While everyone was minding their own business waiting for a new client, Y/N walks through the front door looking far more depressed that usual.
Millie: "....Are you okay..?"
Y/N completely ignored her and hobbled over to the coffee machine, only to flop down face first onto the couch and sigh as he sees that it's empty.
Loona: "You look like shit."
Y/N: "Really? I never noticed, Sherlock."
Moxxie: ".....Is that blood?"
Y/N: "Huh...?"
Y/N down at his side, noticing the blood trickling down his leg and a rather small stab wound just above his waist.
Y/N: "Oh. Yeah, looks like it."
Moxxie: "Shouldn't you....patch that up?"
Y/N: "What, this? I suffered worse than this when I was like 10. I'll be fine....y'all mind if I just...fall asleep here...?"
Loona: "Uh, yes. I do...Well, I don't, but Blitzø will be pissed....and you'd probably bleed out in your sleep."
Y/N: "But....sleep sound so nice right now."
Millie: "Did you not get enough rest?"
Y/N: "Nope. Couldn't sleep because of these two homeless people fucking in the alley next to me. When I told them to get out, one of them pulled out a knife and went to stab me....I thought he missed."
Loona: ".....Does that mean you've-"
Y/N: "-Been bleeding since midnight....yeah. Roughly."
Loona sighs to herself, before getting up and leaving.
Moxxie: "Ah- Where are you going?? HE'S BLEEDING OUT ON THE COUCH!"
"WHO'S BLEEDING ON MY COUCH?!"
Moxxie: "Oh.....crumbs."
________________________________
Loona eventually came back with a First Aid Kit while Blitzø was busting Y/N's balls after he explained what had happened.
Blitzø: "This is coming out of your goddamm paycheck. I JUST bought that fucking couch!"
Moxxie: "Just to be clear....after getting stabbed, you fell into a dumpster, bought new clothes, burned the old ones, got a drink, almost got hit by SEVERAL vehicles, and accidentally stepped on a homeless lady before finally stumbling in here??"
Y/N: "Actually, Detective....it was a few drinks....and it wasn't an accident."
Moxxie: "After only getting 2 hours of sleep and bleeding everywhere you went....you're only NOW noticing that you were stabbed??"
Y/N: "Yes! What is difficult to understand here?"
Loona: "Just shut up and sit still-"
Y/N: "I can do it myself MOM, fucking christ. One little stab and everyone has a panic attack over it. I told you, I'll be fine."
Y/N quickly dresses the wound and everyone goes about their normal business....or so he thought. Y/N occasionally caught what looked like a few worried side glances from everyone but Blitzø, but they stopped after an hour or two.
They didn't stop worrying, just got more...upfront about it.
Millie: "Are you sure you're okay? Don't feel light headed or anything?"
Y/N: "Yep. I'm fi-"
Loona: "If you do....should probably tell someone, cause...you know, might die."
Y/N: "You don't have to-"
Moxxie: "If you feel any pain, I have some medication that might-"
Y/N: "Okay. Stop it. I'm fine. You don't need to worry, it's not that bad. Promise."
Loona: "Sorry...just don't want you collapsing or something."
Millie: "........"
Loona: "What?"
Moxxie: "Did you just apologize...?Like...sincerely apologize?"
Loona: "That's not-"
Y/N does an overdramtic gasp and turns to Loona with fake tears in his eyes.
Y/N: "Do you CARE about me?!"
Loona: "No! It'd be too much effort to push your body out the door! It's not like that!"
Millie: "Gettin defensive~?"
*Exaggerated Gasp*
Y/N: "You are! You're starting to like me!"
Loona: "No, why would I like you??"
Y/N starts dramatically crying and wiping his eyes, imitating a Valley Girl voice.
Y/N: "This is literally the happiest day of my life! I'm like, totally gonna post this on my page!"
Loona: "Oh god, please stop."
Y/N: "O-M-G! I'm so happy I could like, totally sing right now!"
Loona: "Please fucking kill me."
Y/N: "Okay, I'm done. That voice is annoying."
Moxxie: "Then...why did you do it?"
Y/N: "Wanted to see if I could. And it annoys Loona, so that's always a plus...I'm bored now."
Loona: "Then go do something. Anything, just do it away from me."
Y/N: "Nah, I'm just gonna sleep."
Loona: "On the couch?"
Y/N: "Yeap."
Loona: "The one you bled on earlier?
Y/N: "Yeap, what's the issue here?"
Loona: "....Nothing. Go ahead."
________________________________
Blitzø is sitting in his office...."Playing" with two horribly made figurines of M&M.
Stick Millie: "Oh Blitzø! You're such a good boss!"
Stick Moxxie: "Yeah! I really want you, sir!"
Stick Millie: "Me too!"
Blitzø: "Let's threewaaaay-"
Right as Blitzø was about to continue one of his....disturbing past times, he was rudely interrupted when his phone started ringing.
