Edited: 2/2/2023
Edited Again: 6/28/2023
Alternative Title: The Frightful Three likes Midtown Highs food a lot
"I know you're out there, you wall-crawling-menace! It is the duty of every New Yorker to report the actions of these masked miscreants, so listen up! As long as J. Jonah Jameson is CEO of Daily Bugle Communications I won't rest until New York has seen the last of Spiderwoman-"
I shot a web at the big screen, "shut the hell up." I mutter. "It's too early in the morning for this bullshit, and I still haven't had my daily morning coffee." I jump off the edge of the building and swing through the streets of New York City.
"Other kids I know start their day off with orange juice and waffles, sometimes eggs. Me? I get yelled at by 100-foot-tall man who thinks he's rocking that mustache."
"So what gives her the right? That wall-crawling menace, Spiderwoman!"
"Where's the love for your friendly neighborhood, Spiderwoman?" I ask.
"I'm out here alone every day, doing the best I can at this hero routine. It's not easy, and it doesn't make it easier that I'm a high school student. Speaking of school, I still have to pick up a cake for Aunt May before the first period. But first, I'd better save that cop in the skidding car."
I shot a web right at the window of a cake shop- ironic- saving most of the shop from the cop car.
An officer climbs out and looks at me. "I'm starting to think Jameson's wrong about you, Spidey."
"Spread the word, Chief!" I grin at him. I jump and land on the street, right in front of a truck that's being held down by glue. Glue, it's held down by glue. Welcome to New York City, bitches.
"Hiya, Bug-Brain." Oh, my Gawd, bro- it's the Trapster. "I knew that would draw you out."
"I've been Spiderwoman for about a year now, and I've already fought this glue stick three times. Let's see if I learned anything from my mistakes. The fourth time gotta be the charm I need to throw this bozo in prison."
He fires his glue gun at me and I dodge it, I land right in front of him and punch him across the face. He crashes into a car, gets up, and looks pissed. He grins as he presses two big buttons on glue bombs and throws them at me, I kick both away as they explode. One manages to get glue on me as I landed on the side of a building. Shit, I'm stuck. I hate glue.
I notice Trapster is about to shoot me with a glue gun so I shoot a web to the muzzle of the gun. Dumbass keep clicking away at the trigger and his backpack full of glue exploded. Trapping him in glue as I break free.
I land before him, "this is when I leave the Friendly Neighborhood Spiderwoman note. Can I borrow a pen?" I ask, smirking at him. His eyes widened. "Interesting. Villain's eye widened in terror, but Spidey-Sense not tingling. Am I that intimidating?"
"No!" Some jackass shouts.
"For those of you new to the Spiderwoman franchise, allow me to explain the whole Spidey-Sense deal. It's basically an early warning system that kicks in whenever there's danger approaching. And I swear to Thor, if it's taking a v-cay, I'm firing it and replacing it."
I look up, "whoa. The S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier is coming in low."
"Spiderwoman," a new voice says.
"HOLY SHI-" I gasp as I turned around so fast that Quicksilver would be impressed.
"Nick Fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. That's the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. The super spies."
"You super spies make it a point to sneak up on hard-working heroes?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"Kid," he points to the destruction caused by Trapster. "We got to talk."
"About what? I stopped him, didn't I?"
"No one's saying you didn't stop the bad guy, but look around you." I watch as an officer tries to pull a horse out of glue. "Is this the way Captain America would have done it? Cap would've stopped Trapster in five seconds, you took three minutes. With lots of collateral damage."
"I do a good job."
"For a clueless rookie," he walks past me.
"Yeah! .....Wait, what?!"
"Look," he stops walking and places his hands on his hips. "Everyone starts out clueless. Even Iron Man back when he was a novice. But he learned... eventually. What would you say if I could help turn eventually into right now for Spiderwoman?"
I chuckle, "I knew it. You want me to buy a line of self-help books. Jokes on you, I only read fantasy and Sci-Fi, with the occasional romance and mystery. Well, then, if we are done here, I'm leav-" I start walking away but I stop dead in my tracks as Fury says.
"I'm serious, Emma Parker." How the fuck?"
"You know?" I turn around again, to see his evil grin.
