"Everything."
Leah's throat closes up around the words and her gaze drops to the floor. For the first time since the start of this whole thing, she's not thinking about what's next. She's thinking instead of Jeanette, and how she had been hurting long before they'd ever met.
I never wanted you to see me this way.
Jeanette refused help at every turn, not because she didn't want or need it, but because she was terrified of being abandoned. Shutting people out didn't hurt nearly as much as letting them in, only for them to turn away.
Ms Wolfe was the only person capable of seeing Jeanette in death, and she embraced her spirit with open arms. She was the one person Jeanette had left from her life, and now she was gone. So maybe Jeanette had good reason to shut out people who couldn't care less about her when they'd first met.
Leah's thoughts drift to Ms Wolfe, and why she had allowed Jeanette that school tour despite the risk of the truth coming out.
In hindsight, the reason's glaringly obvious. Because when was the last time Jeanette felt like she was a kid? And not just some fucked up paranormal entity doomed to haunt a reality that she's no longer part of?
Out of the labyrinth of her mind, a hand reaches in, pulling her out and through.
Leah looks up to see Fatin kneeling beside her, holding her fingers away from her face. She'd been seconds away from plucking her eyebrows, and she hadn't even realized it.
Their eyes meet, and Fatin doesn't let go of her hand. "Let's get out of here."
Leah lets Fatin pull her to her feet, and she stumbles until Fatin loops an arm around her waist, steadying her. The exhaustion from the mirror gazing trance is finally hitting her, settling into her bones, and Leah's legs ache with every move she makes.
They shuffle forward a few steps before Leah comes to a sudden stop. Her mind is all over the place right now, and it decides to land on: "The duffel bag-"
"I got it," Fatin interjects. Leah glances over and notices the bag slung over Fatin's shoulder. "Just focus on not face-planting, yeah?"
Leah nods and faces forward. Normally she'd be embarrassed, but she doesn't have the energy right now.
They retrace their steps, winding up at the front door that Fatin tried to kick down not even an hour ago. Their earlier bickering around the house feels so far away. Leah stares numbly ahead, and thinks that maybe Fatin was onto something about wearing granny panties. She feels a hundred years old right now.
Fatin squeezes her waist. "Leah, did you hear me?"
"Mm?" Leah blinks, glancing down at Fatin's hand before meeting her eyes.
Fatin's brow furrows in concern. "Are you good to go home?"
Leah stiffens, and her response is immediate. "No."
Fatin tilts her head. "No?"
"No-" Leah bites her lip. As nice as it would be to fall into bed, sleep is the last thing on her mind right now. "I mean yes. Eventually." She breathes in and out, trying to collect her thoughts. "What I saw... It's a lot to take in. I'm still processing."
Part of her wants to compartmentalize everything. Retreat into herself, pore over each detail, categorize and sort it all into neat boxes. Map out contingency plans and cobble together a semi-coherent idea of what possibly to do next.
The other part of her, the part that's winning, is screaming to let it all out. Her heart aches for Jeanette. She died, so young and so full of life. She died, burdened with the truth, trying to do the right thing. She died, leaving those who loved her mourning in her wake. Death is supposed to be irreversible and final, but Jeanette's passing is anything but that.
No closure. No peace.
And with so much pain anchoring Jeanette here, it's no wonder she can't move on.
Fatin nods. "We can hang for a bit until you decompress."
Leah manages a shaky smile. The last thing she wants is to be alone with her thoughts right now. And while she's not exactly eager to share, leaving everything unspoken between them feels stifling. With nowhere else to go, her mind is more than happy to run circles around the memories she now carries. She can't help but ask, "Don't you want to know what I saw?"
She braces herself for an answer that will surely be a yes. Fatin's probably dying to know what happened. Not only will she have to recount Jeanette's death, prodded for every single detail, but she'll also have to deal with Fatin's incessant, vaguely inappropriate jokes.
"Not until you're ready to tell me," Fatin answers, bringing every assumption Leah holds towards her crumbling to the ground. Left to stand in the rubble, she has no fucking idea what to do. Leah just stares blankly at her, recalibrating. It doesn't take long for Fatin to roll her eyes. "Quit thinking so hard, you look like you're on the verge of having an aneurysm." She nods towards the door. "Open it, my hands are full."
