A/N: Hello, everyone! Shorter chapter this time. Sad reminder that Brenner is Not Great. Some quality Jim though. TW: Abuse, violence, and manipulation. Mental break. **Thanks for reading and comment if you enjoy the fic. xoxo
** ** **
1971
"I don't understand why you're upset, you did the job to perfection." Brenner typed away. Avoided Lucy's eyes.
"I was almost caught. I could have lost my actual job."
"But, you weren't." He said pointedly. "And if you had been caught, you realize what must be done."
"Killing witnesses in my small town. Right. Make things worse. Your guys were sloppy." Lucy seethed until he looked up. Her hands came to his desk carefully. A breath. "When they do jobs close to home, they should have extra care. Having me sneak into Gary's office before he can do the autopsy to...fix it. That's a risk. These people trust me. Your men should have done the job right the first time, Martin. I'm..."
She stood taller to touch her head. Another slow breath.
It was strange to be so bold and yet, Brenner seemed to covet it more and more from her since their first kiss. Within reason and that reason would come.
"Punishment was administered. It won't happen again." Martin eased, stilling to clasp his hands. "I'm very proud of you."
Was that all she wanted to hear from him?
Shoulders dropped.
Not one soul uttered Nolan's name to her in question. There was a bleat of dissatisfaction at that because she even had a lie all ready. Suppose it was fitting.
Insulting too. No one ever suspected women first.
A knock alerted them before blonde hair poked in. Terry Ives. Dressed in civilian clothing with her hand supporting the reason she left the experiment. A swollen, pregnant belly. Almost felt like a bomb might go off.
"Martin?" She spotted Lucy and watch a speck of green flash over her brown eyes. "Oh, sorry."
"We were just finishing up. Come in." Martin swept to his feet, gesturing for Lucy to move without looking at her. "Lucy, take a visit to the garden, there's a surprise for you there."
"Nice to see you again, Terry." Lucy stood, hands clasped. They'd met in passing quite often. "You look amazing. It's true when they say women glow."
"Constantly feel like I might tip over." The woman smiled there. Martin let her leave the experiment after the pregnancy was confirmed. Let her think she was out and occasionally called on her for further interviews about her experiences under the influence.
Offered all the help he could in his way.
"Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"
"Little girl." Terry rubbed her tummy and Lucy moved to offer the seat. "No, thank you, my sister's driving me up the wall with rest."
"Terry, I insist. We have a lot to cover in a short time." Brenner came to pull the chair out so she sighed into it. Lucy stood there watching him looking at her. A chill tensed her spine. "Lucy, we'll speak another day, I'm sure."
"Do you have names picked out?" She ignored him. Wanted to stay with this woman. Didn't want to leave her alone. Not with Brenner.
"Jane." Terry replied, catching the expression on Lucy's face.
"That was my grandmother's name. Wisest woman I knew."
"Wait, are you...Mia's sister?"
"Lucy, the garden-"
"You talk to Mia?" Lucy swept to Terry's side, didn't look at Martin. Touched her arm on the rest there.
"Doctor Garland, yes, she tells me all kinds of stories. We became friends during my stay. I picked Jane due to her. She really helped me out through... I'm sorry, I didn't know you two were..."
"Mia suggested Terry take her leave after the pregnancy was noted by her. Always so helpful, that girl." Brenner's fingers curled around Lucy's elbow to lift her up. Hand smoothed up over her back. "Always so full of ideas too."
"Terry, I hope you and the baby both are well after this. Take care of yourself." Lucy took the woman's hands and slipped away as Brenner guided her to the door. Peered back with a silent plea that resonated in Terry's bright eyes.
"Go to the garden." Martin pressed his lips and shut the door on her. She eyed his name painted there, traced the letters as she paced off.
Lucy hurried to the gardens before Brenner could change his mind. Saw Mia there waiting to hug her.
"What are you doing?" She whispered when Mia came out, hands still holding each other. "Terry Ives."
"I helped her. She's seeing things too. Bit paranoid, but she sees through Brenner and all of them. Just playing nice until she can make her escape. Others...they've gotten out. We did that."
"You can't do this."
"You'd help if you were still in here. I know it." Mia uttered.
