༺ Death By A Thousand Cuts ༻
"She's a mess, she's all over the place, she always has been," Megara admitted with a sigh. Sitting around her at the lunch table were Rita, KC, Savannah, and Ricky. Spilling her guts wasn't her ideal plan for the day, but the cat was out of the bag the second Savannah's mom opened her mouth. Megara couldn't blame her, it really was the biggest news to strike the Montez household in a while. There was that, and the fact that her mom insisted on coming with her to Career Day, where parents were encouraged to talk about their chosen paths and business ventures in the real world. At least in that aspect, Megara's mom was inspirational.
"Are we talking about you or your mama?" KC asked with a laugh. Rita aggressively hit her younger sister with her elbow, striking her ribcage hard enough to get her to stop. The younger girl nearly fell over, immediately rubbing her side to gain some relief. Megara thought about her sister, even though they were never aggressive or hardly even playful in any way.
"I am literally so embarrassed by her," Megara grunted, her head falling into her hands as she bent forward. "I am so so sorry you had to see all that."
The three girls shared a brief look of confusion, before realizing what Megara meant. Ricky's cheeks were dusted with blush, but not in a cute way. "Oh my God, you saw her?" Rita asked.
Ricky softly swayed his palm against Megara's back as he cleared his throat. "She was just there when I took Megara home."
KC rolled her eyes but looked away so they couldn't see her clearly. It wasn't anything personal, but lately, they had been grossing her out with how lovey and domestic they were.
Megara looked up from her hands. "Ricky knew my mom when we were kids."
Rita's eyes widened slightly, but it was noticeable. KC mumbled something like, good one, as she recovered. "Right, I always forget about the unspoken lore behind your weird friendship and eventual courtship. It's like Bridgerton on steroids. My bad."
Savannah played with the food on her lunch tray, poking jello around with her fork as blonde bangs covered her eyelids. "You're hilarious, Rita."
"Cut me some slack," Rita whined.
"Guys," Ricky said, bringing them back to the fact that Megara's head was now weighing in her hands again, the dark-haired girl shaking her head in disbelief over how her week was going.
Savannah brought a hand to her friends back and softly spun circles in an effort to comfort her. "It'll all work out. I'm sorry she's like this."
"It's just so embarrassing. Nobody else has to deal with mothers who randomly come back into their lives. And I'd feel better about it if she was genuine, but I know she's not. She literally said she's just here for Charlene's wedding," she groaned.
"On the bright side, it can't get much worse," Savannah continued.
Megara was quiet for a moment, and the group nearly thought she was coming to realize she'd be fine after all, but then she said, "I pointed the dart gun at her."
Rita and KC looked at Ricky, puzzled, while he heavily sighed. "Her dad keeps them in the house. They're kinda fun actually when they're not pointing them at you."
"And that is how I got into real estate," Megara's mom finished speaking, her hands clasped together as the class erupted into claps and even cheers. It wasn't that speaking about real estate was all that special, but her mom had a way of talking to young kids that just made you feel so special.
Well, this wasn't something Megara herself had experienced recently. The last eight years to be exact.
She was reminded of this each time her mom took a step around the classroom, delivering winks and snarky comments in her comforting voice. It was a tough act to follow since EJ's dad had just gone before her, and in doing so, he'd revealed that he'd gotten EJ into Duke. But her mom did it with ease, and it was obvious where Megara got her talent for stage presence from.
Megara thought of the conversation she shared with EJ weeks ago — it seemed like such a long time ago now looking back — and remembered what he had said about using his father to get into Duke. It was apparent that he still felt the same way by the look on his face once his father presented him with the news in front of the whole class and the fact that he'd been quiet ever since. EJ had been off ever since his last semester of high school started, but at least he'd still made efforts to be talkative and continue joking and laughing like he usually did. But not today.
"So your dad can be kind of a downer," Megara took EJ by surprise, even though she didn't mean to, as she noticed the tall boy was walking behind her down the street. She usually didn't make an effort to talk to him, or really anyone when she was walking, but there was something about the dark cloud that hovered over the boy she figured she understood well.
"Hm?" EJ furrowed his eyebrows, clearly taken off guard. Perhaps so deep in his own thought that he didn't even notice Megara was walking ahead of him. He was dressed in his usual letterman jacket, and she noticed it had been a while since he'd gotten a haircut.
