Namaskaram 🙏
Date of Update: 07.11.2022
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"Five years Ago.... It all happened five years ago. Or say we got to know about it five years ago. The day which I hate the most. The day I lost everything. The day I lost my support, my best friend, my life, my ma." Ragini spoke and turned towards the rain once again.
Laksh kept staring her. His hand unknowingly moved towards her which is on the ground and held it.
"I was working in my previous office that time. I took leave for three days as it was Diwali and I wanted to go home. I had to return back that day. I was packing my bags when ma came inside my room lost in her thoughts...." Ragini continued saying flashback to Laksh.
@flashback
"Ma!" Ragini called her excited.
Janaki looked lost. Ragini looked confused.
"Ma I will come again after two weeks. Don't get upset!" Ragini spoke thinking her mother is upset because she is leaving.
Janaki got out of her thoughts and looked at Ragini. She shook her head and moved towards a cupboard.
"These are the papers for the flat you are living now. I got this for you. Keep these papers safe!" Janaki said handing over her the registration papers of the flat.
"But ma why are you giving them to me now? You can keep them with you right?" Ragini asked.
"No beta! Keep them safe. I don't want you to struggle later." Janaki spoke.
"Ma why are you speaking like that? Why would I struggle when you are with me?" Ragini asked worried listening her mother.
"Ragu my bacha I will tell everything later. For now keep these papers safe with you. Remember your ma will be always with you." Janaki spoke calm.
Ragini just nodded seeing her mother not saying anything. Janaki cupped her face and kissed her forehead lovingly. She then hugged Ragini really tight. Ragini was feeling something wrong after seeing what all her mother is saying and doing.
"Ma today sleep with me please!" She pleaded.
"Okay beta. I will be back in ten okay?" Janaki asked.
Ragini nodded. After ten minutes Ragini and Janaki are laying beside each other. Ragini just hugged her mother tight. Janaki kept patting her back lovingly staring Ragini's peacefully sleeping face. Her eyes also slowly got closed slipping into permanent sleep.
After three hours Ragini's sleep got disturbed as she needs to use washroom. She slowly took her mother's hand which is around her and placed it on the bed. She then looked at her mother's face to make sure she hasn't disturbed her mother's sleep. She felt weird seeing something dark on her mother's lips. So she switched on the lights and her eyes widened seeing her mother's lips blue.
"Ma! Ma!" she shook her mother to wake her.
But her mother stayed movement less. Ragini praying to god, slowly took her hand towards her mother's nose to find her not breathing. Ragini looked shocked at her mother and her eyes started flowing immediately. Ragini immediately ran out of her room and banged her parents' room door.
"Papa! Ma!" that's all she can say crying heavily as her father opened the door.
Shekhar seeing her condition just ran towards Ragini's room and his steps stopped understanding what happened as he could see his wife's blue lips.
After few hours Ragini is wandering around her parents' room touching everything that belongs to her mother. She had done all the final rituals of her mother. Her mother left her forever and all Ragini could feel now is emptiness. She has never thought that her mother is going to leave her. She was her best friend. The thought that it was 'was' but not 'is' anymore made Ragini even more terrible.
"Why did you leave me ma?" She spoke to herself caressing her mother's sarees one after the other in her cupboard while her eyes looked void.
When she is caressing that way her hand accidentally hit to a book. The book fell down along with an envelope that was inside that book gaining her attention. She bent and took the book and envelope. She looked at the book which is apparently empty. So her concentration moved towards the envelope to see her name written on it. She looked at it confused. She closed the cupboard and moved to her room taking the envelope. As she moved towards her room she closed the door making sure that nobody comes there. She settled on her bed and opened the envelope. Her hands are trembling. She is scared. She is scared to get the confirmation that her mother's wasn't a natural death. She had realised it as soon as she saw her mother's blue lips. But she wants to know what made her mother take such a huge step? What made her to leave her forever?
She opened the letter and took a deep breathe before starting to read it.
Dear Ragini,
If you got this letter, it means I have left this world forever. Before saying anything further I want to apologise to you my babu. I am really sorry for leaving you without even informing to you. I couldn't tell anything to you because I know I wouldn't be able to live after what I got to know today. I won't be able to carry that pain in my heart. The pain I am carrying right now is the most unbearable pain. Nobody in the world should be in this pain.
Your father, my husband has been cheating me with my best friend! Today I went to meet one of my old friends. In between talks I got to know that Shekhar is only Swara's father. It means he is only Sharmishta's husband. After knowing this I wasn't able to think anything. All I wanted to do is go away from this world. I had loved him beyond everything babu. And about my best friend when she told that her husband has to stay away from her due to work issues I had got her to your nani's house to secure her living. I helped her in everything. I even loved Swara as much as I love you but all did she do was to betray me all these years.
