watched my reflection reach up and touch my face, my pale, drawn face. No wonder I was alone, who would want me, I already look half dead.
A sob escaped me, I tried to keep it quiet, but a louder one escaped me.
"I can't do this again." I sobbed, sinking down to the ground, curling myself into ball.
I can't do it again, I didn't want to do it again.
I wouldn't do it again.