"Whenever I'm broken, you make me feel whole (ooh-whoa)
Whenever I'm lonely, you're there for my soul (ooh-whoa)
Wherever you are, girl, that's where I call my home
Whenever you doubt it, I'll be lettin' you knowWhoa, girl, I want to be dancin' with you forever
You see through the storm and take me as I am
Baby, it's magic any time that we're together
I make I just love you and hold you for my hand."
Burna Boy ft. Ed Sheeran "For My Hand"
Nicole
"Do you really want to do this to yourself?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"It can be really draining having to stay with someone knowing they're going to die. When they do, you're left alone and heartbroken, struggling to keep it together." It might be better to get out while you can."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course Nicole."
"With your wedding less than a week away, if you and Mario found out that he has terminal cancer, would you still marry him or walk away?"
"I honestly don't know what I would do, but I feel like my heart would tell me to stay."
"So, how can you ask me to leave Kyle? After all of the good memories we've shared. Someone I was thinking about marrying, being the father to our children. I can't even think of walking away and acting like he's just someone that I used to know."
"Okay. I'm sorry for being insensitive. I understand your position and I'm going to support you any way I can. You will get through this."
"Thank you."
"I love you baby."
"I love you too Mom."
The conversation I had with my mother, last night in her kitchen when Kyle and I went over for dinner, keeps replaying in my head. I know from the outside it may look like I'm out of my mind for sticking beside Kyle, but that's one of the things I would do for love.
It's been exactly 21 days since I found out the truth about his health.
I won't lie, I've been pushing deadlines back just to spend every minute with him. He finally got sick of me.
I'm just kidding, but he convinced me to go about my business. I think I'm strong enough to get back on track and not cry when I think about the situation.
Every day I wake up afraid. I don't want to come home and find him dead or get a call from the hospital that he's gone.
We haven't told anyone. It's really not something you can spring up on someone. It can really f*ck with your head when you really try not to think about it. It just occupies your mind and leaves no room for anything else.
One thing that has brought me happiness lately is ring shopping with Daniel. He wants to propose to Eva tonight. It's been so hard keeping it from her when we hang out, but I've been able to hold on to this secret.
I'm meeting him right now to give him the ring. It's so beautiful. I literally would have just dropped it off to him at his office, but he insisted on thanking me with breakfast. He really didn't need to do that, but since it's Waffle House, I don't mind.
"You really didn't have to do this."
"Nah, I wanted to say thank you for all the help."
"You excited about tonight?"
"Yeah, but I'm a little nervous."
"Don't be. You two love each other. I'm sure she's going to love the ring and say yes."
"I hope so." As I grabbed some more syrup, I felt a presence come up to our table. I thought it was the waitress checking up on us, but it was actually Eva.
"So, this is where you are."
"Baby, what are you doing here?" Daniel got up to embrace, but she put up her hand and pushed him back.
"Don't touch me. I can't believe you."
"What are you talking about?"
"I trusted you only to find out that you've been sneaking around town with Nicole. My friend warned me about your recent escapades, but I thought she was lying and being jealous but she was right."
"Eva, you're getting it all wrong. We were just—."
"Nicole, don't even try to cover this up! You shameless wh*re."
"Excuse me?" Did she just call me out of my name?
"Don't you have a man? You think I didn't see the text messages, talking about how y'all needed to meet up so he could come see the best he'll ever see. You've just been pretending to be Little Miss Goody Two Shoes?"
"Now Eva, that's enough! I'm not going to stand here and watch you attack Nicole for no good reason. What has gotten into you?" At this point, we caught the attention of the entire restaurant. I was so embarrassed of being yelled at and falsely accused of sleeping with somebody's man in public.
"The fact that you've sleeping with her for the past month under my nose! You thought I wouldn't find out?"
"Find out what? Nicole and I have never slept together or even kissed. Is it a crime for a guy to have female friends? All I was doing was taking her out for breakfast."
"For what? Since when do y'all go out alone?"
"I brought her here to show her my appreciation."
"For opening her legs? I should slap you right now."
"Shut the f*ck up Eva. Nicole has been nothing but a friend to you. She's been helping me plan my proposal to you. I was taking her out to eat to thank her and she brought me the ring."
"Proposal?"
"Yeah, I was planning on proposing to you tonight but it's clear that's the wrong move because there's something wrong with your head. You just walked in here and started insulting us, making a scene. Let me ask you, did you see anything incriminating in those messages?" All you could hear was crickets. Daniel was fuming, Eva was crying, and I was numb and getting up from the table like I should have when this argument first started. "That's what I thought. Nicole, I'm so sorry about this."
"It's not your fault. I think it's better if I just take my leave. Thank you Eva for this show. I won't forget it in a hurry."
"Nicole, I'm so so sorry. I don't know what came over me." I didn't even look in Eva's direction as she tried to apologize to me. B*tch please.
