C H A R L I E
Trying my hardest to avoid the downpour of this horrific mid-march afternoon, I lean my whole body against the large oak doors and rapidly knock. Ensuring to press the bell at least five times, too, in hopes it'll make any of the lovely residents inside annoyed enough that they'll open the door quicker.
I can hear heavy thudding footsteps echoing against the wooden floor, the steps getting closer and closer to the entrance, though, still not as quickly as I'd hoped for.
Rude-
The door swings open, almost slamming against the wall at the sheer force, revealing one very pissed off looking twin with a headset over his ears and Xbox controller in hand.
"What?" The teenager all but huffs. Whichever twin it is then takes the time to actually look at who he's greeting, his face quickly morphing from pissed to confused. "Charlie?" He mumbles something into his headset before pulling it off, allowing it to fall around his nape. "What are you doing here? Is Leo okay?"
I squint my eyes at him, trying my hardest to work out which freaking one he is. After knowing these kids for two whole years you'd think I'd be able tell them apart by now, but no. Based on his rude attitude in the beginning, I'd have to guess that this is Kaden rather than Killian.
"Kade," I say slowly, internally patting myself on the back when he doesn't correct me. "Can I come in? It's freezing and I don't wanna get wet." I gesture to the rain with an outstretched palm.
Kaden wordlessly steps aside, allowing for me to enter the house.
Knowing they're no doubt caked in dirt, I slip off my shoes and set them on the shoe rack, my damp coat swiftly following as I hang it on one of the many free hooks before I shake my head like a dog, allowing water to splash everywhere.
Oops.
"ZAC, GREY!" Kaden yells, startling me. "CHARLIE'S HERE!"
He doesn't wait for any response from them, or say anything to me before slipping his headset back on and heading to the staircase, leaving me stranded in the hallway.
"Rude." I mumble to myself, running my hands through the dripping strands of my blonde hair.
I wait for what feels like an hour but in reality is maybe twenty seconds before I get bored. Deciding that someone as pretty as me shouldn't be left waiting so long, I take myself to the kitchen in hopes of finding a nice, refreshing beverage.
My damp socks glide across the wooden hallway flooring. I smile to myself, shuffling like a five year old as I try to get the best slip in my step.
Thankfully, when I enter the kitchen it's empty, meaning no one witnessed my trip at the end of my, almost mesmerising, spin as my foot catches on the small wooden beam separating the wooden hallway flooring from the bright white tilted kitchen floor.
Steadying myself by placing my hands on the marble countertop, I then help myself to the contents of the fridge and freezer, pulling out the supplies I need; coffee, ice, creamer, before proceeding to make myself an iced coffee.
Maybe a hot coffee would've been wiser-
"Help yourself why don't you." I hear Grey say from behind me.
I take a metal straw from the drawer, mentally cheering at the fact the have reusable straws, (save the turtles and all) and begin stirring my drink, I take a long, looooong sip before turning to Grey.
"I did," I nod in content. "Thanks. I've never tried the pre-made Dunkin's before, it's delicious." I take another sip and hum a moan. "Mhm."
Grey stares at me blankly, the expression scarily similar to one I've had the pleasure of receiving from Leo many of times.
"Yup, it's good." He says, voice clipped. "Are you here for a reason, Char? Or just to drink my coffee?"
"Do I need a reason to visit my third favourite person?"
Grey's eyebrows raise, surprise clear. "I'm your third favourite person?" He almost smiles.
Cute, he thinks I meant him.
"No," I snort, the almost smile falls. "You're like..." I count my fingers, "tenth."
"Tenth?" Grey repeats, I nod, taking small sips of my coffee. "Which nine do you like better than me?"
I take a deep breath and exhale my whole list in one breath. "Tyler, Leo, Charlie junior, Zac, Jack, Callan, Alex, twin one, Lily, Ace, twin two, Carter," I breath again. "Then you."
"That's not nine, that's like twelve." Grey looks offended. Oopsie? "You like Ace and Carter more than me? How? Why? And which twin is which?"
"Sometimes the four of you at the end switch around depending on my mood." My coffee starts to taste a little too bitter at Greys constant questioning. "I think twin one is Killian, that is if it was Kaden who let me in." I turn and begin raiding the cupboards. "Have you got any vanilla?"
This coffee, mixed with Grey's presence is all too bitter for my charming aura.
"It was Kaden," Grey confirms. "Third cupboard to the left." He instructs.
I smile as I find the syrup, pouring at least a heart attacks worth into my half drank glass.
"Char?" A soft, melodic, soothing, refreshing, bone— Zac calls.
