Johnson had changed a lot in the ten years since she'd lived here. The places that were landmarks to her in high school were gone now, and new places had popped up. Whole neighborhoods had appeared where before, there were only cornfields. The memory of driving these streets was not as strong as she'd hoped it would be, either.
But, once she reached the downtown, her memories started matching up with the present day and she started to recognize things. One thing she had forgotten about, though, was the Christmas Village. Two blocks were closed off to vehicles, barricaded with Santa's Cottage on one end and a giant Christmas tree on the other. In the streets, between those two places, were food trucks, a reindeer petting stable, and various holiday trinket vendors. The stores downtown—the dress shop, the menswear shop, the music store—all had little displays of sale items outside their entrances. Most of the windows had been painted with winter scenes by the Johnson High School Art Club, just as they had when she was growing up.
It was both comforting and unsettling to see how much and how little it had changed.
She had to park her car on an adjacent street and walk to Gearing's. It was colder today, but at least it wasn't raining. She wrapped herself deeper in her coat and looked up at the banners hanging from all the lightposts—Santa, Christmas trees, stars, ornaments, Rudolph. She almost smiled, but then remembered why she was there.
She had to get a bed. A bed, some sheets, a blanket, a pillow, a lamp, something to sit on in another room, a new job, new friends—basically a whole new life. Because of freakin' Jake. She should have taken some of that from the condo. It was going to be so expensive, trying to start over.
But she didn't want any of it. She'd left it all behind because she didn't want anything of Jake's. She would rather be without something than to have something they'd shared together. She frowned. That applied across the board to a relationship, too.
What she should have done, though, was to take all the Christmas presents she'd bought him and return them for the cash—especially that Tag Heuer watch. It was an expensive piece of jewelry and she'd saved up for it for a long time. It wasn't even opened, just sitting there, under their Christmas tree. She should've returned that for the cash and then used the money to buy a bed.
Freakin' Jake. What kind of a pretentious jerk wears a three thousand dollar watch?
At least he'd be stuck with all the bills for the condo. When they'd first gotten it, a year ago, he'd insisted they only put his name on the mortgage because she didn't have stellar credit, due to some late car payments in the past when she was between jobs. He'd said at the time, they would put her name on at a later date, when her credit score was higher. But they never did. And now she had to wonder if that was just another way Jake had of controlling her. Who knows? Maybe he and Mika laughed behind her back at how stupid she was for letting Jake do this.
"Well, who's laughing now?" she mumbled. "Enjoy that $2500 a month payment. Merry freakin' Christmas, jerk."
She stepped inside Gearing's to warmth, brightness, and Christmas music. A woman with an elf hat on greeted her. She smiled brightly and handed Emily a candy cane. "Welcome to Gearing's! What can I help you find today?"
"I just need a mattress." Emily tried to turn away and head to the back of the store, where the mattresses would be. "I can find it."
"Sure. We have a wide range of styles and comfort levels." Elfhat fell into step beside her. She held up a handful of candy canes and laughed, "I'm Candace. Candy cane, haha."
"Funny." Emily nodded halfheartedly. "I will let you know if I need you, Candace. Thanks."
"Are you looking for a full-size? Queen? King?" Candace stayed in pace with her and pointed out some displays along the back wall. "These kings have built-in support zones for lumbar alignment."
They'd had a king-sized bed at the condo. Was that another joke on her? Jake was the king, and she was... nothing? Why was she doubting everything now? Freakin' Jake had ruined everything.
"Queen," she said. She wanted to be the queen. No more King Jake. "I want a queen."
"Okay! I know just what you need." Candace led her down the aisle, happy now that she knew she'd hooked her. "This is full support, but it has a three-inch memory foam top for extra comfort. And it has this gel coating to keep the bed cool and promote better sleep."
Emily frowned. "How much?"
"There's a steel frame with internal support to eliminate the need for a separate box springs." Candace answered the question by avoiding it. "And the quilted sides are padded as well."
Emily stepped to the next mattress, turned the tag. This one was too expensive, too. She moved to the next one and the next one. Finally, she found one she could afford. "What about this one? Is it good?"
