In Luke's point of view
"I've spent years in therapy and thousands on medication only to find out all I needed was good coffee and a friend" She said looking up at me.She put on a 3 pounds as she told me and actually took a shower she looked better this way.It was a Friday afternoon we skipped class again and I should probably make it a habit not to but then again I can't be damned "let's be cliche and play twenty questions" she looked slightly concerned and said
"Shoot Hemmo" I gathered my thoughts and asked
"I'll start easy full name"
"Catarina lavender redd"
I started laughing and she blushes lightly I asked "your middle name is fucking lavender?"she nodded and looked away.
"Ok Hemmo are you a virgin?" She asked I choked on my own saliva and then it was her turn to laugh "shit yeah I am God do I look like I sleep around?" She, still laughing nods and I fake offense at that statement.
"Let's talk about family"she stopped laughing and looked at me.ok sensitive topic.
"Parents?how are they?" I asked she took her time deep in thought
"Well my fathers heads a mafia my mother is a nurse who works a few cities away and constantly cheats on my dad because he doesn't live her anymore and she comes home maybe once a week that's why ashton lives with me.my dads a good man don't get me wrong he's always made sure I had what I needed and wanted and he calls me everyday and checks with ash a lot to and he send me gifts and stuff from whatever country I'm in like I got this today from Milan italy" she said pointing to her outfit. It's was a cute two piece the top being black and long sleeves with a start white collar at the neck line and a matching white cuff sleeve at the end and she had a matching black skirt and white knee socks and black doc martens.Her hair was it a messy bun and she was for once showing off her face she also had on thick black rimmed glasses that are new.
"Cute,really cute I said"
She went on
"And I think he feels bad about not being around as often as he wants to be and I already know I'll probably join the family business after high school to be perfectly honest"I almost wanted to laugh at the fact I had a mafia girl right in front of me
"Your go luke" she said I nodded
"Well my parents got divorced when I was like 14 maybe 15 I took it hard as my dad cheated on my mom with my teacher who was like barely legal"I left out a cringe and shudder "and my two brothers,Ben and jack,where already out of the house by then couldn't really help me and my dads not really in the picture anymore he will drop by and give me money or gifts as a way to make up for my being there and after I kinda lost it and states smoking he was in a gas station when I walked in to get cigarettes and it was hard to explain everything to him when I was halfway through a cig and had just turned 15 "
She did laugh at that even though it probably wasn't what you would consider to be stereotypically funny.
"Ok favorite color?" I asked even knowing the answer would be black.she looked at me like I was an idiot and said
"Black.Like my heart" she dead panned
"Favorite color Luke?" She asked
"Blue.Like my eyes" I said copying her format .
"Favorite band Cat?" I asked as I didn't know this.she thought about it and it took a while but then she came up with "Probably either greenday or maybe nirvana depending on my day" she said and I nodded."quality bands Cat in proud" I slyly tried to reach out my hand to her smaller one and I made. It covering it she was on her phone so I thought she might not make a big deal out of it "I see you trying to be all low-key about that so I'm gonna let that one go" she said smiling And looking up at me.she shuffled her stuff around until she pulled a little black leather journal from her bag and there was already a pen inside of it I stared at her watching her .She had pulled out this book on multiple occasions and always has it on her.
"What is that book?" I asked she looked op and said"I like words.They means a lot of different things to everyone like my love is different from yours and like my dads love is different from my moms and I like what the words and can to you and how certain people hold onto words and let them define you and I like quotes and decent litature and just things that actually have meaning you get me?"she said I could understand her love of litature from that.
"So you just basically write quotes or some shit?" I asked in the realest terms.
"Yes I write quotes and shit" she said with a little airy chuckle.
"Could I read some?" I asked and she looked severely hesitant to say yes and I was starting to really wonder what the book could actually hold and she looked at me took a long drink of her coffee said "they're not uplifting or happy some won't make sense to you and some are weird and unrelated and most are self quotes or Radom thoughts so be prepared" and with that's she slide the book to me and stared. I opened it slowly and looked at the first page and started reading.
"You've always been haunted by the notion that you're wasting your life"
"I will not be your sometimes"
"I hated myself and you and eveything I wasn't,I hated my lack of intelligence and shitty humor,I hated my poor socializing skills and my physical appearance.I hated being alive the most 2:11 Am"
"Why is it that I always felt less lonely when I was alone"
"I kissed the scars on your skin I still think you're beautiful 7:39 Am"
"For I am inadequate 3:07
"Being heartless is so much easier"
"You are okay "
"I'm just waiting for you to miss me"
"Sometimes the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you "
"Does it make you sad?"
"What?"
"The fact that you'll never receive the love you gave her?"
"It could be worse,not sure how but it could be"
"It's not that I want to die
I promise "
"To live is the rarest thing in the world"
"A personal vendetta"
"Sorry I stripped away my own confidence I guess I beat you to it"
"I just now realized why hurricanes are named after people "
I just wished I could love you the way you deserve to be loved.
"Fight the fighter not their wa
"He had the audacity to ask
"Do you feel sad"
"I wouldn't describe it as a sadness more like a painful and inevitable emptiness that consumes me on nights I can't help but think"
"You can't treat people like shit and expect them to love you trust me I would know"
This was all she had written in a thin dark pen on the first page,I felt something in me when I read that.I think it was fondness for her.I was even starting to fall for her in a romantic way and it scared me.I looked up at her and watched her she was just staring at her black mug swishing around the last few ounces of her black mountain coffee that she claimed she would kill a person for.
"I'm not an uplifting person" she said and looked up and she looked slightly pained like I would really judge her "I understand if something like that makes you want to stay away I get it" she said standing up and grabbing the book.I was completely shocked by her reaction and I didn't know what to do she just kinda stumbled out the door and I walked out after her "I know you're not uplifting" I said and started walking after her.god I felt like I was in a movie and we where downtown stranger passed by."why do you talk to me?" She said and turned around I stared down at her,people passed and things where being said all around us but I just focused on her and said "I like you" she looked at me confused and said "how so?" Like it was easy to just say how much you like someone "I like the way you laugh and smile and I like the way you talk and the way you aren't afraid to voice your opinion and I like that you are kinda mysterious and God I just like your person in general cat" I said she looked up at me kinda smiling and said "Hemmo,did you just confess your undying love for me?" And I started blushing and I just pulled her into my chest and said "yeah kitty I think I did" we stood like that for a while until I pulled away and looked down at her she said "I always wanted something like that to happen but I never thought someone could like me because I'm me for I am inadequate " she said and I grabbed her hand and said "we live in an inadequate world and were all trying to make it perfect without destroying our true selves" and I think it's going to be from now on.I pulled out a cigarette but didn't lift it just the oral fixation was enough.Cats hands where extremely cold in the airy afternoon atmosphere.
"Why are you always so cold?" I asked she looked over and said "I have anemia I'm always cold" she said I think anemia is when there's not enough iron in the blood and it causes the person to become weaker. that's would make sense as to why she's constantly cold or shaking.
We get to where I parked my car and I opened her door and she slide in.I got in and started driving towards her house "do you like me back?" I asked she looked over and turned down the stereo and said "yeah Hemmo I think I'll keep you" I laughed and said "how about I take you on a date?" I asked she nodded and said it was ok
I drove her home.Said goodbye and went home.