Everything is only giving me lots and lots of pain that I know only me leaving the world would give me peace. I needed that. But what about you? I can't leave you just like that. I have to make sure you get what you deserve. So I just got the flat you are living now in Mumbai from the fixed deposit I had made when you were born and with some of the savings I did from my salary every month so that you get some security in your name. I know after me you will get alone but I am sorry my Ragu I am not really that strong to stay alive after knowing what Shekhar and Sharmishta had done to me.
I am really sorry once again Baby! All I want is you have to be strong. So strong that you have to fight your own fights with nobody's support. I want you to be independent in every way. I want my babu to achieve every dream of hers. Remember bacha I might not be with you physically but I am always with you in your heart. I Love You Ragini! I Love You so much!
With Love
Your Ma Janaki.
Ragini is crying vigorously. She could see her mother's tear drops at various places on the letter which had clearly told that her mother was also crying a lot while writing.
"Maaa!" Ragini cried out loud vigorously hugging the letter to her chest.
Hearing her loud voice her dadi started banging her room door worried. Ragini moved to open the door still crying. She opened it and looked at her dadi crying helplessly. She passed the letter to her dadi still crying. Her dadi got shocked after reading the letter. Her eyes flew with tears just like Ragini's. She pulled Ragini into a hug and both of them cried again till they felt they don't have energy to cry. Dadi broke the hug and wiped Ragini's tears.
"Come with me." Dadi spoke.
Ragini held her mother's letter tight to her heart, crying silently and moved following her dadi.
"SHEKHAR!" Her dadi screamed loud standing in the hall of their house.
Shekhar who was caressing Janaki's photograph with teary eyes at the terrace came down holding the photograph carefully.
"Yes ma!" he spoke standing in front of dadi.
Dadi just slapped him across his cheek making sure the sound of the slap echoes the whole house. Shekhar held his cheek shocked of the slap. He stared his mother not knowing what happened that she slapped. He moved his eye balls towards his daughter who looked at him with disgust. He couldn't understand what happened.
"You killed Janaki! You killed her!" Dadi screamed holding his collar and shaking him aggressively.
"Ma I did nothing. Why would I kill her ma? I really love her." Shekhar spoke with hurt in his voice.
"Yes! You really love her. But you also love Sharmishta right?" Her mother spat with disgust.
Shekhar looked at her shocked.
"Swara is your daughter! And you hid that all these years. Wow! Both of you guys successfully made fool of three of us. I am ashamed to be called as your mother. I am ashamed Shekhar. If your papa would have been alive he would be ashamed of you more than me. He would have killed you by himself." Her mother spat angrily at Shekhar.
Shekhar looked at Ragini as if asking her a chance to explain. Ragini looked away still letting her tears flow.
"Ma let me explain!" Shekhar spoke.
"Explain? You want to justify your disgusting act Mr. Gadodia?" Ragini spoke with disgust.
She wiped her tears looking at him angrily.
"Ragini my bacha listen to me." Shekhar spoke.
"Do not try to butter me with your fake love Mr. Gadodia. Today I not only lost my mother but also my father is dead for me." Ragini spoke angrily and loudly.
She looked away to see Sharmishta and Swara at the door.
"Oh come on inside Mrs. Sharmishta Shekhar Gadodia. I really love the way you act. You can start yourself some acting classes." Ragini spat in anger and pain.
"Ragu listen to me." Sharmishta tried to speak.
"Don't you dare take my name from your dirty mouth. I hate you! I hate you to the core. You are the MURDERER." Ragini screamed at the end.
Sharmishta cried silently.
"Di... please calm down." Swara spoke concerned and moving close to Ragini.
Ragini moved away from Swara as if she is an untouchable.
"I. AM. NOT. YOUR. DI!" Ragini spoke sternly stressing every word glaring at Swara.
"But Di I also got to know just now. I know nothing earlier di. I heard it when you are confronting him. I swear di. I swear on Janu ma!" Swara spoke teary eyes.
"Don't you dear call my mother ma and don't you dare swear on her!" Ragini shouted angrily.
Swara moved back crying silently. She was telling the truth. She just heard everything when Dadi was screaming at Shekhar. They came there hearing the scream of Dadi. Their house is just beside their house and the scream was so loud that even the neighbouring house residents could hear it.
