TRINITY
I took a shower when I woke up this morning. It's been nine days since I kicked Aaron out of my house. Since then, he's been texting me at the same time each day.
I've ignored every single one.
When I eat breakfast, I catch myself making two plates instead of one before I start crying.
And then after I eat, I find myself making Cleo's breakfast. Which then makes me sob.
I've put up lost fliers for Cleo. So far, no calls.
I just want my dog back.
I told Athena and my mom about Cleo running away and their on the lookout for my dog.
When I ate lunch, my mom texted me.
She wants me to attend a dinner party Athena's parents are hosting with her.
I agree. Not only because I need to get out of my house and socialize but because I want to see Athena. I miss that bitch like crazy.
I began getting ready, replacing my bandage and putting ointment on the cut so it won't scar.
I do my makeup and then put on my dress and then do my hair. By the time I'm done, my moms here.
I lock my front door after exiting it.
I walk to my moms car and sit in the passenger seat.
"What happened to your face, honey?" My mom asks as she starts backing out of my driveway.
I freeze for a second.
What the fuck do I say?
"A picture frame fell and landed on my face." I lie, this is probably one of the stupidest lies I've ever told.
"Ouch, might want to secure those frames next time." She winces and I just chuckle lightly in response.
"Yeah, I'll have to double check them."
—
I've been at this dinner party for an hour and I only have one drink in me
Champagne. I tried to drink more but my mom gave me a look that indicated that she was going to slap my hand away if I tried to reach for another glass.
In the meantime, I make small talk with random people before looking around for Athena but she hasn't arrived yet.
I keep my eye on the door for when she does though.
When she gets here, she and her husband make way to greet people but when Athena notices me and the bandage on my face she abandons them and head towards me.
"Trin, what the hell happened?" Athena asks, getting straight to the point.
I want to tell her what happened but I don't want to relive it.
"It's nothing, Athena." I reassure her.
"Who did this?" She asks and I frown.
I don't want to tell her the truth, for me to tell the truth, we'll need eight hours and a room full of wine.
So I come up with a lie.
"Honestly, it was just a random hookup." I say, looking at her with sincerity but she can tell I'm lying. "It was getting wild and a frame fell above the bed and cut my cheek."
She stares at me for a few seconds and she can see it in my face that I hope she doesn't push the topic.
"Must have been a crazy night." She states, fully aware that I know that she knows it wasn't just a random hookup.
"Really was." I chuckle lightly.
We talk for awhile, trying to avoid any conversation with anyone else but her eyes keep darting to the bandage on my face and I can tell how mad it makes her.
It makes me want to cry.
My head begins to hurt as I look at my mom, she looks like she doesn't want to be here anymore.
She mouths words to me to meet her in the front so we can leave and I listen.
I tell Athena goodbye and she gives me a long hug.
I walk out of the Rey's residence with my mom on my arm.
She drives me back to my house in silence. Comfortable silence. It's always comfortable silence with my mom.
When we get to my house, we say our goodbyes and I head inside my house.
I lock my door behind me and turn on all my lights and head straight to the bedroom. I want all my makeup off. I take my bandage of my face before removing my makeup.
After I do that, I take my dress off and take a shower, washing everything off me.
I scrub my body as if it scrubs the pain away. I scrub to wash off the memories.
It doesn't work. This wasn't the best coping method.
None of the coping methods I've used have been helpful.
They don't erase the pain, they add on to it.
I just want to feel better at least for a second.
I get out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body and walk back into my closet to change into my pajamas.
I used to just wear nothing but panties to bed but I was in bed with Aaron and felt warm. Now when I do it, I feel cold.
It's been harder to sleep without him.
I shake the thought of Aaron out of my head.
I put on an oversized shirt and panties before walking back to my restroom.
I drop my towel into my laundry basket before opening my medicine cabinet to get the ointment out.
I put the ointment on my cut and then put it back.
I frown as I stare at my reflection.
So much has changed.
At least my cut is fading.
I leave my restroom and walk to my kitchen, hoping for the comfort of cookie dough ice cream to make me feel better.
I open my freezer and pull out the carton, only to find it very, very light.
I open it and groan. I ate all of it last night.
How stupid am I to put back an empty ice cream carton back in the freezer?
I slam my freezer door shut and throw the carton in the trash.
I head to the living room and plop down on my couch.
I just want cookie dough ice cream right now.
I groan again in agony.
I can't go out to buy one, it's too late and I already changed into my pajamas.
God, I wish Cleo was here to make me feel less lonely.
I wish Aaron were here.
I really do and it sucks.
And I'm also just really horny.
I don't want to text him. So I'll just lay on my couch. Which, I've been doing a lot lately.
Laying on my couch, waiting for the doorbell just in case someone came to return Cleo back to me.
I've fallen asleep on my couch most nights, in pajamas, in sweats, in my everyday clothes.
My couch really is comfortable.
Maybe, I should release some tension.