"Everything." He answers. "Super spy, remember?"
"And bam! One serious part of my life... growing up with Uncle Ben and Aunt May, it was a pretty typical childhood, until the radioactive spider-bite. Then came the powers, and on that terrible night, I lost Uncle Ben. That was when I made a promise to do something good with the hand that fate dealt me. Things I wouldn't joke about even if I knew how."
"With great power comes great responsibility." Fury re-quotes my Uncle's famous line. "Good words from a good man."
"Uncle Ben was the best," I nod.
"It's been, what, a year now?"
"Today would have been his birthday." I look down, crossing my arms.
Fury places a hand on my shoulder, "you've honored him doing what you do. Now I'm offering you the chance to do better. To really learn about responsibility."
"Translation?" I look up.
"I want to S.H.I.E.L.D. train you to be a better Spiderwoman. The Ultimate Spiderwoman."
"And how ultimate is ultimate?" I look behind him to see Trapster getting away. Fury takes out a gun, points it up, and fires. The beam knocks off a part of lamp-post, and the lamppost hits Trapster on the head, knocking him out.
"That ultimate."
"Sweet!" I say as my phone then rings. I see it as Mary-Jane Watson calling and I hit ignore call. I chuckle, "I should probably set my ultimate cell phone to ultimate vibrate."
"Your tech needs an upgrade. Try ours." He places this S.H.I.E.L.D. tech on my web-shooter, and it turns into some weird upgraded web-shooter. "S.H.I.E.L.D. tech guys developed this next-gen web-shooter."
I look at it and then back at Fury, "too big, too clunky." He sticks his hand out. "I didn't say no." I take a step back.
"With your talent and my training, you could learn to be a better hero. The next Cap, the next Iron Man. One of the greats."
"Thanks for the offer but, I'm not allowed to talk to strangers." I start walking away. "Have a nice life, okay? Cool." I shoot a web and swing away.
"My name is Emma Parker, I am fifteen years old, and I'm a freshman at Midtown High. I am the one, the only, your friendly neighborhood Spiderwoman."
---
I open my locker as Mary-Jane walks up to me, "Emma, I've been calling you all morning. Where have you been?"
"I want you Parker to be the Ultimate Spiderwoman." I can hear Nick Fury's voice in my head.
"Uh, the bus broke down?"
"Sure," she grins.
"I hate to lie to MJ. Ever since we were kids no one's been a better friend than Mary-Jane Watson. Like the time we were five and ran away forever. Yeah, we weren't allowed to cross the street, so we just walked up and down the driveway. Or when we were six and she was comforting me about it."
"I wanted to show you this," she holds out her phone.
"It is the duty of every New Yorker to report the actions of these masked miscreants. Especially that ticking time bomb called Spiderwoman!"
"Doesn't the jerk Jameson ever shut the fuck up?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"Someday that jerk Jameson will give this journalism student her first job."
"You want to work for Jameson? Total nightmare."
"If that's what it takes. Jameson's the biggest game in town. Kids like us have to be realistic, Em. We can't all be like Harry."
"Meet Harry Osborn, and yes, I love Harry. Everybody loves Harry. But like, what's not to love? He's rich, he's handsome, he has a winning personality. And most importantly, he's been a good friend to me when I needed one the most."
I walked in the rain with my now broken skateboard. A black limo pulled up.
"Hey, Emma Parker." A kid rolled down his window.
"Uh, yeah?" I asked.
"It's me, Harry Osborn. You know, from school. Get in." I placed my broken skateboard in the trunk and got in through the other side.
"Thanks, Harry." I smiled as I put my seat belt on. "You didn't have to."
"No problem." He turned to the man in front of us. "Dad, this is the kid I told you about. The ones who's always getting beaten up."
"It seems you could use some friends, Emma." Norman Osborn told me.
"That would be nice," I joked.
"And perhaps you'll be a friend to my Harry. Help keep his mind on his studies."
"I wish you would stop micromanaging my life." Harry groaned.
"Give me reasons not to."
"Uh, I just met you both, but I think it's great that you have a dad who cares so much," I said.
"It sounds like you speak from experience."
"I never knew my dad, sir. But my Uncle Ben busts my butt when I get out of line."