It takes another squeeze to her waist to get Leah moving. She practically throws the door open, stumbling out of the way to avoid giving herself a black eye.
"Jesus, Leah." Fatin avoids the swinging door, fumbling to keep the duffel bag balanced over her shoulder. "Give a girl a little warning, yeah?"
Leah rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. "Sorry."
"It's fine." Fatin's hand drops from her waist, and Leah's disappointed for a split second before Fatin takes her hand in the same movement. "Just close the door behind you."
Fatin guides her out of the house, and when the door swings shut, Leah doesn't look back.
---
Sunday November 6th, 2019 - 12:01 AM
Fatin helps her into the passenger seat, and throws the duffel bag into the backseat. In the time it takes Leah to clumsily buckle her seatbelt, Fatin rounds the front of the car and clambers into the driver's seat.
"Where are we going?" Leah asks. Now that she's finally out of the house, she wants to be as far away from it as quickly as possible.
"Dunno." Fatin yanks her seatbelt over her shoulder. "Got anything in mind?"
"Not really."
Fatin drums her fingers on the steering wheel. "We could grab some food. How's McDonalds?"
Leah blinks. "You like McDonalds?"
Fatin had struck her as someone with a more... refined taste. Though, Leah supposes, she should know better by now to operate based on assumptions.
"Who doesn't?" Fatin replies easily. "It's the happiest place on Earth."
"That's Disneyland, actually."
The drumming stops. "Does Disneyland have Happy Meals?"
"Uh." Leah thinks about it for a moment. "No?"
"Then I rest my case."
Fatin starts the car and pulls out onto the road. Leah stares out the window, watching houses pass by on the way to the nearest 24 hour drive-thru. Her mind is buzzing with a million thoughts, but it's hard to fixate on them when Fatin kills the radio and fills the ensuing silence with mindless chatter.
"So now that we've established ghosts are real, can we agree Mark Zuckerberg is an alien from another- What? Don't give me that face. I mean, have you seen him?"
"One time my mom got pissed at me for leaving the shower door covered in conditioner. She told me to clean it up, and I was all like, 'Can't! The spray has a warning label that says: keep out of reach of children.' Her face screwed up so much I thought she was going to explode."
"I'm not really into sports but my dad insisted on visiting France over summer to watch the World Cup finale, and watching the USWNT wipe the floor with the Netherlands did something to me. Christen Press can get it."
"Y'know, I was drinking White Claws before that video about them went viral. Oh, you haven't seen it? Ain't no laws when you're drinking claws- laugh all you want, it's literally gluten free water that'll fuck you up."
"I've seen Taylor Swift five times in concert, and if you tell anyone I'll kill you."
Leah twists in her seat to face her. "What?"
"Oh look, we're here." Fatin rolls down the window. "Can I get two happy meals with chicken nuggets please?" She glances at Leah. "Oh wait. You're not a vegetarian or vegan, are you?"
Leah shakes off Fatin's earlier threat, deciding to file away the information for later. "Nope."
"Oh thank god." Fatin drives forward once the attendant registers their order. "If you were one of those vegan drum circle freaks I'd have to stage an intervention."
Leah shrugs a shoulder. "They're not so bad."
"I caught Topaz Kowalski freeing the chickens they keep in the school garden a month ago."
"So?"
Fatin laughs. "She tried to take them all home with her. There were like ten of them crammed into the trunk of her car, feathers and shit everywhere."
Leah grimaces. "At least she didn't call PETA?"
"Oh, she definitely has them on speed-dial. If they didn't come, it was probably because they were in the middle of some rabbit heist."
Fatin pays for their food at the next window, and easily finds a space in the deserted parking lot. She makes grabby hands for one of the boxes on Leah's lap. "Gimme." Leah passes it over and Fatin tears the box open. "God I haven't had one of these in ages."
Leah opens her own box, and when the smell of the food hits her, she remembers she skipped dinner earlier. She starts to dig in. "Why not?"