He looked up, realizing Megara was staring right at him. Even though she was short and he was so much taller, she had always come off as intimidating to him. When he dated Savannah, Megara was often trailing along with them, but it was hard to read her especially when her facial expressions hardly changed. Somehow, he now saw her face perfectly, but it still confused him. She looked worried, concerned even. Since she turned to face him, she was walking back towards the coffee shop he'd unintentionally made his personal spot. She was dressed in black cargo pants, white and black Nike's scuffing against the concrete, her long dark hair pulled into a messy ponytail, and fuzzy black earmuffs with silver stars decorated on the side. Her torso disappeared behind a purple cardigan, complete with a white knitted scarf.
She got cold easily.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry," Megara said, noticing just how shaken EJ was. She slowed down as he walked so he could catch up to her and they could walk together.
"No, it's fine. Besides, if my mom came in and gave such a thrilling speech like the one yours did, I'd want a distraction too," EJ shot back, but any indication that his words were meant to strike hard was killed by the soft smile on his face.
"Was it that bad?" Megara asked, feeling her nose twitch.
EJ laughed. "You tell me."
A thick and uncomfortable silence fell over them before Megara finally said something. EJ had a feeling she would — she had certain tells to indicate something was on her mind — so he stayed quiet until she felt like she came up with the perfect thing to say. "She just randomly showed up yesterday. I haven't seen her since I was in elementary school. It's really weird. And my dad came home super late last night, so I was forced to talk to her for hours. It takes the cake as my most uncomfortable encounter ever."
EJ nodded. "Yeah, Ricky may have mentioned something in passing, super briefly, about her being her. But I didn't know the extent, I'm sorry. Nobody should have to deal with that, much less with a family member."
"Somehow, that was the right thing to say, EJ," Megara sighed. "Thank you. I mean, I tried telling Rita and Savannah about it, but I think they think I'm going to have some sort of breakdown over it. And this may be kind of fucked up, but my mother doesn't mean that much to me to actively ruin my life. Her presence is annoying, but she'll be gone soon like she was never here. I think... I think they want me to care but I am way past that."
"This really makes my Duke problem seem like a speck of dust floating in the wind," EJ chuckled, but Megara could hear how forced it was coming from him. "And I don't think they think you're fragile, by the way. The way I see it — and I may be way wrong — you're just overdue for some personal time. It's okay to be selfish."
"What's going on with Duke? Honestly, if you want to go so badly, just go. I know you said you didn't want to use your dad to get in, but he's already gone and did it. What's the big deal about going?" Megara asked as they waited for the light to turn at a slow intersection so they could cross the street. Her hands anxiously dig into her pockets as she tried her best to warm up, but she really couldn't wait to get her hands on a hot coffee.
EJ shrugged. "It just doesn't seem right. It's not my own thing."
"I think it's high time you take your own advice," Megara laughed as the light changed and they crossed the street. "Choose the path and the college that will make you the happiest. Whatever college you chose will be incredibly lucky to have you."
"Thanks, Meg. I just hope I chose the right thing to do," EJ said, the coffee shop in clear sight. The two unintentionally walked in sync as they neared their destination.
"You totally will. I know you, remember? You don't settle for less than what you want, and what you want is what you deserve. Manifestation is real and the universe is always listening," Megara said as he skipped around her, pulling the door handle and propping it open for her. She gave him a small smile. "Thank you."
"No problem," EJ's smile was wider than hers, but she guessed it had something to do with the person in the shop rather than just the environment. Although the curation of smells was something to brighten your day regardless. "Is that—?"
"She is ruining my life," Megara muttered as their eyes landed right on a dark-haired lady in the line, talking to Savannah, who stood behind the counter, marking up a coffee cup with a black Sharpie while her eyes trained on the woman.
Upon hearing the bell ring from above the door, the dark-haired lady turned to face them, a large smile on her face. "Oh, there you are, honey!"
Megara had cringed before when Ricky called her that, but now she was realizing what a blessing it was to hear from him versus her mother. "Oh, EJ, we are about to get so much closer," she said to the boy standing next to her.
The bell had also signaled the rest of the shop of their presence, including Phillip who was sitting in the far back corner with his parents — surely having his own sweet drink after he got to brag to his class about both of his parents being in the TV industry.
"Who is this strapping jock?"
"Suddenly, I wish these earmuffs worked to reduce noise... EJ, this is my mother, Daisy. Daisy, this is my friend EJ Caswell," Megara begrudgingly motioned to the happy boy standing next to her. "You may have seen him at school today."
EJ stuck his hand out for her mom to take. "Nice to meet you, Ms...?"
"Oh, it's Fuentes, I changed it back to my maiden name years ago," she shook his hand. "Oh, honey, it's just so nice to meet a young man who actually wants to shake your hand and meet your mother the proper way."
