Camila glanced up from her book when she heard the door of the bus creak open. Her heart stopped when she saw Lauren enter first, followed by Dinah and Normani. It was the day after her fight with Lauren. Camila had moped around the bus all day.
Lauren didn't even send a glance Camila's way. She walked straight past the small brunette and disappeared into the back lounge. Camila bit her lip and looked back down at her book. She didn't want to face Dinah and Normani, either. If Lauren hated her, she wouldn't bother the older girl.
The smaller girl furrowed her eyebrows when she realized the book was upside down. Biting her lip, she glanced back up at the two girls who were whispering back and forth.
"Is she performing tonight?" Camila asked hesitantly, meeting Dinah's eyes. She was relieved when neither of the girls snapped at her.
"She wants to," Dinah shrugged and sat down. Camila nodded. No one had told her what happened once they broke up her and Lauren, but she had a general idea. Knowing that Lauren was good enough to perform calmed her down, though.
"I'm gonna go get ready," Camila sighed, closing her book and tossing it aside. She'd been reading the same paragraph over and over for the past ten minutes, not being able to focus on anything.
Without another word, she slipped on a pair of shoes and exited the bus. She heard footsteps approaching her and smiled nervously when Dinah appeared at her side.
"You two just need to give each other some space right now," Dinah said, slinging her bag over her shoulder and following Camila into the venue.
"She shouldn't have gone through my stuff," Camila muttered, still feeling the need to stick up for herself. "She could've just asked me about it first."
"But would you have answered?" Dinah raised an eyebrow. Camila met her eyes and instantly looked away. She didn't answer.
Camila disappeared into the dressing room that had her name on it, locking the door behind her and tossing her bag onto the table. She pulled out her journal and flipped open to a new page.
After digging around in her backpack for a few moments, she found a plastic bag she'd packed with a handful of almonds. Camila knew better than to start a show on an empty stomach, she'd learned that before.
She popped an almond into her mouth and grabbed a pen, bending down over the notebook and writing the date in the upper corner. Scrawling one tally mark for the almond she just ate, she set the pen down and began getting changed into her stage outfit.
Ten tally marks marked the page once Camila was changed. She insisted on doing her own makeup for the stage. Only she could cover up the dark circles under her eyes properly.
After adding the finishing touch of hairspray and dabbing on a light shade of lip gloss, she grimaced at her appearance in the mirror. No matter what she did, she was never truly satisfied with how she looked. She was exhausted.
"Five minutes, ladies!" a voice rang out from the other side of her door. Camila looked at herself in the mirror one last time before making her way out into the hallway.
Normani and Ally were already hanging around backstage. Camila stood awkwardly in the corner, not wanting to start pointless conversation with them. Soon, Lauren and Normani joined them and Camila's mind transitioned into stage mode.
Halfway through the show, Camila stole a glance at Lauren. The green eyed girl looked confused. Following her gaze, Camila's eyes landed on a certain someone watching them from the balcony. Zayn. She scowled.
Lauren didn't take her eyes off of him for practically the entire show. Camila's anger was boiling. She felt... jealous. The small girl tried to shake it off, plastering on a smile and forcing herself to keep her eyes off of Lauren for the rest of the show.
"Thanks for coming out, guys!" Lauren raised her hand in the air once the show was done. Camila practically stormed off the stage, knowing Lauren was speaking specifically to Zayn. What did she even see in him?
After changing out of her stage clothes and into something more comfortable, Camila sat down on the couch in her dressing room and scrolled through everyone's tweets from that night. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door.
"C'mon, Mila, we're all walking back to the bus," Dinah's voice appeared through a crack in the door. Camila bit her lip nervously, but decided not to protest. She grabbed her bag and slipped out into the hallway, coming face to face with everyone but Lauren.
"Where's Lauren?" Camila glanced down the hallway worriedly.
"She went out to dinner with Zayn," Ally nodded once, starting to walk down the hallway. Camila followed the other girls, dragging her feet behind them. The last thing she needed was for them to start talking about Lauren.
"Why was he even here?" Dinah asked, unaware of Camila's boiling jealousy behind them. She'd gotten even better at hiding her true emotions since they'd started this tour.
Normani shoved Dinah and nodded back to Camila, glaring at the Polynesian girl. The action didn't go unnoticed by Camila, but thankfully they'd already made their way back to the bus.
—
"Thank you for dinner," Lauren smiled softly, standing outside the bus where Zayn had walked her to. "And thanks for coming to the show."
"I wanted to see you perform," Zayn shrugged. "You're even better in person."
Blushing, Lauren looked down at the ground and bit her lip. "I, uh, thanks," she looked back up, noticing his eyes darting down to her lips, almost asking for permission.
"I better get going," Lauren said quickly, grabbing the handle of the bus door. "Or else the girls are gonna come out her and bombard you."
"Oh, yeah," Zayn cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll text you later."
"Later," Lauren nodded once. They exchanged awkward goodbyes, both aware of the fact that Lauren had just avoided a goodnight kiss. Sighing heavily, the green eyed girl slipped back into the bus.
By the looks of it, everyone else was already asleep. She kicked off her shoes and walked over to her bunk. Her eyes narrowed when she drew the curtain aside.
