(15 years ago in Boston at Lakeside General Hospital)
Outside the entrance of Lakeside General Hospital stood a twenty-one year old Maddie Buckley-Kendall, holding on tighy to a small bundle in her arms. Tears streamed down her face and dropped onto the bundle she held to her chest. A small whimper could be heard but she didn't know if it was coming from her or whom she held. Every nerve in her body told her to walk the other way and forget she had thought about this but her heart was telling her to walk in and give her up.
Her motherly instincts were contradicting each other, half said take her with you and the others told her to leave her there. Maddie had always dreamed of having a family, a husband who loved and provided for her and their children. But in reality she didn't have that, she had an abusive husband who manipulated her into believing he was sorry and he loved her and then once a few drinks were in him forgot all of his promises and turned violent.
Maddie didn't want that for her daughter, to be scared of the man who was meant to love, protect and support you. That was what had led her to the place she had given birth, to hand her baby over, to make sure she was safe. In her eyes she was protecting her daughter, trying her best to give her the life she deserved, to save her from her father. But in anothers eyes it would look like she was just abandoning her child, her blood and dna because she was scared.
And in a way that was correct.
Maddie Buckley was terrified that her four day old daughter would grow up in an abusive household and an unstable family. She didn't want Emily to witness her mother being beaten by her father, or for Emily herself to be harmed in anyway, so she was taking her away from the situation completely. That did mean that she was losing the chance to be a mother, but it was in Emily's best interests so she had to sacrifice her needs for her daughters, like a good mother.
Yes, there were other options, she could leave with Emily and run from Doug. But in Maddie's eyes a life in constant fear and running was no life for a little kid. Nobody except for the Kendall's had known about the pregnancy, Maddie kept it from her parents and younger brother Evan because none of the Buckley's had particulary high impressions of Doug Kendall and they didn't want their judgement.
Maddie hadn't been back home since she had given birth, she was staying at a friends house whilst she made up her mind. Her excuse was she was being kept in hospital for a few days because there had been a few complications with Emily's health and her own. Doug wasn't there when Emily was born and he hadn't even met his daughter yet, in reality or over a call or picture, he wasn't particulary bothered.
What he was doing instead whilst his wife pushed his daughter out of her, was sit in a bar and drink, day after day and night after night. He would go to work till five in the afternoon and drive straight to the nearest bar and drink, waste all of their savings on alcohol, and strippers. He booked a stripper to come and 'entertain him' whilst his wife was gone. Doug Kendall was not a family man, he was not a kind man, he was an abusive and egotistical asshole.
So whilst Maddie and Emily had been away from him and at a friends, she was planning a way she could explain coming home without the baby. Her friend had a vague idea of what was going on in the Buckley household, not because Maddie told her, but because she was always there to clean her up, when she had 'fallen down the stairs' or 'whacked herself in the eye with the cupboard' or 'walked into the door'. Grace had never questioned her and Maddie was greatful.
And that was why she had given her name to her daughter as her middle name after her best friend. Grace was a strong and independent woman who never let anyone boss her about and knew her worth. Maddie hoped that Emily would have these qualities and that she would be brave and strong to survive the foster system. Maddie's excuse for staying with Grace was simple, 'Doug was on a business trip and had accidentally locked her out.'
Not for one second had she believed her, but as always Grace let her in, gave her a cup of coffee and been there if she needed to talk, not that she ever had, but Grace hoped that one day she would. Maddie longed to have the courage to tell Grace but deep down she loved Doug and she couldn't bring herself to leave him, she was scared that Grace would go to the cops and that Doug would be arrested. Maddie loved him despite everything he did to her.
After many hours of sitting and watching her baby girl sleep Maddie had come up with a plan, luckily she had told Doug that Emily wasn't doing great and they were worried for her. All Maddie had to do was use her hurt and emotion from leaving her baby and play it as grief after she died. Then Doug would believe her and Emily would be safe. Maddie knew she would have guilt over her decision but she had to sacrifice her happiness for her daughters safety.
