1 year later.
The grass bent under my shoes as I walked down to the familiar lake where a small hut resided. The sun was just starting to appear over the horizon, casting a breathtaking mix of orange and red across the sky that reflected off of the large body of water.
I breathed in deeply, enjoying the smell of the morning air. The world around me felt quiet and peaceful. Sitting at the shore line, with his back towards me, was Bucky. He was watching the run rise, his hair was tied up into a half man bun. His shoulders slowly rising and falling as he took in the beautiful sky.
I quietly walked along the sand, although I knew he would be able to hear me coming with his enhanced hearing. I sat down next to him at the edge of the water and turned my gaze to the view in front of us. We sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the peace that the early morning gave us.
"Morning Buck." I said softly after a moment, breaking the silence and giving him a kind smile
"Morning y/n." He replied lightly, returning my smile.
When I glanced at him, I felt a frown tugging at my lips. He had dark bags under his eyes from restless nights because of nightmares. He was always hesitant to tell me what they were about, he was afraid of what I might think. But I would never judge him for what he was forced to do as the Winter Soldier.
"How did you sleep? Did you have more nightmares?" I asked him gently.
Bucky tensed his jaw. "A few." He admitted.
"I'm sorry." I said honestly. "I'm here, y'know, if you want to talk about it."
Bucky nodded, he had a look of gratitude in his eyes. I sighed quietly and lowered my head to rest on his shoulder. He tensed slightly before relaxing. He still wasn't used to people showing him kindness or affection.
We sat in silence for the rest of the morning. The silence wasn't an awkward one, we were enjoying each other's presence and the peaceful atmosphere.
After the sun had risen into the sky, I noticed from the corner of her eye that Bucky had a frown on his face, his brows were furrowed and he had a sad look in his eyes.
"What's going on in that head of yours, Buck?" I asked him quietly
"You don't want to know that." Bucky replied with a joking tone to cover up the pain
"I do." I replied, trying to encourage him to open up.
Bucky stayed silent for a moment and I thought he wasn't going to respond until he broke the silence. "I'm…I just don't think I'm worth all this." He admitted
I raised my head from his shoulder, my eyebrows furrowed in concern. "What do you mean?"
"Well, it's just that everyone here has been trying so hard to help me, and when you, Steve and the others helped me last year…and you've been stuck here with me for the past year." Bucky said sadly
"Hey. I'm not stuck here, I want to be here. Buck, you are worth all this. You've been through so much and you deserve it." I stated kindly but firmly, wanting to make sure that he would stop doubting his worth. To me, he was worth the world and more.
Bucky nodded, but I could tell he didn't fully believe me. He had a distant look in his eyes as he looked out across the water. I sighed quietly, wishing that he would see himself the way I saw him.
"Do you think it will ever work?" He asked quietly
"I hope so." I responded.
The two of us returned to our silence, enjoying each other's presence and the peaceful morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Good morning white wolf, Y/n." Shuri greeted us as we walked into her lab together. It was a part of our daily routine. Visit Shuri to see if we could get Bucky's mind back to his own.
"Morning Shuri." I replied
"Morning." Bucky responded as well
"Are you ready to try some more testing?" She asked him
Bucky nodded to her, though he didn't move from his spot. Being in medical places still scared him, reminding him too much of his time with HYDRA. I reached down and grasped his hand gently, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.
He nodded and took a deep breath in, finally prying himself from his spot and walking towards the bed. I let go of his hand as he lay down. I noticed that Bucky clenched his fist by his side before relaxing his hand again, but I chose to not think too much into it.
His stunning blue eyes darted around the room in a nervous manner. I decided to place my hand on his shoulder, reminding him that I was there for him. He wasn't alone, I wouldn't let him turn into the winter soldier again.
Shuri began to attach the wires to his head, making sure they were in the right place. She then turned around and went towards the control panel. "Are you ready, White wolf?" She asked
Bucky hesitated before he replied. "Yeah."
Shuri nodded before turning the machine on. We were getting closer to getting rid of the programming, it took longer for Bucky to start slipping away and I was always there to bring him back. I could feel Bucky fighting against it, and before he could be replaced by the winter soldier I pulled him back.
I was getting much better at doing that, it didn't drain me as much as it used to. Practice makes perfect. Though I still don't understand how I do it, I've been trying to understand my powers for the past year but there is still so much I don't understand.
He almost slipped, coming a little too close to the winter soldier than he would have liked, but I quickly brought him back. Bucky shot up right, panting heavily from the close call. I placed my hand on his shoulder again. "You're ok, Buck, you're ok."
Bucky didn't reply, he was too busy trying to catch his breath. He shakily stood from his spot and walked past Shuri and I
"I'll be back." He muttered before exiting the lab in a hurry. Shuri and I glanced at each other with a worried look on our faces.
I gave Shuri a small smile. "I'll go check on him." I then turned and exited the room after him, wanting to make sure he was ok.
After wandering through the streets of Wakanda, I finally found him halfway down the grassy hill that led towards the lake where his hut was. I had expected him to come here, I didn't need enhanced abilities to find him.
"Bucky!" I called out to him, but he didn't reply. He kept walking down the hill, acting like he hadn't heard me when he had heightened hearing.
"Bucky please!" I finally caught up to him and put my hand on his shoulder, getting him to turn and face me. "Are you ok?"
Bucky hesitated before he answered. "No…this isn't ever going to work."
"It will, with more time…" I started, trying to give him hope
Bucky quickly interrupted me. "More time? We've been doing this for a year, y/n. And we're still no closure…just admit it…I'll never get better, this is who I am."
"No. You are not the winter soldier Bucky. I'm not going to give up on you." I stated, adamant to get through to him.
"Why? Why don't you just go home. It's hopeless, I'm not worth this and you know it." Bucky replied harshly
"Bucky, you are worth this. You might not see it but I do. We can't give up…not yet." I replied.
Bucky didn't say anything, he just stared at me. After a moment, I noticed his eyes had become glossy and slightly red. Tears were threatening to spill over his cheeks. I felt my heart squeeze in my chest at the sight. He doesn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to go through this.
"I don't understand…" Bucky said quietly
"What don't you understand?" I replied at the same volume.
"Why you're still here, why you're still trying." He said
"Because I care about you, Bucky." I said
He glanced down at his feet, tears finally falling from his eyes and getting caught in his dark lashes. I gently placed my hand on the side of his face and raised his head. I felt my heart break at the sight of tears falling from his eyes. I gently used the pad of my thumb to wipe some of them away. I then stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into me tightly.
Bucky wrapped his arm around my waist firmly and buried his head in my shoulder, trying to hide his tears and seeking comfort.
The two of us stood there for a while, not letting each other go. Until we were interrupted by a strange bleating sound that rang out from next to us.
Bucky and I pulled apart and looked to the right, only to be met with one of Bucky's goats. The beady yellow eyes staring at us with little thought behind them.
Bucky and I glanced at each other before we burst out laughing. The goat continued to bleat and wandered off. Bucky and I eventually collected our composure again after the goat interruption.
"We'll figure this out, Buck. We will." I said reassuringly
Bucky nodded slightly. "I hope so." He said Quietly. I hoped so too, because if anyone deserved peace, Bucky did.