Lucy wasn't so sure.
"Tell her to go. Now. Brenner's too fond of her, I don't like it. He was like this with me."
"You sound almost jealous." Mia had paused.
"I am, but that's not the point. Her baby. They want her and her baby. She has to go now." Lucy peered around. "We shouldn't talk about this. Just...I'm worried about you."
"Don't." Mia puffed, kissing her cheek before holding her again. Mouth in her ear. "Terry's gathering information. Others are believing it too. We could bring this entire place crashing down."
Lucy pulled away like her sister burnt. Mia held tight, almost manic.
"Mom and dad were trying to do it, we'd make them proud. Don't you see, Lucy? I was meant to help them. We were meant to end this."
"Dying won't make them proud." Lucy shook her head. "Don't talk about this, not even here."
"He's in your head, isn't he? Brenner." Mia's eyes narrowed and Lucy opened her mouth, eyes flickering.
"No, no, he's-"
"Please, Lucy, I know you. You like this at times. Like feeling in control of something. Well, you're not. He's just letting you think you are. You love him, don't you? You'd rather he kiss your head-"
"It's better than a beating!" Lucy shot back, fists clenching because she's had enough.
"No, it isn't. It's how he keeps you and he'll have you beaten anyways." Mia neared, heating up. "We're finally able to do some good here and you're choosing his side. You act like one of them."
"I am not on his side, I have to act. For us."
"You don't want to give it up. These abilities. This place. The control. When it got our parents killed!" Mia stopped when she saw her sister's eyes change.
"You think it's my fault?" She stated. Quieting to stand taller. "I always knew you did."
"No, I didn't mean that-"
"All my life, I grew up in your shadow. Mia got to go out. Mia got to live. Mia could do anything she wanted while I was stuck watching behind glass."
"You're still behind glass, just painted now. And I had to hear about you the entire time. Lucy needs this and that. We can't do this or go here because Lucy isn't well. I can't even fucking escape you in this place! You're all these people talk about half the time. Their first and favorite lab rat. The success! The mighty siren. And they'll keep taking others because of that success."
Because of you.
"I didn't get sick just to spite you, Mia!" Lucy tossed her hands out. "And I didn't leave home to spite you, I needed out!"
"One hole into a deeper one! You didn't think, they clouded you. Sometimes...I...I prayed for you to die, did you know that?" Mia raged back with talons and tears. Lucy gaped at her. "Wished you'd just go silently in the night. Wished I could fill you with sugar just to make it all go away! But, you fought so hard every single time and I need that Lucy back. Because she was a beautiful pain in the ass. I need you to fight now!"
"As if I wasn't wishing the same end upon myself!" Lucy pushed her. Got lower. "Maybe you just hate not being special like mom and I."
"Special? Ha! Says the freak. Sugar baby, remember that? At least you fought back then. Fight now." She laughed at that. "Oh, look at you, you're all better now. Faking it. Powerful at last. You know what they all say. My baby sister. Murderer. Brenner's whore!"
Whore. The word was ugly and bitter. Lucy slapped Mia. Sent the woman stumbling aside, holding her red cheek. Mia zeroed in and hit her back. Lucy fell into the grass and jumped up, already covered in green stains. Could have been the envy. Dove on her sister until they were rolling around. Smacking at each other and pulling for hair.
Mia was taller and stronger so she pinned Lucy down easily.
"What, are you gonna make me feel things, Lucy?" Mia seethed, crying out as Lucy ripping for her hair. "Make us all feel so you don't have to. So you can make yourself feel better too. It's all bullshit. It's smoke and mirrors and you fell for it! I love you, but you've always been so fucking weak! Fight again, damn it! You gave up!"
"I watched them die! I buried them alone!" Lucy writhed, lip welling with blood. "I did horrible things. I just wanted to...to keep you safe in here. You can't do this, Mia!"
"I'm trying to keep you safe, but you're so stupid and these people need us both to fight for them!" Mia smacked at her and they rolled around the grass a few more times until shouts and arms ripped them apart.
"Enough!" Agents pulled the swatting women apart. Lucy skidded back still struggling, fingers pulled at her waist. "Dr. Brenner, sir!"