Fatin pulls a face. "Mom banned them after her and dad came back from Cabo to find that we'd eaten only fast food in the week they'd been gone."
Leah quirks a brow. "Can't you buy them on your own?"
Fatin smiles sardonically. "Mom also has access to my accounts. The minute she sees me splurging on burgers, I'll be kissing my American Express card goodbye."
"But spending over $500 on ghost hunting equipment is a-okay?"
"I said it was for a school project." Fatin shrugs. "Not sure if she believed me, but whatever."
Leah nods. "So how's she going to react when she sees the charge from tonight?"
"I figured something like this might happen so I swiped my dad's card."
Leah shakes her head in exasperation. She really shouldn't have expected anything less.
They finish eating, and dump their empty boxes into a plastic bag that Leah places on the floor. Fatin starts the car and plugs her phone into the aux. She looks down at the cardigan she's wearing, and then at Leah. "You listen to Lana Del Rey." Leah keeps her expression neutral, though internally she's wondering how the hell Fatin remembers that. "Does she have any songs that aren't depressing as fuck? The only one I know is Summertime Sadness, but I don't know if playing it is a good idea-"
"You can play whatever you want," Leah blurts out, cutting her off. "Thank you."
Fatin looks away. "It's NBD."
"But it is," Leah insists. "You didn't have to do any of this for me."
"Who says it was for you?" Fatin playfully presses a hand to her chest. Leah can't help but smile at the motion. "I think I've made it pretty clear how much I've been craving a Happy Meal."
"Not the food. Well- not just the food." Leah fidgets with the Olaf toy in her hands. She's not sure why the attendant decided to give a couple of high schoolers Frozen figurines, but at least she has something to keep her hands busy with now. "I mean earlier. At the house."
"You're the one who went into a ghost-induced coma." Fatin gives a wry smile. "I was just along for the ride."
"No." Leah shakes her head. Fatin loves to misdirect any attempt at a serious conversation with humor, but Leah isn't going to let her this time. "You... stayed with me."
You held me . Is what goes unsaid. If Leah didn't already feel worn out from the entire mirror gazing ordeal, maybe she would've just come out and fucking said it.
Fatin doesn't answer right away. She stares ahead at the empty parking lot, expression half-hidden in the darkness, before turning abruptly to face her. "Well, I wasn't going to just leave you behind. I'm all for self-preservation but we're partners, right?"
In spite of the steady reassurance her words are supposed to bring, Fatin's voice wavers. For the first time, Leah wonders how much of the confidence Fatin projects with every interaction is just hiding in secret. "Right," she echoes back.
---
They're miles away from San Carlos Avenue, yet the chill that had set in at the haunted house lingers. Leah rubs her arms fruitlessly; it does nothing to quell the goosebumps prickling her skin. And while Fatin's presence has helped to soothe her nerves in the aftermath, Leah remains on edge.
So when Fatin pulls over in front of her house, Leah checks her surroundings before stepping out of the car. And rather than rush to her bedroom, Leah idles on the sidewalk. She doesn't feel comfortable being alone right now, but she's kept Fatin out long enough.
Just as she's about to turn away, Fatin rolls down the car window. "You forgot your backpack."
Leah falters in her step. "Oh." She reaches her hand through the window for her bag, still on the floor, but miscalculates and hits her forehead against the doorframe. "Ow."
Fatin laughs. "Oh my god, just open the door like a normal person."
Leah strains to reach it, and ducks her head inside. "I got it."
"You sure?"
"Yes." Leah takes hold of the bag and dumps it on the passenger seat. She glances at Fatin, which is uncomfortable given the position she's put herself in, but she can't help it.
And Fatin is, of course, holding her phone up for a picture.
Leah freezes. "Don't-"
The camera shutter clicks, and the bright flash of light that follows has Leah blinking dots out of her vision. She backs away from the car, slinging her backpack over her shoulder while she uses her free hand to rub her eyes. "Please don't post that."
Fatin flips her phone to look at the photo, expression sly. "No promises." Leah scowls. Fatin locks her phone and drops it into the cupholder, continuing, "As exciting and terrifying tonight was, I have to get going now, so-"
"I know," Leah cuts her off. "Just-" she hesitates, "Just text me when you get home."
