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.03 | hope
{ Trigger Warning: mention of suicide }
𝙁𝙧𝙚𝙮𝙖 𝙖𝙗𝙧𝙪𝙥𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 to an unbearable ear-piercing melody of beeps that nearly shattered her eardrums.
Letting out a groan, she threw off her covers and made her way through the darkness to find her phone, clumsily pressing down on the snooze button before retreating to bed.
The alarm might as well have been a jackhammer right outside her window.
In just five days, she would begin her first shift.
Despite knowing that working at night was part of the job, she couldn't help but feel frustrated by how strongly her body resisted the idea of a nocturnal schedule.
However, her frustration was insignificant compared to her excitement.
Although she had conflicting emotions and concerns about Jax's presence, she was determined not to let him rob her of her happiness.
After two more snoozes, she got up wearing black drawstring pajama shorts and a cotton shirt with a punk rock band logo from her teenage years. "I'm up, I'm up.." She turned off the snooze reminder with a groan.
Upon hearing a car door closing, she carefully treaded across the frigid wooden floor, curiosity urging her towards the window. Peering through the thick curtains, she observed the driveway below, illuminated by the dim, yellow glow of the street lamps.
The eerie ambiance cast an otherworldly tint on the evening sky.
Freya was staying with her aunt for the week because the owner of her condominium wanted to use his tax return to upgrade the units with a fresh coat of paint and new appliances. Normally, she would have been thrilled, but it fell the same week of her adjustment period.
She was grateful her aunt offered her the spare guest room to adjust to the night shift, but nothing compared to the comfort of her own space.
Her aunt's house was one of those Victorian-style homes with a spacious front porch, grand white columns, a steep roof, and charming bay windows. It was undeniably beautiful, but its immense size seemed to overshadow the entire neighborhood.
According to her aunt, the only reason she could afford the house was because she purchased it during a foreclosure.
However, Freya always believed that the house perfectly reflected her aunt's larger-than-life personality.
Freya grabbed the hair tie beside her phone and effortlessly gathered her thick locks into a ponytail. Descending the stairs with a zombie-like demeanor, she yawned loudly as her aunt shut the front door.
"Ah, she rises from the dead!" Aunt Kate walked through the front door, pushing it shut with her hip. She beamed at Freya expectantly, an amused glint in her eye as she took in her niece's disheveled state.
Even after Freya's mom passed away, her aunt held onto her humor and sarcasm.
Freya grabbed the two bags on her left wrist, lightening the load, and assisted her with the groceries. She followed her into the kitchen as they set the bags down on the counter.
"She's alive, but her survival depends on coffee." Freya couldn't help but smirk while referring to herself in the third person.
"Here." Gently, her aunt slid the bags of groceries across the counter to Freya. "I'll make a pot of coffee while you unpack the groceries."
"Sounds like a plan." The anticipation of coffee made Freya's mouth water as she opened the pantry and helped with the groceries.
She watched as her aunt glided around the kitchen, grabbing a bag of dark roast espresso beans from the far right cabinet.
When she was little, she believed her aunt was a fairy because of the way she carried herself. Her aunt would float from room to room, possessing an airy disposition that could turn fiery at the drop of a hat.
Her mother always said she got her spunk from her aunt.
Following her mother's death, Freya's aunt became responsible for her care. They were already close, but their bond thickened in the aftermath of losing a loved one.
Even in the face of ridicule from distant family members, they stuck together. Not everyone believed that something sinister took her mother.
There were whispers that her mother had committed suicide and that Freya and her aunt made up the supernatural story to cope.
It was bullshit.
Freya and her aunt knew what they saw that night. If anything, she had aunt to thank for encouraging her to go this far with her studies.
"Guess who I ran into at the store tonight?" As she poured water up to the correct fill line, her aunt became fixated on the electric water kettle.
"Greg." Her aunt answered after a moment of silence, apprehension filling her tone.
Freya sighed, a hint of exasperation escaping her lips.
