She came out of the bedroom, freshly showered, dressed, and still a little out of sorts but feeling a million times better than she'd felt only an hour ago. It had been a hard morning for both of them. If that isn't an understatement... But if this could actually work, if they both were actually willing to try and put forth the time and effort, then she had a chance of getting Jennie back. And at this point, she'd probably do anything in the world to get Jennie back.
She nervously ran her hand through her long, wavy hair and took a deep breath before slowly rounding the corner, finding Jennie standing at the stove, plating the breakfast she'd insisted upon making them after their hug-fest was interrupted by the sound of growling, impatient stomachs. The tiny brunette looked over at her, smiling softly, her eyes still a little red but no longer puffy, and her tear tracks dried. And she looked so incredibly beautiful.
"Hey..." Lisa said, cautiously, stopping in her tracks.
"Hey." Jennie nervously glanced away for a second before reconnecting their eyes, clearly unsure of what else to say or do.
The problem was, Lisa was at just as big of a loss. She didn't want it to be awkward but damn if it wasn't. There really was no way around it. After all, they'd spent the better part of the morning alternating between sobbing and yelling at each other. And now... now they were what? Dating again? Thinking about dating again? Crushing on each other? The terminology didn't quite fit in Lisa's mind but she wasn't willing to waste time on semantics. If Jennie was willing to try, she'd take it. She just wished they had some sort of roadmap to navigate just how in the hell this was going to work.
She looked down at her bare feet for a second before slowly taking a few steps forward and carefully sitting down on the island. She nervously scratched at the back of her neck, her eyes locked on her lap, the quiet room louder than anything she'd ever heard. Dammit, say something. The soft sound of Jennie's giggle brought her gaze back to the other girl, her eyebrows raised in question.
"What?"
"Sorry, I just... I don't think I've ever seen you look so uncomfortable. And not that it's fun to watch, because it really isn't, but... well, it looks kind of funny because it's so different from the norm," Jennie explained, nervously playing with her fingers. Lisa simply chuckled at Jennie's assessment and sagged onto the stool beneath her, the moment of levity freeing up a little of the pressure. "I guess this might be a little... awkward now, huh?"
"It would seem so, creampuff."
"Well... awkward or not, I'm still hungry. And, while you were in the shower, I actually changed my mind about breakfast. I suddenly wanted an omelet instead of pancakes. I know, that's like super weird for me because who chooses an omelet over delicious, syrupy pancakes but I just had a craving. And I can't remember the last time I had one so... I mean, I probably should've asked but you were in the shower and I didn't want to bother you or make it weird like I was intruding on your space, but... I hope that's okay?" Jennie anxiously asked, bouncing from one foot to the other, chewing her bottom lip, her soft brown eyes eager.
Lisa cringed as she noticed the cutting board on the counter behind the other girl, fresh mushroom stems still sitting there, waiting to be disposed of.
Ugh, I'm going to have to grab a muffin or something later.
Taking another deep breath, she just nodded and gave Jennie a small smile, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. No sense in making Jennie feel bad or upsetting her over something that the tiny brunette couldn't help and didn't remember in the first place.
She reached for the fresh pot of coffee Jennie had already set out, pouring them each a full cup, and took a long sip from her own mug, savoring the strong, bold flavors that danced across her tongue. At least Jennie still made coffee the same as before the accident.
Jennie came around the counter, setting both plates down, and then ungracefully hopped onto the stool next to Lisa's, smiling softly at her before digging in with gusto. Guess she really was hungry.
Lisa smiled back, slightly amused, before looking down at her plate and pausing, the smile slowly slipping from her face.
"What's wrong?" Jennie asked, looking at her curiously as she poured an excessive amount of sugar into what was sure to be the umpteenth cup of coffee for the day.
"Uh, nothing." Lisa continued to stare down at the plate in front of her, nonchalantly comparing it to Jennie's sitting next to her.
One of these things is not like the other.
Six Years and Nine Months Earlier...
She looked across the table, smiling at the sight of her girlfriend, pulling thoughtfully on her bottom lip as she carefully looked over the menu in front of her, clearly at a loss. It was early, at least for Lisa, and they hadn't gotten much sleep after she'd woken up to find Lisa staring down at her, smiling softly. But they both knew they probably wouldn't have that much time to see each other over the next few days so Jennie had been able to easily convince Lisa to give up an extra hour of sleep in favor of breakfast at her favorite diner.
"Alright, you two decide yet?" Their server had come back three times now and each time, Jennie had politely asked for just a little longer since apparently, Lisa was at a loss. But this was starting to border on ridiculous.
"I will have the mushroom and cheese omelet, please. And white toast with Nutella." The server wrote it down while she popped her gum, clearly bored, before turning to Lisa.
"Um..."
"Oh come on, Lili! It's breakfast, not rocket science," she said with a giggle.
"In case it's failed to grasp your attention, I'm never awake for breakfast, creampuff," she snarked back. But Jennie just smiled, raising an eyebrow in challenge. "Ugh, fine. I'll have the same but no mushrooms, they're disgusting. And wheat toast, please."
"There, was that so hard?" Jennie asked as their server snatched up their menus and walked away. Lisa just rolled her eyes and sat back in the corner of their booth, propping her boot on the seat and leaning her head back, her eyes heavy but a soft smile on her lips. Jennie stared at her girlfriend clearly the epitome of cool, and once again shook her head in wonder, still a little amazed that Lisa was hers and only hers. How in the hell did that happen? Not that she was complaining, but she still was completely mystified about how she'd landed this girl.
