Chapter track
More than this-One direction
An un-edited chapter
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Penzo
Neil probably noticed me staring at her but no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't help but look at her.
I've been attracted to so many girls previously but I can't understand why it is so damn different with Bianca. It was obvious from the beginning itself that she isn't interested in me for being anymore than a friend and yet, like a fool, I keep on having hopes.
I know I am unintentionally hurting myself. Yet, no matter how much I deny my feelings, it gets even harder for me to see her with Neil. Every time she looks at him with awe, my heart aches like someone is squeezing it. I sometimes wish to leave the gang but what is the point? I know it would only get awkward and I promised that I'd never leave her. I am a fool, I made a promise that will possibly be the cause of my ultimate doom.
I silently stand by the bar as I watch her laugh and dance with him. I also saw them sneaking out before all the chaos happened and even a bit of a thought about what they were doing is already giving me a headache so I try to distract myself away from them.
I see Aahana behind the dance floor, my ex girlfriend. Shit! I've dated so many girls that I've even lost count of. The entire school must already think that I'm a male whore or something as shitty as that. I've made too many girls cry and maybe that's the reason why I'm cursed now—I can't have the one who is the only one I've ever wanted so much.
"What a bad day for Dorjee." I say as Aahana comes to fetch a drink.
"I know, right?" She chuckles. "Being chased away from his own farewell."
"But we'll deserved."
"I agree."
"Are you in love with Nik?" I randomly tell her.
"W..what?" Her eyes widens with shock and her cheeks turn a bit pink.
"I can see it." I smile and continue. "Not just me, I think everyone can see it. The way you smile when you look at him." Just like the way Bianca looks at Neil.
"Just like the way you look at Bia?" She bites her tongue, like she regrets what she said. "Shit! I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." She whispers.
I raise a brow at her. "Is it that obvious?" I let out a sigh along with a small, forced laugh. "I'm trying so hard to hide it."
"Penzo-
"But it's not love, don't worry about me. I'm just curious about her maybe, I'll get over her soon."
She nods and tugs her hair behind her ear. "Are we alright Penzo? I mean, our past was way too messy and I really want to be friends with you again."
"Of course, you don't need to worry about that. I moved past that a long time ago and I'm relieved that you finally got rid of those girls. They were trying hard to fill you with their poison and nothing that happened would've happened if it weren't because of those girls."
"I know now," She shrugs, but her head is downcast, like she is still weighed down by the guilt. "I should've listened to you."
"Don't worry about that Aahana." She nods as she forces a smile through her pursed lips. "Can I ask you something? Please don't get offended and just be honest, will you?"
"Sure,"
"What made you agree on going out with me before?"
She lets out a small laugh before answering-"Honestly, your sense of humour is one of the reasons I wanted to be with you. You know, you've got those charms. Not saying that you're any less attractive physically. "
"Well, don't I still have it?"
"Ofcourse, you have."
"Then I can't understand why Bia can't see it."
"Maybe because she has already found someone else to look at." I shove my hands inside the pockets of my dress pants and nod, although I don't want to agree with her.
"Penzo, let me tell you a small secret if that makes you feel any better." I look at her as she continues. "I too had this huge crush on Neil."
"How is that supposed to make me feel any better?" I say, to which she rolls her eyes.
"You didn't even let me finish. Okay, so what I mean is, seeing them together, I had no other option but to back off and once I did, I got to see the whole new light. If I hadn't let Neil go, I would've never discovered Nik. And can't you see? I've never been this happier."
Ofcourse she looks happier. Because she found someone who makes her happy, better than Neil for sure.
Is Neil good for Bianca? No, he isn't. He's the worst. It hasn't even been a year and Neil has perfectly proven how toxic he can be. How on earth is he good for Bianca? He's good for not a single girl.
"Go back to him." I say to Aahana. "By the stare your boy has been giving us, he probably thinks I'm hitting on you." I run my fingers over my hair. "Damn! This reputation I've got is going to kill me someday."
She laughs and walks backwards. "Just stop hitting on random girls, might help you earn a new reputation."
"Working on it!" I put my thumbs up at her as she does the same before turning around and running towards Nikhil.
"Penzo, come." Bianca smiles as she pulls me on the dance floor with her. I don't deny, nor do I hesitate because that's it, my existence doesn't know how to deny her.
Is it okay for me to be happy? To treasure this moment with her? Is it okay for me to love the beautiful glow on her face magnified with the glittering lights around the room?
Damn she is so freaking beautiful. How can I avoid this feeling? How can I look somewhere else when she is all I can see?
I can make her happy too, can't I? After all, she's happy right now, as we dance together in these random songs. I know how to make her laugh. I know how to cheer her up when all that douche knows is to make her cry.
I turn my head to look at Neil who is pretending to be dancing with Sia while his eyes are more focused on me, on us.
I know I'm not perfect. I am far from that, but I am so damn ready to work on it. All I know at this point is that Neil has got a lot bigger baggage than me, and it's the last thing she deserves.
Fuck it! I don't fucking care about Neil.
I've got nothing on Neil but he doesn't belong here and I am sure he won't be around for a long run. In the end, it is gonna be me for her.
Aahana is right, she's indeed looking at him. She's unable to look at me because he's blocking her vision and all I need to do now is to lead her into the new light, so that she can see more clearly and realize it finally that I'm here for her.
So, I make up my mind. I put a smug on my face and stare back at Neil as I spin Bianca around my finger.
By the way his jaw clenches, he probably understands that I am back in the race but not as a generous boy this time.
I can't let her go. I won't let her go.
I'm staying.
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