Greg was her ex-boyfriend. They dated for like six months her last year at school, and although he was sweet, she knew it wasn't meant to last.
Plus, with graduation right around the corner, she needed to focus.
However, it left him devastated.
Until then, she hadn't realized just how much he had fallen for her in the short time they were together. He barely spoke to her the rest of the year, but his looks of longing said everything.
Freya took a deep breath and closed the fridge, making her way to the garbage can to toss the empty grocery bags away. "How is he?" she asked, repressed guilt trying to bubble its way to the surface.
"He appears to be doing well," her aunt remarked, momentarily interrupting their conversation as she switched on the grinder. Carefully, she emptied the coffee grinds into the filter, making precise adjustments. "By the way, he asked me to pass along his congratulations on the night shift," she added, giving her niece a meaningful glance before leaning her hip against the countertop.
"Oh," Freya began, then stopped. Finally, she settled on saying, "That was nice of him."
However, her aunt's hesitation made her sense that there was more to it.
"What else did he say?" Freya prodded, though she tried to convey a sense of nonchalance.
Her aunt gently added, "Well, he hoped that you two could catch up sometime, maybe over coffee or something."
Freya let out a dramatic exhale, the air rushing through her parted lips like a hiss.
"I told him I would let you know, but mentioned that you've been really busy with the new job," her aunt quickly offered. "I didn't make any promises on your behalf."
Aunt Kate had always respected Freya's choices, but she had been more upset about the breakup than Freya had at first. She always mentioned what a good boy Greg was, and that he seemed so nice. After some time, Freya finally opened up to her and admitted she just knew he was not her forever person and her intuitive voice always pointed her in the right direction.
Freya's entire body relaxed, her shoulders sagging. "Thank you," she whispered quietly. It felt too early for ex-drama. Or perhaps, was it too late? She glanced at the microwave clock, which displayed 9:00 PM.
She didn't want Greg to get his hopes up. That was the last thing she desired. She wasn't ready for that conversation just yet, and she wasn't eager to confront the guilt she had been suppressing.
Deep down, she knew she hadn't intentionally hurt him, but the idea of meeting up with him felt like opening a door that she was more than happy to keep closed.
The electric kettle produced bubbles as it heated. Freya and Kate exchanged a bittersweet smile. They relished a fleeting moment of silence while the AC unit kicked on with a low hum.
"You mother would be proud of you." She paused for good measure before adding. "I know I am," her voice dropped, the emotions breaking the surface.
That familiar pang in her chest tightened. "It sucks she's not here to celebrate."
It was hard for Freya not to think about that night. The cold air that chilled her skin, the fright that held her captive, the scream lodged in her throat before erupting into a shrill cry of absolute terror.
A tremor snaked its way down her spine, the unresolved trauma leaving a lasting impact.
"You ever wonder where we would be now if it never happened?" Freya ventured carefully, her voice uncharacteristically meek. Her aunt was the only person she dropped her guard around.
Out there, though, in that big wicked world, she was hell on wheels with a fiery mouth to match.
Aunt Kate paused, a pensive look sweeping her face. It wasn't something they ever really discussed, though it was a question that no doubt crossed her mind on more than one occasion.
"It's not a road I like to venture down, Freya.." The apprehension showed in the furrow of her brow. The bubbles intensified, a rolling boil on the horizon. "There's no way of knowing where we would be, but I know that wherever she is now, she's watching you every step of the way."
Her aunt's honey-brown eyes glistened with a fresh fill of tears. She reached for a little napkin in the holder next to the oven and dabbed at her eyes silently.
Freya had a lump in her throat, but no tears. She had cried all her tears for her mother and then some for many years. The closest she could get to crying now was a large frog in her throat. It prevented her from truly expressing the emotional trauma she still carried in her heart.
These days, a burning desire for justice consumed her instead.
Freya took a deep breath, feeling the cool air fill her lungs as she steadied herself. The room was dimly lit, with a faint flickering of candlelight dancing on the walls. The sound of her own heartbeat echoed in her ears, a steady rhythm of determination.