Shaking the thoughts from her head, she leaned forward onto the Formica table, hoping to distract Lisa enough so that the blonde girl wouldn't fall asleep and they could enjoy what little time they had left together that morning. "So... you really don't like mushrooms?"
"Ugh, god no. They are vile. And of course, it'd be the one vegetable you actually don't have an aversion to," she answered, her face a mask of repulsion, taking another sip of the coffee in front of her.
"Hmm..."
"What?"
"Nothing," Jennie giggled. "I just... I like learning new things about you. I feel like I still have a lot to learn."
"Oh, you have no idea, cupcake," Lisa said with a smirk.
"So, tell me something else." She reached across the table, loosely linking her fingers with her girlfriends, and smiled when Lisa let her thumb graze back and forth across her own, a move she was rather fond of and one Lisa seemed to unconsciously do anytime their hands met. Lisa gave her another smirk and side eye, before leaning forward just a tad as though she was about to share a scandalous secret.
"My favorite color is black."
"Shocking but I know that already, Lili."
"Hmm... I enjoy reading Kierkegaard."
"I know, you have an entire shelf dedicated to him. It's starting to overflow and I seriously think you need more bookcases in your apartment."
"Well..." Jennie watched and giggled as she pretended to ponder for a moment, eyes roaming over the ceiling. Finally meeting Jennie's eyes again, she felt herself melt under the now sweet look in Lisa's eyes. "I think you are hands down the most amazing girl in the world, with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen."
Jennie felt the heat immediately hit her cheeks and looked away, unable to stop the shy smile that came to her lips. She hated how easily Lisa could fluster her but at the same time, it always left her feeling special, like she was the only one Lisa could see in the whole world.
Finally looking back at her girlfriend, she saw the teasing smirk was gone and in its place was the genuine, soft smile that she so rarely got to see but already knew she loved.
They stared at each other for another moment, lost in each other's eyes, only snapping out of their daze when their server unceremoniously dropped their plates of food in front of them with a loud clink and walked away without a word.
"Ugh, seriously, I said no mushrooms." Lisa cringed as she looked down at her food but Jennie just laughed and swapped their plates, giving Lisa the cheese-only omelet and wheat toast.
"You big baby," she teased. Lisa simply stuck her tongue out.
Present...
"Seriously, Lili, what is it? Did you want something else or... did I mess something up? I'm sorry. I should've asked you if this was okay. I... ugh I don't even know if you like omelets." Jennie looked at her worriedly, still fidgeting restlessly in her seat.
Lisa looked up and smiled gently at her, debating if she should say something or not. There had been very few things that Jennie had remembered or that had seemed familiar to her over the last few weeks. And maybe that was a sign that Jennie would never get back all that she had lost.
But every time one of those little moments popped up, Lisa couldn't help but get that hopeful feeling in the center of her chest and today was no exception. It may not have been a grand epiphany but it was something. And at this point, Lisa would take any small victory they could get.
"No, everything's perfect, Kim," she said, picking up her fork and taking a bite of her mushroom-less omelet.
****
"So like I don't get it, angry hottie."
"What part of this aren't you getting, beefcake?"
"The part where you guys are just dating. And the part where she's not your fiancée anymore. So pretty much the whole thing." Jackson took a swig from the pony neck beer in his hand and sat back further on the couch, looking as confused as ever.
Earlier, after their breakfast had been devoured and the dishes had been cleaned, a bit of awkwardness had still lingered in the air, and while Lisa understood it, she was beyond grateful that she had some work outside of the house to take care of. Jennie had seemed both anxious and hesitant for her to leave, most likely, Lisa guessed, feeling just as uncomfortable as she was. And she didn't want to run away again but she did need a little time on her own to clear her thoughts and wrap her head around the situation that had been presented to them.
Jennie had been bouncing from foot to foot nearby, watching carefully while she laced up her boots and grabbed her things and Lisa could feel the panic radiating off her small frame in waves.
"So um... I guess I'll just... see you later then?" She heard the real question behind that and smiled softly at the nervous little bundle of energy only a few feet away.
"Are you free tonight?" Jennie looked at her, completely puzzled and, much to Lisa's relief stopped hopping around for a moment. At this point, Lisa was pretty sure that at least half of the brunette's bloodstream had been taken over by caffeine. "Dinner?"
"Oh!" Jennie's eyes widened in realization and the bouncing resumed. "Oh, yes, dinner. You um... you asked me to dinner."
"That I did. Seven o'clock okay?" Jennie just nodded, doing a terrible job of trying to curb the excited smile taking over her face, and Lisa couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. "I'll see you then, cutie."
And then she'd left, her emotions a jumble of nervousness and joy with just a touch of worry thrown in, tumbling around in her stomach as she made her way downtown. She recognized just how long of a road they had in front of them, there was no doubt about that. And it was definitely not going to be a smooth ride. But for the first time since the accident, Lisa contemplated a life with Jennie where the tiny brunette never got her memories back. A life where the two of them would have to work incredibly hard to rebuild what they'd once had. Rebuild? It might not work like that. It might be something completely different and new. It wasn't what she would have chosen. The idea that Jennie would permanently have a hole in her memory of all those amazing times they'd spent together over the last seven years made her ache. But the thought of no Jennie at all... god, that was so much worse. And she would do whatever she had to in order to not lose the smaller girl.