"It's true. My parents died when I was two."
Norman nearly laughed, "and Emma's none the worse for that, is she Harry?"
Harry chuckled, "he's smiling. My dad is actually smiling. How'd you do that?"
"Parker charm?" I shrugged.
"And since that day we've been best friends forever. Well, that's life at Midtown. It's okay."
"Hey, Puny Parker!" Somebody shouts.
"With one drawback."
"It's locker knocker time."
"That Sasquatch loping towards me is our reigning football star, Flash Thompson. There's always been this rigid consistency to our relationship."
"Happy first day of school, Dorkus!" Kindergarten Flash slammed the locker door.
"Feliz Navidad!" Sixth-grade Flash slammed the locker door before Christmas break.
Eighth-grade Flash laughed, "catch you next fall." He slammed the locker door.
"Just once I'd like to turn it around. The only time he was ever nice to me was in first grade when it happened."
"Sleep tight," current Freshmen Flash slams the locker door.
"But if I did that I'd be everything Jameson ever accused me of. And everything I promised Uncle I would never become."
Janitor Stan Lee opens the locker door, "what again? You should punch out the big goon. Stand up for yourself, girl. Why when I was your age, do you think I let some slab of beef push me around?" I get out of the locker and slowly run away. "No siree, Bob. It was just like what I was telling Irving Florbush the other day. Irving, I said, you are nobody's doormat." The broom hits him in the face.
---
"Dude, locker-knocker time again?" Harry sighs as we get our food. "Thompson's such a tool." He pushes me away from the glaring Lunch Lady and drags me to the table where MJ is.
"If that's the worst thing that happens to me today, I'm coming out ahead." I grin, taking a bit of my jello. My grin drops as my Spidey-sense kicks up a storm. An explosion occurs behind me, I manage to cover Harry and MJ with my body.
I get up as the smoke clears.
"Attention students," oh great, it's the 'Wizard'. "Your principal has something to tell you." Our principal literally comes in through the hole, floating.
"Students, your attention, please. The school is now under the control of.... the..."
"The Frightful Four," Thundra answers.
"Uh, there's only three of you," MJ tells her. I give her a 'shut the fuck up before you get hurt or worse, killed' look.
"Quiet!" Wizard yeets our principal to the wall behind us.
"These guys are bad news. The purple one with flying disks is Wizard, a master of high-tech gadgets."
He throws some of his flying desks, and they go underneath chairs and tables, making them float.
"The red robot-looking one is Klaw, the villain made of living sound."
Thundra punches one of the beams in the lunch room down.
"Thundra is a ruthless warrior woman from an alternate future timeline. Don't ask. And Trapster- wait, I caught that guy."
The Wizard floats in front of his team. "Before the Trapster was captured, he learned Spiderwoman attends this school." No, no she doesn't- "And unless she gives herself up, we'll tear this place down, brick by brick."
"Yeah!" One kid cheers.
"We're serious!" The kid covers his mouth. "Klaw..." Wizard raises his hand. Klaw sends a sound-blast to the roof, and pieces of the building start to break off. Students scream and run away. "So, who is our mysterious Wall-Crawler? A teacher? A student? The cafeteria lady? They seem reluctant to talk. Klaw, make them listen to reason."
Klaw hits my classmates with a sound wave, making them cover their ears while screaming in agony.
"STOP IT!" I shout, clearly pissed.
"Emma, no!" MJ panics, grabbing my arm.
Wizard turns to me and chuckles. "Definitely not Spiderwoman." Bro, are you stupid or just dumb?
"I'll crush the runt," Thundra glares at me. Try me bitch.
"Don't crush her, make an example out of her." Klaw listens and sends a sound wave at just me. I scream in agony.
Harry tries to reach for me, but MJ stops him, shaking her head, not wanting him to get hurt like me.
"SHUT IT DOWN, I'll TALK!" I scream. He stops and I manage to climb up to the near by table. A light bulb goes off as I notice the tray in front of me.
"Well, you have something to say, girl?"
"Listen up, everyone needs to hear this." I pick up the tray, "FOOD FIGHT!" I shout off the top of my lungs as I yeet the tray at Wizard, hitting him in the face. He falls to the ground as the students let out a battle cry and started throwing food at the three villains.
