"What?" I ask, this is only making my headache worse.
"Yep." He nods. "Congratulations."
"Oh my god..." I mumble to myself.
"So just take it easy, don't do anything too exerting, and be mindful about what you eat. That will help the nausea." He explains. "And stay hydrated. Lots of water."
What is Marshall gonna say? What is mom gonna say? What is Ren gonna say? The world seems to be spinning at the speed of light around me. I bend over the bed to the trash can on the floor. The vomit I've been holding in finally comes out and Dr. Ellis pats my back.
"We'll need to get you scheduled for some appointments." He says, handing me a napkin. "Is your husband here?"
"My boyfriend is." I nod.
"Sorry for the mistake." He says calmly.
"It's okay." I reassure. "But would you mind if we did this another day? I don't know if I can tell him today."
"Of course." Ellis smiles and walks with me out the door of the room. "Come in whenever you like, just don't wait too long okay? I wanna keep that baby monitored."
Baby. He had to say baby. Shit I'm having a baby. I'm having Marshall's baby. Ellis and I part ways and I walk back towards the waiting room door. I stop about five feet away and sit on a bench. I'm eighteen years old. There is a child growing inside of me. The thought makes me nauseous again. This isn't just a kiss. This is a child. Our child. Who's going to be brought into this world with a psycho grandfather who is nowhere to be found. I clench my stomach, feeling sick.
Marshall and I just got over a fight. We just recovered from something I kept from him. I can't tell him. Not now. There's too much going on and I don't even know who that man in the truck was. Our lives are too complicated to add a baby to the mix. This is insane. How could this happen? I put my head in my hands. I have to at least tell mom first. I can't tell Marshall until I tell her.
My head is spinning. Sooner or later I'm going to have to go and confront him. How am I going to act like nothing is going on? It was only a kiss with Emmett and Marshall knew something was wrong. He knows everything about me, there's no way he won't see straight through this. I take a couple deep breaths, trying to get my nausea under control. I stand, and before I can decide against it, I push through the door into the waiting room.
Marshall doesn't see me until I'm only a few feet away from him. He stands up and hugs me. His torso presses against mine and I feel nervous. I know my belly isn't big yet but for some reason I'm worried he can feel it.
"Hey..." He says, kissing my cheek. "Is everything okay? What'd the doctor say?"
"I fainted." I answer. "But I'm okay."
"You're sure?" He asks. "Because I really don't want to come back here again for a while." He flashes a hint of a smile and I shove his shoulder playfully.
"Yes I'm sure lets go." We laugh and he takes my hand, trailing us towards the door.
We'll be back here sooner than he thinks. This is going to be way harder than I thought.
***
The apartment hasn't changed. Other than the fact that the door to the building actually works now. It's late now, almost nine o'clock. The events of today have drained me completely. I'm unsure whether I've processed it all or not. Marshall places his keys on the counter and kicks the door shut, bolting it. I walk straight to the bedroom, changing out of my clothes. Marshall watches as I take it all off and put on one of his shirts.
I walk around to my side of the bed and he catches me by the waist, pulling me to him. We're back in this awkward torso-touching position and I squirm uncomfortably. Marshall looks down at me, confused. I mentally pinch myself. The normal me wouldn't do this. The normal me would like to be grabbed and kissed by him. However, the pregnant me doesn't feel sexy at all. She feels that she has a deep dark secret and every time he looks at her she wants to tell him. But she thinks about the greater good, remembering that it isn't time for him to know, and bites her tongue.
"I missed you today." He says, kissing me lightly.
"Me too." I say it quietly, still focused on our touching stomachs.
"I kept thinking about us in the ring." He laughs against the skin on my neck. "A very distracting memory."
Marshall's palms trail down my sides, squeezing in certain areas. I'm in no mood for this tonight. I press my hands to Marshall's chest and push him back gently. He looks confused again and I free myself from his hold, climbing into bed. He pulls of his shirt and jeans and crawls in next to me.