As she spoke, her voice carried a mix of conviction and vulnerability, the weight of her words hanging in the silence. "I find myself returning to my why time and time again," she breathed. "All I want is to make a difference, to shield others from the pain we endured. If I can save just one life, all the sacrifices will be worthwhile in the end."
"This job will come with difficulties, Freya. You're going to win some and lose some. But I know you have your mother's spirit in you. And that means you're not going to give up easily." The kettle boiled vigorously before the automatic shut off clicked. "I just need you to promise me you'll never lose that. No matter how dark it gets."
Freya whispered a promise, affirming her aunt's wise words with a nod.
A few moments later, her aunt was bringing her a cup of piping hot coffee. The aroma hit her and she was fully awake now as one of her favorite smells in the world hit her in the face; fresh coffee.
Aunt Kate then used the rest of the hot water in the kettle to make a quick cup of sleepy time tea.
"I'm still getting used to this schedule. What do I say? Good morning or good evening?" Her aunt asked playfully as she squeezed a dollop of honey into her mug.
Freya took a long, hearty sip of her coffee before answering. "Well, it's morning for me, but evening for you. So...good morning, I guess?" She shrugged sheepishly as her aunt motioned for her to follow her.
They brought their mugs to the living room. Her body jolted at the touch of the cool leather couch. Looking around, she grabbed the throw blanket from the back and wrapped it around herself, covering her legs for warmth.
"You didn't elaborate earlier about meeting with Jax. How did that go?" With her mug pressed to her lips, Aunt Kate blew, creating billows of steam.
She had avoided all talk about Jax since the incident, leaving her aunt to grow curious.
Freya felt a surge of annoyance stiffen her posture at the mere mention of his name. Her grip on the mug tightened until her knuckles turned white. "Just peachy," she said, the word laced with sarcasm that didn't quite mask the grimace pulling at the corners of her lips. "Couldn't have been better," she added under her breath, forcing a smile that wouldn't reach her eyes.
Aunt Kate paused, a frown creasing her forehead. "Oh no, honey. That bad?"
Freya's face contorted into a scowl that she couldn't suppress. A childish pout formed as her bottom lip jutted out. "He despises me," she uttered, feeling a twinge of discomfort at the sharpness of her words. They seemed to grate against her ego.
"I doubt that's true." Aunt Kate reasoned. With her attention on Freya, Aunt Kate used her left hand to steep the bag. "Maybe you two just got off on the wrong foot."
She loved her Aunt Kate, but she was such a Libra at heart; always trying to balance the scales and playing devil's advocate. But Aunt Kate didn't see the way his eyes had turned cold, a flicker of contempt replacing the usual indifference.
Freya shook her head firmly, her voice tight with raw emotion. "I begged Captain Shaw for anyone else, but there isn't anyone else that can do the job quite like him." She used air quotes for the last three words and rolled her eyes.
A beat of silence followed, heavy with unspoken emotions. "I wanted everything about this transition to be perfect. I had everything planned out perfectly in my mind, but now he's messing it up." She spoke through gritted teeth.
Storm clouds gathered between her brow, straining against her supple skin. If she kept this face up for too much longer, she'd surely give herself a headache.
Silently, her aunt nodded. She stood to grab some seasoned firewood and kindling from the wicker basket next to the fireplace on the floor. She stacked them properly, taking gentle care to be strategic with each one.
The last layer was the kindling.
"It can still be perfect, Freya." She looked over her shoulder with a glimmer of optimism. "Just because things feel like they are off to a rocky start doesn't mean it'll be that way forever." Her eyes held a wellspring of patience.
Patience was not something Freya practiced. If ever.
Finally, she added fuel and lit a long match.
The fire roared to life - an ignition of orange and gold flames that created a controlled inferno. She closed the fire screen mesh door that sat on the hearth before coming to sit back down on the couch.
"Plus, is he really ruining everything? Or are you overreacting?" The tough love slipped through the cracks, sending a pointed look in Freya's direction.