"I've explained this like six times, Jackson," Lisa said as she stepped out of the small, grungy bathroom, straightening out her clothes and making sure everything was in place. She'd recruited his apartment to get ready for the evening, hoping to make this as organic and realistic as possible, for both of them. "Yes, we're dating. Or at least we want to try to start dating. She still can't remember anything but she wants to work on it so, we're kind of starting over, in a way. And I guess... no she's not my fiancée. I mean, she didn't like to call off the wedding or anything but she's... she's just not ready for that and I'm trying to respect that."
She'd given Jackson the bare minimum of details when she'd come by an hour earlier, messenger bag full of her equipment and the spare clothes she'd grabbed that morning, slung over her shoulder. Just because she'd agreed to this reset of sorts didn't mean it didn't still hurt. The pain still sat in her chest, its throbbing a constant reminder that things were different. But she wasn't about to share that with her friend. This was about her and Jennie and only they needed to know and understand the intimate details for this to work.
"So, you guys are just dating for now. But you're still living together?"
"That part a little muddier." She honestly was still contemplating if that was the best idea. Probably not, but how do I tell her that without hurting her? "I mean, I don't know if we should be or not, to be honest. When I brought it up this morning, she absolutely panicked. And I don't know if that's because she really doesn't want me to not be there or because she's still recovering and trying to figure things out and is just scared to be alone."
"Well, if you do change your mind, you know you can always crash here. At least for a few days."
"A few days? What, would I be ruining big plans that you have for your couch?"
"Nah, dude. You know I'm always cool with you hanging. It's just... well, you guys are like... the best together, bro." Lisa just chuckled at his eloquent way of putting it.
"Thanks, chief."
"So, where are you taking her tonight?"
"Dinner. This little place a few blocks from our house that she loves. She doesn't remember that she loves it. Or, at least I don't think she remembers. She hasn't mentioned it but I don't think she'd ever been there before we moved."
"Alright, well let me know if you change your mind or whatever. I'm meeting JayB for a drink later but you still have your key right? You can just let yourself in."
"Does your lock even work anymore after you got drunk and kicked it in doing your 'karate'? You've still got freaking duct tape on it."
"Oh yeah. Totally works fine, bro," he said, taking another swig and turning his attention back to the television.
****
Jennie gave herself one more glance in the mirror, running her hand through her hair, which she'd left down, and nodded. She was nervous. That much was obvious. She'd been nervous all day and was even more so after Lisa had left that morning, softly smiling at her as she walked out the door.
She wanted this. She wanted this so badly, but that didn't stop the fear from sinking into her bones and making her pace around the house all day, worried that this wouldn't work. Worried that she'd screw it up.
She'd attempted to get some of her own work done but found herself constantly distracted, her attention pulled away by a clap of thunder in the distance or a beep from her phone anytime a new notification came up. She'd glanced at the offending device around noon, noticing the group text from her friends had grown exponentially longer over the last twenty-four hours, and figured she should probably nip that in the bud before she had the three musketeers breaking down her door.
Jennie (12:02PM): Guys, I'm fine. Everything is fine. Please stop worrying.
Rosé (12:03PM): Jennie Ruby Jane Kim, I've been worried sick about you!
Jisoo (12:03PM): It's true, she's been driving us nuts. So what happened? Did you talk to her? How'd it go?
Jennie laughed, knowing she should've guessed Rosé would be beyond worried about her but once again, she brushed her friends off. This was something between her and Lisa only and she really wanted to respect that. Especially after Lisa had made it so blatantly obvious just how much it had hurt her that Jennie had run off to her friends just a few days ago instead of sticking around and working it out with Lisa. She wouldn't make that mistake again.
Jennie (12:06PM): I'm sorry, but really, I'm okay. I talked to her and... I have a date tonight. So stop worrying. I'll talk to you guys later.
Okay, so maybe she wanted to revel in that fact. Just a little.
Rosé (12:06PM): Oh, that's wonderful, Jennie! I'm so happy for you.
Seulgi (12:07PM): Way to go, Kim.
Jisoo (12:07PM): Your date's with Lisa, right?
Rosé (12:08PM): Kim Jisoo!
Seulgi (12:08PM): Ha!
Jennie just giggled and put her phone down, attempting to focus on her article. She lasted for about five minutes before she was sidetracked once again, this time by her own thoughts.
She had a date. A real date. With Lisa. With Lisa, the girl she had a huge crush on. With Lisa, the girl who was in love with her and had already been down this road once before.
"Oh crap!"
What if the date was horrible? What if she screwed something up or said the wrong thing? What if Lisa thought back to their real 'first date,' seven years ago, and compared the two of them? If she did, what would happen if she thought their real 'first date' was better? Would she change her mind? Would she think this plan was idiotic and bound to fail? Would she give up on Jennie?
The worries continued to plague her for the rest of the day, leaving her even more nervous about the entire situation than she was that morning when Lisa had walked out the door. But she couldn't mess this up. She couldn't lose this. She needed to try.
She reapplied her subtle lip gloss, having already chewed half of it off over the last ten minutes, and quickly made her way out to the kitchen to wait. Glancing at the clock over the stove, she frowned, feeling her stomach knot a little tighter.
It's already seven o'clock. Where is she? Did she already change her mind? Did she-
A loud knock on the front door echoed throughout the house, startling her a little. Curious as to who would be knocking now considering everyone she knew just walked in like they owned the place, she made her way over to the door, taking a quick glance through the peephole and instantly smiling.