Megara furrowed her eyebrows as she stared at her clueless mother. Was that supposed to be a jab at Ricky? Not to side with him, but Ricky was his own person who was allowed to form his own opinion about Daisy Montez — scratch that — Daisy Fuentes. Especially when he knew her for the same amount of time and proximity as her own daughter. "What's that supposed to..." she began asking but was cut short by another person approaching her from her left blindspot, catching her off guard.
"Hey, Meg," Phillip said. "Um, are you guys in line?"
Megara gave him a small smile, seeing his familiar face bringing her some small bout of comfort after the day she'd just had. "Oh, hey, Lip. "Um, yes. All of us are, yes," she motioned to her mom to turn around. Savannah was stuck frozen, still holding the Sharpie in her hand as she had been listening to the entire conversation.
Phillip chuckled. "Long day?"
Megara sighed. "Some of us longer than others."
He nodded. "I'm sorry about that." His eyes flickered over to realize her mom was still listening to them talk, Megara's eyes following his shortly after to see the same thing. She wanted to grunt at the look her mom was giving him, but he handled it like a pro. He also held his hand out. "Hi, I'm Phillip."
"Hello," she shook his hand, clearly pleased with the manners and accommodations she'd been treated with today. "Nice to meet you."
"Why don't you step out of line so we don't keep Savannah waiting," Megara suggested. "We're taking up space and holding up the line."
"Oh honey, don't be ridiculous, nobody's even here," her mom said.
Megara took a deep breath as EJ and Lip's eyes widened. If Megara had learned manners from either of her parents, it was becoming apparent that it wasn't her mother. Which was funny because she hadn't always been such a handful. "EJ, why don't you go ahead of us, then?"
EJ looked between the two uncertainly as they stared at each other. "Sure..."
"Daisy?" a woman's voice from behind Phillip exclaimed, further heightening her senses. "Daisy, is that you?"
"Caroline?" Megara's mom smiled, truly smiled, for the first time that day. "Oh my God, look at you!"
Phillip's mother beamed and blushed as she emerged from somewhere behind Phillip, who was now awkwardly laughing at how this situation had turned out for him. "It's been so long, sweetie, how are you?"
"Oh, I know! I'm doing well, I've just bought a home in Colorado with my daughter," Megara's mom answered.
Phillip's mom looked confused for a second, glancing at Megara. "Is this your daughter?"
"No, I mean, yes, but I meant with my other daughter, she's sitting over there, her name is Rosetta," Megara's mom explained.
Phillip's mom nodded. "Oh, I see."
Megara wanted so badly to join her younger sister, but something didn't feel right about leaving Lip with the two. She forced herself to smile. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Megara."
Phillip's mom smiled warmly, extending her hand for Megara. "Oh, it's so nice to finally meet you. Phillip talks about you all the time. You have such a lovely name," she turned to Megara's mom. "Oh, you always had such a flare for Disney names, didn't you Daisy?"
Megara answered for her mother. "Oh yes. I also have an older sister named Petra, but she was expecting a boy, you see. So Petra was actually going to be Peter, as in Peter Parker. As in Spider-Man."
This piqued Phillip's interest. "Really? That's so cool! Not that Megara isn't. Megara is also a really good name."
EJ, who was done placing his order and talking to Savannah, turned back to the small group that was forming. "Smooth," he said, a blush settling over Phillip's cheeks.
But nobody could be more embarrassed than Megara was. She suddenly felt as if the scarf around her neck was choking her, and the sleeves of her favorite cardigan had grown itchy and tight. Not only was she dealing with her cranky mother, but she was forced to introduce her to her friends (who just so happened to be boys, and it seemed her mother had never grown out of her own boy-crazy phase), and taking turns taking jabs at each other. "Mom, Phillip's mom is the host on the local news channel and EJ's dad shares a fund for the channel, so they're really close."
Megara's mom nodded. "Ah, I see. Congrats, Caroline."
"You as well, Daisy. The kids also know each other through the school's musical theater, Megara was great last semester as Kelsi. I really can't wait to see what she does next," Phillip's mom replied casually.
Megara's eyes widened, expanding so much she thought she could feel her skin stretch. You got to be kidding me, she thought. After a whole day of carefully tip-toeing around at school, her large secret was out. She really didn't have anything against the musical, but she was fearing her mom would seep into every corner of her life, and it was definitely more than she was welcomed. It wasn't that she didn't necessarily want a relationship with her mother, but her mom wasn't the type of person that you could just sit down and talk to about those things. Besides, after being out of her life for so long, she wanted boundaries if this was going to continue.