That was what had led to the moment today, a mother standing outside a hospital debating on giving up her daughter, but she knew she had to, for both of their sakes. After minutes that felt like hours of standing outside, Madeline Rose Buckley-Kendall took the first step forward and from that she started to walk quickly into the entrance of Lakeside General Hospital. She waited in the queue for the reception desk.
As she did so she pressed a soft, gentle and loving kiss to her daughters head and rocked her side to side. "Next!" Broke Maddie from her thoughts, she moved forward and that's when she realized, she was next. She cleared her throat and walked somewhat calmly towards the desk. "Hi, how may I help you?" The woman asked her, Maddie smiled at her not really knowing what to say.
"I'm here to drop my daughter off, I can't take her. The safe haven law applies at hospitals right?" Maddie asked despite knowing the answer from being a nurse in the ER and being given safe haven babies multiple times before. The woman nodded and gave Maddie a sad smile and walked out from behind the desk and to Maddie.
"Let's go somewhere more private, okay?" The woman whose name badge read 'Janet', Maddie nodded her head and followed her into an unoccupied meeting room. "Take a seat miss."
The woman, Janet, walked out of the room and within came in ten minutes later with a tray of things. A glass of water and a biscuit for Maddie, a bottle for Emily and then underneath the tray of food, was another but of a blanket, hat and sticker for Emily. "What's her name?" Janet asked Maddie as she sat herself down next to Maddie on the sofa. Maddie took a sip of water from her glass and blinked her tears back.
"I can't believe I'm doing this. I see so many people give their babies up and I always thought how could you leave them alone in this world, but now I know, to protect them." Maddie began as a single tear rolled down her cheek and onto Emily's forehead but she didn't stir, she was content with her bottle. "Her name is Emilia Grace Buckley, she was born on the twenty-third of May so she's four days old." Maddie told Janet who nodded and made a note of it on her sticker.
"As I'm sure you know, how this works is we'll take Emilia and call a social worker who will come and pick her up and put her into the system. At the moment she will be kept here until she is a few weeks old so you have the option to change your mind and come and get her but after she is officially in the system she will be taken to a home and eventually they'll find her a loving family to care for her." Janet listed off the speech they were told to give every time a safe haven was in.
Maddie sat silently and nodded her head, she didn't want to do this but she knew she had to so she could keep her baby Emily safe and protect her. After ten minutes and an emotional goodbye on Maddie's part, Emily was handed over to Janet who changed her into a new nappy and wrapped her in a blanket and put a pink hat over her small head. Madeline Rose Buckley-Kendall now had the choice to either go back in there and say she had changed her mind.
Or she could walk out and never turn back, to go back to her friends house tell her everything had been sorted and that Doug was back at the house. Maddie turned on her heel and walked out of the hospital and to her friends where she grabbed her already packed bags, thanked Grace and walked to her apartment shared with her husband and abuser, Doug Kendall. "Where have you been!?" He slurred as she stumbled into the apartment with her bags.
"I told you this, there were some complications at the hospital." Maddie whispered, tears already forming and welling up, they were building like a wave until they could take their moment to cascade down. He took a few steps towards her, which Maddie instinctively took two back, he stood still, as if you could see the cogs in his brain whirring as he tried to figure out what was missing.
"The baby. What's her name? Amelie? Where is she?" He asked looking around the apartment as if she would just be hiding in the corner.
"Emilia. Doug, I told you she had some complications, today, she um she didn't make it. They tried everything. Emilia's dead Doug." She sobbed as the words escaped her lips, soon followed by sobs, in this moment a woman would want to be held and comforted by her husband, not slapped across the face with a force that knocked them of their feet and onto the floor. Or to be kicked multiple times in the side, but Maddie didn't have a husband in the same sense.
At this moment, Maddie knew she had made the right choice.