"What are you doing?" she asked, opening the door and taking in a stunning Lisa on the other side, leaning casually against the doorway, dressed all in black; fitted dress pants, low-cut shirt, and tailored blazer holding a small bouquet of beautiful lilies at her side.
"Well, I believe we have a date."
"But you knocked," Jennie laughed.
"Yes, that's typically what you do when you come to pick up said date. You find her door, knock to announce your presence, and then compliment your date on how amazing she looks. Now we haven't gotten to that last part yet but..." Jennie watched as Lisa's hypnotizing dark eyes slowly roamed over her figure from head to toe, taking in every detail. Jennie felt herself blush slightly under the attention but was glad she'd taken the extra time to get herself ready for the evening. She was pretty sure the knee-length Chanel skirt she'd chosen was new and she'd noticed Lisa eyeing her a little longer than necessary the last time she'd worn the off-the-shoulder top she'd selected. "You look gorgeous, cupcake."
"I could say the same about you, Manoban," Jennie said, knowing damn well that she always thought Lisa looked amazing. She smiled as Lisa handed her the lilies, feeling her stomach flutter as their fingers gently brushed. God, this really is like a first date. "Thank you. You didn't have to bring me flowers."
"Cutie, you should know by now, I don't do anything I don't want to," she said, stepping inside and closing the door behind her as Jennie made her way towards the kitchen, looking for and hoping she'd find a vase there. "Under the sink, Kim." Jennie smiled and nodded, reaching for one of the glass containers sitting there, all the while watching out of the corner of her eye as Lisa slowly approached the island, coolly leaning on it as she pretended to peruse the house. "So... nice place you've got here."
"Well, thank you," Jennie said with a giggle, deciding to play along.
"You live here all alone?"
"Actually no. I have an incredibly wonderful roommate," she said, setting down the vase on the counter and placing the flowers inside.
"Oh really? Where's she?"
"Oh, probably off being broody or doing something incredibly artistic. Taking photos or drawing or painting something. She's very talented," Jennie said with a playful grin.
"Wow, really?"
"Oh yes. She's kind of amazing."
"Hmm... sounds like it. Do I have competition already?"
Jennie just smiled and shook her head. Maybe this would be a little awkward. But at least it seemed like Lisa was bound and determined to make it fun.
Finishing up with the flowers, she turned to face Lisa, smiling bashfully as Lisa slowly approached, that teasing smirk firmly planted on her lips. But she stopped just a few inches from her, an invisible line keeping them from touching, and Jennie felt her breath catch at their proximity.
"You really do look beautiful, Jennie."
The flirtatious confidence was gone and Jennie watched as Lisa's lips morphed into a timid smile and she locked her hands behind her back, rocking back and forth a little on the balls of her feet, clearly just as nervous about tonight as Jennie was. So adorable.
"So um... are you ready? We don't want to miss our reservation."
Jennie just nodded, following Lisa as she quickly strode to the door, grabbing her coat on the way out.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked once they were in the elevator, her eyes never leaving the restless girl standing next to her. It amazed her how Lisa could go from so cool and collected one moment to sweet and shy the next. But it seemed like it was only around her. She'd never witnessed it with any of their friends or with Minnie and Bambam when they'd dropped by.
"Mmm. It's a surprise, cutie." Lisa turned and smiled at her once before the doors opened and she ushered them out.
The surprise turned out to be a five-minute walk from their house and a charmingly quaint French restaurant with only a few other patrons dining within its walls. Taking a seat and looking around, nothing looked familiar but once again, she was feeling that odd sense of déjà vu that had affected her only a few weeks ago.
Was it the place or was it...? She looked up, seeing Lisa gazing at her softly, sweetly. Maybe it's just her.
She smiled briefly at the thought before burying her face in her menu, unsure of what she was really looking at or what the words even were. Crap. She knew she'd had French food at least once before with her friends, but it had been years ago and she'd remembered relying on the kind staff at the restaurant to just bring her 'something with chicken.'
She blushed slightly as she heard Lisa chuckling softly when her face registered slight panic as their server approached.
"Would it be okay if I ordered for both of us?" Lisa quietly asked, prompting her to quickly and eagerly nod. Five seconds later she sat in awe as Lisa conversed with the young man in what sounded like absolutely perfect French before placing their order.
"How in the world do you know French?"
"Mother insisted. Minnie, Bam, and I all had hours of lessons after school when we were younger. French, Italian, and Spanish. I still even remember a little German."
"Well, it's... kind of..." She swallowed hard. Really hot. "I'll just have to send her a thank you note," Jennie teased, sending her a small flirtatious smile. To her puzzlement, Lisa simply nodded, the sweet smile dropping from her face, though for the life of her, Jennie didn't understand why. Dammit, how did I already mess this up? "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I know you've said you aren't close with your mother but... did I say something wrong?"
"No, not at all, cutie. Just, well, can we maybe not talk about her?"
"Of course." Jennie nodded, wanting to avoid anything that would make Lisa uncomfortable. Lisa smiled gently before leaning back in her chair, raising one of those perfectly sculpted eyebrows, apparently shifting back into date mode.
"So, Jennie, tell me about yourself. You said you're a writer?"
"Seriously, Lili?" Jennie giggled at Lisa's playfulness and leaned forward. "I know I said I wanted to try to start dating. But I don't think we have to go all the way back to the beginning."