"It's just frustrating to know I'm walking into a situation with someone who has already made a judgment call about me," Freya said, her voice tight. She took a gulp of her coffee, the slurp loud in the sudden quiet. "Prejudged. Already written me off," she fumed silently. Freya's shoulders tensed again, the mug handle turning white under her knuckles as she gripped it tighter.
A look of confusion crossed Aunt Kate's face, causing her eyebrows to scrunch up. "Every time I bumped into his father, he had only good things to say about him." After a brief pause, she added thoughtfully, "I'm sorry it didn't go according to plan, kiddo."
Freya's shoulders deflated. "I want to believe that the guy everyone talked about on campus is in there somewhere, but Donna told me changed so much after his partner died. They were like brothers, and I can't imagine how messed up that was for him.." Her voice trailed off, a reluctant understanding replacing her previous bitterness.
"But.." Her voice sharpened as she continued firmly, "it doesn't mean he should get a pass for treating others so rudely."
The fire popped, catching her attention for a moment. The flames twirled together in a dance of their own as they brought a comfortable warmth to the room.
Aunt Kate sighed, resting her head on the back of the couch, staring whimsically at Freya as if she had a wealth of knowledge to impart on her. She smiled softly. "I think if you just go in there and be yourself, all of this will sort itself out. You've earned this, Freya. No one, not even Jax Ryder, can take that way from you."
Her aunt shrugged after a beat, a playful smile escaping her lips. "Who knows, Freya? Maybe you two could learn a thing or two from one another."
Learn from each other? The guy practically wrote me off before I even opened my mouth.
Freya barked a sharp humorless laugh. She nearly spilled some of her coffee as she doubled over dramatically. "Ha." She choked out the single syllable, dripping with sarcasm.
Aunt Kate tsked. "C'mon on. He can't be that bad. Give him a chance."
"Hey, whose side are you on here?" She half-heartedly joked. Freya re-situated herself, dragging the throw blanket that had ended up on the floor from her dramatics.
Her aunt chuckled, a sound that reminded her of merrier times. "Freya, I've always got your back. You know that." She sipped her tea and then added softly, "I'm just saying maybe you could extend a little of that hope we talked about earlier to Jax? I mean, surely there is still hope for him too.."
An uncomfortable silence settled in the room, giving Freya pause as she opened her mouth, but thought better of it and shut it. She stared off into the fire and sipped her coffee, a contemplative look settling on her face.
After a pause, her aunt stood, mug in hand, stretching her arms over her head. She walked casually to Freya and planted a sweet kiss on top of her head, sending a warmth to Freya's chest that she missed so dearly from her mother.
"I know you're going to figure it all out." Her earnest eyes glimmered with faith. "I'm off to read before I settle in to bed for the night." She grabbed her book off the small table nearest to the hallway, tucking it under her left arm.
"Oh," she paused as she reached the hallway. "I got biscuits, eggs and bacon. Feel free to make breakfast." Her aunt shook her head lightly, a musing smile on her face. "Your schedule is going to take some getting used to."
Freya snickered softly, raising the mug like a toast. "You and me both."
Her aunt's footfalls disappeared down the long hallway to the back of the house, leaving Freya to her muddled thoughts and mixed emotions.
Freya sipped her coffee, the mug warming her hands as she continued watching the velvety night sky from the window. A frown line creased her forehead as she quietly considered her aunt's words.
Hope.
She just hoped she survived this training with Jax Ryder.
She was going to need a lot of that if she were going to get through this.
Author's Note:
Vera Farmiga is my face claim for Aunt Kate and I'm sooooo here for it!!!! :)
I also love this relationship so much. Like...aunt Kate is all Freya has had since she was a kid so it's clear that she's taken on the role of like pseudo mom, but also not trying to fill the shoes of her mother either. But the fact that her mother's sister is raising her somehow warms my heart.
And it's encouraging to see that they have stuck together over the years and supported one another, and how aunt Kaci has supported Freya in her supernatural endeavors all this time.
I really love their bond. <3
Thank you for tuning into this story. I always appreciate the support and love. :)