I choke on my coffee.
Smooth, Charlie, smooth.
"Hey, Z," I say, keeping my voice super chill.
So chill, the chilliest, chillier than Chile.
Wait— is Chile hot or cold?
"What are you doing here?" He asks, rubbing his damp hair with a small towel. He's wet and shirtless — oh my god, he's shirtless!
I take a long sip — gulp of my coffee and nod at Grey, keeping my eyes trained on the ice particals in my glass, Zac's glass, a glass Zac has drank from, a glass Zac's lips have — stoooop.
Bad, Charlie, bad.
"I don't know why the heck he's nodding at me," Grey betrays me, no wonder he's my thirteenth favourite. "I came in here and found him drinking my coffee."
"Your delicious coffee," I correct, shrugging as he glares at me.
"So..." Zac seems confused, confusion slowly morphing to worry. "Is Le okay? He didn't have another episode did he?"
Jesus, can't you put on a shirt?
"No," I fucking wheeze. "No episodes, he's okay." I gulp down the remaining coffee in my glass. "But I do need to talk to the both of you," I gesture my finger between him and Grey.
Zac's shoulders sag with relief. "Good," he breathes out. "Take a seat," he gestures to the dinning room before pointing behind himself. "I'm just gonna go get dressed."
"Thank God." Now it's my turn to sag with relief.
"Huh?" Zac looks confused again, I tense, Grey looks smug.
I want to punch Grey.
"Thank God... that coffee's finished," I gesture to the empty glass. "Disgusting, truly disgusting." I force a grimace.
Zac looks even more confused, Grey snorts.
Now I really want to punch Grey.
"Didn't you just say it was delicious?" Zac tilts his head like a little lost oblivious puppy.
"Manners," I mutter, my skin burning with embarrassment at the knowing look Grey is giving me.
"Oh-kay," Zac chuckles lightly and rubs the towel across his naked, toned, muscular chest.
Is he trying to kill me?
"Go get dressed, Z," Grey pats his shoulder, biting his bottom lip to suppress his smirk. "Charlie needs some fresh air," My eyes bulge from their sockets. Grey's smirk begins to show. "I'm just gonna let him out back."
Now I'm as confused as Zac.
Back of where?
Grey laughs before yelling, "CHARLIE!"
Oh—OH! The dog, the fucking dog.
I'm going to punch Grey.
—
"So," Zac begins as he enters the dinning room after a short ten minutes. He takes a seat at the end of the table, in the middle of Grey and I. "What's up?"
"I need to talk to you both about Leo." I begin, searching at the back of my brain for the right words.
After everything Leo has opened up to me about recently, most of which regarding his siblings. It's hard not to show any signs of anger towards them for how they've treated him.
"We, Leo and I, have a plan for this weekend." I twiddle my fingers, my head aching to the point I start to question my own actions.
Is this a good idea? Leo has made so much progress, the last thing I want to do is jeopardise that by reintroducing him to his home life too soon. Deep down, a part of me knows that Leo has to open up to his siblings, he needs to lay all his cards on the table and be honest about how much they've hurt him. He can't sugar coat his own feelings just to make them feel better, they'll never learn that way, and in turn, he'll never fully begin his healing process.
"We're thinking of having him spend a weekend at home." I finally say, searching their faces to try and gauge their first thoughts.
Zac looks elated by the news, his lips lifting into a cheek aching smile.
For a lawyer, I've noticed that Zac tends to react more hopeful than he should. I understand that he sees Leo as his kid, and in turn, his love for Leo and his longing to have him come home, no doubt will cloud his judgment. But I wish he would read between the lines more and actually think things through before getting over excited.
I know that the things I have to tell him will break his heart, but I can't bring myself to care about that. They need to know the role they've played in how badly Leo has been hurt, how they destroyed every chance he's ever had at being an actual kid.
I turn my eyes to Grey, slightly surprised by the sceptical look on his face. I expected this from Zac, not him. "Is that a good idea?"
I keep looking at Grey, trying to decipher why he doesn't think this is a good idea. "Honestly, I don't know." I pause, folding my hands over each other and lean back in my seat. "Why don't you think it's a good idea?"
Zac looks at Grey, he seems annoyed that Grey doesn't seem as keen as him. "You don't want Le to come home?" He asks lowly.
Grey exhales a long breath and narrows his eyes at his brother. "I do want Leo to come home, don't change the meaning of my words."
Zac raises his arms off the table. "Explain your words then, Grey. I don't understand why you think anything is wrong with this plan. This is Leo's home."