Blitzø: "WHAT?!"
Stolas: "Why hello, my big ****** Blitzy."
Blitzø spit out his coffee in shock before shouting back at Stolas, hearing a feint voice on the other side of the phone that sounded like it said the same thing.
Blitzø: "What the fuck, Stolas?!"
Stolas: "Language, Everyone! I have a special request-"
Blitzø: "Ugh, well, I just got a chemical peel, so you'll have to find someone else's face to plant that feathered ass!"
Stolas: "It's for my daughter."
Blitzø: "Ah. Well, just make sure she washes it-"
Stolas: "No! No, no-no-no, I'm taking my daughter to Loo-Loo Land, and I was hoping you brave little Imps would accompany us!"
Blitzø: "We're assassins, not bodyguards-well....there is Y/N, but I doubt he'd want to, anyway, don't invite us to SHIT unless someone's gonna die!"
Stolas: "I'll pay you~"
Blitzø: "......Pay me what?"
Stolas: "Money~"
Blitzø: "DONE!"
Blitzø slams his phone so hard it literally shatters before shouting as loud as he could through a megaphone, annoying Loona, who was trying to not do her job, and Y/N, who was just trying to sleep.
Blitzø: "M&M GET IN HERE, WE'RE GOIN TO LOO-LOO LAND!"
Moxxie calmly opens the door despite his confusion, while Millie smashes through the window head first.
Moxxie: "Loo-Loo Land?"
Millie: "LOO-LOO LAND?!"
Blitzø: "LOO-LOO LAAAAAAAND!"
Y/N/Loona: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Y/N: *Giggle* "Jinx."
Loona angrily throws 50 cents at Y/N's face before going back to her phone.
Y/N: "Ow-"
Blitzø: "Oh, and Y/N! Get your ass up, you're coming with us."
Y/N: "But I just wanna sleep..."
Blitzø: "Shoulda thought about that before you BLED ON MY NEW FUCKING COUCH! Now get the fuck up."
Blitzø and M&M walk through the door while Y/N sighs, tiredly rolling off the couch and onto the floor.
________________________________
They been driving for about 15 minutes and Y/N was starting to get impatient.
Blitzø: "Oh, and Y/N, almost forgot....please just shut the fuck-"
Y/N: "So, who's the emo chick?"
Blitzø slams his head on the wheel while Moxxie and Millie face-palm.
???: "Do you always smell like blood and shame?"
Y/N: "Oh, even better question! Is it true your kind can't exist without the color black?"
???: "The Pot's calling the Kettle black. Bit hypocritical, don't you think?"
Y/N: ".......I like this one. What's your name again?"
???: *Sigh* "Octavia."
Blitzø: "Aaaand we're here. Alright, everyone out!"
Y/N: "Finally. I already started brainstorming weird shit to call her."
Octavia groans while stepping out of the car, following Blitzø and Stolas while trying her best to hide herself.
Y/N: "It's so fucking colorful it makes my eyes bleed....is that guy pissing next to a- I wanna go home."
Millie: "Oh, I used to love going here!"
Y/N: "You what??"
Millie: "My parents used to take me here when I was a little girl."
Y/N: "I've never even met them...but your parents scare me-"
Blitzø: "Y/N! Here, now."
Y/N almost instantly appears next to Octavia, scaring the shit out of her as he answered Blitzø.
Y/N: "What?"
Blitzø: "You know why we're here, right?"
Y/N: "No, you just demanded that I come with you, despite the fact that I was kinda stabbed earlier."
Blitzø: "You're fine anyway so it doesn't matter. Our job is to protect these two. Very simple. Don't fuck it up and I'll forgive you for the couch...that was a lie, I'm never forgiving you."
Y/N: "So, I'm a babysitter now?"
Blitzø: "Sounds about right, yeah."
Octavia: "Hey, dad, do we really have to-"
Blitzø: "Okay, yeah, hold on right there sweetie-"
Blitzø turns back to Stolas and whispers at him, quite terribly as both Y/N and Octavia were still able to hear it.
Blitzø: "If you try fuckin my little ass in that park I swear to-"
Stolas: "You are so cute when you're serious~!"
Y/N: "Fucking hell..."
Octavia: "I'm literally gonna be sick."
Y/N: "Likewise."
Moxxie begins frantically rummaging through his pouch, throwing out multiple different types of drugs and medication.
Moxxie: "Oh crumbs! I knew today would be a lot, what do you need? Antacids, Ibuprofen, Morphine??"
Octavia: "That was figurative, old man."
Moxxie: "Oh. Right, hehe...but she said it was literal."
Y/N: "Heh. She called you old."
Octavia follows her father with Y/N not too far behind, his tall stature being more than enough to ward off any possible danger.
Octavia: "Hey, uh...wolf...dude, I have a question."