Fatin doesn't poke any fun at her for worrying. She throws up a mock-salute, taking it in stride. "Scout's honor."
"You're doing it wrong." Leah demonstrates the correct hand sign (three fingers up, thumb over pinky).
Fatin drops her hand, rolling her eyes. "Of course you're a Girl Scout."
"Not anymore."
"How come?"
"I didn't really mesh with the people in my troop, and I'd rather read a book in bed than sit around a campfire and sing songs."
"Ditto. You'd have to pay me to be on Survivor to even consider losing indoor plumbing." Fatin sighs. "Too bad you didn't stick it out longer, I've needed a new cookie plug ever since I pissed off Andrea Torres last semester."
It's easy to fall back into conversation with Fatin. There's something about her that has Leah hanging on to every single word she says, no matter how inconsequential. Leah leans against the car door and asks, "What happened?"
"She asked me how her new hairstyle looked, and I told her the truth." Fatin props an elbow on the steering wheel, twisting to fully face her. "Why people care to ask about my opinion after they make shitty decisions is beyond me."
Leah grins. "Yeah, with your track record, they probably shouldn't ask at all."
"You're one to talk," Fatin scoffs. Her watch buzzes with a notification and she checks it. "Shit," she hisses under her breath. She glances at Leah. "It's my dad. He's wondering where I am."
"Right." Leah nods and slowly backs away from the car. She tries for a joke, "We're out past your bedtime."
"I do not have a bedtime, it's a mandated curfew." Fatin gives her an appraising look. "If either one of us needs a bedtime, it's you."
Leah shrugs. "If I could get eight hours regularly, I would."
Fatin narrows her eyes at her. "Try."
"No promises," Leah shoots back, turning away.
She walks across the lawn to her bedroom window and unlatches it carefully, so as to not wake Gideon. She steps inside and turns around to find Fatin's car still parked at the curb. Leah feels a smile tug at her lips, and closes the curtains.
Rather than move to her closet to change into pajamas, Leah takes a seat at her desk. Her body's weighed down by exhaustion and she has the beginning of a headache coming on, but that doesn't stop her from falling down several supernatural-adjacent wikiholes.
She's in the middle of reading an article about Viking funeral rites when her phone buzzes with a notification. It should be embarrassing how quickly she moves, but she's far past the point of caring.
Fatin (1:05 AM): home sweet home
Fatin (1:05 AM): 🫡
Leah's shoulders relax with relief. She's okay.
Leah responds with a thumbs up emoji and turns back to her laptop screen. Not long after, her phone beeps again.
Fatin (1:10 AM): close whatever wiki page you have open and get some fucking sleep
(1:10 AM): bold of you to assume I wasn't already asleep
Fatin (1:11 AM): bitch please
Fatin (1:11 AM): i know your wide awake the same way ik ur a total virgo
(1:12 AM): I don't know what that means
Fatin (1:12 AM): https://numerologysign.com/virgo-personality-traits-characteristics/
Leah taps on the link and takes a minute to scroll through the article. When she reaches the bottom of the page, she switches back to iMessage and replies:
(1:13 AM): Okay, I know I'm stubborn, single-minded, and obsessive. But those are all traits of great writers.
Fatin (1:13 AM): and serial killers
Fatin (1:14 AM): too bad you have the hand-eye coordination of a newborn baby
Fatin (1:14 AM): otherwise you'd be killing the game
(1:15 AM): goodnight fatin
Leah leaves the phone on the desk and pushes herself to her feet. She closes her laptop, toes off her shoes, and gets into bed. Normally, this is the part where she stares up at the ceiling and stays awake for hours on end, replaying the highs and lows of the day.
But this time, Leah shuts her eyes and tries to drift off.
And somehow, despite everything, she's able to do just that.
---
Leah sleeps in until noon, only roused by Gideon waking up and whining at the door. She drags herself out of bed, opens the bedroom door, and shuts it once Gideon runs through.
Leah tiredly rubs her eyes. Now that she's up, she knows it'll be hard to fall back asleep.
