These are the words that have burdened me throughout my life. Their insurmountable weight, forever entrenched in my conscious.
Denied that human warmth for which we all long for. Always the odd one out. Always the last one chosen! The one no one wanted to play with. Reminded that a favor was given under the pretense of compassion. Indeed, children can be so mean spirited.
And not unlike my childhood. My adolescence was greeted with open arms by discontent. Never got the girl, always made fun of.
Shunned from the group like a waste of space.
As I grew older, my state of abandonment remained the same. They say that adulthood is synonymous with tolerance and acceptance. But in the end. Society held me in the same level of contempt. Adults are more adept at concealing their resentment, but you eventually learn to see through their smiles. Feigning politeness in the absence of choice. With the occasional comment, or gesture. Discreetly passed along behind my back, with the intent to ridicule. I suppose adults are no better than children in that regard.
And so I am forced to find comfort in solitude. The only choice in an uncaring world.
One day. I will face the twilight of my existence in similar despair, and feel the warm embrace of death as I close my eyes for the last time.
And my life will end the way it began.
Alone.