"Lucy, hands!" The call sent actual pain up Lucy's body. A jolt before she threw herself to the stone walkway on her hands and knees. Not caring if it split skin open. Head bowed. Palms flat. Martin's shoes clicked before her line of sight. A sigh. He calmed. "What is going on here?"
"They were fighting, sir. We don't know who started it." The agent let Mia go.
Her stare was fixed on Lucy there. Bowing as if she wasn't the most powerful person in the vicinity. It made her furious.
"Connie, please walk Terry to her vehicle. My deepest apologies that you had to see that. We'll pick this up another time." Brenner crossed back over. The future mother looked on. Met Lucy's eyes when they lifted to peek. Something knowing and somber in her expression. She moved to go after a beat so Connie beckoned.
"Resume your duties below. Don't let me catch you both bickering again or these visits we grant out of the kindness of our hearts will end. Am I clear?" Martin came to Mia next. "Tell me what prompted this first."
"Just been a long week. I was frustrated, sir. I said something I should have."
"And I hit her." Lucy started to get up before Brenner pointed her back down. Palms flat again.
"She isn't a dog." Mia pressed carefully. "Sir."
"No," Brenner said to dismiss it, "dogs obey their masters. I'm disappointed."
Lucy cracked with tears. Saw them fall to wet pavement. Little droplets that branched out to darken the grey stone.
She disappointed him. Felt like the world could end.
Mia sensed the change and knew this place had eaten her sister alive and that wasn't her fault.
"Lucy knows what happens when she gets worked up. She could lose control. That's a risk. Do not compromise the safety of the people in this building over your childish spats." Martin waved his agents back.
"I won't again." Mia spoke. "Sisters fight, they still love each other. It's not Lucy's fault. I know that." She wasn't speaking to Brenner anymore. Lucy dared to lift her eyes again.
"Hitting you was wrong. You're right." Lucy found herself, shaking. "About everything."
Wobbling, she tried to get up again, but Brenner plucked up the garden hose and turned it on. Full blast. Sprayed Lucy until she curled into a soaked ball there.
"Stop, stop! It's my fault, I goaded her!" Mia fought against arms pulling her off. "Please! Please, stop it! She's sick! You'll make her worse!"
"And Lucy let herself be weak. She knows better." Martin brought the spray aside. Lucy planted her hands down still for him to see. Shaken from the cold. Sopping wet. So easily demeaned before everyone. "Do you know why I'm punishing you?"
"Y-Yes." Lucy touched her forehead to the stone. "I almost lost control. I was bad." But, she didn't. Didn't try once to poison her sister.
Brenner sprayed her again as Mia was taken away. Back to work. Lucy cried out. Felt like needles in her flesh. The cold made her chatter.
"You're just like Eve, you know? Plucking that red apple down, pretty as you are. Not thinking of anyone, only yourself." Martin came to her. Lucy coughed and sputtered. Spine curved so her bottom was up in the air. Face planted down.
"Women are the gentler sex, sir." One agent offered. A few remained to watch it happen.
"They like us to think so." Brenner chilled her spine. She couldn't even feel the warmth of the sun breaking through clouds to bathe the garden. "Lucy."
"I'm sorry." She begged, crying. Felt his fingers sweep locks of damp hair aside. Black bled from her eyes. Lucy leaned desperately into his touch while he brought her chin up. "Please."
"Eve was weak. I expect you to be better." He offered sweetly.
"I will be. I promise. Please, Martin. I'll be better for you." Freezing cold. Dripping. He looked beyond her.
"Agent, your belt please."
"No, no. Please." Lucy crumbled into the hard ground.
"You're being punished." Martin stood, gesturing for the man to strike her because Dr. Brenner wouldn't get his own hands dirty. "Tell me why?"
"I was weak."
A hard twack. Lucy hitched a sob and cowered. Unable to process much beyond her own cries. Fire spread along her bottom.
"Say it again." Brenner commanded, pointing so the agent hit her again.
"I was weak!"
More meaty thuds of leather on covered flesh. Lucy felt one of her fingernail tips snap against cement. Blood welling upon the tip.
"And Eve?"