I run off and climb up one of the beams. "This is nuts," I mutter as I take off my shirt, revealing my Spidey suit. "How'd they know? How did they find me?" I notice something on my armpit and pull it off. "A tracker. Shit. Fury was right, I have a lot to learn about responsibility." I finish taking out my normal clothes and put my mask on, I squish the tracker. "Dude!" I call out. "Don't point that thing, it might go off!"
I shot a web at Klaw's sound-blaster and pull it, making him blast himself. He stumbles to the beam face-first and then falls backward.
"It really stinks to be you today. Actually, it probably stinks to be you every day." I shrug, grinning. "Then again," I frown. "It could be me. I haven't washed this suit in over a week."
I turn my attention to Thundra, who was picking on a kid, and I jump off the beam.
"Hey, little Miss Muffet!" I kick her and the student goes into the air. Thundra crashes into a table, and I land. "The Spider just kicked your tuffet." I catch the student.
"Spiderwoman. Finally." Wizard says as I set the student down and he runs off.
Klaw and Thundra get up. Thundra tries to smash a table over me but I dodge. Wizard uses his tech to lift different objects, Klaw sends a sound-blast at me but I dodge, I web his arm and jump in front of him, I kneel down and I pull on my web. Forcing Klaw to blast Thundra.
I then throw Klaw at Wizard but he just shields himself with tables. Wizard then shoots the tables at me.
"Looks like I'm off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard." I grin as I dodge the table but I use them to climb up to him. I flip upside down and shoot a web at one of the tables, I spin the table and hit the Wizard, throwing him to the wall.
He groans as he falls to the floor.
"Oh, yeah!" I smirk. Thundra stands up, and she looks pissed. "You know, green corn is really a good color on you."
She groans and breaks the food stand next to her. I jump up and shoot two webs at her but she grabs them and pulls me down. I groan as she starts running at me.
MJ kicks jello beneath her feet, tripping her, and she falls completely on the other side of me. MJ pulls out her phone, "here's my first front-page story." Her grin turns upside down as she notices Klaw aiming at her, and blasts her phone.
Harry rushes in front of her, "hey! Leave her alone!"
Klaw responds by blasting him back. And I see red.
"This school is filled with would be heroes-" I kick him across the face, hard. I land on facing Wizard, but I turn around to catch Thundra's fist. I web her head to toe, as she spun around.
Students start cheering but Wizard uses his tech to lift them into the air. I turn around to see his grin, "floating hostages." I pick up Thundra and make it seem as if I'm going to throw her at him.
He uses the hostages to shield himself. I throw Thundra to the side and slide under them, "real smart, Wiz. You left the back door open," I shot a web at him and throw him to a pile of chairs and tables. The students land on the ground.
Wizard gets up and I kick him out to the hallway.
"Spiderwoman," I turn to see... "Flash Thompson," he shows me his shirt with my logo on it. What the fuck? "I'm your biggest fan, let me help bro- sis." Dude just called me "sis."
"Definitely, bro." I sigh, opening my locker. "Step in." And he listens.
"Now what?" He grins.
"Wait for my signal. Jump out and we'll surround them." I shut the locker.
"Immature, I know. But it felt so good!"
"Ha!" Thundra crashes through the door with Klaw following. Can't you guys just stay down? "Where is she?" "I'm in the vents-"
"We're not being paid to fight cops," Wizard tells them. "Let's go," and they just run away. I don't follow, instead I change into my normal clothes again.
I rush into the lunch room and push throw the crowd that was surrounding Harry.
I kneel next to him, "oh, this is all my fault." I look up. "Mr. Osborn." He kneels down to Harry. "I'm sorry."
"Why apologize, Emma." He picks Harry up, bridal style. "What could you have possibly done?"
"Worst day ever."
---
"In a shocking betrayal of the justice system she claims to uphold, Spiderwoman today led known super criminals in an attack on innocent school children. Believe me, ladies and gentlemen, it gives this humble commentator less pleasure I imagine to say, I told you so. It is the opinion of Daily Bugle Communications that the police should issue a warrant for Spiderwoman's arrest. And that nothing less than deadly force should be employed in the pursuit of Spiderwoman-"
"Emma," Aunt May grins at me.