"My mother even let you stay at her mother's place. She had been denying everyone who wanted to take it for rent as it has every memory with my nanu and nani but she let you in it thinking you to be her best friend, her soul sister. You ungrateful woman kept her in dark for years, cheated her with her husband, killed her." Ragini spoke with hate.
"Ragini I didn't cheat her. It was an accident and I couldn't just kill my baby." Sharmishta spoke.
"Yes ma. I wasn't in my senses when this happened. Someone has spiked our drinks at our office party. Janu was ill so she didn't attend the party. Sharmishta and I wanted to be sober since both of us have to drive back to our respective homes and it was Sharmishta who helped me as she was a bit more sober compared to me. But everything went out of control. We both didn't talk to each other after that day. It was suddenly when Sharmishta found out that she is pregnant I asked her to abort as it was a mistake. But she was adamant and kept the baby. Suddenly she came along with Janaki here after the baby was born. Trust me even after seeing her here I never spoke to her because it was only Janaki I had ever loved. It was only Ragini I wanted to be my child. I tried telling Janu many times but every time I was scared losing her. And just like my fear as soon as she got to know she killed herself." Shekhar spoke and was crying inconsolable at the end.
"Chi! How disgusting person you are Mr. Gadodia! You even wanted to kill an unborn child." Ragini spoke with disgust after listening everything.
Swara closed her mouth with her palms crying inconsolable getting to know that the person responsible for her birth had never wanted her and also wanted to kill her. Sharmishta was also crying silently.
"I am leaving!" Ragini declared and rushed towards her room.
She quickly took her already packed things and came out of the room.
"Dadi I am taking away everything that belongs to my mother from this house." Saying she went to her mother's room and started packing everything that belongs to her mother.
Shekhar rushed into his room followed by other three members.
"Ragini, my bacha please don't do like this. Your mother left me. Now you also don't leave me. I swear I didn't cheat Janu. I really love her. It was all mistake. I am sorry. Please don't leave me." Shekhar requested.
"Don't... don't even take my mother's name from your dirty mouth Mr. Gadodia. You killed her. You made her to kill herself. You made her leave this world. You made her leave me. You are the reason I lost my best friend. I hate you! I hate you to the core." Ragini screamed.
She quickly packed all her mother's clothes and things.
"Laddoo where are you going bacha? I am here for you, your dadi right?" Dadi spoke caressing her hair.
"Dadi I need to leave. Please." Ragini requested her dadi.
Dadi gave up and nodded.
"Take care of your health. Call me everyday." Dadi spoke.
Ragini just nodded lifelessly. She heard a horn indicating her cab has been arrived. She just rushed out not even looking at her father or Sharmishta or Swara. Shekhar fell on the floor crying vigorously hugging Janaki's photograph. Sharmishta ran into her house followed by Swara.
@flashback ends.
Ragini's eyes were continuously flowing with tears which she didn't bother to wipe. Laksh's eyes are teary too.
"After ten days my mother's lawyer had sent me the papers of my maternal grand parents house property papers to me which had also been named after me. I immediately sent a lawyer notice to Mrs. Gadodia to vacant the house in ten days. She couldn't find a house in ten days in a proper locality. She asked me for an extension but I didn't feel to sympathise the one who is responsible for my mother's suicide. I became merciless to her. I didn't even care whether I am doing correct or not but I just followed what I wanted to at that time. I denied her request for extension. That's when the love for her came out from Mr. Gadodia. He asked her to stay with him giving the place which belongs to my mother. He let her in. He married her. It's not even one month my mother passed away he married her accepting her and her child as his. Dadi had hid that thing from me for fifteen days. One day suddenly I heard Swara calling dadi as dadi from behind in a video call. That day was the day I cut all my ties from dadi as well. From that day the Ragini you are seeing now came into existence. The one who has worked so hard to become strong mentally! Who had learnt to live independent! Who had learnt to hide all her pain inside her! Who had learnt to understand that there will be none for you except for yourself entire life!" Ragini spoke.
She stopped for a few minutes staring at the drizzles as the rain condensed for the first time since that afternoon.
"Swara used to be always around me calling me di. She was just two months when she entered our lives. I was just nine at that time. She used to be so cute. I grew really fond off her. I used to love her like my own sister. Trust me Laksh even now I feel the same for her. It's really hard for me to stop myself from showing how much I love her. I know she is not at fault. It was her mother and her father who is at fault but every time I see her it reminds me that her mother is the cause of my mother's death. I can't just stay or speak to her like earlier." Ragini spoke wiping her tears.