So she doesn't even try. She grabs a blanket kicked to the bottom of the bed and wraps it around her shoulders. It's always cold in the morning and she doesn't feel like rifling through her closet for another sweater. She takes a seat in front of her laptop, eyes dropping to the phone left on the desk.
Leah checks to see if there's any messages from Fatin, but it's dead. She swallows her disappointment, and plugs it into her laptop so it can charge.
With Fatin intervening last night, she hadn't really fallen into her usual habit of letting her mind run away, and with everything she learned from Jeanette's memories, spiraling off the deep end to boot. But now she's alone, and there's nothing more to distract her.
She opens a new tab and googles EDEN without a second thought.
Out of all of the things she saw last night, Jeanette dying thanks to the fucked up inner workings of an 'feminist' organization led by a deranged woman and her morally bankrupt lackeys is the most alarming.
The first few results are Wikipedia and Merriam-Webster articles about the biblical Eden. She scrolls past those and a couple of church-related websites to reach the bottom of the page. Leah tries another search, 'EDEN feminist organization' but nothing matches what Ms Wolfe had shown Jeanette on the pamphlet.
Wait.
Ms Wolfe.
Leah types in 'Rhonda Wolfe, EDEN' to see if anything pops up.
Nothing does.
She scrolls through five pages before switching to Images on a whim.
The first result is a tagged photo of Ms Wolfe from Facebook. She's standing with a group of women dressed in formal wear, smiling brightly. Above them hangs a banner that reads EDEN INAUGURAL DINNER.
Leah nearly falls out of her chair.
What the actual fuck?
Before she has a chance to search for anything else, her phone buzzes several times in quick succession. The lock screen lights up with several new messages, and she reaches for it automatically.
Fatin (1:30 AM): dad caught me before i could sneak up to my room
Fatin (1:30 AM): i was expecting him to be mad but he was just disappointed
Fatin (1:30 AM): which is even worse 🧎🏽♀️
Fatin (1:31 AM): thank fuck he let me off the hook
Fatin (1:31 AM): BUT
Fatin (1:31 AM): now i have to help him with his bids 😪
Fatin (1:32 AM): and before u spout some bs about how i got off easy
Fatin (1:32 AM): it's sooo boring leah u don't understand
Fatin (1:32 AM): ughhhhhh
Fatin (1:35 AM): gn
Fatin (10:11 AM): u up?
Fatin (10:22 AM): i have today off so if u wanna talk lmk
Leah frowns. It's Sunday. Doesn't everyone have today off?
Fatin (10:30 AM): okay i lied
Fatin (10:30 AM): mom wants everyone downstairs for a family brunch
Fatin (10:31 AM): and she's cooking
Fatin (10:31 AM): so i'm about to be hospitalized
Fatin (11:35 PM): i lived bitch
Leah can't help but smile when she finally responds:
(12:40 PM): on a scale from the cafeteria's soy nuggets to what we had last night, how bad was it?
To her surprise, Fatin answers immediately:
Fatin (12:41 PM): you eat at the cafeteria?
Fatin (12:41 PM): jesus
Fatin (12:41 PM): are we sure jeanette's the only ghost here?
(12:42 PM): ha ha
Fatin (12:42 PM): ik im hilarious
Fatin (12:43 PM): also it was a solid 6/10, mostly cause dad got donuts as a backup plan and i was halfway through a maple bar before mom caught us
Fatin (12:43 PM): did u get any sleep
Fatin (12:43 PM): ???
(12:44 PM): I did, actually
Fatin (12:44 PM): omg
Fatin (12:44 PM): miracles really do exist
Then Fatin's contact photo overtakes the screen. It's a selfie she snapped after they ate yesterday, and looking at it makes Leah realize she never got her cardigan back.
Fatin's wearing it in the picture.
Leah swipes right to answer. "Hello?"
"Hey, sorry for the call. I just got tired of texting because my hands are still sore from practice yesterday."
"It's fine, I wanted to talk to you anyway." Leah clears her throat. "I was wondering if we could meet up?"
"Yeah, sure. Is your place okay? I'd offer mine but my brothers would probably bother us."