"I'm just trying to make this as natural for you as I can, cupcake," Lisa said with a wink that left Jennie sailing. "So, really, how was the rest of your afternoon? Did you do anything fun?"
It was her turn to look uncomfortable as she remembered how she'd spent the majority of the afternoon worrying about the new situation they found themselves in and attempting to pep talk herself into not being a total spaz.
"No, I just... can I ask you something?" Lisa simply nodded. Jennie sat back as their server returned with the wine Lisa had ordered for them, smiling in appreciation and patiently waiting for them to be alone again. Lisa looked back at her after their server left, her attention completely on Jennie. "That fight this morning. Was that like, a normal fight for us?"
"No, Jennie, absolutely not. I mean sure, we have our spats and stuff. We argue sometimes. But this morning... no, that was a bad one."
"I'm not in any hurry to repeat it."
"Me neither, cutie."
"But, even though it was bad, it kind of led us here... to tonight... on a date." Lisa just smiled at her. "And... I'm glad we were honest with each other. I mean, I know... I know it was hard to hear-"
"Hey, Jennie, you don't have to explain or justify anything, okay?" Lisa sat up, her face suddenly serious but her eyes remaining soft. "I understand that we can't just go back right now. I know that this is scary and it's going to be hard. And I know that it's different from when we fell in love all those years ago because the situation has completely changed and we aren't starting out on the equal ground. But that doesn't mean it can't work. It doesn't mean that we don't care about each other. Because, Jennie, you mean so much to me. And I know you care about me too."
"I really do, Lili. You have been so amazing to me since I woke up. You're so sweet completely incredible. I'm so lucky that I have you. And I... I know it's not going to be easy. But I really do want to try. I meant it this morning when I said..." She felt her face heat up with an easy blush but pressed on, her eyes never leaving the dark orbs of the girl in front of her. "When I said I really think I could fall for you."
Lisa smiled and leaned onto the table, her left hand reaching out and resting near Jennie's right but not touching. Jennie watched, noting Lisa was clearly leaving the ball in her court, and felt her heart squeeze at the thought.
"You know when we fell in love back then..." Jennie trailed off, a soft smile on her face as she boldly let her fingertips graze against Lisa's, watching the other girl's eyes light up just a touch at the contact. "Jisoo and Rosé just told me about when I realized I was in love with you. Apparently, I was a complete and utter mess."
They both laughed softly, their fingers interlacing a little more. She smiled when she felt Lisa's thumb softly rub back and forth across hers, the sensation comforting.
"I wasn't much better, cutie."
"Who said it first?" she blurted out, realizing a moment too late that she apparently had no control over her mouth. "Ugh, I'm sorry. I mean... never mind. I shouldn't have asked that."
She looked up, seeing Lisa still smiling gently at her, the soft candlelight between them flickering across her features and making her eyes shimmer mischievously.
Uh oh.
Six Years and Nine Months Earlier...
Lisa stared wide-eyed, mouth open in shock, glove-covered hands in tight fists at her sides and Jennie thought it was possibly the funniest thing she'd ever seen. She threw her head back, the laughter bubbling from her uncontrollably at the sight, her laughter filling the winter wonderland around them.
"I cannot believe you just did that! You threw a snowball at me! What are you, five?"
They'd taken a shortcut and crossed through the park on their way home from the movies, hoping to get back to Lisa's and inside where it was warm faster. A major storm had hit earlier that morning, keeping most people inside for the day and while the heavier snow had stopped falling a few hours ago, there were still soft flakes floating down upon them as they stood there under the streetlamps.
They'd been walking side by side, elbows occasionally brushing, their hands shoved deep into their coat pockets to keep warm when Jennie had looked to her right and took in the sight of her gorgeous girlfriend, grinning softly, the fluffy snowflakes blanketing her coat and wool toque. Lisa always came across to everyone else as so serious and sullen. But with Jennie... well, she'd seen the playful side of Lisa. And it was easily one of her most favorite things. Lisa could be a total goof when she wanted and Jennie absolutely loved it. Suddenly wanting to see that playful side, she'd come up with an idea and simply acted.
"Oh, come on, Lili," she started, still giggling. "Where's your sense of advent-" She was cut off as a snowball smacked her right in the middle of her chest. Looking over she took in the challenging look on Lisa's face, both hands raised in the air in a bring-in-on motion, and smiled. "Oh, you're dead!"
They spent the next twenty minutes chasing each other in the knee-deep snow, laughing and shrieking, carrying on like idiots before Lisa finally got close enough and wrapped her arms around Jennie's waist, pulling them both down into a nearby snowbank.
Jennie looked down, unable to stop her silly giggles to see Lisa laying below her, holding her tight, smiling up at her so beautifully, and felt her heart swell with love.
Things between them had been so amazing and Lisa made her so unbelievably happy that sometimes she thought she might explode. She literally had the best girlfriend in the entire world and she'd never been so happy in her whole life. Lisa was perfect, even with her flaws and Jennie was so in-
"I love you."
No! No! No! Shit!
She immediately stopped laughing, her eyes and mouth both snapping shut in utter mortification as she felt the world beneath her tip. She hadn't meant to blurt it out like that. And now she'd gone and messed everything up.
What the hell am I going to do?!
She slowly opened her eyes, seeing Lisa staring up at her, her face now a mix of shock and confusion, her mouth already partially open as if waiting to refute Jennie's claim.