"You don't?" Grey shakes his head, a bitter chuckle leaving him. "Look how much progress Leo has made being away from us, away from his home. I don't want me — us, to damage any chance of him getting better."
Before Zac can bite back, I cut in. "I'm glad you think that."
"What?" Zac's voice is softer, but the edge is still there. "You think we'll hurt him?"
"Yes." I say without a second of hesitation. Even Grey looks shocked by my honesty.
I don't know if they assumed I'd sugar coat over everything to spare their feelings because we're friends, but it doesn't work like that. My loyalties lie with Leo, not them. He's my main priority and I pray to God he's theirs, too.
"I don't think you'll mean to, but none of you seem to understand that you've all hurt him without even realising just how much."
Grey's eyes fall to his clasped tattooed hands.
"He's told you something," he says, voice quiet. "Hasn't he?"
Zac looks from Grey to me.
"He has," I confirm, waiting for Grey to look up before I continue. "Normally, it wouldn't be my place to talk about this, but Leo has given me permission to be honest with you guys. The outcome of this conversation will give us an answer on whether you guys are mature enough for Leo to be here, even if it's only for a few hours."
"Mature enough?" Grey seems a little pissed, which isn't surprising in the slightest.
"Yup," I pop the p. He's kinda showing his lack of maturity right now by his sour face. His concern shouldn't be based around that one word, he needs to look at the bigger picture.
"Now, I'm not gonna share every single detail, that's Leo's place, not mine. But I am, hopefully, going to open your eyes beyond your own hurt so that you can see the depths of Leo's and how it began."
"Okay," Zac nods, thankfully less excited than before. He leans back in his chair, hand running along his stubbled jaw. "I want to know everything you can tell us."
I look at Grey, waiting for his response. He kisses his teeth before nodding hesitantly.
"The death of your parents hurt all of you." I say, a little cautiously as Grey's shoulders tense. "I can't begin to imagine the pain and grief you all had to deal with, along with the fear of being orphaned so young with babies to take care of. Nor can I imagine loosing your baby sister with no idea whether she was alive or not."
"You're right, you can't imagine it. Why are we talking about this," Grey cuts in, spitting the first sentence. His jaw clenches, his whole body practically screaming with discomfort. I understand that this is his trauma and he's scared of feeling vulnerable, but it's Leo's trauma, too. They made sure of that.
"You wanted to talk about Leo, not this, not them."
"Don't interrupt me, Grey." I tell him, keeping my voice even with little emotion. "I understand this is hard to hear, but Leo's trauma starts long before any of you believe."
Grey thins his lips. I can tell he's desperate to argue, but thankfully he keeps his mouth shut.
"I understand that you were still children yourselves in the beginning, but throughout the years, you projected your grief onto a toddler— a baby who never knew what grief meant. Leo was young enough that he didn't need to be exposed to that hurt, but in your attempts to stay closer, you included him in every stage of your own grief." I pause.
"That's where this started, where his hurt began. And none of you noticed that your own actions began to pick away every piece of how a carefree child should be."
"I get you didn't want to forget about Lily, I understand that she was the one light, in a time full of darkness, that you had left, the only hope you could hold onto for dear life. But what about Leo?"
I don't look at them, nor do I let them speak, too lost in my words, in the resurfacing feelings of anger and sadness I feel for Leo.
"You all made him remember a time that he would've forgotten, a person he could've forgotten. He was left to feel like the second choice. The twin that got to stay, but in his eyes the one that none of you wanted. If you'd have shown him enough love on the day of his birthday, celebrated when he came into this world, for him... then maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't have spiralled so bad."
"As much as you'll want to kill me for this, he didn't need to be reminded of who Lily was. At his young age, within a year or so, he would've forgotten and all that pain could've been avoided."
I hear one of them sniff as the other sucks in a harsh breath, but I still don't pay attention. They may be in pain hearing this, but how much pain was Leo feeling because of this, because of them.
"But none of you let him forget." I shake my head, disgusted at the thought of the confused little boy that wanted nothing more than to be seen for who he was. For him, not for who he was to her.
"You made everything about his life revolve around her. His birthday, the sibling you had right infront of your eyes, became a shrine to Lily. You spoke about her, her favourite things, her first words, watched her favourite movie, ate her favourite food. Heck, you had a second cake for someone that wasn't even there and forgot all about the person — the child — that was."
"Charlie," Grey's voice is hoarse. I can tell he's crying, but my eyes see red. They need to know, Leo can't come back here if they can't own up to their fucking mistakes.
