• She/her • female •
⚠️ Warning for suicide attempts, trauma, past child abuse, flashbacks, overdosing, panic attack ⚠️
↑ sapph234 for the submission. ↑
{ Also, I have no idea how Hawks acts. And I don't like him enough to look it up, so I'm going to go off of memory. I apologise if it's not accurate }
•
A flash of imagery played in Y/N's head. It was vague and blurry, but it was enough to get her breathing to falter.
She quickly tried to shake it off, she wasn't in the mood to dive into her past at this moment, especially in public.
Y/N exhaled the breath she didn't know she was holding when her friend bumped into her.
"You alright?" He asked with a hint of concern glazing around in his eyes.
"Ueh.. Yeah, I'm fine." Y/N stood up straight in an attempt to brush it off, she continued to walk along the pathway.
Her friend, Hawks, watched as she walked forwards a few steps before following her. He couldn't help but to worry.
Y/N's breathing barely changed. As she ignored it, it subtly got worse. Her chest felt cramped, and the space around set an unsafe feeling in her mind.
She clung onto Hawks more than usual in subconscious, Hawks seemed to notice it before she did, and furrowed his eyebrows.
Being pulled away from their previous spot, Hawks found a private space and held onto Y/N's shoulders tightly. Her face lightly showed confusion, but the sweat displayed on her skin made it obvious she was distressed.
"Something is seriously off. Please talk to me." Hawks attempted to sound trusting, but his tone came off as demanding. His pitch only pushed Y/N further.
"..i'm fine." She stammered, eyes looking hazily up at Hawks. His eyebrows knitted together in discomfort as he saw his friend denying her hurt.
"No, you're not. Y/N, please." Hawks inched closer, he stared deeply into Y/N's eyes, as if he was trying to pull the truth out of her.
Her eyes glissened, she didn't trust her voice to talk anymore, so she clenched her eyes shut and forced her head away.
Hawks stood Infront, hoping that she would tell him. But his hope fell, as Y/N's mouth only quivered.
"Did something happen?" He thought to ask, Y/N shook her head slowly as she was struggling to comprehend the sentence.
"I need you to talk to me Y/N, did I do something?" Their eyes met once again, a pain much like a pierce from a needle flushed through his body as he noticed her expression blank, but also full of dismal.
"N-no. I Just--" her eyebrows scrunched and she immediately bit her lip in cringe once she heard her own voice break.
She took a small breath before attempting again.
"I think i-i just need to go home.." she pushed her way through her quivered voice, her response wasn't helping Hawks as he was beginning to panic.
"What, do you feel sick? I'll take you back home. Was it being out here? Were you uncomfortable?--" Hawks rambled on with the possible reasons for Y/N to be acting as such.
"No-- I just need to go home. Please." She interrupted him with agitation clear in her voice, her thoughts now falling. Her head felt delicate, like if she turned it to fast then she'd pass out.
"Ok, ok. I'll take you home, don't worry." Hawks moved his hands to calm her down, she nodded extra slowly, and held onto Hawks' arm.
He noticed Y/N looking ahead of her into the distance, not quite focusing on anything. While her chest was still rising in a fastened pace.
Hawks tracked his way to Y/N's house, he'd memorised it easily since the first time they met.
On a small patrolling day, he'd bumped into Y/N on accident, classically spilling her frozen drink she got from Hawks' favourite place.
They seemed to immediately bond, and hung out the day after that.
Hawks insisted to walk Y/N home, because they only realised the time once it was near pitched black. After, they promised to stay in contact. And 3 years later, he follows the same track they met on, always subconsciously noticing the small stain left from the drink.
Hawks stopped Infront of Y/N's Appartment door, but Y/N kept walking.
He pulled her arm, breaking her out if her mindless trance and she looked around in confusion.
Y/N realised where they both were once Hawks closed the door behind them.
"I'll get you some medicine." Hawks vowed as he sat Y/N on her couch.
"No.. It's fine, I- I don't need it." She stared at her reflection from the TV.
"But, you felt sick! I need you to be safe!" He exclaimed, frantically making his way to the kitchen.
"No! Keigo. I don't.. I don't need medication. I just need to rest." She raised her voice. He sighed and hesitantly walked over to her.
Y/N flinched at the sudden hands that touched her shoulders firmly.
"Y/N.." his voice softened.