"Of course." Candace was clearly disappointed in not making the larger sale but was ready to sell anyway. "It's a regular top, no memory foam, but it does have three support zones for lumbar alignment."
"Box springs?" she asked.
"No, pretty much all of these mattresses are going to have internal support structures," Candace admitted. "You might want to add a foam top to it, just for comfort, though."
Emily sat down on the display bed, gave a little seated bounce. Then she lay back. "Seems comfortable enough."
Better than the floor, at least. Better than Jake's tainted bed.
"Stretch out lengthwise," Candace suggested, warming to this sale. "You'll want to get a feel for how it's really going to work. You're not going to lay on it crossways, right?"
"Right." Emily slid her whole body onto the bed, laying as she would. As she would, she realized, if she were sleeping with Jake—on one side of the bed. She moved to the exact middle of the bed and stared up at the ceiling. That was better. "Can I get this today?"
"Let me check to see if we have that one in the warehouse." Candace smiled brightly. "I'll also get a delivery slot booked for you."
Emily didn't move from the bed display. She took the candy cane from her pocket, unwrapped it, and put the end in her mouth as she stared up at the ceiling. This was maybe not the best bed in the store, but it was a good bed. And the fact that it was hers and not Jake's made it the best bed she'd ever had.
Emily had taken just enough of a look at the rest of the furniture in the place—and their price tags—to realize she would be eating over the sink and watching videos on her phone for quite a while. At her old place, she'd had a very nice, modern table with four chairs and a sleek, modular living room set. It was all new, all white.
She'd also had an actual bed—one with a set of drawers underneath and a deeply padded headboard. She was going to be putting this mattress on the floor. But at least she wasn't going to be sleeping directly on the carpet, right? Besides, who would care? No one would even know that she had no furniture because she didn't know anybody, so no one would ever see the inside of her house.
"There's a positive takeaway to losing your entire social group, Em. Look on the bright side," she said to herself, feeling the exact opposite of positive. It was just another thing to stir the coals of anger, another thing Jake and Mika had taken from her.
"Merry freakin' Christmas," she growled to herself as she walked along the sidewalk.
"Merry Christmas!" A woman's voice greeted her from the hot chocolate truck she was passing. Emily stopped and looked up at her, a middle-aged soccer mom with a smile full of luminous teeth. Did she think Emily had been talking to her? Was she answering? Or just being annoyingly full of holiday-freakin-cheer?
She suppressed the urge to say what she really thought about Christmas and, instead, pasted a smile on her own face. She nodded and waved, then picked up her pace.
She needed to get to her car, figure out how to get to Walmart, and buy some sheets and a pillow. Her stomach growled noisily as she passed a restaurant just as two ladies passed through the front door and released a waft of bacon aroma. She realized she hadn't eaten since those tacos on the road yesterday. Maybe while she was at Walmart, she would even splurge and buy food.
"Oh, fancy, Em." She smirked to herself just as she reached her car. "A bed and food."
And some dishes. At least enough to eat a meal on. And some shampoo. She had been in such a hurry to leave she'd forgotten to take her shampoo from the shower. Emily switched on the heater in the car and leaned forward, hoping to get the warmth a little sooner that way. She sighed. "Right."
Actually, she didn't forget her shampoo. She was just so angry at Jake at that point that she didn't want anything of his. Even her shampoo—which he didn't even use—had sat in such close proximity to his 3-in-one bodywash/conditioner/shampoo that she couldn't stand the thought of holding that bottle in her hands again. In fact, she was pretty sure she was going to change brands, even.
She put the car in gear and checked the rearview mirror to make sure the way was clear before pulling out of the parking spot. If she remembered correctly, she needed to go down a block and take State Street all the way through town to the newer shopping centers on that side of town. She looked away from the holiday decorations that adorned the downtown and set her mind on the bland commercialism of a big box retail store.
Of course, driving through the residential section of town was probably the worst thing for someone who hated Christmas to do. Houses were decorated with lights and trees and lawn ornaments. A lot of them had those stupid, oversized air-blown decorations. A lot of them. So many.
Emily frowned at them all. What possessed a person to put a giant balloon Santa on their lawn? It was ugly. It was gaudy. It was so...
