"WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?"
Your aunt immediately asked once you got in the car. "Hmm? What's what?" You cocked your head. Your aunt exhaled, turning to you. "Check your phone."
You did. And as it turned out, you were still on the call with her.
"Oh." You blinked. "You heard that?"
"Everything, yes." She started up the car, and it began moving. "So, you like him?"
"Hm... Huh?" You tried to process her sentence into your brain, but you were even more confused. "Of course... I like him. He's my friend."
Don't tell me this is one of those things where kids are oblivious to another's feelings. Your aunt knew where this was going already. "[Name], are you sure you don't like him romantically?"
You tilted your head upwards, pressing an index finger on your chin as you gathered your thoughts. "As in... where you kiss, start a family and grow old together?"
Your aunt slowly sighed. "...Yes."
"Hehe." You giggled. "No way! I mean, Chifuyu-san's just a friend!"
Your aunt sighed, turning the wheel to the left of the street. There was no use pushing this topic, so she dropped it. Whether or not you actually liked him, well... That's for you to figure out.
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Once you get home, you immediately plopped right onto your bed, hugging your beloved Mr. Froppé as you remembered the events of today.
Chifuyu-san didn't abandon me. I was overthinking it.
Knowing that, you felt really happy. You laid there, repeating the memories in your head. Where he held your shoulder, told you that he regretted what he said, you apologizing in turn, and then somehow ended up in his embrace.
His touch was warm. His breath felt hot against your ear. And his words were as sweet as honey.
You sighed a little, spacing off into thinking that specific memory of Chifuyu hugging you.
A part of you wished to be in his hold a little longer. Something in his embrace was... nice. It was really, really... nice.
That was all you really could explain. It wasn't bad, so it had to be pleasant. His arms that wrapped around you, his voice that you've always heard.
It felt like he knew the right words to say. The right words to comfort you.
Just like Mom and Auntie.
It made you incredibly happy. So much so that you didn't know what to do with this emotion.
But... are you deserving of this happiness?
You said things that you can't take back. You did things you couldn't stop.
And now that you think about it, the words you said were ridiculous. It was so ridiculous that even an outsider had to wonder how insecure you had to be to run away from a situation where you thought your friend didn't trust the strength you have.
"...Ah."
That's right.
At the end of the day, you are just a girl with emotional and mental issues. You can't do anything by yourself, and you can't do anything to stop yourself from thinking so negatively.
You remembered a phrase you heard so much back then.
"Beating is pain, scolding is love."
You believed that was your father's way of loving you and your mom.
But if so... why does love hurt so much?
...
You found out very late that it wasn't supposed to be love.
You remembered how his face would scrunched up with hate and disgust every time he saw you. You remembered his words that were like poison. You remembered the beatings you and your mom took.
Your aunt had explained this in careful detail, trying to be as clear as she possibly can, but as less harsh as she could.
Your father never loved you. Nor did he love your mom.
It took you a long time to recover from that thought. You couldn't stop shaking, you couldn't stop crying, and every time when you thought about how he demanded you to do this or do that, or whenever he would beat you until his knuckles were blood red, or anytime when he would belittle you for every little thing you do, you―
You slapped your face, stopping yourself from continuing.
..................
It made you vomit whenever you thought about it.
Knock knock!
You heard Auntie's voice behind your door. "[Name], dinner's ready. Come down whenever you're done."
"I-... I'm not hungry now, s-so I'll eat later!
You gave her some response, hoping she wouldn't come inside in worry when you don't reply.
You heard her mumble something, but thankfully, she walked away.
I... really thought a lot today.
Even as far as your memories with your father and mom.
You recalled back your train of thoughts, then noticed something.
When I asked Chifuyu-san to hit me... Was it because I was used to thinking beatings was a sign of love? This thought scared you, as Auntie never condoned any sorts of violence.
The beatings you get at school were a different case. You knew that they never had any shred of affection for you in the first place that it didn't hurt emotionally.
But Chifuyu is your friend. And he's currently in a gang that has ties to violence.
Do you still think that violence is love, even when you know morally that it's wrong?
"Ah― No, no, no. Bad [Name]." You lightly slapped your cheeks a few times. "No more bad thoughts for today. It's enough."
More importantly, food!
You have to go to a Toman meeting later, so you quickly finished your meal, and told Auntie where you're going out.
"Be careful, okay?" Your aunt raised a brow at you.
"I will." You nodded, heading out the door.
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You arrived at the shrine, and immediately, you went to find Chifuyu. There were separate groups of people, so it was a bit hard to find him.
Your eyes scanned around, eventually landing on the very person you wanted to see.
"Chifuyu-san." Even though you didn't shout his name to avoid embarrassing yourself, even you could tell that you were happy when you saw him.
You quickened your steps towards him. But then you realized that he was talking to someone else, so once you got there, you just... awkwardly stood behind him.
That reminds me... Where is Takemichi-san?
"And then they-... Uh?" The person talking to Chifuyu stopped when he noticed you behind him, looking around.
Chifuyu raised an eyebrow, and turned behind too. "Huh? Oh, [Last Name]-chan!"
You jumped a little when he called out to you. "Ah... Chifuyu-san! Um, hello." Your eyes trailed between the person Chifuyu was talking to and Chifuyu himself. "Uh, I... I hope I didn't interrupt anything... did I?"
Chifuyu was about to say something when the other person began. "You did," He said. "But I'll forgive ya. I'll leave you two alone." He walked off, waving a hand in the air as he did.
You blinked as you saw him off. "Um, sorry. I didn't mean to." You rubbed Mr. Froppé's arm nervously.
"Nah, it's fine. I'm sure he was just being considerate." Chifuyu waved it off, turning to you. "You have my full attention now, so what's up?"
Full attention... Ignoring how nice that comment felt, you started talking. "I just wanted to come see you. Since um, we made up earlier today."
"Yep, see you there."
I did say that, huh? Chifuyu suddenly felt a teeny tiny bit embarrassed when he recalled the moment he hugged you. He wasn't used to physical contact with you. The first few times were when you wrapped your arms around him when you rode his bike, the second was when he protected you from getting attacked by that Tenjiku guy, and the third was for thanking him for bringing back Mr. Froppé.
So him hugging you was... an experience on its own.
"Hm?" You tilted your head when you noticed how silent he was. "Um, Chifuyu-san." You lightly pulled on his sleeve. "Am I... boring you? You looked like you're spacing out."
"What?" Chifuyu looked puzzled for a moment before grinning. "No. You're never boring, [Last Name]-chan."
"Mm, uh-huh..." You awkwardly nodded, looking off to the side. It made you feel... something. It felt good, for sure. And the worst part is that he actually meant it.
You subconsciously brought Mr. Froppé closer to your lips, as if you were hiding.
Chifuyu saw this and was a bit confused. That is, until he saw that the tips of your ears were juuust a bit red in colour.
"Uh―" He looked away as well, in the opposite direction of where you were staring at, somehow feeling flushed.
"Ugh, is it just me, or does it feel lovey-dovey there?" Makoto feigned gagging, glancing over to you and Chifuyu, both looking like newlyweds.
Atsushi slapped his back. "Don't ruin it, man."