"And Eve was weak!" Lucy's scream echoed. Until she couldn't even feel this anymore. Hard hits upon her frozen, wet form. "I was weak! I'm sorry! I was weak!" She buckled on her side after at least twenty-five. Covered her head to ball up again.
"That'll be enough." Martin's voice, so even, brought some awareness back. "Leave us. I have it from here." They all just stared at her. This powerful woman they watched flourish and worked with, reduced again to that frighted child. Vibrating with wide eyes looking at nothing. Beyond the blooming roses covered in thorns and carefully trimmed hedges. Footsteps retreated. "Stand up, Lucy."
She didn't move an inch. Let clothing cling.
"It's alright, you took your punishment. Now stand." He offered it delicately too.
Lucy pressed her arms down to push. Managed to get one foot under herself. Then, the next.
"There's my girl. You can do this." All sweet encouragement.
Head bowed still, she stood. Heels clicking damp pavement. A mess of soaked clothing that dripped down. Hung off her frame and made her look even tinier.
"Look at me."
Brown eyes shut tight.
"Lucy." He wasn't impatient. Slowly, those dark eyes opened to see his face. "You understand that you needed to be punished?"
"Yes." She blurted.
"And my affection is unchanged. I forgive you for forgetting yourself. I always will. You did very well. I don't like to do this, especially not in front of the others." He set his hands on his hips, head shaking. "No more fights. No more giving into these parts of yourself. Control and routine is everything to you. It's what's keeping you alive. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, Martin, I understand." She brought her hands into her chest. Curled. Freezing cold. Knew a sickness was coming.
"Now, drive yourself home. Get cleaned up. You're going to sit on the couch and wait." He touched her back carefully and started to lead her drenched form out.
"Wait? For what?" Lucy, breathless, held herself. Made her feet move even though it hurt. The shivering stopped, but she knew she was still frozen and in danger.
"Go." He walked her as far as the door and held it. Stared down at her there looking small. Lucy shuffled out and tried to be poised as if nothing was the matter. Air nipped her skin all the way. Water seeped along the car seat. She stared at the wheel and reached for her keys.
"Miss Garland!" A hand smacked the window and Lucy cried out. Terry Ives. Big blue eyes and a hand gesturing to the lock. "Please, open the window." Lucy blinked at her, head shaking. "I just need a minute." A heavily pregnant woman was slapping her car, trying to open the door.
Lucy cracked it.
"Terry. Please, get into your car and go. I can't help you." Lucy gripped the wheel, refusing to look up, and Terry paused.
"What happened to you?"
The same thing that'll happen to you.
"It doesn't matter."
"Things happen inside this place. Unexplained things. There are others. Gloria, Alice-"
"Terry, please, just go." Lucy turned her head looking a mess with almost dangerous eyes. "We can't be talking. I'm not supposed to talk to the others. None of them. Just leave. Take that baby and go away from here. As far as you can. I know what happened to you in this place because it happened to me too. But, this lab...it holds us and it doesn't let us go once we're in. So run while you still have that chance."
Lucy looked at her belly.
"Hell, maybe you don't anymore." She started the car, growing tearful. "I cannot help you. I'm so sorry."
"If all of us try-"
Lucy wept to herself and peeled out. Not hearing Terry's pleas any longer before she wove through the lot and out the gate.
Made it home somehow and scrambled up the stairs into the bathtub, turning the water up hot. A cry pulled as it hit her back and bottom. Wisps of blood went down the drain. Clothing ripped and peeled off, plopping over the side.
She reclined into the floor sobbing. Rocking under the steaming spray.
Unable to scream because of what it meant if the world heard her.
** *** **
1982
Well beyond six in the morning, Lucy woke with a grunt. Darted up in a bed that wasn't her own smelling of Hopper's wash and cologne. Naked and twisted in sheets. Light blared in. Made her cover her eyes and groan. Exceptionally hungover. Makeup smeared the pillowcase and she bet her face looked about the same.
"Ugh," she rubbed her head and blinked a few times. Heard the door creak.
"Hey, you. Figured you'd be panicking by now at the state of this place." Jim had pulled on a pair of jeans and undershirt. "You remember getting drunk and begging to have a sleepover, right?"
"Ah, shit...yeah. It's all coming back." She didn't stop the sheet from falling and grabbed a coffee from his hand. "My hero. Thank you."