"I need to call security," she mumbled, looking down at her trashed bunk. The sheets were torn off the mattress; her things were thrown in every direction, as if a tornado had torn through the bus.
Pulling out her phone, she dialed Big Rob's number, but was stopped when a figured nearly tackled her to the ground, hitting the 'end' button on the call.
"Please don't," Camila's raspy voice appeared moments later. Lauren yanked her phone out of the smaller girl's hands and gave her a questioning look.
"I-I..." Camila was breathing heavily. She looked back and forth from Lauren to the bed and squeezed her eyes shut. "I couldn't find my journal and I... I thought maybe... maybe you..."
"Maybe I took it?" Lauren narrowed her eyes. Camila nodded hesitantly. Groaning, Lauren tore the sheets off of her bed and pushed Camila aside, attempting to clean up what the smaller girl had done.
"Stay out of my business next time," Lauren huffed, tugging the end of the white sheet and struggling to pull it over the end of the mattress.
"You didn't stay out of mine," Camila snapped back before she could stop herself. Lauren's hands froze and she whipped her head around. The smaller girl cowered backwards. Lauren noticed the repetitive motion of Camila's hands, realizing the brown eyes girl was snapping her hair tie against her wrist.
"You're just blaming me for all of your problems!" Lauren yelled, letting go of the sheet and standing up so she was facing Camila.
Before Camila knew what she was doing, her fist shot up and made contact with Lauren's jaw, sending the older girl stumbling a few steps backwards.
Camila immediately looked down at her hands and then back up to Lauren, feeling her heart begin to race. "I-I... oh my god, I'm so s—,"
"Do it again."
Camila jumped when Lauren interrupted her. The girl stood a few feet away from Camila, breathing shallowly.
"Wh-what?" Camila breathed, looking down at her hands and balling them into fists.
"Go ahead," Lauren sneered, taking a step forward. "Show me how much you hate me."
Camila bit her lip.
"Hit me," Lauren practically growled. "C'mon!"
Camila jumped when she yelled, half heartedly shoving Lauren's arm with her fist.
"Again."
She looked up at Lauren and shook her head, biting her lip.
"Again!" Lauren raised her voice and Camila gave in, throwing another punch against Lauren's shoulder, harder this time.
"Is that all you've got?" Lauren ignored the throbbing of her jaw and stared menacingly down at the smaller girl. Camila clenched her fists as she felt anger begin to build up inside her.
The smaller girl lurched forward, beginning to throw punches left and right against Lauren's torso. The older girl stumbled backwards, and suddenly they were both on the floor.
Camila's eyes were blinded by red heat, as she continued pounding her fists into the figure below her. She couldn't even control herself in the moment. Every ounce of built up anger was pouring out of her.
And suddenly she realized the figure underneath her was Lauren.
She froze, breathing heavily and looking down at the girl on the ground. Shaking, she studied her own fists, red from the impact. Lauren's eyes were squeezed shut and Camila could make out the red blotches on her face where her fist had come down extra hard.
"Oh my god," she breathed, scrambling off of the older girl and standing up. She couldn't take her eyes off of her balled up fists, refusing to believe what she had done.
"Did that make you feel better?"
Camila jumped when Lauren's voice broke the silence. She looked up. Lauren was standing a few feet in front of her, breathing heavily. The older girl was forcing herself to ignore the pain shooting through her body.
"I said, did that make you feel better?" she took a step forwards and Camila, in return, cowered backwards.
"I... I'm—," Camila shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears well up in her eyes.
"Answer the question, Camila."
Camila shivered at the cold tone in Lauren's voice. She felt hot tears begin to roll down her cheeks and she stood frozen, staring straight at Lauren and shaking her head.
"N-no..." she mumbled, hanging her head down.
Without another word, Lauren stormed out of the bus and slammed the door behind her. Camila stood frozen for a few seconds, taking in everything that had just happen. Her knuckles were throbbing, but she didn't care.
She collapsed to her knees in sobs, burying her head in her hands and feeling physically sick. Gasping for air, she heard the low rumble of a car's engine outside and a slamming door. Realizing Lauren had left, the tears continued to pour down Camila's cheeks.
"I'm not even kidding, Mani, he had a fanny pack on. I got out of there as soon as I c—Mila?" Camila froze when she heard three pairs of footsteps enter the bus. That's why her bandmates hadn't woken up, they hadn't been asleep.
"Camila, what's wrong? Where's Lauren?" The three girls immediately dropped their conversation and flicked on the lights of the bus. Camila winced when she felt Dinah tug her off of the ground and place her on the couch.
"What is going on?" Normani raised an eyebrow. Camila wiped her eyes, blinking a few times to let her pupils adjust to the light.
"L-lauren and I..." Camila bit her lip to suppress another sob. She shook her head and hid her face in her hands. The other three girls exchanged glances.
"Let's just go to bed," Normani sighed, offering her hand out to Camila. "We'll talk about this tomorrow."
Nodding slowly, Camila took Normani's hand and walked over to her bunk. She was exhausted. And terrified of what Lauren would say when she saw her again. Crawling into her bunk, Camila buried her head in her pillow to suppress her sobs.
—
a/n: so much angst in my fics lately omg. oopsssss. don't hate me.
- lena (@lenajfc on twitter, txrches on tumblr)