"Then Lily came home and all of Leo's internal fears became his reality." Now I look at them, I let them see my own tears, the same tears Leo no doubt shed alone, for years.
"Whether you meant to or not, you replaced him. Any small speck of attention or love you had for him went to Lily and Jack. He always wanted to be the twin that got lost, and in that moment he wanted to be the one who got reunited. Because maybe then he'd know how it felt to be wanted instead of left behind with the people who constantly reminded him of that."
I wipe my eyes, trying to regain what little composure I have left.
"So I'll ask you both again, what about Leo?"
—
A heart pulsing silence follows my question.
My eyes un-blur as my sea of tears finally dry up. I look at them both, seeing their emotions so clearly.
Zac looks devastated, his whole complexion drained to an off shade of white with hints of green. I don't think he realised just how deep Leo's feelings ran. I hope he does now, I hope feels or at least try's to feel something similar — even just a speck — of what that must've felt like for Leo.
"I didn't — we — I didn't mean to do that," Zac says, more to himself than me or Grey. His voice is weak, it coveys every inch of the devastation I can see. "Fuck, how — how could we do that to him? How could I do that to him." The tears fall from his eyes harder than the rain pelts against the windows.
"We didn't mean to," Grey's voice is stronger than Zac's, though I can almost feel the hatred he feels for himself in his tone.
"I never said either of you meant to," I clarify. "But the fact is, you did."
"You have and continue to project your own issues on to him, a child. Because the fact is, Leo is still a kid, even if he's never had the chance to be." I shake my head, I don't want them to waste their breath by defending themselves. I want them to come up with a plan to be better. I want actions, not guilt filled words.
Leo deserves more than that.
"You broke him first, leaving him open and fragile so it became easier for someone else to shatter what was left."
Grey's hands slam against the table, anger being the only emotion I can read on his pale face.
"Stop it, just fucking stop." Sadness seeps in as he yells at me.
I don't mind, he can take his anger out on me all he wants, I can handle it. I'm an adult, Leo on the other hand, is not. Grey needs to show me that he can think before he speaks and actually be the twenty four year old adult that he is, or Leo won't be coming back here any time soon.
"Don't you think we've heard enough?" No, I really don't. But this is not my story to tell. "Of course we've hurt him, we know that, it's obvious! He tried to kill himself, Charlie." He yells as if I don't know that fact. "He wanted to end his life, his whole existence. He wanted to leave us!"
He wanted to leave us.
"You need to open your eyes, Grey. You're turning yourself into a victim." I keep my voice calm, I don't yell in response to his yelling.
Fighting fire with fire only creates an uncontrollable flame, where nothing can be heard over the sizzling and all those words that you try to make understandable, they turn to ash and dust.
"What?" The volume of his voice doesn't change. "How the fuck am I turning myself into the victim?"
I don't respond, waiting for him to cool off so that he'll actually listen to what I have to say.
"Well?" He slams the table again.
"Grey," Zac's voice is quiet. "Remember what your therapist told you. Breathe and focus, anger will get you nowhere."
Grey closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, twice, thrice.
Jesus Christ. I really deserve a medal for my patience with this guy.
A small part of me feels satisfied (and shocked) that he's seeking help for his uncontrollable emotions. I won't hold his outburst against him, I know Grey has his own problems. What matters most to me is that he's trying to fix those and that takes time.
"I'm not going to yell like a teenager, Grey. Sit down and have an adult conversation or leave the table." I tell him, before adding.
"You're a social worker, act like this is work and not family. You need to learn how to control your emotions, your anger, or I'll never grant this as a safe environment for Leo to return to."
Grey nods slowly, he looks defeated; like he can't believe he allowed himself to snap. Good, he should feel guilty. He sits down, avoiding my eyes as he does.
I look at them both, my whole aura pleading with them to just listen.
"I want Leo to come here for the weekend so that he can adjust back into his home life when the time is right. I don't want him to leave the teen home and be uncomfortable in a place that's meant to be his sanctuary. If you both are willing to see past your own hurt, and open your eyes to his, then we can do a few visits over the next three months before it's time for Leo's release."
"I'm sorry," Grey says, voice much calmer now. Thank God.
"Please, let Leo visit, if that's what he wants. I want him to be comfortable here and I don't want to be the reason for him to spiral. I'll book a session before he comes home, I'll talk to my therapist about all of this and get a grip of my emotions. I want to do better, Charlie. I know it doesn't seem like it based on my reaction, but I swear to God I'm trying and hopefully soon you'll be able to see that."
A crunch sound resonates around the room, the sound distracting me from forming a response.