She sighed. The condo association had some pretty strict rules for outdoor decorations. She and Jake had settled on the single string of colored lights across the front and a largish wreath on the door. But secretly, she had wished for more. Maybe not a giant air-blown Santa but, you know, something festive. She used to love this time of year so much.
A horn honked behind her, and she realized the light had changed. She looked around. She had already made it to the north side of town, without noticing. It was a bit unnerving, that she'd driven so far without really paying much attention to where she was going. Still, she was where she'd intended to be, on the north side of town, just before the part of town Walmart was located in.
"I think." She frowned. State Street took her all the way out to Walmart, right? Or was it Jefferson Street, another block west? She used to drive this all the time. Why didn't she remember? She made a decision and continued straight.
It was the wrong decision, of course. So many years away had degraded her memory of the town, apparently. She had only gone a couple of blocks into the residential section when she realized that, in fact, she should have gone down to Jefferson Street. Jefferson went north and west, past the bowling alley, the small chain grocery store, the fast food places, to the shopping center where Walmart was located. State Street went straight north, right past the...
"High school." She slowed the car in the school zone. It gave her time to look at the structure, a big, blocky rectangle building built in the 1960's. The only change was the natatorium, added during her senior year, and it was around back, so she couldn't even see it as she drove by. She did spot Leo's truck in the teacher's lot, the one closest to the front doors.
She smiled and then turned her attention quickly back to the road. "So what?"
Okay, yeah, he was cute. And nice. And he'd been really helpful and sweet. But that didn't mean—
"Sweet? What do you mean sweet?" She demanded out loud. "Emily Louise Shepherd, you have never called another human being sweet in your life. That is not the kind of vocabulary you use."
But he did come out in the rain in the middle of the night. Stop, Em. And that was after coming out late to sign the lease. This is not healthy. And then he brought her towels this morning before he went to work. You're just rebounding onto the first guy who's nice to you.
She sighed, a little disappointed in herself, and in the situation. That's all it was. It was a rebound emotion. She was sad and lonely, and Leo was nice. There was no denying he was nice. Rebound emotion. That's pretty much what happens when you break up, right?
"I don't know," she answered herself. She made a left turn at a cross street she knew connected with Jefferson. "This is my first breakup. Is this what people do?"
Of course. They glom onto some other sad sack and work through their loneliness—get back on the horse right away, so to speak. And then, when they feel better, they move on to a real relationship.
"Stop, Em." She squeezed the steering wheel. "Why are you even thinking about things like this? It's not a rebound because you're not interested in Leo, okay?"
She wasn't. And he wasn't interested in her. He was just being nice because she had no one here in town and nothing in her house.
"Sheets, pillow, shampoo..." She tapped the voice notes icon on her phone in the console next to her. "Plates, cups, bread, peanut butter..."
And he was probably that nice to everyone. He worked with kids, so he had to be nice by default, right? And she was his tenant, so he had to be nice to her, specifically, right?
"Eggs, ramen," she said a little louder to drown out her other, inner dialog. "Frozen pizza."
She made a right onto Jefferson. She could see yellow arches ahead, so she knew she was finally on the right street. Walmart would be just beyond the fast food. And Leo didn't have to be nice, technically. She was his tenant, so she had to be nice to him. And just because he was a teacher didn't mean he had to be nice. She'd certainly had plenty of teachers—including a certain music teacher—who was definitely not nice. Leo was nice because he was nice. He was...
"Pickles, avocado," she had to be quite loud now to overpower her own thoughts. She turned into the parking lot—surprisingly full on a Friday morning—and looked for a spot. "Forks, spoons, a sharp knife..."
He was nice. And cute. And why did she spend two years with Jake when there were nice, cute guys out in the world?
"Rice, orange juice," she was shouting now, as she pulled into a spot in between two cars. "Bananas! Applesauce!"
She slammed the gearshift into park and cut the engine. The woman in the car next to her gave her a wary look. Emily calmed herself and smiled. The woman looked away, watching her rearview mirror as she pulled out.
"Well, that was great," Emily whispered under her breath. "Thanks for that, Universe. Now I'm the crazy Walmart lady."