I was told to find beauty in the world around me.
It could have been when I looked at my family, when I looked at my friends, when I looked at my lover, when I looked out my window.
It could have even been when I looked in the mirror.
Find beauty, they said, and once you do, taste it. Savour it. Lick the plate it arrived upon and suck on your fingers like it's the last thing you'll ever eat. The last thing you'll ever need. Feel the complex flavours bless your taste buds, close your eyes tight and see bright colours burst underneath them. Smile wide and bask in the glory of beauty.
Hide it from others, keep it for yourself. Or show it to the world, share the joy with them.
Make sure you enjoy it while it lasts. Immortal, the life of beauty is not. So keep a strong grasp on your sense of reality. Don't get lost in the fruitless flavours and favours, track your way in and track your way out. Don't be fooled by the promise of endless desire and passion for everything has a start and everything is sure to end.
It glows bright, doesn't it? You want to reach out and touch and once you do you are rewarded with pure bliss and an addicting rush of adrenaline. You're on cloud nine and think: who needs drugs? Who needs alcohol? This is surely more than enough. But it's not enough. So you keep coming back for more, you expect it to illuminate your life again and again and again but you don't realize that your greed is your downfall. That soon the beauty you adore will be sucked away. Then, you'll think: what did I even see in it, anyway?
You'll search for new beauty and find it. Then the cycle repeats itself.
Find beauty. Hoard beauty. Share beauty.
Don't lose yourself in beauty, in hope, in vain.
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Jungkook exhales deeply, he feels heavy like a lone sandbag swinging wildly from a hot air balloon. Weighing just enough to make himself upset but not so much as to bring everything down with him. He's helpless to the height and direction of his life, all he can do is sit tight and hope his intended destination is somewhere up ahead. What he can, or must, do however is in front of him right now. Empty canvas. Empty mind. It's just his luck that the moment he's assigned the most important project of his school career is also the exact moment he hits the biggest, scariest wall of them all. Art block.
He had thought that a change of environment would do him some good, hoping it would clear his mind and maybe even start him down the track of inspiration but, no. He was wrong. The air of the living room is just as stuffy and dull as the air of his bedroom. Jungkook feels as though the four white walls surrounding him are slowly closing in, hungry and desperate to swallow him whole. Perhaps the living room is even worse than his bedroom.
The door clicks open. "Something the matter, Kook?" Jimin asks without the need of a second glance. He kicks his shoes off by the door and drops his sports bag onto carpeted flooring. Jungkook looks up and attempts to give a smile, it comes out more a grimace. "Pfft, you know what the matter is." He drops his fake grin quickly, not really in the mood to put on his finely crafted mask. Jimin is fast on his feet and is already in his own room, most likely preparing for a shower. They shout through the open doors. "That art project still giving you trouble?"
"Yes." Another sigh tumbles from pink lips, hot and airy like a warm breeze on a windy day. "The brief is so subjective and specific at the same time. I mean, how is that even possible?" Jungkook is sure that he's whined like this a hundred times before, yet Jimin still listens like he always does. Carefully and quietly considering what he should say next. Words not chosen to comfort the younger; like a cozy hug to combat winter's bite, but to rile him up even more; like pouring gasoline over an already red raging fire. The blonde isn't exactly the most encouraging or gentle with his words, especially when it comes to his roommate. "Well, that's art for you! We get the same thing in dance, you'll just have to be a big boy and suck it up." Doused in mockery and sarcasm, Jimin's words don't do much to brighten Jungkook's mood. He is as unhelpful as he always is.
Jungkook makes sure he is aware of that fact.
"Why do I even ask for your help?"
"Beats me!"
And then he's off into the bathroom. Jungkook runs a hand through his faded blue hair, which is desperately in need of a re-dye. Dealing with thinner hair is always difficult, Jungkook took the precaution of not bleaching his roots because he knew the damage would not have been worth it, so only his tips are coloured in the enchanting blue shade but now the bleach shows through as light green strands against an ocean of electricity. A third sigh escapes from Jungkook and he finally gives up, tossing his sketchbook to the side and grabbing his phone from the coffee table.
Jungkook thinks his professor enjoys watching his students go through hell and back trying to think of a worthy idea. His lectures are always vague and sound more like late-night ramblings than structured lessons. He had assigned the project last week and now the blue-haired boy has about two months to submit it on time. This project would count for fifty percent of the final grade and had to be painted upon a thirty x forty-sized canvas. No bigger and no smaller. Jungkook's preferred canvas size is sixteen x twenty so this is definitely a shove out of his comfort zone.
"Beauty.." His professor had said. "Is in the eye of the beholder. Find something breathing that's beautiful and use that as your muse to craft your piece. I want multiple pictures and sketches of your subject including the final ones you referenced and at least a one thousand word essay on not only how you created your work, but why you did it. Make me see the beauty that you do, force me into your shoes with an emotional, tear jerking tale of who your muse is and what attachment you have to it. I want to see you put your all into this project and if I know you can do better I will not accept your painting for marking. You've got an entire month to do this."
