I meet Serena at Castelia Park. It's a chilly day, so I wear an oversized sweater. The sleeves cover my hands, but it keeps me warm, so I don't care. Serena's wearing a turtleneck sweater, pleated miniskirt and sheer tights with black boots. Her hair is mid-length now, brushing over her shoulders. I spot her the second I enter through the park gates.
She waves, and I wave back, smiling. She looks cheery, and it puts me at ease as she skips over to me, throwing her arms around me for a hug. She smells the same as I remember- a mixture of strawberry and coconut. When she pulls away she's beaming at me.
"It's so good to see you," I say down to her. I think I'm even taller than her than I was last time I saw her, even with her heeled boots.
"You too, Ash." It doesn't seem like she feels awkward at all.
We spend an hour catching up. I tell her about the wedding, and mention the road trip briefly but don't linger on the subject. She doesn't bring up Goh, or ask about the articles, so I let myself hope she just hasn't seen them. She tells me about her idol performances with Lisia, and how she's currently modelling for a designer company, and that they're asking her to do a runway show next year.
When we finish the brunch we bought from a food van, Serena decides to look for a cute coffee shop, saying she needs caffeine to fix her jet lag. I follow her into a half bookstore, half coffee shop that looks cosy, and she picks the corner table, away from everybody else. I tell her to order me whatever she's having, because I have no idea what to order from a place like this, and she comes back with two coffees that smell a little sweet, with a swirl of cream on the top and sprinkles of some kind of nut, I think. There's also a little cup of cream for Pikachu, which she sets down on the floor for him.
"Thank you," I say, taking the coffee from her. She sits opposite me and crosses her legs, smiling. I'm surprised at how easy it's been to talk to her, actually. I was worried that after the phone call there might be a little animosity, but there's been none at all. In fact, she doesn't seem bothered about my love life at all.
"So, there is something I didn't mention," she says, smiling sheepishly. My heart sinks. Here we go. I wait for her to carry on, holding the coffee cup in both hands to warm them up. "Your roommate told me you've seemed really down since you got back."
I wonder how the fuck they've even been communicating. Did he give her his number when she came to visit me, saying he'd let her know when I was back, for an excuse to text her? I wouldn't put it past him. "Is that why you came?"
She shakes her head, her hair swirling around her. "No. I just wanted to see you. But it did push me to come sooner." She's frowning now, and I don't like it. I don't want to talk about anything serious. I want her to carry on distracting me. It's the most normal I've felt in days, and the least lonely.
"He's an ass," I mumble under my breath, but I don't mean it. Nate's just looking out for me... in his own way.
"So what's been going on?" she asks, taking a sip of the coffee.
"Nothing, really," I lie. "Just jet lag."
She narrows her eyes and pouts slightly. "Bullshit. Your energy levels are so much tamer than usual. Come on, you can tell me."
Stubbornly, I turn and face out of the window, watching the clouds slowly gathering in the sky, dark and threatening. She waits all of thirty seconds before probing me again.
"Is this about whoever you have feelings for?" She asks quietly. Honestly, I feel close to my limit now. I feel like I'm balancing on the edge of a cliff, and have been for over a week. At this point, I wish I'd just fall.
"Yeah," I say, surprising even myself. I have to get this off my chest, though.
"If you don't want to talk about it then that's okay. I just hate to see you like this. It's not you at all." She's frowning even deeper now. I hate the way she's speaking, like I'm a different person. I'm not, I just... I can't get my head straight. Literally.
I'm trying to feel okay about being more open. Serena's someone I can trust. Now's the perfect opportunity to say to hell with my nerves, and just say it out loud, without worrying what someone's going to think. I suck in a deep breath. "This is probably gonna come as a surprise to you," I start, hiding my trembling hands under the table. Why am I making such a big deal out of this? I should just say it. "But I realised recently that I, uh... I'm gay."
Serena's eyes widen a fraction, and she blinks blankly a few times at me before she speaks again. "Oh. I see." She shakes her head. "I understand now."
"What?" I say, terrified of what she means.