"My place?" Leah repeats, glancing around her room self-consciously. The bed is unmade. The trash can is full, a couple balled up pieces of paper littered around it. Dog hair is everywhere because Gideon sheds like crazy. And then Leah looks down at herself and the clothes she's still wearing from yesterday. Shit. "I can make that work if you give me an hour? I just woke up."
"Okay beautiful. See you then."
Fatin hangs up without another word and Leah's left wondering whether Fatin was referring to her or just the situation in general.
---
A little under an hour later, Leah's standing by the front door, phone clutched in one hand, the other holding the door handle. Maryann walks by, slowing to a stop when she sees her.
"Leah, are you okay?"
"What?" Leah snaps her head towards her. "No, yeah. I'm fine."
Maryann doesn't look convinced. "Why are you standing in front of the door?"
The blood drains from Leah's face. Shit. She forgot to tell her parents Fatin is coming over.
"Oh," Leah starts awkwardly, fumbling for a lie, "I'm just... waiting for a friend. We're going to work on a school project... here."
"Well," Maryann places a hand on her hip, "that's news to me."
Leah winces. "I know, sorry. I just... have a lot on my mind lately."
Maryann sighs. "It's alright. I know how stressful the end of the semester can be."
The doorbell rings, and Leah startles. She glances between the door and Maryann, hoping she'll walk away. Maryann only smiles kindly in response. Fuck.
"Aren't you going to get the door?"
"Yeah. I am. Right now." Leah doesn't move. Maryann doesn't either. Damnit. The doorbell rings again, and Leah finally gives in. She turns and opens it with a pained smile. "Fatin. Hi."
"Hey partner." Fatin holds up two Starbucks drinks. "I got you something on the way over. I hope you're okay with a vanilla latte."
Leah takes the proffered drink. "I am, thanks."
"No prob." Fatin looks over her shoulder. "So, can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure." Leah opens the door wider, and steps to the side. Fatin steps through the threshold, her eyes meeting Maryann's almost immediately.
"You must be Leah's mom." Fatin straightens her posture and extends a hand. Leah's eyebrows climb to her hairline. "Fatin Jadmani. You have such a lovely home, Mrs Rilke. I don't know how much Leah's told you, but we go to EBAA together and share a few classes."
"Please, call me Maryann." Maryann takes her hand and gives it a polite shake, smile growing wider. "Fatin, it's so nice to finally meet you." Maryann gives Leah a pointed look. "Leah talks about you all the time."
Fatin's expression brightens. "She does?"
Leah groans. This is exactly what she wanted to avoid. "I really don't." She hooks an arm around Fatin's elbow and starts guiding her towards the stairs. "We'll be in my room, mom," she calls over her shoulder.
"Door open!" Maryann calls back.
Leah feels her entire face flush. "It's not like that!"
Fatin lets out a laugh beside her as they climb the stairs. "I take it you don't bring just anyone home."
"Just Ian, but we've known each other since we were kids so he's basically family."
They reach the top of the stairs. Hearing them approach, Gideon pokes his head out of Leah's room. Fatin gasps, bringing a hand to cover her mouth. "Shut up."
Leah frowns. "I'm not-"
"Shut up right now." Fatin turns towards her, eyes narrowing. "You have a dog and you didn't fucking tell me?"
"I don't know why that'd be relevant-"
"It's a dog Leah!" Fatin jostles her with a hand on her shoulder, and Leah nearly spills her drink. "They're like-" she gesticulates with her free hand, searching for the right words, "-perfect angels."
Leah doesn't understand but she tries to level with her anyway. "I guess?"
"What's his name?" Fatin asks. "How old is he?"
"Gideon. Nine. We adopted him in early September, after my old dog Roxy passed away over summer."
Fatin sighs. "I've always wanted one but mom vetoed pets since Ahmad's allergic."
Leah nods solemnly. "A tragedy for sure."
Fatin elbows her in the side, and Leah curses under her breath. She watches Fatin approach Gideon slowly; she squats down in front of him and puts her drink aside on the floor. She holds out both hands expectantly and waits.
