Author's Note:
This chapter involves sensitive topics. They were not written in great detail. But still, consider yourself warned if you wish to proceed.
Trigger warnings: abuse, phobia, rape
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Similar to what you felt when you were being woken up in the van yesterday, fingers running through your strands and this time, gentle taps on your cheek had pulled you out of your slumber.
"Y/N, I know that you were exhausted but it's time to get up." An unusual voice and tone registered to your system. It was your first time to hear Haewon speak this softly to anyone.
Then, the moment that you opened your eyes — you found her sitting next to you and rubbing her eyes like a kid. Then, when she figured out that you were looking at her; she met your gaze and flashed a warm smile.
Your heart skipped a beat and jaw dropped at the sight of Haewon smiling at you.
"Rise and shine." She husked, playfully poking the tip of your nose before getting up from where she was sitting. "The electric bell stopped ringing two minutes ago. I guess that yesterday's activities truly drained your battery, huh. I don't mind though."
You blinked a couple of times, still in disbelief upon seeing Haewon acting like this.
"Are you really Haewon?"
Haewon let out a chuckle. "Yes, this is me behind the cold and distant persona that you pretty much knew about. Come on, let's go to the dining area. The more time that you spend sitting there in bed and staring at me, the less time that we have for breakfast."
Throughout the entire time of having your breakfast, Haewon had been serving you your food and drink. It is getting you flustered.
After the two of you went through your routines after eating, you climbed downstairs and went to the activity hall to go through today's activities.
Most of the activities today were done by pairs, and you got to know Haewon more through them.
During one of the activities that you have done for today — tears filled up the hall. You were tasked to write about your burden or your fear and to tell your partner about it before you burn the paper where it was written.
You learned that Haewon had a fear of attachment. She mentioned that she was getting conflicted whenever she felt that she was getting drawn to someone. She could be all sweet, then be all hostile in a snap. She most often ends up shutting down the people whom she finds to get too close to her.
Haewon was terrified of the thought of someone having a certain effect that makes her vulnerable or makes her appear to be an easy target. She explained that it was rooted from the experience that she had.
Both of her parents were working overseas in order to provide her with all her needs and wants. This is the reason why Haewon had been studying and working so hard. She wanted to show that all their efforts and sacrifices are worth it and that they are not coming to a waste.
Consequently, she was left under the care of a nanny. Her nanny was initially a great caregiver. However, her true colors were slowly shown as time went by. She was touching Haewon inappropriately since she was ten years old. Being naive, Haewon did not get to recognize it right away.
She was thirteen when the worst happened. Haewon was left terribly scarred, physically and emotionally. Her mother returned home permanently. Since then, she was the one who took good care of Haewon.
Haewon kept apologizing to you for her behavior last night while she was falling apart. Your hand balled into a fist when you heard about what happened to her. You were enraged. But then, seeing Haewon being like that; nothing else seemed to matter to you aside from comforting her.
Your heart was aching from seeing Haewon being like that. It was too much to bear.
Now, you are all through with all the activities. Haewon offered to help your adviser and the other staff in cleaning up and returning the materials in the storage room located in the basement. You did likewise.
You and Haewon were currently walking your way to the basement. You left the door open as the two of you have been told that its lock can only be opened from outside.
Both of you were busy with putting the materials in their appropriate racks. You didn't notice that the door was being forced to close by the electric fan that Haewon turned on as soon as you got in.
Soon, the sound produced by the slamming of the door resonated across the room. It startled the two of you. For you, it triggered something within you. You have cleithrophobia which is the fear of being trapped. You talked about it with Haewon earlier. So, you were panicking. You were desperately knocking against the door and yelling for help.
Tears were now flowing from your eyes. You can feel yourself trembling and a choking sensation around your neck.
Seeing how pale you were becoming, Haewon bolted and pulled you into an embrace. You hugged her back, burying your face on the crook of her neck and gripping on the material of her shirt.
"I got you, Y/N." She whispered softly, sliding her hand up and down your back. You felt her lips brush against your ear. It sent shivers down your spine.
"H-Haewon..."
Haewon leveled her face with yours and held your hands securely. She was looking you in the eye.
"I need you to close your eyes and focus on your breathing, alright?" You complied.
"Now, breathe in through your nose as slowly and gently as possible." Haewon instructed. "Then, breathe out through your mouth the same way."
You observed an interval of five counts between breathing in and breathing out with Haewon's guidance.