Oh, Jesus, I messed this up so bad. She's going to run now. She's going to take off at any minute. She looked away, moving to sit up, and pushed herself away from Lisa, feeling Lisa's arms immediately let her go. She shuffled a little to the left, sitting in the snowbank, pulling her legs up to her chest and covering her face with her thick-mittened hands, utterly humiliated.
"I'm sorry, Lili," she whispered. "I didn't mean to say that. I mean... I did. I do. But I didn't mean to just spring it on you like that. I shouldn't have and I just-"
She was cut off short when she felt Lisa pulling her hands away from her face with one hand and cupping her cheek with the other, their lips quietly meeting for just a moment in the sweetest, softest kiss she'd ever had before Lisa slowly pulled away. Jennie opened her eyes, blinking quickly and taking in the beaming smile on Lisa's face, her eyes shining, cheeks pink from the cold.
"I love you too, cutie."
Jennie stared back, completely mystified and in shock. There was no way Lisa, her amazing and wonderful girlfriend Lisa, who could have anyone in the world she wanted... loved her.
Lisa chuckled, clearly amused by Jennie's bewildered face, and moved a little closer, her thumb gently passing over Jennie's cheek as the brunette processed this information.
"You do? I mean, I know you just said it but... Lili, oh my god. I've been trying to hold back for the last week, ever since I realized that I do. I didn't want to say it and scare you off or... not have you say it back but... I love you so much and you make me so happy and... seriously, Lili, do you really?"
"You're killing me, Kim," Lisa smiled, leaning forward and slowly kissing Jennie once again. Jennie wrapped her arms around the other girl and giggled into the kiss, unable to help herself. "Come on. Let's get out here and get warm. This snow is starting to freeze my ass." Lisa stood up, brushing herself off, and reached down for Jennie, pulling the tiny brunette to her feet and wrapping her arms around her waist.
Jennie smiled and let her girlfriend pull her along, both giggling and tripping over each other as they ran towards Lisa's apartment.
****
"Oh fuck... cupcake... don't fucking stop..." Lisa's head fell back and her eyes fluttered open, unable to really take in anything above her since all of her focus was on the amazing and wonderful girl she was currently straddling. Mustering up all the effort she could, she looked down, catching the sight of a smirking Jennie Kim staring back up at her, and felt herself caught somewhere between laughter and losing her absolute freaking mind as the tiny brunette's fingers moved in and out of her at just the right pace.
After they'd raced back to Lisa's apartment, it only took about ten seconds for their laughter to die down, their lips meeting frantically, both quickly shucking their coats and pulling insistently at each other's clothes. They'd stumbled and tumbled into the bed only moments later, naked and wrapped around each other in every way possible.
Now, a little while later after she'd thoroughly had her way with Jennie, twice, and had given the tiny brunette a few minutes to recuperate, Jennie was paying her back in full.
"Good?"
For as nervous as Jennie was about her lack of experience, the smaller girl had been an A+ student and had quickly learned all the little things that drove Lisa absolutely wild.
"Didn't I just say don't stop, creampuff?" Lisa said, breathless as she smirked down at the smaller girl. Jennie was quick to wipe the smirk off her face though as her thumb hooked up just right to swirl against Lisa's clit. "Oh, Jesus, Jennie..."
Jennie just giggled, wrapping her free arm tighter around Lisa's back, moving them closer together, and pulling Lisa further into her lap, leaving open-mouth kisses across Lisa's sternum and up her neck.
"You are so beautiful like this," she whispered into Lisa's ear, biting softly at the lobe as Lisa shuddered once more. Lisa turned just slightly, finding Jennie's lips in a desperate, frantic kiss as her hips started to roll faster against Jennie's perfect hand.
Less than thirty seconds later, with their lips still urgently pressed together, Lisa's grip tightened in Jennie's hair, pulling a little harder than she intended, as a deep moan echoed from within her throat. She pulled back just the slightest, Jennie instantly meeting her unfocused gaze with her own intense stare, and felt herself fall over the edge into a storm of utterly intense bliss.
"Holy shit, cupcake," she exclaimed as she felt her muscles give out, her body going completely limp in Jennie's strong arms. Head nestled in the crook of Jennie's neck, inhaling the addicting scent of the smaller girl, she felt more than heard the small laugh the younger girl released. Unable to do anything else but smile she cuddled further in as Jennie laid them back, resting against the pillows, limbs still tangled in every way possible.
She lay her head on Jennie's chest and listened, the room silent except for the soft panting inhales and exhales she heard coming from her own mouth as she attempted to come back to herself. Well that and the sound of Jennie's heart, beating just a little faster than normal below her ear. Jennie's heart... which now, for some unknown reason, belonged to her. The thought alone made her smile softly as she realized, for the first time, she wasn't alone anymore. She was in love and the someone she loved actually loved her back. Like really loved her. And fuck, that was so unbelievably incredible.
She looked up to see Jennie, still smiling and looking a little too confident, and couldn't help but chuckle.
"Pretty proud of yourself, aren't you?" she asked. Jennie simply shrugged, a slight blush tinting her cheeks.
The girl gives me mind-blowing orgasms and then turns shy, Lisa thought with a chuckle. She shuffled upwards, hovering over her girlfriend and leaving a lingering kiss on the smaller girl's lips. She lay down more fully, resting their foreheads together, and looking into the incredible eyes she was so in love with, smiling softly.
"I love you, Nini."
Jennie smiled back, absolutely giddy at the moment. She reached up and pushed some of Lisa's hair behind her ear, leaving her hand there and gently cupping her cheek.