"Keigo.. I need to be alone." She gulped, a lump forming in her throat as she feared what she was thinking.
"But---"
"I need to be alone" she demanded with a strain in her voice. Hawks got the message, but didn't want to leave her alone in a state like this.
"I can't leave you alone, not like thi-"
"I need to be alone!" Hawks lifted his hands up in reflex to her raised voice.
"Ok.. I'll leave you alone, for now. But I'll be there the second you need to talk." His voice laced in a comforting concern.
"And, once you're ok, we will talk about this. There's obviously something wrong, and I need you to trust me enough to tell me." The seriousness made Y/N automatically agree, even though she didn't want to, she knew she had to.
She watched as Keigo left the apartment, and listened to the footsteps softly pattering on the carpet outside.
She let go of a breath, staring blankly for a moment, and immediately breaking down.
She couldn't get it out of her head. The disturbing feelings she was remembering, and her mind deciding to replay the same moments in her head. Over, and over again.
It was overbearing, dealing with it every day. She'd been terrified to do anything out of line, so she wouldn't dare get help.
She was just making it up, she was just dramatic. Is what they told her.
Y/N's chest tightened, almost too tight to breathe. Her vision grew dizzy, everything was moving out of line, and she couldn't focus on anything.
Trapped in her own mind, the past was currupting her, and she couldn't bring herself out of it.
Her mind brought her back in time, it made her feel as if she was actually there. Experiencing it again.
Every hit, every punch, every burn, she felt it on her own skin. She screamed but nothing came out, her tears streamed down her face.
She crouched herself close together, cradling her legs and scratching her skin.
Y/N gulped when she saw the navy blue shorts in her vision, clear tears stained in the fabric. Her hands were clenched, forcing the farbics to twist in her fists.
She lifted her head, now hearing her sniffles, calming down her tears.
The walls were white, painting a blank canvas, she could see the static so clearly.
She then looked forwards at herself in the reflection. Seeing herself in that state seemed to trigger something in her, like it was the pushing point to those thoughts that she tried so hard to rid.
The thoughts that almost took her life last time came back stronger than ever.
Almost mindlessly, she got up from the couch, struggling a little as her legs were fallen asleep slightly, and made her way to her bathroom.
She'd forgotten the mirror had a compartment like those stereotypical movie ones. Y/N thought she could hide her old pills there, because she knew she'd forget. But in the moment, she seemed to realise.
Her eyes were red and puffy, her tears were dried on her cheeks.
A chuckle escaped her lips and she closed the cabinet.
In her hand was a pill bottle, the prescription was half ripped, while the other half was too faded to read. It was filled with random pills.
Y/N used to buy any and all pills she could. Back when she was younger, she planned to kill herself with it, but failed. She didn't take enough, so she ended up waking up with a gash in her head with blood stained on the tiles from when she fell.
Without hesitating, Y/N slammed her hand over her mouth and swallowed about 7 pills. Then ran the tap and consumed the water she needed to down the pills.
Her eyes darted across her face, and she begun tearing up again. This is what she wanted.
Instead of making the same mistake, she sat down. She didn't want to wake up with a concussion like last time. If she ever woke up.
She laid against the cold wall, staring down at her hands and picking at her nails, waiting for time to pass by.
Picking up the bottle, she took out a few more pills. She was about to down more when a sickening heat flushed over her, all she could think of was Keigo. She didn't want to leave him. No, she has to stay.
She fished out her phone from her pocket frantically and swiped to emergency call, tapping in Keigo's number.
It rung three times before Hawks picked up.
"Are you o--"
"I messed up." The bluntness scared Keigo, so he asked what she meant.
"I messed up. Keigo please, I need you." Her voice cracked, and Hawks knew she wasn't messing around.
"Ok, I'll be there as soon as I can. What happened?" He assured.
"I messed up. I-- i-- I tried.. -please, get here before I do anything worse!" She lightly threw her phone onto the floor. It landed on the small mat.
"..anything worse?? Y/N, don't tell me--" his voice dropped, and Y/N could hear him leaving his house, the wind picked up quickly as he thought flying was a faster option.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She muttered loud enough for Keigo to hear.
"No, don't apologise. I'll be there soon, just stay on call." She nodded even though he wouldn't see.
She muffled her tears in her hands as she covered her face.
