-Niall’s Point of View-
“Zayn you gotta do something!” The voice that rises from my throat doesn’t sound like my own.
My ears are ringing. My stomache is nauseous. Any second my heart is going to fall out of my arse. I stumble backwards but Zayn catches me hooking his arms around my waist.
“Anything I could do might take time Nialler….”
“Time? Like how long?” My throat tightens, skin burning uncomfortably where Zayn touches.
“A month…maybe more.”
“No, no that’s too long.” I whisper.
“It’s the best I can do unless, I mean, can’t you just order another one?” Zayn questions callously.
“If you’re not going to help me like you said you would then I’m leaving.” I snap, shoving him away from me, clenching my fists tightly at my sides.
“I am. I just don’t want you to be upset if I can’t fix him.” Zayn sighs.
“I need you to try.” My voice trembles.
My gaze lands on Harry immobile on the bed. I can’t look at his face.
“I will. I promise.”
“You swear?”
“Yeah.” Zayn places a firm hand on my shoulder.
-February-
-March-
-April-
-May-
-June-
It’s beginning to get harder for me. Every day I go to Zayn’s dorm only to be let down. It’s painful to see Harry covered with some tarp like he’s some shitty car Zayn’s working on. To go from being with Harry every day to not at all has been rough on me. Sleeping alone, showering alone, it all weighs down on me reminding me what I’m without. I was so attached to Harry without even knowing it. It hurts being alone.
I’m not the same without him. I feel dull, boring, and uninteresting. It’s like the time before Harry but so much worse.
But I haven’t given up hope.
There’s still a big part of me that believes I’m going to come back to the dorm and see Harry waiting for me on my bed with that perfect dimpled smile and glowing green eyes.
I dream about him quite often, almost every night. Sometimes they’re only memories of us of happy times. Like the very first time I saw Harry, the way he smiled at me and told me he was my boyfriend.
Louis knows now. I couldn’t bring myself to make up a new web of lies. Louis was shocked of course but he was understanding and mainly curious. He asked if Harry’s penis was adjustable and if Harry could hump in different speeds, rubbish question but it made me smile talking about Harry.
I walked to Zayn’s dorm warily, my body feeling like I’m weighed down with something, sadness maybe.
When I reach Zayn’s dorm, I pop my head in.
“Anything?” I ask just like I’ve done every day for the past five months.
“No but I’m close.” Zayn says looking at me over his black-framed glasses.
I step inside the room fully. In a corner underneath blue tarp, I know Harry’s standing there looking like a wax figure. I hadn’t allowed myself to look at him. Not once, no cheating. What good would it do me? I don’t need my heart broken any more than it is. I don’t need to be in more pain than I already am.
Besides, the Harry in my head is enough for me.
When I absolutely can’t handle the sadness, I think of Harry. You’d think it would make me sadder but it really calms me. Sometimes I lie in bed and conjure up the memory of Harry. The way his curls brush against my cheek like an affectionate caress, his pretty pink lips that would stretch into that perfect dimpled smile, and his emerald eyes that seem to only focus on me making me feel like I was the center of his universe. He sure as hell was mine.
“Niall, you alright mate? You look ready to cry.” Zayn questioned taking his glasses off to scrutinize me further.
“Wouldn’t you be if someone you love was suddenly gone?” I ask icily.
“Well, he’s not really gone.”
“I have to question if you’re really trying Zayn.”
Zayn’s lips part slightly and he averts his gaze.
“You aren’t doing a thing, are you? You’ve seen me cry myself to sleep for months and months and you’re sitting here…doing nothing.”
“I’m not doing nothing!”
“You swore you’d help me. You never intended to help. You’re an arsehole, a shitty mate, and I regret asking you for help.”
“Niall, just let me explain.”
“Go ahead.”
His head drops but I’m met with silence. I march over to the corner and grab the tarp covered figure hauling it up on my shoulder. Without a word I’m out the dorm and walking to my own. Curious glances are thrown my way but I pay them no mind. My heart hurts too much.
Once I’m in the solitude of my own dorm, I place Harry on my bed.
My body’s throbbing in sync with my pounding heart when a loud knock interrupts me. Not a second later, Louis barges in, his face straightening when he sees the glimpse of blue tarp.
“What is it Lou? I really want to be alone.”
“I want to talk to you about Zayn.”
I clench my jaw and look away from him. I have nothing left to say about that heartless monster.
“Alright, I know you’re pissed but don’t be mad at him. He just wanted to spend time with you. You were there pretty much every day.”
“Yes! For Harry!”
“Look, I’ll get to the point. Why don’t you give Zayn a chance?”
“What?!”
I stare at the dark blue eyed lad. He adjusts his blue and white striped shirt and shrugs, sticking his hands into the pockets of his blue jeans.
“Why not?”
“Hello! Because I’m already in love!”
“Yeah but Ni…Harry isn’t real. Zayn is and just too scared to show you how he feels.”
“I’m not listening. Harry is the only one for me and that’s it. If Zayn really cared about me, he wouldn’t have lied and wasted my time.”
“He didn’t lie.”
“How would you know?”
“Because he figured it out Niall!”
“What…?”
“Two weeks ago, he showed me the blue print for it.”
“T-Then why? Why didn’t he tell me?”
“C’mon Ni, he doesn’t want you to leave him.” Louis answers as if it’s obvious.
“I need to be alone.”
Louis leaves me alone wordlessly.
I turn back towards my bed and raise a shaky hand towards the tarp covered figure. I pull it back down to his neck. My heart shatters into a million irreparable pieces.
The real thing doesn’t compare to the picture in my mind.
“Harry…I’ve missed you…so much.” I whisper as my eyes blur with tear.
He looks the way he did when I saw him for the first time, sitting in the crate like Sleeping Beauty. Except true love’s kiss won’t break Harry’s spell. I push away the tears.
“The other day I saw these two squirrels chasing each other. They reminded me of you and me. Partly because you love squirrels and partly because you’re always after me…sexually that is.” I chuckle as reach to feel Harry’s curls.
“Come to think of it, everything reminds me of you.” I sigh.
“I’ve been praying every nigh too. It’s funny. Before this I hadn’t done much of that ever really. Seems like all my prayers go straight to God’s voicemail though.” I shake my head. “I haven’t given up. Okay? When you come back, we’ll do whatever you want. I’ll let you touch me whenever you went, even in class. Zayn’s figured everything out so everything’ll be fine. God, I just fuckin miss so much it hurts. Five months is too long, Harry. I love you…so come back to me.” I plead, stroking his cheek.
I wait for a sign, anything.
But nothing happens.
Alright guys, don’t be mad at me lol it’ll get better. I promise ;) This is all just a bit of a reality check for our little Nialler. And sorry for the long waitand iffy chapter. I haven’t been feeling well lately, anywaysss so tell me what you guys think of the possibility of Ziall? You wanna hear more about what Liam or Louis have been up to in the next chapter? Let me know! :)
Comment, vote or whatever you feel like.
Stay golden. xx