"No, thank you..." His eyes trailed down for a shameless look. Lucy snorted to herself and drank.
"How bad was I really, Jim?"
"Still cute when you're smashed." He shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Held it well."
"That gives me no ease." Another long drink.
"It's why I'm here." He winked at her. "Insulin is in the fridge. French toast okay for you?"
"Yeah...yeah..." She shuffled up. Into the daylight nude. Stretched before the bathing sun rays. Jim's eyes trailed down the curves of her frame. He finally spotted them. Light dustings of scars. Like tiny slashes. From her back down her bottom and thighs. He knew she'd run if he asked. That only dawned more questions.
"I didn't know you had a tattoo." Hopper offered instead as Lucy set her coffee aside. A hand slapped to her wrist. "Sorry, I took your watch off when you passed out."
"Yeah, just some silly end of high school dare. You know?" Lucy twitched a grin at him.
Strange because she wasn't particularly close to anyone in high school, but he'd be a prick to point that out.
"Sure." Jim watched her slip the gold band back on. Lucy avoided his gaze and began picking up her clothing.
"This place isn't as bad as you described." She said, going to her overnight bag when Jim pointed it out silently. "Can I use the bathroom?"
"Yeah, no...I'll let you clean up." He remembered himself and stood. "Follow the smell of food when you're done."
"Can't wait," she came to peck his cheek, "thanks."
Jim's eyes lowered as she left, shutting the door behind her to leave the air thick around him.
Leaving him to wait.
** ** ** *
1971
Waiting. It was agony. The pain only grew worse. Lucy couldn't dress herself. Managed a bra and underwear. Felt around the walls and thought they might be digesting her all over again. Bleeding syrupy blood.
She rattled. Cold again because she'd forgotten herself. Fell into the living room carpet in a state. Chattering and whimpering.
Waiting. It drove her to insanity.
Lungs shriveled together. Came apart. Tiny fractures echoed out from them. Fingers and toes shrill with cold. Head pounding.
Fire. All together. Glass shattering within her flesh. She imagined porcelain skin cracking elegantly. Hitting the floor to create a symphony of sound. Delicate piano keys plucked.
Mia hated her. She disappointed Brenner and he was coming to see her. She got her parents killed and followed that line with more corpses. A pile of bodies in her wake. Dripping and cold like she was now. A bloody legacy with only death.
Lucy cried out. Hands and knees on the carpet. Rocking forth and back. Waiting. No room to breathe. Screams that were silent, unable to hold. The silence that was maddening forced her mind to create the music. Vast and flowing. It built. Dimension upon dimension.
Spine curved. Her head tipped to the carpet. Crying so hard, everything clenched and sputtered. Unable to stop the flow. The music. Shattering her synapses until they burnt. Panic gripped like children's hands upon her limbs. Begging.
Out of the symphony came figures. Blurred together. All younger. A dream during the attack. Wide eyes lifted.
"Keep playing." Kristen. Skin grey like marble. Thin fingers touched Lucy's chin. She was fracturing too. Couldn't stop the anxiety and cold. Lucy felt her even still. Lifted up. Kept crying, trying to scream but the sound was cut out because she had no air. Lips opened in horror. More marble figures came around her. More hands skimmed over flesh.
Olivia. Mia. Terry. Dahlia. All those people. In and out of the lab. People she ended. Innocent and guilty alike.
Lucy covered her ears. Tried to curl up and hide but they pulled her arms out. Made her see. She came up on her elbows. Inches from Kristen's glassy expression. Her lips opened too.
A scream because Lucy couldn't. More followed. All different keys, splattering along a perfect octave. Red threads connecting each of them sympathetically. One beating heart that pulsed. In and out. Waves like an ocean. Colors danced. Lucy swayed. Inhaled. Came back. Exhaled. Let them wail for her.
It felt like a great kindness. To scream for someone who couldn't.
Kristen cried for her. With her. Touched their temples together. Hands and bodies swarmed all over her like a cocoon. In and out. Dahlia wailed loudest. Held Lucy's face in her bloodied hands.