"It's Goh, isn't it?" she asks, a sad smile on her face. My heart clenches in my chest, and I can't speak to answer her. It hurts so much that I have to stop myself from putting my fist to my chest. I suck in a breath, but I still can't get my throat to work, so I nod instead.
It's freeing, admitting to it. I feel the words come rushing forward all at once, like a wall has come up, and they're all running to be free. "I have no idea what to do. I can't tell him. I-"
"Why not?"
"Huh?"
"Why can't you tell him?" She presses, taking another sip of her coffee.
"Because... He admitted to me that he was in love with me when we were kids, and that's why he pushed me away. He said it took him years to get over me."
"And?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. I'm a little speechless at that. How can she not see what I mean?
"And if he's over me, that means he doesn't like me anymore. Besides... We didn't speak for eight years. I can't make up with him for one week then confess I'm in love with him."
Her eyebrows fly up, and I realise what I've said, but before I can take it back, she pounces on it. "You're in love with him?"
I frown. "I'm no expert, but I don't know what else it could be."
"That's... Wow. I didn't want to say anything, but I saw rumours online about the two of you," she admits. I sigh. So she has seen them. Has everybody on the planet? "I did see something in your eyes that I've never seen before, and I can see it now, when you're talking about him. I can tell, just from that."
"You... Really?" I ask. "I can't help but feel like I've lost him again, though. He hasn't called or text. I live in Unova, and he lives in Kanto. That's half a world away, literally."
"You're only here for another year though, right? Are you planning on moving back to Kanto after, or staying here?"
I don't think I'll stay here, but I had thought of living in Alola for a while. That's still leagues away from Kanto. The flight between Galar and here was seven hours. A flight to Kanto would be almost fifteen hours. That's too far to ask him to visit casually. I hadn't let myself think about that when we were bonding again, because it hurt, but it's the truth. We can't hang out, and he probably doesn't care enough to constantly call me.
"I don't know what I'm doing yet," I say. "But that's besides the point. He's fifteen hours away. Even if he felt the same, which he's admitted he doesn't, we'd never see each other."
"You could do long distance for a year," she argues. "It would be hard, but if you loved each other, you could make it work."
I'm surprised, and confused, that she's pushing me so hard on this when she was trying to convince me to go on a date with her last week. I guess she's probably over me too, but figured she could find those feelings again if I was up to try.
"You're missing the part where I just said he doesn't feel the same," I counter.
"How do you know that?"
My god, she's almost as infuriating as Dawn. "He literally said he'd gotten over me."
"Anyone could say that. Doesn't make it true." She shrugs, sipping her coffee again. I haven't even tried mine yet, so I copy her. It's nice. Obviously. She picked it, after all.
"We wouldn't be good for each other," I say out loud for the first time. It's another worry that's been plaguing my mind since I realised my feelings.
"What do you mean? Are you still arguing?" Pikachu jumps up onto her lap, and she smiles down at him, scratching him behind the ears as he lays down.
"No, not that. It's just... I think we were codependent on each other, to the point where it wasn't healthy." I hate admitting it out loud. We were just boys, but we stuck to each other like glue, and the more I think about it, the more I think I may have been blind to these feelings for a lot longer than I thought. "I only spent a week with him, and already I'm struggling to get back into my regular life. I can't sleep. I don't even have the energy to get up most of the time."
"Ash." Her brows knit together. "You love him. That's not something to run away from."
"Tell me," I say, tightening my fingers around the mug until I'm afraid I might break it. "If you were in love with someone, and you were almost certain they didn't like you back, would you still tell them?"
She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I did, didn't I?"
Oh. That's right. She did. "How did you do it?" I ask quietly.
She bites her lip, staring down into her cup. "I was really worried it would ruin our friendship, but I knew I had to say something, or I was going to go insane. But we're here, aren't we? We're still friends, and I'm okay. I was sad for a while, sure, but then I got over it, and now sitting here talking to you about you being in love with someone else doesn't bother me at all." She smiles down into the swirl of caffeine and cream. "How will you ever know how things will go if you don't try? I don't regret it one bit. If I hadn't told you, I could be sitting here right now never knowing if we could have worked, and still not over you. It helped me heal."