I haven't tried this coping mechanism yet because before I had Aaron to do the job but now he's not here but my fingers are.
Maybe they'll make it better.
I lift my shirt up where it shows my stomach and begin to reach down into my panties, but then the doorbell rings.
I jump up in a hurry. Pull my shirt down and run to my front door.
I'm not even thinking when I pull the door wide open.
To reveal Aaron. Not with Cleo but with a brown grocery bag.
He speaks first, "I'm sorry, I know you probably expected Cleo but I wanted to check on you. I bought you two cartons of cookie dough ice cream."
I stare at him in silence, is he here to do the job?
I'm turned on. Would it be mean if I used him to make me come?
Aaron loves sex. Maybe he needs it too.
I miss his kisses, maybe they could make me feel better.
I'm going to try it.
"You can come in. If you want." I mumble.
His eyes brighten but I can see the eye bags he has. I move a little so he can come in and he does.
I'll kick him out after. I have to.
This is just a quick fuck. After all, we were really just fuck buddies.
We weren't, but if I keep telling myself that maybe it will hurt less.
I lock the door after closing it and then follow him to my kitchen.
He unloads the grocery bag to reveal more than just cookie dough ice cream.
There's chocolate, that one salad I like but don't get too often, tea, granola bars and so much more.
I frown, he knew I was running out of food.
"Aaron, you didn't have to buy me groceries." I state, walking closer to the counter as I watch him move around to put everything away.
"It's the least I could do. Y'know after everything." He responds, his voice sounding so sad that it hurts.
"It's definitely the least." I mutter.
When he finishes putting everything away, he faces me and gives me a small smile. A genuine sincere smile.
"Aaron, do you think you can help me?" I ask, biting my lip, nervous for his answer.
"What do you need help with amor- Trin?" He isn't using the nickname anymore. It makes me sad but I ignore the feeling.
"I want to feel better, I've tried everything and nothing works, before you got here I was about to try a different way to feel better but now, since your here, I want you to make me feel better." I take a slow steps closer to him, walking around the island.
"Like a hug?" He asks, he seems genuinely confused.
"No more than that. Like kissing but a lot of it. and maybe sex." I'm standing in front of him now, looking up to maintain eye contact with him.
His eyes widen in surprise. He definitely didn't expect that.
"Are you sure? Do you think it'll make you feel better?" He questions, gulping.
"I hope so, I just miss you and maybe if I have you I'll feel better." I admit. "Please Aaron. Can you kiss me till I feel better?"
"I want to Trinity, I really do but shouldn't we talk? I know how you feel about this whole thing and I'm trying to figure out a way to make everything better." He scratches the back of his neck. His eyes look sincere.
I do actually agree with him, as much as I hate him right now, I still love him.
I can't just throw away the past months because those memories still make me happy to this day.
I can tell Aaron wants to have sex with me as much as I want to right now, but his pride is getting in the way of both of our pleasure.
I know he feels bad about everything and wants us to go back to normal but things can't go back to normal after everything that happened.
God, I want them to but I can't put myself in that kind of danger again. This has to be the last time and I want to make it count.
"Can't we save it for another day?" I begin, reaching my hand out to touch his face. He's growing a bit of stubble and I'm trying not to imagine what it feel like between my thighs but I was already horny before he got here and I'm imagining it. "Right now, I just want you to forget about your pride and make me feel better."
We're both sad, we both don't like how things have changed but we can forget about it. Just for a little bit. Just for tonight, at least.
He cups my face before kissing me and I melt.
I've missed him so much.
I kiss him back. We kiss like this for at least fifteen minutes. And then I wrap my legs around his waist, his hands are on my ass for support and then he carries me to my couch. He lays me down and takes his shirt off as I do the same to me.
He kisses me again. And then he trails his way down. He kisses all the way to my lower stomach before he takes off my panties.
And then he kisses my pussy before eating me out.
The real thing is better than my imagination, the stubble is scratchy against my skin but at the same time, sexy.
When I finish, I stand up and Aaron fixes his position where he's facing me.
He takes off his pants and boxers before I sit on his lap, making him enter me. We both groan.
And then we moan.
He kisses my chest as I ride him, my hands gripping his shoulders, my eyes closed as I try to enjoy the pleasure.
I forget about everything else.
He kisses my body and even through all of groans and our moans and the sounds of our bodies colliding against each other, I can hear the little "I'm sorry." he states after each kiss, so quietly but I can hear him clearly.
When I'm done, I let out a sigh of relief. At least I got some tension out.
This method definitely worked, but I don't think I would use it to make me feel better for a while.
When Aaron finishes, he kisses me one last time.
I get off of him and lay on my couch, hugging myself to sleep.
I don't know if I want Aaron to leave or stay right now, I just kind of want to sleep.
Aaron kisses my forehead before hugging me from behind, most likely laying down with me.
And then, for the first time in a week, I fall asleep easily.