Could have been minutes or hours. Lucy floated there. Waited in chaotic bliss. Hawkins couldn't hear her, but these ghosts could. And she heard them back. Fingers dug into Kristen's arms. Cried into her. Braced to finally let a scream of her own out until...
"Lucy!"
The colors billowed out and away. Bird's wings opening to take flight. Martin Brenner gripped her elbow, yanked her from the music and back into reality. She hated him for that most of all.
"Lucy, calm down." He got her into his lap. Deranged and panicking. Shaking with anxiety. Inconsolable. Slapping at him. Martin smothered Lucy holding her down to dig into his coat. Plucked her neck with a sedative he always kept on him. Let her sink into sound and color again.
A chorus of angels screaming and dying.
It was beautiful.
** ** **
Fingers wiggled against soft cotton. Lashes fluttering. Lucy felt weights under her skin pressing down. Tongue slurring against teeth.
"Wha-ss 'append?" She turned her head. Saw a burst of color. Flowers in a waiting vase. Violet hyacinths bundled together. Pretty little bells. Briefly, she heard them ring.
Lucy felt her blood pump slower. Tried to push herself up.
"Ah, careful now. You have a fever. Slept for so long." Martin came into the doorway with a tray. "I changed you and got you into bed for some needed rest." He set the food aside and came to her. "My poor girl. All broken down so I can build you up again. We've done this dance for so many years."
He loved it.
"Mar...tin..." She wheezed, brown eyes flickering.
"We took the liberty of calling you off work for the week. The Crawfords send their love. Such understanding people, you should be so thankful. Took ages to find an agent who sounds like you, Lucy." Brenner propped her up into plush pillows.
"Flowers." Lucy's hand inched out toward them. The drugs numbed the pain some if anything.
"I brought them for you." Martin took one of her hands in his. "I realize that I miscalculated."
Lucy blinked at him. Flooded back. Breathed heavier to get the words forced out.
"Being a diabetic weakens my immune system. You...You sprayed me with freezing water. Hypothermia weakens immune systems too. You got me sick." Her chest sunk. Every pore ached. He touched her flushed head and sighed. "You did it in front of everyone."
"Yes, I imagine that was humiliating. You've come so far, Lucy, and to snap. To backtrack that growth. You're better than that." Lips came down to touch her knuckles. Tears welled at his gentle touches. "Do you like the flowers?"
"No. I don't like flowers." She said, sniffling. Her face felt puffy and stuffed. "I can't keep them alive."
"Enjoy them while they last." Brenner stood to gather the tray. Set it before her carefully. "Should be cooled enough to eat."
"You made me chicken soup?"
"Yes." Martin got up to go. "Eat it all. I'll be downstairs."
"You're staying?"
"We've been swamped and I neglected you. I'm going to remedy that." Blue eyes flashed at her. Lucy observed him. Didn't say thank you. "I'll be just downstairs if you need me." He pressed his lips and paused again.
Dropped the bullshit.
"That panic attack. The worst I've seen in years in all of our subjects. What prompted it?" Brenner and his cold, collected eyes. Drinking her in. Holding her from across the room.
You caused it.
"I lied."
"About what?"
Everything. Nolan. Terry. Mia. Me. Us.
"About when I said I didn't pity you," she choked through tears this time and Martin came closer, "you remember that?"
"I haven't forgotten a second of us." His palm cradled her cheek, thumbing her tear aside. Martin sat back down. "Don't cry."
"It hurts." Clumpy lashes shut tight. All of it.
"That's the last thing I want for you." He did something peculiar. Dipped down to lie his head upon her lap. Lucy's hands lifted with uncertainty. Maybe dread. "I made you so unwell. I push because I care. I don't want this hurt for you. I'll put everything into making you well again."
Lucy opened her eyes. Stared at a crack in the wallpaper.
"Then, why are you always hurting me?" She touched his back. Felt his arms wind around her hips. Hushing her little whimpers.
Why. Why. Why. She wanted to scream and didn't. Imagined the delicate floral wallpaper peeling to show more fractures underneath.
"You don't understand how great you can be. That breaks my heart." Martin lifted to see her eyes. Still never apologized. So, she said something else. Pointed as she could.
"I do pity you."
"Do you?" He searched her closer.