"Hold that thought... please," Megara was able to utter those words before frantically running to the counter where Savannah stood, equally stunned. She was afraid that if she didn't speak quickly, she might have thrown up, and she hated throwing up. "Sav, what are you doing after work?"
Savannah gulped, taking in her friend's disheveled appearance. Hardly anybody remembered what Daisy Montez was really like since they were all Megara's age or around the same when they had separated and her mom split for Colorado, so seeing it all firsthand as Megara's family drama was slowly unraveling around town was truly something out of a teen drama. "Um, nothing, I guess. I was just going to binge Cameron Diaz rom-coms tonight."
Megara tilted her head, she hated pleading, but she didn't know who else to go to at that moment. "Can you come to my house? I need to tell you something. Something so important that will break your reality."
Savannah nodded. "Yeah, Miss Diaz can wait for you."
"Thank you so much, Sav. I just... I really need to get something huge off my chest."
Megara's mom was running on fumes from her encounter with Phillip's family and meeting her friends at their favorite coffee spot for nearly hours afterward, but finally, she mellowed out, even agreeing on taking some time to get out of the house. Then, of course, her mom never really could stay at the house for long. She wasn't sure if it was because it was her house, Utah, or what, but it was obvious that if it wasn't something Daisy Montez could crush with her boot, then she didn't like it.
With her dad's overtime this week, his presence in his home was near non-existent. Nothing much had changed, and yet Megara felt uncomfortable as she laid her eyes across the living room and kitchen. Maybe it was all in her head, but something had definitely changed.
There was also the fact that her mom (despite never actually asking for her opinion) would not shut up about how much she already adored Phillip in comparison to Ricky, which she didn't really find fair at all. They were two different boys from two different sets of home lives, that much was clear to anybody. Megara thought herself special because of the ways she'd been treated by both of them, but even their treatment of her was entirely separate from the other. Phillip collected trophies for his walls, while Ricky wasn't sure what to decorate with his. Not to mention her mom's arrival had thrown Ricky off just as much as it had freaked out Megara, and she was sure he was still stunned from seeing her point a weapon at her.
She was itching to talk to Savannah, literally clawing at her sleeves so much that she finally took her cardigan; her scarf and earmuffs ditched the second she had gotten back home. Thankfully, it didn't take too long for the blonde to arrive, the gold-trimmed round clock that hung on the wall of her living room read 6:12 when Megara's doorbell echoed throughout the empty house. She nearly tripped running to answer it.
"Surprise."
"What took you so long?" Megara stood in pajama pants decorated with yellow Batman symbols, a black tank top, and her hair in a cheetah print towel which indicated she'd been doing her self-care routine. "I took a whole shower and everything."
"I brought you some hot Cheetos," Savannah explained.
Megara's face softened. "Oh."
Savannah shook her head. "No, I'm sorry, I should have texted you."
"I just get worried... the weather..." Megara started to mutter, but even she forgot where she was going with it, settling on a lazy shrug. "Just... come inside, please."
"Are you okay?" Savannah glanced over the house, nothing too unorthodox except for maybe the Swiffer in the corner and containers of Clorox wipes sporadically placed throughout the kitchen. As Megara walked ahead of her, straight towards the Keurig pot, she noticed all the shoes by the door were tucked away by the coat rack, which had also been tidied. "Have you been stress cleaning?"
"Uh, not really, just trying to clear my head," Megara shrugged again as she grabbed a container of Clorox wipes and hid them in her pantry. "I don't know if this makes sense but it just feels like everything's been dirty since she got here. I feel like I've been having an ongoing panic attack for a week."
A crease formed in between Savannah's eyebrows as she listened to her friend. "That doesn't sound good." Megara shook her head to say no. "What's going on?"
"I feel like I've been keeping so many secrets to myself and I don't know, it's all piling up or something," Megara scratched her scalp. "I've been wanting to tell someone forever, but I just didn't know where to start."
"Well, where's Ricky been?"
Megara took her bottom lip in between her teeth. There was no going back now. "Um... that's sort of the thing. I can't really talk to Ricky about this." She could see Savannah growing more and more confused, opening her mouth as if to ask more questions. "Ricky is the problem."
Smooth.
"I'm... lost," Savannah admitted.