Y/N: "Shoot."
Octavia: "Don't mean to be rude, but is there a reason you look like you tried to climb into a blender..?"
Y/N: "If you're referring to the scars, that's not something I wanna talk about-"
Millie: "Look! It's Big Woobly!"
Y/N and Octavia turn to see Millie pointing rather enthusiastically at a worn down grey dinosaur robot that looked like it had frequent World War 2 flashbacks.
Y/N: "What the fuck....?"
Moxxie: "That is deeply...upsetting."
Millie: "Oh come on! It's fun! You've never been here??"
Moxxie: "No...themeparks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots!-"
As if eavesdropping on M&M's conversation, Loo-Loo Land's mascot, which resembled a moldy apple with teeth, popped up next to Moxxie, causing him to jump back into Millie's arms while he screams his head off.
???: "Well hey there! I'm Loo-Loo! Welcome to Loo-Loo Land! If yall get hurt here, just try and sue us!"
Y/N: "That's not unsettling at all."
Stolas: *Gasp* Look, Via! It's Loo-Loo!"
Octavia: "I have a question."
Loo-Loo turns around to look at Octavia, hopping slightly as his eye falls out of place.
Loo-Loo: "Well, ask away, Little Girlie! Ahyuh-Ahyuh-Ahyuh!"
Y/N: "What the fuck is wrong with this place...."
Octavia: "Is it true this park is just a really shameless spinoff of Lucifer's far more popular Lu-Lu World?"
Stoals looks at his daughter with a bit of worry while Loo-Loo contemplates his existence.
Loo-Loo: "........No..?"
Octavia: "This place reeks of insecure corporate shame."
Y/N: "And rotting flesh. Pretty sure that's a dead kid over there."
Stolas: "Ehehehe...Why don't we go check out the rides?"
Stolas lightly grabs Octavia's hand and walks off to "Check out the rides", while Y/N pokes to kid's body with a stick.
Loo-Loo: "That chick's creepy, huh?"
Blitzø: "yeah wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes."
Loo-Loo: "...What's that supposed to mea-"
Moxxie: "DON'T TALK TO ME! I know you're a pervert under there."
Moxxie runs off holding Millie's hand while Y/N finally stops poking the poor kid's body.
Y/N: "Yeah. Definitely dead. Poor Timothy....hope your name's not actually Timothy-"
Blitzø: "Y/N!"
Y/N: "Here, teach!"
Blitzø: "I'm not checking attendance, dipshit! Hurry up!"
Y/N: "Fine! Could've humored me a bit...is that a drink-why would you drink something here??"
________________________________
Y/N, Stolas, and Octavia were walking through the park while Blitzø snuck around stands and shit with a sniper, "Keeping Watch", while also being a general nuisance, knocking over drinks, food, and even some people.
Stolas: "You know, it's quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy."
Blitzø: "Save it bitch I'm working."
Octavia: "You both need to get a room."
Y/N: "What the fuck do you think a room is going to do? They'd still be audible throughout the entire park."
Octavia: "...Fair point."
Blitzø: "Hey, I am NOT a day hooker."
A lady walking by with her baby stops and gives Blitzø a weird look.
Blitzø: "What?? I just said I'm not one, prude!"
Stolas: "Oh look! Via! You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!"
Octavia: "Oh no..."
Y/N: "No one ever cries 'Tears Of Joy' at a circus-"
Stolas: "Shush. Bad dog."
Y/N: "McFucking-scuse me?!-"
Octavia/Blitzø: "I hate that fuckin clown."
"Oh, Blitzy~! I need my bodyguard, please~!"
Stolas was currently being hoisted up by several Imps, one of which throws a bag over his head and takes out a knife. Y/N is standing next to the group of Imps, trying to coach them on how they're doing it wrong before Blitzø shoots one of them in the head, causing the rest to drop Stolas and scatter.
Blitzø: "Y/N! The fuck?!"
Y/N: "I am not a pet, and I am not a fucking dog."
Y/N walks into the circus, with Octavia following shortly after while Blitzø grabs Stolas, tossing him into a seat, letting Octavia take the bag off his head.
???: "He-he-He-he-Heya Kids! It's me, the robotic Fizzaroli, shipped from Big Ozzie's to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo-Loo Land spelled with O's, to avoid lawsuits. Hit it!"
Y/N: "Oh god don't tell me he's gonna start-"
Robo Fizz starts singing about Loo-Loo Land and copyright infringements, letting the song go on for WAY longer than it needed to, with Stolas being much too enthusiastic about the whole thing, while Y/N and Octavia were practically dying inside.
When the whole song had finally ended, Stolas started clapping as if he'd experienced a masterpiece.
Stolas: "Ohohohohoho~! How delightful-"
*Bang*
Blitzø had shot yet another Imp who tried to stab Stolas from behind.