Gideon's pretty friendly but Leah still doesn't expect him to leap into Fatin's arms and knock her backwards onto the floor. Fatin laughs and scratches him behind the ears affectionately while he tries to lick her face.
And Leah would be lying if she said that the scene playing out in front of her didn't make her want to melt on the spot.
Gideon licks the side of Fatin's face, inciting more giggles and Leah finally intervenes. "Okay, that's enough." Leah walks over and takes Gideon by the collar, dragging him away from Fatin so she can sit up.
"Aw." Fatin pouts. Her t-shirt is covered in dog hair but she doesn't seem to notice or care. "Can't I keep him?"
"No," Leah deadpans. Fatin just pouts even harder in response and Leah looks away. "You can come visit whenever." She offers, trying to sound nonchalant. "If that's something you're interested in."
Fatin perks up. "Visitation rights already? Nice." She pushes herself up to her feet, picks her drink up from the floor, and heads inside Leah's room without another complaint. Leah follows her inside and leaves Gideon in the hallway, deciding it'll be better to talk without any distractions. She shuts the door and stands alongside Fatin, watching her take in the room.
"Does that typewriter still work?" Fatin nods to where it sits in the corner of the room.
"Yeah. My grandma gave it to me when I told her I wanted to be a writer."
Fatin quirks a brow. "Do you actually use it?"
"Not really." Leah pauses to sip her drink. It's hot, almost enough to burn, and the morning chill lingering in the air evaporates. "When I do, it's just to write letters."
Fatin turns towards her, eyes shining with interest. "To who?"
Leah coughs. "Nobody in particular." There's no fucking way she's telling Fatin Jadmani that she writes secret letters to her crushes about why she likes them. So before Fatin can press her further, she says, "Do you want to sit down?"
Fatin's lips twist at the sudden change in topic. "Sure." She toes off her shoes and sits on the bed, feet dangling over the side. Leah had meant the desk chair, but whatever. This is fine.
Leah joins her on the bed, mirroring her position and cradling her drink in her hands. Unlike yesterday, Fatin doesn't fill the silence with lighthearted anecdotes or funny jokes. She just sits there, taking sporadic sips of her matcha latte, and waits.
It takes a moment for Leah to gather her thoughts. She knows what she has to say, the trouble is figuring out how the fuck to begin. Leah starts with, "What I'm about to tell you is going to sound completely insane."
"Okay." Fatin pauses at seeing the hesitant look on Leah's face. "I mean, we've met a literal ghost. So I'm not sure anything could surprise me at this point, but fire away."
Fatin doesn't have any chance to interrupt because Leah opens her mouth and everything comes pouring out of her.
She tells her the story of a girl named Jeanette. A promising student, a good friend, a daughter who was deeply loved. A girl fueled by passion, buoyed by bright-eyed hopes and dreams, determined to make the most of everything before meeting a tragic end.
She tells her the story of a girl who had tried her best and lost it all. A daughter who was mourned, a friend who was missed, a student who was honored. A girl left alone, save for a single tether anchoring her to this world in the form of a caring mentor. And when that same mentor passed on to the next life, a girl named Jeanette was alone all over again.
When Leah finishes, her voice is hoarse; her hands are shaking. Fatin takes the latte threatening to spill from her hands and places it beside her own drink on the floor. And then she takes both of Leah's hands in her own. She looks at her, eyes soft with concern, and Leah expects her to say something.
Fatin doesn't ask "Are you okay?" because it's obvious she's not. Nor does Fatin try to reassure her by saying, "It'll be okay." because neither of them know if it will be. Fatin doesn't apologize either. What's the point in saying, "I'm so sorry you had to see that." when Leah had wanted, insisted even, on seeing everything?
She doesn't regret it at all. She needed to know the truth, and sometimes truth hurts.
Fatin just sits there holding her hands, not saying a single word. Because maybe not all silences need to be filled. Maybe sometimes it's okay, better even, to just sit and let the anger and heartache roll over her in waves. It's better to feel something than nothing at all, right?
There's a lump in her throat. Tears sting her eyes; nails bite into skin.
So Leah can't bring herself to speak again, not yet.
With Fatin's steady hands grounding her, at least she can still breathe.