Soon, the feeling of tightness in your neck and across your chest subsided. You opened your eyes and found Haewon still looking at you. You flashed a smile at her.
"Thank you, Haewon. I'm feeling a lot better now."
She returned the smile and caressed your hands.
"You're welcome..." She heaved a sigh. "Unfortunately, we couldn't get out of here until tomorrow — but don't you worry, I have a lot of tales with me to keep your mind off the current situation that we are in."
Then, Haewon sat down on the monoblock chair and assisted you to sit down on her lap. It was only the chair in the room. Nonetheless, the gesture caused your heart to leap.
You felt butterflies in your stomach as she proceeded to secure her arms around your waist. Not too long after, she started to tell you random stories. Some were hilarious ones that made you laugh.
Haewon's eyes sparkle upon hearing that sound and seeing your smiling face.
"You're so beautiful, Y/N." She seemed to mumble those words out mindlessly. You paused from laughing and met her gaze. Her gaze was penetrating, and it was causing your heart to pound. She was looking at you with so much adoration in her eyes.
You felt her fingers brushing against your waist as they moved upwards slightly. She fiddled with the hem of your shirt as she momentarily broke eye contact with you.
"I have another tale to tell. Set all the jokes aside for now." She stated as she met your gaze again.
"There's this one schoolgirl who is so attractive yet she is clueless about it. She is such a charmer. She is naturally smart. Despite being laid-back when it comes to studies, she makes it in the honor roll. Meanwhile, there's the other girl who is pretty much appreciated by a lot. She was aware that she was decently attractive. She is the president of the student council. She is quite smart and decently good at singing. However, she is frigid and complicated. Deep inside, she desires the attention from that one attractive yet unsuspecting schoolgirl amidst all the attention that she was getting. She was even envious of that schoolgirl's friend since it is the latter whom the former seemed to want around her." Haewon cupped your cheek and brushed her thumb against it. Your mouth hung open from what you were hearing.
"Every single time that the class would have the Secret Santa segment for the Christmas Party, the student council president would wish that it was that unsuspecting schoolgirl who was the one who got her. It finally happened in the past year. She received a necklace from the unsuspecting schoolgirl. She wears it the entire time. It brings her indescribable bliss and comfort. No matter how much the student council president hates to admit it, she knows that this schoolgirl has a place in it already." With what Haewon said, your eyes moved down to her neck. You quickly recognized that chain. "With the fear of attachment eating her up and the struggle that she was having in keeping up a relationship, she messed up one time. To make it up, she lets her guard down and her walls crumble right in front of that unsuspecting schoolgirl who is her buddy for the retreat. She shows her the side of herself that she hasn't shown to anyone else for years."
Haewon bit onto her lower lip anxiously and once more, fiddled with the hem of your shirt with her other hand.
"Yes, I love you, Y/N. I have loved you for years. It may not be obvious. That's how I am. I'm confident but you can easily get me stumbling over my words and questioning if I'm good enough. I'm frigid but you set me on fire whenever you and Seeun get too close to each other. I'm frigid but I'm melting with the small things that you do. These feelings are becoming difficult for me to be kept inside or pushed aside. I want to overcome this fear of mine with you, so I am taking the risk on you — well, if you would allow me to, I would like to court you, Y/N."
At this point, your heart was pounding heavily as if it'll come out of your chest anytime. You were getting overwhelmed. You were at a loss for words.
Did the one and only Oh Haewon just confess her feelings for you and ask your permission for her to court you?
"Hold on."
You pinched yourself to make sure if you weren't dreaming or hallucinating. It came out to be strong which made you whimper. Haewon chuckled. Then, she reached for your hand and planted a kiss on it.
"You're not dreaming, Y/N." She cooed, looking at you lovingly. You thought of an idea. You eyed her suspiciously.
"Am I really not? Can I kiss you then?"
Haewon smirked and nodded.
"Go on."
You held Haewon by her nape and slowly leaned in. Her hands moved back down to your waist as your lips brushed against hers. You shared a slow and a gentle kiss. It was filled with care, love, and sincerity.
It became passionate towards the end. It was you who pulled away with a playful tug on Haewon's lower lip.
"I figured that I wasn't really dreaming. That was such a vivid experience." You chuckled. "Hopefully, that gets to express the things that I could not express in words and to answer your question. I love you too, Haewon. Of course, I'm going to let you court me."
"I thought that you would say to quit the courting stage and head straight to us being girlfriends." She giggled. "But seriously, I won't mind courting you. I wouldn't even stop courting you even when we are already in a relationship."