Stolas: "Oh, my~, what good aim you have, Blitzy~!"
Octavia: "Ugh! I can't do this anymore!"
Stolas: "Wai- I- Octavia!"
Octavia runs off frustrated while Stolas chased after her, leaving Y/N to listen to Blitzø and Robo Fizz.
Robo Fizz: "Mha-a-a-a-Ho-o! Is that Blitzo my sensors spot up there-ere!? I guess the kiddies are still running away from you, huh? Hahahaha!"
Blitzø: "The O is silent now!
Robo Fizz: "A-a-aw-aw! Just like you audience was when you t-to-told your lazy jokes here! Mhahaha!"
Blitzø: "Bitch I make more money killing people than you do being a cheap robo-rip off of an overrated SELLOUT JESTER!"
Robo Fizz: "O-O-O-OOO~! Someone's salty! Real or not though, people LO-O-O-VE me! Does anybody love yo-o-o-u, BLITZO?"
Blitzø: "No. But I'm really goo with guns now! Y/N, go check on Stolas. And Fizz....DANCE, BITCH!"
By the time Blitzø started shooting, Y/N had already made it outside, looking up just in time to see Blitzø crash down into a cart of "inconvenient torches" being sold by Wally Wackford, setting the whole circus on fire.
Y/N: "Inconvenient indeed."
________________________________
Y/N tracked Stolas' scent all the way to another section of the park, hearing his voice as he turns the corner.
"I think I'm supposed to be BODYGUARDED RIGHT NOW!"
Y/N grabs his B.A.R, shooting the Imp on Stolas' back twice as M&M run past him.
Stolas: "Eugh, that's better. Where's Blitzy? He's my knight in shining armor, not you little-r ones."
Millie: "He's uh...busy."
Moxxie: "Being a fool."
Stolas: "What kind of fool?"
Y/N: "The 'Everything is now on fire' kind. All because he wanted a shootout with a robot."
Stolas just walks off in disappointment while Y/N follows slightly behind him, keeping his gun out just in case.
After weaving through a few obstacles, the two soon come to another ride, seeing Octavia crying in one of the spinning apples.
Y/N pats Stolas' shoulder before whispering in his ear.
Y/N: "That's your cue. Just don't fuck it up so we can go, please."
Stolas takes off the apple hat hed been wearing the whole time, taking a seat next to Octavia on the ride.
Stolas: "Octavia....I take it you're...not having fun."
Octavia: "I didn't even want to come here!"
Stolas: "I'm sorry sweetie...I thought you loved it here..."
Octavia: "When I was a kid and my parent didn't hate each other...and my dad didn't flirt with some...weird red dick head the entire time."
Stolas: "I'm sorry, Via...I'm sorry for...everything happening right now. I know it's...a lot...I-I should've listened."
Octavia: "I just wanna go home....but home doesn't even feel like 'Home' anymore...you ruined it."
Stolas: "You need to understand...your mother and I...I felt...she's always been...I haven't been...Ha...we weren't in...I'm sorry...I-I-I don't have the words..."
Octavia: "......Are you gonna run off with him....and leave me behind? Go away where...I can't find you?"
Stolas quickly pulls Octavia into a hug.
Stolas: "What? No! No, no, never. I'd never do that. Never....I think it's time to leave this place. You were right, you are too old for it anyway."
Y/N silently follows the two of them out, watching Stolas turn an Imp into stone by just looking at him, before stopping just behind them as the reach the front of the park.
Stolas: "So! What would you like to do now?"
Octavia: "Oh, can we go to Stylish Occult? They sell weird taxidermy there."
Stolas: "Hmmmm...Okaaay?"
Octavia laughs at her father's worried humming, before finally noticing how quiet Y/N's been.
Octavia: "You've been strangely quiet for a while now...no weird name calling, or uncalled for remarks?"
Y/N: "Believe it or not, despite what Blitzø says, I DO know when to shut the fuck up. But, if you'd rather I not-"
Octavia: "No, you were fine. Was just curious."
Y/N: "So where's the rest of the-"
Almost perfectly on time, Blitzø and M&M came falling from the sky, landing on the ground with trails of smoke coming off of them.
Y/N: "-Team. Huh. Guess that's that then!"
Y/N couches down and takes the keys from Blitzø's pocket, before jogging over to the van and hopping inside.
Moxxie: "Way to ruin YET another good thing, Sir!"
Blitzø: "WoRtH iT! ThAt SlUtTy ToY cLoWn HaD iT cOmInG!"
Y/N quickly hops out of the car, running past Stolas and Octavia.
Y/N: "Oh fuck a cat's dragging Millie-Hey! Get back here you furry son of a bitch!-oh god it's dragging her back into the fire-MILLIE, NO!-"
________________________________
Next chapter's gonna be a little.....weird. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
3225 Words