Megara slammed her palms down on the countertop, sticking her tongue in her cheek as she stared at her friend. It was now or never, yet despite the energy in her veins that was inspiring her to tell Savannah throughout the day was now stuck in her throat as she debated what she would say next. "I'm caught in the middle of this elaborate yet mediocre Hallmark rom-com and I don't know the way out."
"Then just... start from the beginning," Savannah, more intrigued than ever, said. She could see how Megara's eyes adverted and how she took uneasy breaths. "We're in no rush, and I'm not going to judge you."
Megara nodded, thinking about everything she'd been carrying by herself for about nine months. Everything traced back to a very brief crush (emphasis on very brief) she had on Ricky himself which caused her to start writing letters, which caused her to build up guilt over having feelings for him, causing her to agree to a crazy idea he'd come up with to start a fake relationship. She hated to say any of this out loud for fear she'd look crazy, but also the fact that she'd sometimes forgotten that it was fake. "Do you remember when Ricky and I started dating and you and Rita both said you couldn't believe it, and that it was random?"
Savannah nodded. "Yeah, we went to the pizza place and we watched you eat half a pizza by yourself and I was surprised that he would ever date you because of the way you eat."
"Yeah, I'm gonna ignore that," Megara said. "Well, it was fake. Ricky can't stand the way I eat, either. Matter of fact, he can't stand a lot of things about me. And he's no Prince Charming, with the way he always taps his desk or never cleans his backpack," Megara motioned to her own backpack, which was slumped on the counter. But at least it was clean. "We hardly get along, much less like each other. We were faking it."
"Wait, wait... what?"
"We're not really dating," Megara blurted, shaking her head. "It was all fake. It is fake. We've been pretending to date."
Savannah shook her head once. "Wait, why? Why go through all of that with someone you don't actually like?"
"He was trying to get Nini back, but then they realized they were better off as friends. He actually wanted out, I'm the one who convinced him to keep doing it," Megara confessed, feeling a warm chill run down her spine as she remembered his face when they were having the conversation about it right before Christmas. And then her mind drifted to Christmas with her family, sitting in the treehouse with him, his face mere inches from hers. "He was trying to help me with Lip."
"Phillip? What's he gotta—" Savannah stopped herself in her tracks. Megara lowered her gaze to the countertops. "Meg... Phillip freaking Cabot?"
"Yeah... it's not a big deal."
"Do you think he likes you too?" Savannah asked, and when Megara's eyes coasted everywhere in the room except hers, she smiled. "Oh my God, you animal! When did this happen?"
"Um... a long while back. It wasn't really a big deal, I just kinda liked the groove that Ricky and I were in, and it seemed like it was working out well, so..." Megara shrugged. "It just seemed like the right thing to do."
"...To continue with Ricky?"
Megara sighed. "It's not like it was serious. We knew very well what we were getting ourselves into and what the rules were."
"Rules?"
"What is that face? I have proof," Megara stood up straight from behind the island and walked through the doorway that lead to the living room space, and then from there, the small hallway that would lead he to her bedroom. "Come with me."
Savannah followed her friend to the next room, and she'd seen her bedroom a million times, but she was not yet ready to expect the mess that manifested into her usually tidy area. The blonde's eyes widened. "Woah... what the hell is this?"
Megara waved her hand. "I haven't had a chance to clean up, sorry. My sister's been sleeping in here, 'cause even though she'd a product of my mom's environment, I still feel bad having her sleep on our couch."
Savannah nodded as she watched Megara dig through messy drawers, trying not to bring up the fact that they'd only been in town for a week at most. "Right, right."
"It's around here somewhere..."
"What are you looking for? Maybe I can help?" Savannah offered.
"Um, it's..." Megara shook her head. "It's around here... I think I found it," she unfolded a crumpled piece of notebook paper from her last desk drawer, sitting on her knees as her eyes flickered. "Yes, I got it here. I must have stuffed it in here in a hurry when my sister and mom arrived," Megara explained as she rose back to her feet.
Savannah rocked on her feet, clasping her hands together. In all her time knowing Megara, she couldn't say that she'd ever seen her act quite like this. "Yeah, totally."
Megara, after smoothing out as best as she could, held it up to Savannah's face. Large letters at the top read The Contract. "See, Bowen and I made this when I told him I'd help him make Nini jealous."
Savannah took it into her hands in disbelief, scanning over the words quickly only to repeat it over and over again. "This is... a little insane to say the least, Meg. Why would you ever agree to this?"