"I love you too, Lili."
I'll never get sick of hearing that.
Present...
"Lili?"
Lisa brought her gaze back to meet Jennie's, refocusing her eyes and snapping out of the apparent reverie she'd been lost in.
"Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah," Lisa said with a shake of her head, averting her eyes and looking down at her hands knotted together in her lap.
"Are you sure? You drifted off at the end of the story there. And... are you blushing?" Jennie said with a giggle.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen, she thought, unable to stop her giddy smile. Lisa just grinned, still avoiding Jennie's gaze, but to her credit, had stopped the reddening on her cheeks from spreading.
Jennie leaned forward on the small table, taking in the sight of a speechless Lisa, which was easily one of the most incredible things she'd ever seen, and giggled again.
"So after I stuck my foot in my mouth, as usual, then what happened?" Jennie asked.
"Um, we left the park and just walked back to my place." She watched Lisa reach for her wine glass, tossing back the remaining liquid in one large gulp, her eyes still avoiding Jennie's.
Oh my god, she totally just went somewhere completely inappropriate!
"That's it huh?" Seeing the opportunity to tease Lisa open up, she immediately jumped on it. After all, it seemed that Lisa always had the upper hand when it came to teasing her. It was only fair for the universe to reward her with a turn. "Did we go back and play board games? Or... sew a quilt together or something else equally wholesome?" She smiled further as Lisa chuckled at her from across the table. "Did we sleep in side-by-side twin beds in full-body nightgowns?"
"You know what we did, Jennie," she answered, finally looking up and meeting Jennie's gaze, her eyes holding an intensity that hadn't been there a few minutes ago.
Jennie just nodded, feeling her own blush slowly brush across her cheeks. Of course. She reached over and grazed her index finger along Lisa's hand, smiling when she noticed the other girl's eyes instantly snap over to take in their connection before meeting hers once again. She only pulled back when their server brought back Lisa's credit card and thanked them, breaking the connection between the two.
A few minutes later, she turned and smiled softly, taking in Lisa's profile as they slowly made their way home. The night was clear, a stark contrast to the storm that had raged on throughout most of the day, the sky was full of stars, and a half-crescent moon hung high above. A small chill crept through the air and she watched as Lisa breathed it in, seeming to relish in the cold. She took in the pink on her high cheekbones, the way the flickering from the streetlamps caught on her long eyelashes and illuminated her dark eyes, the way her perfect eyebrows arched just so, and how the corner of her lips turned up into a knowing smirk... and Jennie knew she'd been caught.
Oh well. There are way more embarrassing things than being caught staring at my beautiful... um... girl I'm hoping to date? Is that right?
"What's going on in that head of yours, Kim? You're wearing your scrunched-up face."
"Nothing, just, trying to figure out what exactly I should call you. Like... well, I mean..."
"I know what you mean." She kicked herself as she watched Lisa shove her hands into her pockets, the smile slipping from her face.
"Lili, I'm sorry, really. I'm so sorry. We were having fun and I had to go and ruin it and-"
"Hey, no. It's okay, Nini, you didn't ruin anything. It's... I just have to get used to it. It just might take some time. But... I'm happy that we're at least trying."
"Well, if it's any consolation, this was a really amazing date, and... I'd love to take you out next time," Jennie said as they reached the door to their building, smiling when Lisa held it open for her as they walked inside.
"Next time huh? What did you have in mind?" She was relieved to see a small smile resurface on Lisa's lips once they reached the elevator and stepped inside.
"Oh, I don't know," Jennie teased. She pressed the button for their floor and stepped back, leaning against the back wall, letting her shoulder brush Lisa's, who still stood there, smirking at her. "Maybe..."
Suddenly an idea popped into her head and she smiled at just how perfect it might be. If I can pull it off.
"When's the next day you're free? Like for the whole day?"
"I can probably make something work this weekend. Why? What harebrained scheme are you cooking up?"
"Oh, it's a secret," Jennie said as the elevator stopped. She smiled as she reached out, lacing her fingers with Lisa's and pulling Lisa out and into the hall. "And really? Harebrained scheme? What kind of girl do you think I am?"
"Oh, I know exactly what kind of girl you are, Kim," she answered with a teasing smirk. Jennie smiled and shook her head, keeping hold of Lisa's hand as she unlocked the door and they made their way inside.
"You know... it's really not fair that you get to remember... everything," she teased. Lisa chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze.
"Do you want me to draw you an illustration, cupcake?"
"As realistic and incredible as that would probably turn out, no, I'm just saying... I mean..." Jennie trailed off as she watched Lisa close the door behind them while still holding tight to Jennie's hand. She stared as Lisa turned towards her once she was done, smiling at her slip-up. Deciding to ignore it and any further teasing, she looked into those dark eyes in front of her, feeling her nerves dancing in the pit of her stomach again. "So... now what?"
"Well, it's the end of the date and I promised to walk you back. So..." She trailed off as she tugged on Jennie's hand, pulling her through the kitchen and down the hallway.
Jennie felt her nerves completely take over as they slowly approached the open bedroom door. Was Lisa really expecting something more? No. No, she's been so sweet and respectful. She can't actually expect-
She heard Lisa chuckle next to her as they reached the doorway and looked up, taking in the amused expression on her face.
"Relax, cupcake. I'm not going to pounce on you here and now. I'm just... walking you to your door."