The three of us turn to the owner of said sound, seeing Ace casually leaning against the doorframe of the dinning room, casted arm crossed over his torso as he leans his elbow against it.
"Well," he says, biting his apple once again. "That was interesting."
Zac sighs. Rubbing his hand down his face, clearly overjoyed by Ace's presence, he turns to his younger brother.
"How long have you been standing there? What did you hear?"
I hope Ace didn't hear anything I said. I know he can be sensitive when it comes to certain things and I honestly don't blame the younger kids for any hurt Leo's been through. If anything, Ace and the twins were also subject to the same unnecessary grief as Leo, the only difference being they weren't compared to Lily at every given chance.
Ace smirks, "Just Greys pathetic little sob story, so not too long. Though I do wish I got here a whole lot sooner." He turns to Grey, faking a saddened pout. "Do you need a Kleenex sweetheart?"
My eyes widen as I turn to Grey. He still looks calm and to the untrained eye he'd seem unfazed. But I can tell by the way he grits his teeth and breaths through his nose that his little brothers taunts have struck a nerve.
"Go to your room." Grey manages to say, voice surprisingly anger free.
Ace goes to speak, but Zac is quick to cut him off. "Adesso." He says, tone final.
Ace rolls his eyes and huffs, but complies nonetheless.
After he leaves, Zac turns his attention back to me. "We heard you, Charlie. We know we've fucked up, a lot more than we realised. But I promise you, we'll think over everything you've said and work on ourselves so that we can be the family that Leo deserves." He pauses, chewing the edge of his lip nervously.
"Will Leo... is Leo going to talk to us about this, too? I have a feeling you've only shared half the story." The nerves and fear are clear in Zac's voice, and by how he fidgets with his fingers whilst avoiding eye contact.
"He will," I confirm. "But only when he's ready to do so. I don't want either of you to bring this up to him first. It's his choice when it happens. No one else's."
"Are you allowing for him to come and visit this weekend?" Grey asks, hopefully.
I purse my lips. "I don't know yet." I look between the two of them. "I need to talk to him first and then he can decide how we proceed."
Zac swallows thickly. "Okay."
—
When I return to the teen home, I head straight for Leo's bedroom.
I don't know how much I'll share with him about Zac and Grey's reactions. I'll be honest with him, but I also may keep their feelings to myself. The last thing I want is for Leo to feel guilt for a hurt that was never his to bare.
They brought this on themselves the second they included him in their stages of grief. He didn't ask for any of this, and whilst they didn't either, they still played a main role in his story by not protecting him from all the cruelness this life has had to offer.
I gently knock on Leo's room door as I slowly pushing down the handle and enter the room. The sight before me makes my heart swell, and the small thread of worry that had been there for the past two days, slowly begins to wear away.
Oliver is smiling at Leo, no signs of awkwardness lingers around them, telling me the air between them is thankfully clear. For once, everything feels problem-less, just two happy kids having fun.
They're both too engrossed in their game of uno to even notice my presence. I walk towards them, ensuring my footsteps are loud enough that I don't startle either boys.
Leo tilts his head to me, smiling a little in acknowledgement. "How'd it go?" He asks, a little worry seeping in, causing his voice to waver.
"Meh, so-so." I make a hand gesture before looking at the other boy in the room. "Hey, Oli."
He ignores me, of course.
Leo purses his lips and nods, seeming a little lost in thought. "Do you think I should go home this weekend after talking with them?"
"Honestly, Le, I don't know." I say sincerely. "I think I've made them understand the part they played, but I can't say with one hundred percent confidence that they won't mess up again. The ball for that rests in their court."
"I don't know what to do." He exhales a long breath, passing one of the uno cards back and forth between his fingers.
"It's up to you, Le. All of this, every little thing, it's your choice. No one else's feelings matter right now expect your own. Take your time and think it through, there's no rush." I ruffle his hair,
"Plus," I take a seat on the floor between the two of them but more to the left so I don't sit on their game. "I'll be with you every step of the way."
Leo looks grateful. He nods, the worry leaving his face and the smile returning. "Thanks, Char."
"Anytime," I look at the game and rub my hands together. "Room for one more?"
Leo looks at Oliver, silently asking for his permission. The latter looks at me sceptically before slowly nodding.
"Sure." Leo smiles.
A real smile.
—
End of chapter 68
thoughts?
do we love Charlie?
Zac?
Grey?
I'm currently writing the next chapter (which will be the weekend scene) I'll hopefully have it finished soon so I'll double update if I can.
lots of love
comment, vote and follow xxx
5000 words