Megara roughly pulled the towel from her head and threw it on her bed. "I just told you, Nini and him had just—"
Savannah scoffed, cutting her off in her tracks, which left her a little stunned. "No, I mean, why did you really agree to this? He could have roped any girl into this, and yet he chose you. I'll get back to that in a moment, but you guys were never really great friends or anything, and no offense Megara, you just don't seem like the type to really just... offer yourself up there for rent-a-girlfriend."
"He needed help, Sav, like real help. You know, he's no Peter Kavinsky. More than that, he needed a friend or some sort of buddy to hang out with at the least. Heartache sucks sometimes. And I just felt really guilty leaving him all alone," Megara admitted.
"Guilt? Why guilt?"
Wordlessly, Megara nodded. She left the contract in Savannah's hands as she passed her, again falling to her knees on the side of her bed and ducking her head to look under the bed. The floor was nearly covered in a mix of dirty and clean clothes, books that were both for school and for fun (if you could call Frankenstein "for fun"), and a mysterious stain by her floor-length mirror that Savannah hoped was bronzer. It had to be because of the other colors surrounding it. She probably had crushed an eyeshadow palette or spilled eyeliner, or maybe both. Scarfs and jackets and miss matched socks were bundled in the corner. Old binders and music sheets were scattered, and there was a crack in Megara's One Direction Midnight Memories album CD laying by her nightstand. Savannah stayed quiet, not wanting to be the one to bring it to her attention if she hadn't already noticed. Old soda cans and water bottles which still hadn't been emptied were on the nightstand, next to her vintage Bratz lip-shaped lamp.
"Mira," Megara fished an old ruby-red hatbox out from underneath her bed and extended it to Savannah while pushing hair out of her face with her other hand. It was then that she saw how truly disheveled her friend really looked.
Megara bit her lip as she carefully took the box from her hand, feeling a satiny finish as she grabbed the lid off and tucked it under. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but she was confused when she saw a pile of letters staring back at her. Pulling the first one out, she read the name in her mind, but it still wasn't making sense. P.C. She looked up at Megara. "Are these... love letters?"
Megara nodded sadly. "Barely signed, half sealed, never delivered."
Savannah kept shifting through the pile, mostly seeing repeats of the same names. She recognized that Phillip's letter must have been newer because the handwriting on the envelopes was much neater than the ones on the bottom. However, the initials were the only thing that gave her any clue, because there were no addresses. And Megara was right about them being half sealed, they were only kept in good shape because of the way they were tucked into the envelope. As she got farther, she stumbled across an odd-shaped one, tinted metallic blue. Savannah furthered her eyebrows. "Who is S.W.?"
The silence that fell across the room was deafening as Megara looked at her friend expectantly. She had fully expected to face the consequences of her actions by showing Savannah her letters and admitting the truth about some of her crushes, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't wishing her friend would just catch on a little faster than she was. "Um... Sav..." Megara raised her eyebrows.
Savannah's face softened as her fingertips ran across the edge of the neatly sealed envelope. It was older, yet different from the others. She looked back at the letter. She could tell it was different just by the shape and condition it was in because it was much neater than the others. She had a feeling that Megara wrote the letter only to seal it away immediately and never read it again or do anything else with it for that matter. Oh, wow.
Megara sighed quietly, sitting down on her unmade bed. "When my mom left, we were struggling financially and emotionally, even if my dad would be the last to admit it. I didn't know how to handle it, I didn't know how to handle anything. When I started getting feelings, I would write them down because well, I didn't want to forget them for one. But for two... I didn't know how to handle that kind of emotion. I was so scared about love, even just dating after seeing my parents' divorce. I always thought it was just five real crushes; Cameron from camp, Phil from Physics, Neighbor Nate, Jean-Jacket Josiah, and... Ricky Bowen," Megara finished her sentence quietly, shaking her head in embarrassment.
Flickering through the pile, Savannah could see them all for herself. C.A. P.C. N.M. J.K. R.B. Ricky's envelopes were clearly the oldest and daintiest. "They fall in order, right?" Savannah asked. "Ricky is last because he is the most intense."
Megara raised her eyes to meet Savannah's gaze, orbs glossed over with tears as she nodded. "No one was ever supposed to know. Nini started liking him, and I hadn't really spoken to him in years, so it wasn't like there was anything to go off on," she shrugged, a single tear slipping down her cheek. It hit her leg with a light thud. "Everyone was cheering for them, so I helped her get him. I told her to go for it. I was there when she needed help talking to him. For their anniversary, I helped her write that song she posted on Instagram. How could I tell him I couldn't help him when it was me who pushed it farther in the first place? And I kept doing it to myself because I thought I deserved it."