"Hi, Aunt May." I smile softly, ignoring the screaming monkey on the screen behind her.
"Are you okay?" May asks. She turns off the TV, much to my pleasure. "I heard there was trouble at your school."
"I know what you're thinking, the badass sexy Spiderwoman lives at home with her doting old Aunt? Loser. Think again. My Aunt is pretty badass herself. She works all day, and Monday nights she's at yoga. Tuesday it's French cooking. Thursday is bowling. Her full schedule lets me come and go as I please. Of course, I have to keep the Spidey stuff on the down low. There's no way she would approve of her little Emmie-Bear mixing it up with a bunch of supervillains."
"Those psychos never touched me, Aunt May. Ignore everything MJ might have told you." I wish I could say the same for Harry.
"There's still some ringing in my ears. But the doc says I'll be fine tomorrow." Harry grinned at me.
"Oh thank Thor," I softly smiled at him.
"Strangest thing, Emma." Mr. Osborn said. "Those villains seemed to believe Spiderwoman goes to your school. Do you know anything about that?" Yeah, she sits next to me in French.
"No, sir. I've never heard that."
"You know what? If we had Norman Osborn's money, I'd put you in private school immediately."
"Yeah, that'd be sweet." I sarcastically say. I ruffle my little cousin- Primrose's hair.
"Meet Primrose Parker. You see, Prim is three and was adopted by Aunt May when she was only a month old, sometime before Uncle Ben died. And, oh, how I love my little cousin dearly. Anyone who meets her loves her. Even Norman Osborn."
"Hey, when's dinner?" I ask.
"Almost ready. Put the candles on the cake." Aunt May tells me what to do.
"Cake?"
"Yes, the cake you promised to get in the city today. Ben's favorite." I look down in horror. "You didn't get distracted again, did you Emma?"
"I'm so sorry, Aunt May-"
"It's alright. With all that happened today at school, I couldn't expect you to remember." She places a hand on my shoulder. "I'm just happy you made it home safely."
---
"I can't believe I let her down," I stare at the photo of Uncle Ben, Aunt May, and I. Uncle Ben and I were doing science, while Aunt May was bringing us snacks.
"But why should Aunt May be any different?" I'm seeing things. I literally see my own reflection, dressed as Spidey scolding me. "You're always hurting the people closest to you. Uncle Ben. Harry. And if you can't even get a cake home, how are you going to be one of the greats? The way I see it, you can either expect Fury's offer and take advantage of his training and tech, or keep fumbling along like a clueless rookie." Damn, I can be a mean bitch- "What's it going to be, Spiderwoman? Are you okay with just being amazing? Or is it time to go ultimate?"
---
Thunder strikes as rain pours, and my hair is super-duper wet. "Put out the welcome mat, S.H.I.E.L.D. Spidey's come to a calling." Fury is right. With his help, I can do better. I'm done with this lonely-loser routine. It's time to step up and show the big boys what this Ultimate Spiderwoman can do!
I shot a web toward the helicarrier. It fails, so I pull out the web-shooter Fury gave me this morning. His tech boys better be on their game, or I'm a splat arachnid. I shoot another web, and I land on the helicarrier. I grin in relief.
I land on the side, "does this thing have an invisible button or something? Not complaining though."
"Intruder alert! Intruder alert!" Holy shit- I press my lips tightly together. I should've expected that. A machine laser gun comes out and fires at me.
"Ah!" I yelp as I dodge. More appear and I groan, "not the biggest, kindest welcoming. But honestly, it could be worse." I start shooting webs at the guns, exploding them in the process. I hope they ain't that expensive. Once I finish, fucking laser-beams appear.
I raise my hands up, but then I notice Fury next to me. He presses a button, and it all goes down.
Oh hey, it stopped raining. I just noticed that.
I pull off my mask and salute, "your friendly neighborhood ultimate Spiderwoman reporting for duty, sir!"
"Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D. Spiderwoman. Hope you survive the experience." What? I'm gonna die?
I look to the side, making eye contact with some invisible person or something. They could be there or not. "To be continued," I wink, grinning.