"I-- I can't do this.." Y/N muttered, she desperately stared at the pills, trying not to take it. It was so tempting, almost too tempting.
"Hurry up, please. Hurry up." Her whole life could depend on if Hawks made it in time, and she didn't want to burden him with that responsibility. Or worse, if she died, and Keigo blamed it on himself. What a terrible friend she would be.
"I am. I promise" the audio glitched lightly as it picked up on how fast the wind was going past.
Not long after, Keigo mentioned that he was there. So he hung up.
She heard the door open from afar.
"WHERE ARE YOU?" Keigo yelled from the loungeroom.
"BATHROOM." she yelled back with a scratchy voice. His panicked Steps got louder within the second and the door pushed open, banging against the wall.
"Y/N!" He yelped as he immediately engulfed her in a hug.
She clung onto him desperately, crying harder than before, fresh tears replacing the dry ones.
Y/N tried to apologise, but she was hushed by Hawks. The hug seemed to go on forever, and the sniffles from both were audible.
"Why didn't you tell me things were this bad?" Keigo muttered with heartbreak in his voice.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't handle it anymore. It's torturing my mind." Y/N held him tighter as she told him. Keigo stayed silent for a moment, but then picked Y/N up from the cold tiled floor.
She gripped onto him as he moved her towards the living room.
"How many did you take?" He asked. He noticed the pills she had placed next to her and accidentally knocked them over in the heat of the moment.
"O-only a few.. six, maybe seven?" The pills she took weren't strong enough to kill her on the amount she took. But it would give her a massive headache, and age needed to get it checked out, to make sure it didn't affect her body.
"Why.. Why did you try to.." Hawks' voice drifted off into a near whisper. He didn't want it to be true, and saying it aloud made it all the more true.
"I.." Y/N stammered, trying to find the reason. She'd never told him, but she feared she'd have to tell him now.
Keigo seemed to notice her lack of response, and hung a blanket over her. Y/N looked up at Hawks, who then held her hands as he sat down.
They stared intently at eachother, Y/N's cheeks were covered in almost dry tears, and Hawks' eyes had gone red, clearly teared up.
Upon seeing Hawks' face, she mustered up the currage to explain what spiraled her to attempt.
"Remember when we, uh, we met eachother?" Keigo nodded slowly, waiting for her to continue.
"Well, I was recovering from an attempt. I was in a really dark place." She subconsciously leaned closer.
"But, since I met you, I learned to get over it. Or i thought I could." Y/N looked away from Keigo, finally breaking the eye contact.
"All the memories came back, the ones I blocked out. They all came back and I can't get rid of them." Her voice broke again.
"W-what memories?" Once Keigo asked, he immediately thought it was the wrong question. Seeing her tear up, he impulsively pulled her into a hug.
"Those stupid bastards ruined my childhood. My life. They ruined it all!" She cried into his shoulder. Keigo rubbed her back while she cried harder. He figured out the bare minimum of what happened, he needed to know more, but he didn't want to push it.
"You're safe now, you're safe. They're not here." He hushed, resting his chin on her head.
"I know.. but it doesn't make it go away.."
"We'll figure this out. I promise." He could feel her nod, the next few minutes were met with silence, with the sound of Y/N's sniffles being muffled in Keigo's chest.
Keigo ended up staying the night, to make sure Y/N wouldn't do anything, and they fell asleep on the couch.
Y/N confessed everything she could remember from her childhood to Keigo. The abuse that she'd dealt with by both of her parents, their drinking, the beatings. And Keigo brought up the idea of therapy, since she clearly needed it.
She was hesitant at first, since she'd heard negative things about therapists, but upon seeing Hawks so insistent, she agreed.
-
"Thank you, Hawks. I don't know what I'd do without you." Y/N smiled at him, they were currently about to go to an appointment for her. She'd only go if Hawks went with her, he automatically agreed.
Keigo gave her a smile back, all he wanted was for Y/N to be happy. And this was the first step.
She brought him into a hug. A long, calming hug, then made their way to their first therapy appointment.
{ 2613 words }
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I hope this was good, or atleast decent 👍
I tried to end it quickly as I realised I was getting close to the word limit. I think I may have wrapped it up too quickly, but I couldn't really think of anything else to write. Oh well.
Time started; 23rd November, 6 pm
Time finished; 25th November, 4 pm
= 1 day, 22 hours.