"Excuse me."
"Are you happy now? Nicole!" Daniel called out to me, but I already stepped out of the building and was unlocking my car. I was not turning back.
I texted Daniel that I wasn't mad at him and I was fine. I just didn't feel like talking. Eva called me seven times before I decided to block her. I need to cool off before we can speak.
I'm still going to the warehouse because I have things I need to finish up. Today is our campaign day so we're shooting our upcoming commercial and promo photos.
"Good morning Nicole!"
"Morning. How is everyone?"
"Pretty good. We're almost finished setting up and all the girls are here."
"Great."
"Let's get you ready."
"Okay." I sat in the chair. Tucson worked on my makeup, while Tae did my hair. We're showcasing the new lip combo duos.
Church Girl came on through the speakers. That's one of my favorite song from Renaissance, but I didn't feel like singing or dancing. My fingers only lightly tapped my thigh. I watched Tae answer his phone as I looked into the mirror.
"Nic?"
"Yeah?"
"Did something happen between you and Eva? She just called me crying saying she needed to talk to you because she wanted to apologize but you blocked her."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"What happened?"
"Tae, just drop it."
"Fine." He threw up his hands.
"You good Ari? You're not as bubbly as usual."
"Just a little stressed."
"You want to talk about it."
"Maybe later."
"We're ready for you Nicole." The director, Ace, told me.
"Let's do this."
"Quiet on the set! And action!"
"Hey y'all. I'm Tucson, and I'm here with the one and only beautiful Nicole and today we are giving you a closeup of our brand new lip duos."
I zoned out while Tucson talked about the new products, thinking back to when Kyle and I were heading to a dine in movie and he came in like a superhero and saved the day.
*************************************************
"Nic, I know you're not still putting on your makeup."
"I swear, I'm done. I'll forget about the lipstick. Chapstick is fine."
"No, it's not. You can do your little lip combo."
"That's going to take another ten minutes and we're already late."
"I know you won't feel like your look is complete. Let me show you how to do it in one."
"Kyle, I don't think this is going to work."
"Trust me on this."
"Okay. Just don't make me look like a clown."
"I got you baby."
"I'm sorry. You just look so serious."
"I am. Now, be still."
"Yes sir."
"The thing is, you think so hard about it and try to make it so perfect. Just go with the flow."
"Mhmmm."
"And we're done."
"You did great baby. Whose makeup have you been doing?"
"I've been watching you do your makeup almost everyday. I learned a few things."
"Thank you love. You know, I've been watching your barber cut your hair for a while."
"That's never going to happen."
"Kyle."
"I love you too Nic." He laughed, dragging me out the door.
*************************************************
"Nic. Nic."
"Huh? Sorry. What did you say?" Everyone was just staring at me and I was confused.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Tucson whispered, bringing out a tissue.
"Yeah, why?"
"You're crying." He patted under my eyes.
"I'm fine."
"Maybe we should take 10." Ace suggested.
"No, I'm good." I fanned my face and took a deep breath. "Let's continue where we left off."
"Okay. And action!"
"So for today's look, we're using the soufflé lip liner and the conceited super gloss. This is right here is the perfect lip duo and you're about to see why."
I felt like I couldn't breath and I had to stand up from the chair.
"I'm sorry. Give me a minute. Take the promo pictures in the meantime." I nearly ran to my office, clasping my hand over my mouth.
"Nicole!" Tae called out.
"I just need some space!" I closed the door and locked it. My back leaned against the door and I just let the tears pour out.
"Nicole, what's wrong?" My hands covered my ears as I fell onto my knees. It felt like my mind, body, and soul was in pain. I just wanted the ground to swallow me.
"Nicole, open the door." I definitely wasn't ready for this.
I ended up curled up on the floor just staring at the side of my black, marble desk. The silence was comforting as I thought about Kyle. I knew I needed to get up, but I couldn't find the strength to move.
I don't know how long as I was there in that position before I could hear a key turning into the door. Whoever entered the room, closed the door gently. Once the person sat down by my head and touched my shoulder, I knew who it was.
"You okay?" I held onto Kyle's hand.
"It's not fair."
"I know, but we should make the best of what time we have left."
"You were right."
"About what?"
"It probably would have been better if I didn't find out until you were gone. I just can't believe it's true."
"I'm sorry for putting you through this."
"You don't have to be. It's not your fault. Sometimes we're dealt the wrong cards. We don't know why, but we have to deal with it."
"We'll be okay. You'll be okay. You're stronger than you think."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"I'm sorry you had to come down here for my breakdown."
"I'll come rescue you for as long as I can. Let me take you home." He got up from the floor while I sat up.
"I have to finish the shoot."
"Not in this condition."
"If I'm going to get through this, I need to focus on the things I love doing."
"You sure?"
"Yes. Can you stay until I'm done?"