"I have so much of it inside me just for you too. Only for you. I can't escape it. I realized that as I got older." Lucy took his hand to nuzzle the palm and smell his cologne. Lips pressing when his thumb swept them. Thoughtfully seeping under Dr. Brenner's bone marrow. Reeling him in with a silent siren's song.
An arrow pierced Martin Brenner's heart for the first time.
"I pity you, Martin, because you have to wake up every single day and be you."
He recoiled from her. Jaw setting while his eyes searched. Felt the jab bleed.
Decided maybe he owed it to Lucy to leave the arrow there and bleed just a little. Was that love?
A sorrow wafted from her soul. Genuine as can be. Lucy's somber expression penetrated. She reached out to cup his jaw this time, ghosting a smile because his eyes got heavy at the mere caress.
"I hope that's some comfort to you." Bold and pricking his skin. "Whatever you see in me that you need to possess, I'm sure it loves you back, Martin. It's all you've got in this world and that'll never change. Not even when you leave me behind." He covered her hand and breathed deep, actually shuddered. Didn't fly into a rage at her sweetness.
"Thank you, Lucy."
Strange. He thanked her for the awful truth. Brown eyes shifted, fingers followed the trail into his hair before she sat back. Dreamy.
"Your hair is going all white, Martin. I like it." Almost angelic.
Brenner blinked several times when his eyes glazed, breaking a thread to stand and stiffly go to the doorway. No more words followed. None. Just his gaze on her serene expression before the door clicked shut.
There was something illuminating about getting the last word. Like the echo of a scream.
An easier breath left her drained body.
** ** **
1982
"This might actually be the best french toast I've ever had." Lucy crossed her ankles and leaned forward. Cutting small pieces with her fork. Pulled a plain dress on. No stockings. Hair damp. No paint upon her face. Smiling at Jim across the little table.
"That's just the hangover talking." He covered his slices in thick syrup.
"Quit the station, make me breakfast for every meal." Teeth flashed when she smiled, looking down at her plate before she took another bite. Jim broke a little, forking half a slice into his mouth. Both of them relaxed. Jim marveled at her there, so pretty and hungover and not at all bothered by his messy trailer. Looked like she belonged there across the way.
"Not like they'd miss me at the station." He reasoned. "Probably let Flo take over, she's been gunning for my job for years I think."
"Oh, she put me up to this." Lucy joked. "All part of the plan to overthrow you."
"Guess, I'll thank her." Jim was charming when he wanted to be. Lucy hadn't seen the damper side to him in awhile now. It was awful after he got back. Understandably so. She did observe a slightly lax state that followed with his pills. Maybe too lax.
"You know," Lucy peered outside and took a bite before gesturing with her fork, "I think I'm going to do something unexpected today."
"Unexpected." Brow furrowed. "Yeah? Like what?"
"I don't know." A giddiness jumped from her. It made Jim smile again. "Something small to start maybe. We'll see."
"I have to run into the station for a bit. Finish some stuff up I neglected before Flo actually does off me." Jim paused, shifting food around in a puddle of syrup. Lucy stared elsewhere, swallowing. "Hey-"
"I-" She stopped at the same time, warmed. "You first."
"Tonight." Jim struggled, intent and nodding. "Dinner."
"Dinner?" She repeated. "You and I?"
"No, Flo and I." He got a playful push there. "Ah, yes. Us."
"Why?"
"Because we're adults and I assume we both like dinner." Smooth one Jim.
"Like...Like a-"
"No! I mean, it doesn't have to be anything big. Just casual. Friends...going to dinner." He rushed out in one breath. Lucy sucked on her bottom lip, let a breath out.
"Friends. Okay. What time?" She watched Jim relax.
"Six?" He smirked to himself. "I mean it. Casual. I pick the place."
"Long as you don't try to kill me, I'm in." Lucy agreed, twirling her fork around. Felt Jim's wandering eyes and glanced up. They never pitied each other. Just brought each other up when they could.
A smile crossed in tune and she wondered if perhaps, she'd grown weak for him. But, this. This perfect moment where they shared a space and meal together. Where Jim Hopper felt his world wasn't closed in and where Lucy Garland knew she could face the day with him in her orbit.
It was the strongest she'd felt in eons.