Savannah took a seat right next to her, abandoning the box on the bed and fully giving Megara all her attention. "No, no, don't do that. Do not feel sorry for yourself. I know it feels so good, but it's evident that you cared about both of them so deeply and wanted to see him happy. Okay? You don't know it, but when you love people — which is more often than you think it is — you love them with all of your cold, black heart. You thought you were doing your dues, you were only trying your best and that's what matters."
Megara looked down at her lap, nodding. Her face was warm from the sudden attention, and the fact that she hadn't expected to cry yet here she was, tears sliding down her cheeks. "Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. It's just embarrassing to even admit having a crush on someone, giving them the power to possess you, all of that. I never expected to act on any of them, much less be stuck where I am now, in this sick love triangle. God forbid they find out just how much I like them. Or liked."
"Including me?"
Megara quickly shook her head. "Don't worry, it's over now. It was really brief, like really brief. Don't get me wrong, you're a great friend, and everything—"
Savannah laughed, which was a bit odd considering the tone that had been set in the room amongst the two, but Megara welcomed it nonetheless. "Oh, that sucks. We would've been such a great power couple. But I'm flattered."
Megara rolled her eyes but a large grin was plastered on her face. "Oh whatever, you tease."
Savannah giggled. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But seriously, I get it."
"Do you?"
A quick beat of silence. "I think I do."
"I don't have crushes often, but I think if I did, I would have more on girls, too. Unfortunately, there's been a certain couple of boys plaguing my mind, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I like girls, too," Megara said.
Savannah nodded. "I got it. Um... thank you for telling me all this. I know it was hard."
Megara nodded once, firmly. She thought about it. It was hard, but now that it was left off her shoulders, she'd now be stuck with the decision of either letting Ricky or Lip go. And she'd already felt bad about stringing Lip along, so she was curious to see where a relationship with him would go. "It was tough, yeah. Thank you for being a safe space."
"It's what friends do," Savannah combed her hand over Megara's face frame, pushing stray hairs back with her fingers which wasn't an unusual thing to do. "What else is on your mind?"
"It's just going to be tough to cut Ricky out of my life," Megara looked back at Savannah, who had dropped her hand back to her side. "I mean, we aren't best friends or anything, but we've already been through so much together. He's helped me get Lip's attention. And it's just sick that I technically have to break up with one to be with the other."
"Just date them both," Savannah smiled.
Megara tilted her head. "Savvy, I'm being serious. Lip likes me, he wants to date me for real. I have to see where this goes, otherwise, all of this would have been for nothing. But he won't like it if I keep hanging around with Ricky, who will be my supposed ex-boyfriend. We've been trying to figure out how to stage a fake breakup, but I'm also taking him to my cousins' wedding. I just don't want things to be weird. Don't get me started on my mother."
"Oh, it's not your fault, love," Savannah cooed. "You didn't know she was going to come in like Miley Cyrus's wrecking ball."
Megara nodded. She knew Savannah was trying to make a joke, but she really agreed. "She really did. I didn't want her to meet anybody, but it was obviously too late for that. She loves Lip and Ej, which is great except for the fact that she's trying to get me to take Lip to the wedding."
"What's the problem with that?"
"I'm taking Bowen!" Megara exclaimed, slightly stunning Savannah. "I can't change it up on him now!"
"Right, right, so sorry," Savannah placed her hand up in defense. "I forgot for the moment. There's a lot going on here."
"Sorry for yelling," Megara fluttered her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "I just got defensive. I don't know why I'm defensive."
"Because your mom doesn't like Ricky but you do."
Megara shook her finger at her. "I wouldn't say it in so many words, but yes," she admitted, earning a wide smile from Savannah. "She keeps saying he made a bad first impression and he doesn't deserve me."
"Well, he doesn't deserve you, but not for those reasons," Savannah added. "You're a gem, and anyone who treats you as less than should get the boot."
Megara could feel her cheeks start to heat up. "Okay, that's enough."
Savannah smiled warmly before deciding to bring the topic back around. "How are you gonna bag Lip?"
"Well, after Ricky and I—"
"No, no," Savannah repositioned herself on the bed. "You can always figure that out later, but I mean, everyone can see the way Lip is head over heels for you. How are you going to tell him you like him back?"
"Um, I don't know," Megara shrugged. "I haven't really had time to think through a grand romantic gesture or anything."
Savannah hummed. "You need help?"
"Honestly, yeah. If I could just leave my love life up to you, I would. I want nothing to do with this," Megara shook her head.
"Oh, I'm not so sure about that. I'm still reeling from a breakup that was almost a year ago."