'What a total nutjob!' Jungkook had thought whilst his professor was spewing his usual, long-winded bullshit. Unlike many of the other students, Jungkook has not yet presented him with an idea simply because he doesn't exactly have one. 'Something breathing that's beautiful' and 'multiple pictures'? Throw his usual tactic of scrolling through Pinterest until something catches his eye out the window, then. Jungkook doesn't have any family to reference and he isn't exactly a tree hugger either. He doesn't have a lover and sure he's got friends like Jimin but what deep emotional attachment has he got to him? They were just assigned roommates at the beginning of the year and have been peacefully coexisting ever since. (Take the word peacefully with a grain of salt.) One last sigh flies away from Jungkook as he decides to do the very productive task of scrolling through social media instead of actually facing his problems.
-
Jimin walks into the living room with a towel atop his head. Water droplets drip down his neck and dampen the white T-shirt he wears. Deep brown eyes flit to Jungkook who still lays lazily on the couch and a mischievous smile takes over plump lips. "A lot of work you're doing there." Jungkook doesn't look up from his phone as he grabs the tv remote from beside him and holds it in the air in a threatening manner. "I will throw this at you if you don't shut up." Jimin snickers from where he stands. "Oh, shiver me timbres, whatever will I do?" The elder mocks. The younger doesn't say anything as he lets the remote fall back to where it was before. It bounces against the couch and then rolls onto the floor, a perfect depiction of Jungkook's mood right now.
Jimin takes a seat on the plush, dark blue couch as well. He reaches over and picks the remote from the soft ground. "I've got a friend coming over soon so it would be great if you could vacate the premise for tonight." The blonde states matter of factly. "Friend? Who, Yoongi?" Jungkook asks. "No..." Jimin's face gets a bit rosy at the mention of the music student, and Jungkook fights to keep his smirk at bay. "Not him. Someone else. He's a photography student."
Jungkook had many mix in classes with the photography students last term since the professors are good friends but through the duration of the current term, which is passing by as slow as an old snail pushing against harsh winds, there have been no classes together. Jungkook was previously indifferent toward all of this but now he tries to scan through the blurry faces in his mind. He doesn't really remember anyone. "Oh... Okay, I'll go." Despite all their playful spite, Jimin is still Jungkook's hyung so what he says goes. The younger will listen to him no matter what. (Except when it comes to actually referring to him as hyung. "Jimin-sshi!" Is much better in Jungkook's humble opinion.)
So Jungkook gathers his things - phone, sketchbook - and stands from the couch. "Don't make too much noise, I'm gonna give the project another shot and need to focus, okay?" He says, Jimin nods, taking the towel from his head and hanging it around his neck. "Got it." He smiles.
-
Jungkook does not, in fact, give the project another shot. Instead, he flicks off the light, switches on the fan, and melts onto his bed; not sparing the poor blank canvas propped upon his desk a single glance. The room is hot and stuffy even with the fan on and Jungkook's fair skin feels sticky with warmth. The blanket and pillows below him absorb the natural heat his body creates and emits it back to him tenfold, which might have been nice if it was winter, but when the blazing summer sun sears it's way through the blinds? It was torture. Mid-summer is never fun for anyone but at least it means fewer classes for a while - however that's usually when professors like to dump big projects like this one over their student's heads. Laughing as the remnants of despair drip down their backs.
He must have dozed off a little because the next time Jungkook opens his eyes faint voices can be heard seeping through the thin walls. He recognizes Jimin's muffled voice immediately but the other voice is deeper, huskier, and completely unfamiliar. The next thing he notices is the fact that his throat is as dry as a desert right now, which is unsurprising. Jungkook always needs water as soon as he wakes up so he usually keeps a bottle on his bedside table. He reaches for that now but as he holds it in his grasp, Jungkook notices that it's suspiciously light. He sighs, of course, it's empty right when he needs it the most. Nothing seems to be going his way recently.
The blue-haired man would feel bad for intruding on Jimins get together with his mystery friend but dying of dehydration doesn't seem very appealing right now. However, it would be a reasonable excuse as to why he hasn't been able to start his work. "Sorry professor, there's not much beauty in a cracked mouth and caked throat." Anyway, Jungkook wills himself up out of his bed and begins his journey to the kitchen which is through the living room he knows they're hanging out in. The door to his bedroom is dark oak and it feels smooth against his palm as he pushes it open. Grey carpet covers the entire dorms floor except for the kitchen and bathroom which are instead paded with cool tile. Jungkook walks barefoot, feeling the fibers of the carpet as he steps forward.
When he enters the living room, he notices that all the lights have been switched off as the tv plays some generic sort of K-drama. The room is painted in the blue light that the screen emits and Jimin sits on the couch cuddling up with his previously mentioned photography student friend. And If Jungkook didn't know that his roommate was a sucker for skinship and also that he has a massive crush on a certain music student then he would have thought he had just walked in on a date because of how close and comfortable they seem with each other (However it still could be, who knows?)
Jimin looks over to Jungkook and raises an eyebrow. "What's up?" He asks. "Just grabbing some water." The blue-haired man explains. Their small interaction catches the attention of Jimin's friend and he tears his eyes off of the screen to meet Jungkook's gaze. Jungkook stares back and it's like the spinning globe comes to a screeching halt. No doubt, the man in front of him is the prettiest one he's ever seen.
Suddenly, as if the damned dam had just been smashed open, Jungkook's mind floods with long-awaited colour.
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Published: 28/12/22
Word count: 2301