I consider her words. She has a point... And I hate that. Part of me does want to call him and ask if he'll come, just so I can tell him how I feel. I wouldn't expect him to feel the same. I honestly wouldn't even expect a response at all, if he didn't want to give me one. At least then it would be off my chest, and I could get on with life, knowing I never had a chance anyway. Still... another part of me still believes I can get over this on my own, and I can keep it to myself until it's gone and never mattered anyway.
"If it means anything to you," she starts again. "I think you'd actually be good for each other. I didn't see you much then, but from what I've heard, you lifted each other up. I could tell, just from seeing you on TV, how much you cared for each other. If you think about it, wasn't that when you were at your best? Because he brought out the best in you."
For the first time in days, I feel like I might cry again. "I feel like part of my soul is missing now that I'm back here. It's like I never realised it was missing until I met him again. Does that sound crazy?" She shakes her head, still smiling sadly. "I don't know how to deal with it."
"Call him," she says, nodding to my phone, laying face down on the table.
"Now?" I ask incredulously, suddenly feeling nervous.
"Ash, you were meant to meet again. You could just let it go, and maybe you'd get over it, but I think you'll be missing out on so much. Take the risk."
Her words sound so much like the psychics that it jolts me. I stare down at my phone, biting nervously at the inside of my cheek. I don't know what I would even say. It's only been six days. I can't expect him to come visit already. I'm not even sure he meant he'd visit on his own. Maybe he meant with Chloe, or Gary.
But she's right. It's cold when we're apart. It feels like part of me is dying. I reach out and pick up the phone, turning it over in my hand, but stop dead when I see I have seven missed calls in the last twenty minutes, and they're all from Chloe.
"What's wrong?" Serena asks, probably seeing my face change.
"Chloe's been calling me. Hold on," I say, and dial her back. It only rings for a second before she picks up.
"Ash?" She says, and her voice sounds panicked. My heart sinks down to the floor. I have a terrible, terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"What's wrong?" I ask, standing up.
"It's Goh. When we got back he was sent on a solo research project, and he was supposed to be back yesterday but he didn't show up. I figured he got caught up in the research and stayed there longer, but I couldn't get in touch with him, so I called Danika, and she said she never gave him a project. His parents haven't heard from him, either. Or Tokio. Nobody."
My heart feels like it stops for a full ten seconds. I hear Chloe's panicked breathing on the other end. Panic is rising in my own chest, making me feel sick. She speaks again before I get the chance to. "I thought he might have come to you."
"No," I say, starting to pace, my hand trembling as I push it up into my hair. "I haven't heard from him either."
"I'm going to call Officer Jenny," she says.
"Where did he say the project was, Chloe?" I ask, trying to stay calm.
"Johto."
"I'm coming," I say, already reaching for my bag.
"Ash, you don't have to- I was just calling to check he wasn't-"
"Chloe. I'm coming."
"Okay. Alright." She blows out a breath. "I'll call Jenny. I'll see you soon."
Soon isn't soon enough. Goh's been missing for days, and I can't stop thinking about the random panic I've been feeling, or the dread that's been curling in my stomach. What if that was me sensing he was in danger all this time? Chloe hangs up, and I just stop myself from racing straight out, remembering Serena is still there.
"Is someone in trouble?" She asks, standing too, Pikachu in her arms.
"It's Goh," I say, my voice shaking. "He's missing. I... I have to go. I'm so sorry, Serena."
"It's okay. I understand." She lifts Pikachu so he can jump on my shoulder. "I have things I need to do here anyway. Go do what you need to do," she says. I reach down and hug her one last time before slinging my bag over my shoulder and hurrying out. I don't know how I'm going to sit through a fifteen hour flight knowing he could be in trouble. I can barely contain myself now, while I'm moving.
I race back to my room. Thankfully, Nate's out, so I don't need to waste time explaining things to him. I shove clothes into my case haphazardly, pulling the zip around it and heaving it off the bed. I check my phone as I hurry for the door again, and see the soonest flight from Castelia isn't for another few hours.
Unable to stay calm or sit still in my room, I head to the airport anyway.