"What's up?" He tries, snaking his arm around my waist and pressing our bodies together again.
"I'm very tired." I say, touching his cheek to let him know it's nothing personal.
"I know." He nods. "I didn't get a chance to talk to the cops."
"It's okay." I tell him, pulling him into a hug.
Both of Marshall's arms wrap around me and I'm filled with warmth. He's like a heater around me and I feel safe with him. I love him. It hurts a lot that I can't tell him about the baby right away but I know this is the best thing to do. Marshall's hands rub my back and I feel the need to cry. I close my eyes and a few tears escape. I manage to keep my first few breaths quiet while the tears come. My crying doesn't go unnoticed by him for long. Soon his shoulder is puddled with tears and he pushes me back to look at me.
"What's wrong?" He asks with concern, brushing away some tears.
"I just love you." I say through my sniffling and pull him back into the hug.
"I love you too Rach. Why are you crying?" He holds me close and kisses my hair and neck.
I don't answer him, just continue to cry into his shoulder. The magnitude of it increasing the longer I allow it to go on. Marshall holds me tighter.
"Baby don't cry." He whispers to me. "I've got you."
That only makes it worse. He doesn't understand and I can't expect him to. He asks me what's wrong again and I just shake my head.
"Rachel you have to tell me why you are crying." He sounds, tired. Tired of our dumb fights. Tired of not knowing. Tired of everything. "I don't know what to do."
"Neither do I." I say quietly.
I feel bad for him. He's trying, I know he is, but I can't tell him today. At least not today. I can feel my body shaking against his and he's lost. He just holds me, not saying anything more. He's just there.
"Marshall I want to spend the night at my moms house tomorrow okay?" I manage, through all the crying.
He pushes his hands rubbing my back, and pushes me away so he can get a good look at me. His expression is confused with a touch of pain.
"Why do you wanna do that?" He asks me, pushing the hair out of my face.
"I have to Marshall."
The words feel like daggers flying out of my mouth and into his heart. Marshall sits up in the bed, putting his face in his hands. I sit up too, curling my knees to my chest. I cry to myself a bit more and see him with that pained expression on his face.
"Marshall-"
"Did I do something wrong?" He looks over at me.
"No." I shake my head.
"Did I say something?" He tries, furrowing his eyebrows.
"No Marshall it's not you." I try and move closer to him and take his hand but he turns towards me instead.
"It's not you it's me, yeah, because that's what I need to hear right now." He sinks back down to the mattress and takes in a large breath. "You have to talk to me."
"Marshall..." I put my hand on his chest and settle close to his side. "Don't be like that."
"Last time you said nothing was wrong it turns out that something was. A big something. I don't want that again." He shakes his head and brings his eyes to meet mine. "Baby you have to trust me."
"I do trust you." I push myself up and begin to kiss his jaw.
"I'm trying Rachel." He sighs. "I'm trying very hard to communicate, but it's like a one way street."
"Marshall no." I bury my face into his shoulder and feel like I'm going to cry again. "Don't say that."
"I love you." He whispers to me. "And I care."
"I know you do." I start to cry again, into his shoulder.
He's slipping away from me. And if I don't tell him soon I'm gonna lose him. I swore I wouldn't hide anything else, that there wouldn't be any more secrets between us. I have to tell him within the week or our relationship will crumble. I hope he understands why I couldn't say anything when I finally tell him. He needs to know that I wanted to.
"I'm sorry." He says, rolling us over and kissing my cheek. "I'm sorry I made you upset, I didn't mean to, I-"
I put my hand on his cheek and he turns his lips into my palm, kissing softly. Marshall leans down and presses a short sweet kiss on my lips and then rolls back to his side. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close. His hand rests on my stomach and I feel nervous all over again.
"Go to your moms tomorrow." He says to me. "Just promise to come back."
"I will Marsh." I lace my fingers with his. "I'm not going to leave."
"Okay." I feel him nod. "That's what I needed to hear."