Laksh is just looking at her with proudness in his eyes. Till morning he knows he likes her. It was below love though he knows eventually he is going to deeply fall in love with her but after listening to her and feeling the pain she is going through he understood that he has actually fallen in love with her. He isn't going to leave her, he is going to become the best friend which she is craving for. He is going to give all the love he could give for her. He is going to be the one her mother would have got for her as her life partner. He is going to give everything she would deserve. He knows she doesn't deserve any of the pain she is going through.
"They used to visit now and then but every time I had successfully avoided them. They used to call but I always don't pick the call. It has been 1: 10 ratio when I take the call because I don't know why I had still that love for dadi. So I used to just take the call, say her that I am fine and cut the call. But last time they came here they were struck same way. At that time I was out of station due to this project and it was my other flatmate who played the host responsibilities for them. At that time they got the duplicate keys of the house and today they even trespassed into my property. They even arranged spies in the apartment." Ragini spoke and there was a little silence before she started to speak again.
"Slowly I had changed myself. I had started becoming more reserved, organised and rude. Everything changed after that day. Everything including my thoughts about life. I have decided that it will be only me, for myself through out my life. There is no place for anyone who would try to reach deep into my heart, who would I share pain with. But I really don't know why I had slipped myself in front of you. It's the first time I had given up my emotions after that day. Even with my previous flatmate I was in my limits. It was like we were just neighbours who had been mostly in their boundaries but today things are different. If you weren't there I don't know whether I would have managed today. Thank You for being with me today Laksh." Ragini spoke.
Laksh was shocked when he understood that she has decided to stay alone whole life. Here he was promising himself to be her everything and she had declared her decision. It definitely upset him but when she had said that it was the first time she had let her emotions in his embrace it definitely lifted his emotions. There is this feeling that he would break that wall which is around her heart once again and make sure that there would be no incident where she would regret for breaking the walls and letting him.
"You know Ragini, I had guessed something is wrong the day you had avoided the topic of family. But never knew that it would be really heart-breaking. I had always seen this unknown pain which you had hid inside you but yet reflected in your eyes. But I have got to know how strong you are Ragini. I am really glad that I am beside you when you needed you. I promise I would be there further too." Laksh spoke.
Ragini just gave him a small smile. After having some more comfortable silence between them Ragini again spoke.
"I didn't even realise when the love he had for me had also turned to a mere domination to break me every time he comes to meet me. Today I realised that he had no more love for me. I am thankful that finally he might think of not bothering me further. Hope he does that so that I can be peaceful." Ragini spoke.
Shekhar who was behind wiped his tears as he heard her. He wasn't able to sleep so he came out of the room but he heard her last words and it definitely hurt him. He turned back and moved out of the flat opening the door silently. He could see there is no more rain or atleast drizzles. He just moved towards the little park for kids that is in the ground floor of the apartment and sat there on the bench.
"I swear Janu I only love you even now. I married Sharmishta because I know I am at fault. I tried to just to lessen my guilt by giving shelter when she need one. But trust me I have never spoke to her lovingly atleast because I don't love her even now. Yes I care for Swara just like I care for our Ragu. Our Ragu is my breath Janu. If staying away from her gives peace to her then I am done. I am going to stay away from her forever. But trust me I didn't mean to be rude to her today, I was very much scared about her living with a boy alone. What if he does something to her? What if he isn't good? What if he takes advantage of her? But today the way he stood beside her I think I can stay fearless. He looked good. I hope she gets all the happiness in her life. I hope she doesn't need to stay alone anymore. I hope he is the one who would understand her without even a word just like you used to understand me. I Love You Janu. I really do." Shekhar whispered to himself as he looked above into the sky and stared at one particular star which he believed would be his beloved late wife.
"Let's go inside Ragini. You have had a really long day. Take rest." Laksh spoke after a lot of silence.
Ragini just nodded and moved inside followed by him.
"I will adjust with this bedsheet on the floor, you take the couch Laksh." Ragini spoke.
"No! You go inside and sleep with your dadi." Laksh spoke.
Ragini became silent. He sighed and understood that she doesn't want to.
"Do one thing you sleep on couch I will adjust on the floor. It's just for one night." Laksh spoke.
Ragini just nodded as she felt her energy was completely drained to argue. After sometime even Shekhar came inside to see both of them sleeping in the hall. He looked at Ragini's face which resembled Janaki's a lot. His eyes turned teary.
"Papa loves you my babu!" he whispered and blew a flying kiss towards Ragini staring her lovingly before going into his room.
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Next morning Ragini's sleep broke due to commotion and she looked on...
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A really big update.
Thank You for reading.
With Love
Dharani (Dhaరणि)