"Of course." He helped me up and cleaned my face. Tae and Tucson got me together, so I could handle business.
"There we go baby." She shouted as I posed for some pictures.
"Thank you." I giggled. Having him there, made me feel calm and my smile never left my face.
I'm going to love him for as long as I can.
*************************************************
Kyle
While Nicole took a nap after coming home from the warehouse, I worked on my final exhibit that I'm showing next month. It's about my love story with Nicole and I know she's going to love it.
I never thought I would have fallen in love with Nicole so fast but since the first time we met, I knew she was special. We just clicked. She's so intelligent, beautiful loving, and caring. Did I mention she's a crybaby?
I'm just kidding. But it just shows how passionate she is and wants everyone to be good. I'm glad I got the opportunity to meet her when I did because without God, my Mom and her, I don't think I would have made it this far since I got my diagnosis.
I've got my good and bad days. Some days, I feel so sick that I can't get out of bed. Other days, it's like nothing is wrong.
When I went to check on Nicole, I saw her laying on her side wide awake but I could tell she was lost in her thoughts.
"What are you thinking about, pretty lady?"
"I was thinking that maybe you should make a bucket list of things you really want to before, you know."
"There's only thing but it's not possible."
"Why?"
"It wouldn't make sense at this point."
"Tell me."
"It's okay baby. Forget about it."
"No, if I can help, I will."
"I wanted to get married before I was 40, but it's obvious that won't happen."
"If that's really what you want, then—."
"No." I knew what she was thinking and I immediately shut that idea down.
"Kyle."
"I would never do that to you. You deserve to marry a man who will be with you after your hair turns grey." I saw her turn her head and her lips start to quiver. "Baby."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Just breathe." I kissed her forehead and rubbed her back.
"Why don't we have one of those pretend weddings?"
"What?"
"You know, get dressed up with all our family and friends. It won't really be a wedding, but a celebration of our love, your life and what you've accomplished."
"That doesn't sound bad."
"I promise you'll love it."
"Let's do it. But before then, I think it's time for you to come see my home."
"The motherland."
"Yup."
"I already know your Mom is going to spoil me."
"She really loves you, but not as much as I do."
"You're so sweet."
"I try. You still want to do the dinner tonight?"
"I don't feel like it, but I do want some of Shawn's oxtails."
"Me too. Daniel told me the proposal was off because of the incident at breakfast, but they still wanted to do the dinner."
"That's unfortunate, but I'm over whatever transpired."
"Eva called me. She was crying and I couldn't understand what she was saying."
"I'm not tripping over it. I'll forgive her, but let her cry for the next couple of hours until dinner." She turned over and closed her eyes with a smirk on her face.
"Nicole." She laughed as I gave her a small slap on her *ss. I watched that sh*t jiggle.
"Leave me alone, I'm trying to sleep." Nicole swatted my hand away.
"I got something that can put you to bed."
"Show me."
After some needed tender loving and care, we finished up and dressed up casual. Around 6:30, our friends flooded into the house. Shawn came through with some bomb food.
I f*ck with Dewayne even after the stunt he tried to pull. He thought Nicole wouldn't tell me. I don't play about my love. I may be dying, but I'll still put the paws on him. After our discussion, I'm sure he knows his place.
It's up to her if she wants to cut him off. They have been tight since they were babies so I understand that friendship bond. I know Nicole can handle herself well.
After eating, Nicole and I decided to gather them in the living room to deliver the news.
"So, there's something we want to share with you guys. I knew it'll probably be hard to take at first, but you should know."
"Y'all looking a little too serious."
"Well, I'm not going to be around much longer."
"As in y'all breaking up or you moving?"
"I have cancer."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, and I have less than five months left."
"I can't believe y'all have been going through all this and we didn't know."
"We didn't want to stress y'all out."
"The doctors are sure there's nothing they can do?"
"I'm just leaving things in God's hands and living everyday like it's my last. I just want y'all to be prepared so that when I'm gone, Nicole has the support she needs. Because of how fragile Nicole is, I don't want anything happening to her. So whatever is wrong with y'all, patch that sh*t up and be there for her if y'all say y'all rock with her."
"Damn, I wouldn't have had you running around helping me with the proposal."
"You know, I'll do anything to see y'all happy. It actually helped me take my mind off the situation."
"I wanted to take Nicole on a trip to Nigeria to show her where I'm from. I would like to invite you guys to tag along. It can be like a couples trip."
"We're down." Tre and Choyce declared.
"You and Nicole can count on us to be there." Dennis and Karin added.
"We'll be there." Daniel and Eva agreed.
"We're riding until the wheels fall off." Tae and Shawn announced.
"I'm here for y'all. Always." Dewayne nodded.
"I appreciate it."
"Thank you guys." I hugged Nicole.
Everything is going to be okay. I can feel it.
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