"You're a gigantic dork, you know that," she said with a giggle, feeling her worry slowly ebb away. She looked down at their still joined hands, savoring the feeling of Lisa's soft skin against hers. They seemed to fit together so perfectly. Almost like they were... Meant to be.
"Hey, Jennie? Um... are you sure you don't want me to stay somewhere else? At least for a little bit? Jackson's couch is vacant and..." Her eyes shot up, noting now just how nervous Lisa looked, the Thai girl slightly fidgeting and staring down at her shoes.
"What?"
Lisa looked up, a hint of sadness in her eyes as she attempted to hold Jennie's gaze and Jennie felt her heartbeat halt at that moment.
"Lisa, no!" Jennie said her voice going up an octave, feeling that hint of panic squeezing in her chest. "I... why are you asking me that?"
"Because... I just want to make sure you're okay. That you're comfortable with all of this." Lisa nervously tapped the toe of her boot on the floor, her eyes unsure. "Jennie, this is all new and different for you. And I don't want to screw it up. I just thought, maybe giving you a little space and a little time might be the right thing to do. It'll be less pressure on you."
"Lili..."
Jennie felt her heart ache so deeply at that moment, for Lisa, for them. Honestly, the last thing she wanted right now was for Lisa to not be there. This was their home and Lisa belonged here, regardless of what their relationship was. She'd already spent the last few weeks being put out by Jennie and this accident. And now...
"No. I don't want you to go. I..."
Lisa stepped closer, using her free hand to tip Jennie's chin upwards as she trailed off. Jennie swallowed at the contact and gently squeezed their still-linked hands, realizing they were now standing so close she could feel the warmth radiating off the other girl and it felt so good. So comforting.
"I know it won't be easy. And that it might be a little weird... us living together while we try dating but... well, lots of people date their roommates, Lili. I mean we aren't the first ones." She stared back, her eyes meeting Lisa's and she still saw that hint of sadness but now it seemed to be mixed with a dash of something else, though she wasn't sure what. She hated that she couldn't read the other girl as easily as Lisa could read her but she wouldn't be deterred. She pressed on, hoping she could completely erase the pain lodged there at that moment and convince the other girl that this could work. "Stay, please." Jennie reached up, holding her casted hand under Lisa's, keeping her hand on her face. "I... I hate it when you aren't here. And the idea of you not being here when I wake up or when I fall asleep... just please stay. I want us both to spend our nights together." She watched a small smirk form on Lisa's face and replayed her words in her head, rolling her eyes. "I mean, I'm not saying like... we should spend the night together, you know? But, I really do want you here."
"If you're sure-"
"You're not trading our couch for Jackson's and that's final! His couch is shit!"
Lisa stared back, her eyes soft and loving, watching Jennie intently for a moment before nodding once. Jennie just smiled back, feeling the weight on her heart ease a little. The thought of Lisa leaving... of her not being there made her squirm.
"We didn't argue on our real first date, did we?" Jennie said, suddenly feeling like she'd messed everything up.
"Hey, cupcake, no, don't do that." Lisa cupped Jennie's cheek, squeezing her other hand tighter. "This isn't a competition. We said we were starting fresh right?" Jennie just nodded. "So, it isn't about what happened the last time we had a 'first date.' It's about tonight. And tonight was great."
"It really was."
"Besides, I like it when you get all feisty and stubborn."
"You do?"
"You've always been a firecracker, Kim. It's one of my favorite things about you."
Jennie felt her lips turn up and let her casted hand fall to the crook of Lisa's elbow for a moment, relishing the feeling of Lisa standing so close, still cupping her cheek and looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing Lisa had ever seen.
"You know, this had been kind of a touchy first date," Lisa teased. Jennie laughed as she felt Lisa's thumb brush across her cheekbone.
"Well, I think we're kind of a step or two ahead. But I'm okay with that."
"Good, because... honestly, Kim, it really is hard to keep my hands to myself when I'm around you."
I'm starting to know the feeling.
"But... it is getting late. And I have a shoot early tomorrow morning."
Jennie just nodded, knowing they'd eventually have to end the date but hating it just the same.
"Please, take the bed." Lisa just shook her head and stepped back, letting her hand fall from Jennie's cheek. "Lili, fine, why can't we just share it then?"
"I thought you didn't want to sleep together yet," she teased with a chuckle.
"You know what I mean. It's a big bed. There's plenty of space for both of us. We can sleep next to each other without it being... intimate."
"I know we can, Jennie, I just..." Lisa sighed once and shook her head again. "I can't do that. I can't sleep next to you when we aren't..." She trailed off, looking away and Jennie wanted to kick herself.
You idiot. Of course, she can't sleep next to you. It'd be too painful for her. Get it together!
"Okay, alright, I understand. Um... well then thank you for an amazing night. I had a lot of fun."
"Me too, cupcake." She squeezed Jennie's hand once more before letting go and shoving her hands into her back pockets. "Get some sleep, okay?"
Jennie watched as Lisa moved to step away and, without thinking, quickly reached out, grabbing onto the lapels of her jacket to stop her. She caught the confused look on Lisa's face and smiled before leaning in and leaving a soft kiss on Lisa's cheek, centimeters from her mouth.
"Good night, Lili." She watched as a soft smile touched Lisa's lips, her cheeks just a hint rosier before she turned and meandered down the hallway, and for the first time in a month, Jennie was happy with where they were. It wasn't perfect by any means but for the first time since the accident, she could see a possibility for the future.