| CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
| my mom took my phone
ɴᴏʟᴀɴ ᴍᴜʟʟᴇɴ
At first, I wasn't worried about Oakley not texting me it all. I figured he was busy touring, or maybe the connection was acting up because of the traveling, or maybe he was simply tired. After all, I didn't text him every day either. My mom was still taking my phone every work day, and at night I was tired sometimes too.
But now that I hadn't heard from him in a whole week, after texting multiple times, I'd become worried.
"Nolan!" my mom called. I was faintly in the background, far enough for me to ignore.
I stared at the messages I'd sent Oakley, expecting a reply. It was the first time I'd noticed the message arrived in a few days, which should be a good sign, but I found myself doubting that conclusion.
You:
Hey, how was your day?
You:
Good morning
You:
What are you doing rn?
You:
Are you ok?
You:
I heard you were sick, I hope you're feeling better soon!
I had made a fool out of myself being the first to text without a reply this much, but the damage was done. The only thing I could do about it was accept that he didn't want to talk right now.
"Nolan," my mom said, opening the door to my bedroom. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah," I said, getting up from my bed, but staring at the messages the entire time until my phone was in her hands. I didn't mind it being taken today. I needed a distraction from this whole not-replying situation anyway. I expected her to take it and make her way towards her car, but she didn't. She instead held out my car keys between two of her freshly manicured fingers and gave them to me.
"You're driving yourself today. I have an appointment in an hour," she explained.
"An appointment to do what?"
"A new client. A young influencer who would like to get into acting. She doesn't have much experience yet but she took some acting classes in high school."
I didn't care much for my mom's work, so I didn't ask anything else.
"Okay," I said. "Bye." I walked past her to get to the hallway and quickly made my way downstairs.
•••
When I got home that night, my phone was on my kitchen table, and my mom was still gone.
My phone was dead, so I took it with me to my room to charge it. Once I sat on my bed and plugged in the phone, a bunch of notifications quickly popped up. Not all of them seemed important, but one of them stood out.
3 missed calls from Oakley.
He'd been trying to call, but I'd missed it.
I called him back immediately. The phone kept ringing for so long I'd already given up, but then the noise on the other end of the call was replaced by a whispered 'hi'.
"I'm sorry for not picking up your calls," I said. No greeting, nothing. I just needed to get that off my chest.
"Don't apologize. I haven't replied to any of your texts."
"You probably had a very good reason."
"I didn't," he said. "I'm just an asshole. I'm sorry."
His voice seemed tired, so I figured he probably had been sick. This would make sense as I had heard about him cancelling a few shows for vocal rest.
"Have you been sick?" I asked him.
"No," he said. "I'm good. I just haven't been feeling like myself lately."
"Oh." I was starting to understand it now. It wasn't just his voice or his vocal chords sounding tired; it was his intonation too. He spoke for the sake of speaking, no emotion to tell me about like people usually did. Either all this had burnt him out, or something had happened. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I was kind of hoping we could talk about something nice. Then maybe I can stop thinking so much."
"We can do that too." But I didn't know how to comfort him, or how to distract him. I was used to hearing people talk about their issues. Never had I been the one to keep a light conversation going.
"Danny has been trying to get a hold of some of those cookies you made me," he said. "You remember Danny from Gen's party?"
"Yeah, I remember him." He was the one eating my cupcakes like a madman. He seemed nice. A lot nicer than some of the other people I'd talked to that day.
"Yeah. He got some at some bakery nearby, but it wasn't the same," he said, his tone progressively falling more. I knew this was about more than just the cookies though.
"How much longer are you supposed to be touring?"
"Six more weeks."
He wasn't even halfway there yet, but it was already too much. The best thing he could do was cancel all of it.
"You're allowed to quit whenever you want, you know that?"
"Yeah," he said quietly, but he didn't sound convinced. Like it was something he could only do in theory.
"What's stopping you?"
"I've already started. People have paid money to see me and already got excited and whatnot. This tour is also some people's source of income. I can't let everyone down like that."
It was a pretty tough situation. I knew people could get refunded for their tickets, but he was also right about the tour being some people's current occupation. He hadn't even left yet, but he already felt guilty for considering it.
"But you've already cancelled some shows, haven't you?"
"Yeah," he said softly as though it was something to be ashamed of.
"That means that dispite all this, you couldn't go through with it."
I quickly realized was making it worse. That was the last thing he should hear right now.
"I'm sorry," I said immediately, closing my eyes so I could gather my thoughts. I had to think them over before blurting something out this time. "Uhm... What I'm trying to say is, isn't it better to cancel for now since... you can't guarantee anyone anything? I mean, you're in a bad place, so you can't guarantee everyone quality, right?"
I wasn't sure whether what I said was fixing my mistake from earlier, or whether I was digging myself a deeper hole. I pulled my pillow up to my face and pulled at every single muscle in there to stop myself from groaning in frustration. Oakley staying quiet for a solid few seconds didn't help my confidence, but eventually he did speak.
"I think I know what you mean," he said. "I'll probably end up staying in bed for a whole month. Or I'll get sloppy with my vocals, which would ruin it for the audience."
I lifted my face from the pillow and took a deep breath, but I remained silent, as I didn't want to say some stupid shit again.
"I think I'm gonna keep trying for just a few more days, but after that, I'll consider canceling," he said.
"Yeah," I said. "That's what I meant."
The silence was quite pleasant. It wasn't long and awkward, it wasn't special either. It was just there, and we were comfortable there.
"Now that I've told you all about my issues, maybe it's time for me to hear about yours."
"I don't have any," I said.
"That's okay. I know you don't like to share."
I picked at my nails, thinking that maybe he could be the one I could talk to. Maybe he wouldn't mind hearing me. He trusted me, so I should trust him.
"I did have a few things, actually," I forced out of myself.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Uhm, my mom took my phone. That's why I missed your calls."
"Your mom took your phone?" I wasn't sure whether he found it hilarious or was simply confused, but honestly now that I was saying it out loud, both would have been valid.
"Yeah," I said with a chuckle. "She said I needed to stop isolating myself. Which is ironic because..."
I never felt more isolated than when I was not alone.
"Uhm, she does the same when she's working with people. Must've gotten it from her," I said instead.
I knew it was bullshit. My mom was the most charming woman when she wanted to be, and she loved any company that wasn't mine. Oakley knew it was bullshit too, because I was a terrible liar. But he didn't push on it.
"I wish I were there," he said. "Then we could've wallowed away in self-pity together."
It was oddly comforting to hear him say that. I had Ava and Keith to talk about our petty little struggles before, but we never talked about anything under the surface. I hadn't realized it was what I needed until now. I hadn't even shared much at all, but there was this nagging feeling in my chest, tugging at my lips to tell him about everything wrong with me.
"That would've been nice," I said.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi everyone!! How was y'all's Christmas? Mine was great, celebrated with family and way too much food lol