It was over now. Everything was.
All the pain that I felt should have been too. I wondered why it didn't.
The weapon of my choice clattered to the ground as I let go of it. And it slipped so easily. The drowning blood making it easier to do so.
It was all over.
I didn't know what to think, I didn't even know how to breathe anymore. Everything was just empty and didn't make sense at all. And why would they? Everything was over. It was just empty and I was numb. Falling into a deep abyss of nothingness. Just a dark mass with no end, no walls, only gravity. Or a pull with no direction. Or maybe I was floating while flailing my arms breathlessly.
The limbo lasted for an unmeasurable amount of time before I got pulled back by a soft humming. One that hit too hard that I couldn't even brace myself against it.
"Wandering child of the earth
Do you know just how much you're worth?
You have walked this path since your birth
You were destined for more
There are those who'll tell you you're wrong
They will try to to silence your song
But right here is where you belong
So don't search anymore
You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be-"
I stood at the doorway, staring at Liza as she sang a soft lullaby to Penelope. Her back to me, unaware and oblivious of my presence.
Poised to inspire and to succeed
You'll look back and you'll realize one day
In your eyes there is doubt
As you try to figure it out
But that's not what life is about
So have faith there's a way
Though the world may try to define you
It can't take the light that's inside you
So don't you dare try to hide
Let your fears fade away
You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be
Poised to inspire and to succeed
You'll look back and you'll realize one day
You are the dawn of a new day that's waking
A masterpiece still in the making
The blue in an ocean of grey
You are right where you need to be
Poised to inspire and to succeed
Soon you'll finally find your own way
Or maybe she did know I was there all along as she turned around to face me with a small smile on her face. A calm serenity in her eyes. As if she knew it was all over now.
"Why are you crying, Rosie?" I honestly didn't know. I should have been relieved and happy. The massive weight that I had been carrying with me for so long should be gone now. But why did it feel heavier. Not by a small measure but worlds heavier.
"I don't know... Why are you?" I didn't even notice she was crying until I asked her. This wasn't right. It was not supposed to be this way.
"I can't take it anymore Rose. It's too much. I tried everything. Every possible thing to fight, to adjust, to give up, to accept, to defy, to do nothing at all but nothing worked. It just kept getting worse and worse. And before I knew it, it just slipped out of my hand." I didn't like what I felt. The chokehold that wound around my neck, making it impossible for me to squeeze out the words that I wanted to say. I didn't say anything.
"I want to be free, Rosie. From all of this. I want to be at peace, I want to rest. I don't want to be happy. I just want to let go." I should say something, anything to stop her. Confess. Explain. All that laid downstairs and in my room. Perhaps that would ease her pain.
But did it mine?
"I am a bad mother and I can't help but be selfish." Her tears started flowing more freely than they were before, and her voice cracked and broke with her increasing distress.
"Lizzie?" Finally, something came out of my mouth, but not enough and just a whisper which might as well be inaudible.
"I am sorry, Rosie. I had to. I would have missed her no matter where I went. And it scared me to leave her in a world alone where I won't be there to protect her. To save her from people like them. And I would have missed her more than anything. I want to rest, Rosie. Peacefully, content. But I couldn't let all of it go without her seeing the place where I was my happiest. Where I was at peace and thought I would always be. I also could not let go without seeing you for one last time. I also know now that you will be okay." Her smile didn't fade at all while I tried to put the pieces together. It was not hard, but it was something that I wish was not true. "I wanted you to meet her. A piece of me that I was so stubborn to keep. I know it's such a short time for which you got to see her, but I wanted this before we go."
We.
"I am so sorry, Rosie. I am taking Penelope with me. Sorry that I am leaving you. Sorry that it has to be this way, but it has to. And I wish it could happen quickly, but the poison will take time and you will see me in pain. Please do not believe what you see because I will be much much more content inside. At peace. Finally."
"Lizzie. I don't know what to do."
"Hold me and Penelope in your arms, please."
****
"Wanderer's Lullaby" (Original Song) (Adriana Figueroa)