"Everyone heals differently," Megara began reminding her when she heard movement in the other room. "Shit, I think the witch and her kin are home," she flew to her doorway, rushing out of the room to go investigate. She'd been incredibly nervous since the arrival of her mom.
Savannah, without thinking about it for too long, returned her attention back to the hatbox that was sitting on the other side of her. Even though a part of her wanted to grab the letter marked for her, even just to skim it, she knew what she needed to do. She'd known Megara long enough to know she'd never fully make a move on her own.
Another part of her wanted to swipe Ricky's letters, but she had a feeling that Megara didn't need help telling Ricky about her feelings.
So she quickly swiped another one — P.C. — and tucked it into her sweater.
"Yup, sure enough, my mom's back," Megara announced her presence as she walked back into her room. "I don't blame you if you don't wanna stick around."
Savannah rose to her feet. "Yeah, I'm afraid of being invited to a wedding. The next one I want to go to will be my own," Savannah said sweetly. "You can come over to my house though if it gets too much... here."
The two looked around her room, neither saying anything about the unhinged state it was in but silently agreeing. Megara shook her head. "I can't, I have homework to do before break. I'm sorry, it's just that I fell behind in all my classes, and well..." she motioned around. "I just ended up here."
"Understood. Call me if you need anything," she quickly wrapped her arms around Megara and embraced her in a hug for a quick moment before leaving the girl back in the deafening silence that echoed throughout her previously comforting room.
"And have a good spring break!" Megara's teacher for history said right as the bell rang, and she could not have thrown her textbook into her backpack a moment sooner.
She took a deep breath as everybody rose from their seats, Megara right behind them except for the fact that the front zipper on her backpack was jammed shut. She'd almost gotten it when a light hand tapped her shoulder, startling her.
"Woah," Phillip looked down at the girl with wide eyes, leaning over from the desk behind her. She'd honestly forgotten that he sat behind her in most of her classes.
Megara sighed. "Sorry, Lip." She hadn't usually been one for casualties with him before, but ever since her mom got to town, she'd been feeling like she was a different person. After their moms had run into each other, she figured she'd at least try to absolve any awkwardness that might linger between them, but it wasn't going so well since she was still trying to maintain as much of a distance as she could. Being that technically she had a boyfriend. Technically.
"'S okay," he shook his head with a smile. "I, uh, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."
"Sure, walk with me?" Megara asked as she flung her backpack over her shoulder and they headed out the door.
"Look, I know you're with Ricky," he started once they were out in the hallway by themselves. "But I also know that before he started dating you, we were going to go to the dance together."
Megara shifted a small smile at the memory. "Oh yeah, I remember. You had to bail last minute because you broke your foot while snowboarding."
"And I've been kicking myself for it ever since," he said, gently tugging on the sleeve of her sweater, slowing her down and bringing her to a stop in their tracks.
Megara's eyebrows knitted together. "Why? It's not your fault."
"But if I hadn't, then I would have gotten to go with you, and then it would be me walking you to class, not him."
Megara was rendered speechless. Out of all the things he'd said to her before, he had yet to admit something so boldly to her. "Oh, Lip, I—"
"I know, I know. Ricky's this great guy, and you've been prancing around here happily for months now. I know you stuck the Valentine he gave you in your locker, but I also know you wrote me one of your own," Phillip looked down at the raven-haired girl, trying his hardest not to grin at the thought.
Megara's heart sunk to her stomach. She wanted to ask what he meant, but she knew damn well what he was referring to. Plus, it was no coincidence that this would happen mere days after her honest conversation with Savannah. She could see very clearly how this was going to go, how it was already going. She fixed her posture as she realized. "Oh, oh..."
"It's a nice letter," he admitted, a pink blush settling down on his cheeks as he spoke. "It's um..." he brought a fist to his lips and cleared his throat. "It's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."
Megara nodded, her throat dry. "How did you..."
"I found it in my locker, it wasn't too hard," Lip shrugged. "Look," he took her hands into his. "I know it was a lot for you to admit, I could feel just how heartfelt it was by the penmanship and wording. And I know you're still entertaining that... guy... but I wanted to let you know that I'll be here waiting. Like I should have in the first place," he left her with one last smile before calmly releasing his grip on her and walking away, fixing the straps of his backpack as he trotted off.
As Megara watched him leave, she could barely feel her jaw drop open. What the hell had her life come to?
HEY GANG! LONG TIME!
real talk hcbto is nearly over! 😏 team micky and team mip take your places and start your engines! 💜