The ink is still intact, the brush stroke blended with the canvas, his sharp features glowing under the soft light of the room. His eyes couldn't be more delicate and his messy hair was crowned with leaves, not beautiful flowers. He looked the purest of all in that painting made by Jeongguk.
He looked like the most delicate one in Jeongguk's imagination and it made him wonder how the man ended up thinking that. He didn't know Taehyung or maybe Taehyung himself was unknown to the sides of him that Jungkook had portrayed.
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"Nae Sarang...
The moon of this night reminded me of you. So beautiful yet so lonely...
You're the moon with the phases from full to an eclipse. I wish I was the only one you want to see in the darkness. I wish only I could see your scars in light.
In the pitch darkness, in the clear sky, in the foggy evening, in the excruciating winter, I wish to be your sun.
I wish to be the only one my moon wants from the universe. Grant me my love, my beloved."
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Taehyung smiled at the words. He always wanted to be reborn into something that no one could have, and here he was, listening to Jeongguk telling him he was the oh-so-fantasized moon that no one could have. Not even the sun.
Jeongguk might have known that too, knew that he couldn't have Taehyung in any universe. The ache in his heart doubled at the thought and Taehyung ran his fingers on the portrait in his lap.
He felt like the paint sticking to the tips of his fingers, hands trembling to reach out, to be held, or to hold on to something. Then he heard Jeongguk's voice after the pause.
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"Even if I wish, I can't have you. And maybe that's the kind of love I deserve. And that's why my heart wants you even more."
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Taehyung let the teardrop fall from his eyes, not minding wiping it off since he felt it was so good. The hurt, the pain, he was used to it by now and it told him he was real, existing at that moment and not in any dream. Jeongguk's voice faded slowly only for a piece of soft music to fill in the air, and Taehyung closed his eyes in the realization of the sweetest melancholy he missed the most.
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~
Do you even see me?
Do you know who I am?
Or how do I look now?
You don't like me like that
Come and tell me so much, you beautiful heart
Oh I'm gonna listen to you
Please
All the numbers are too big
Can't get out of your game
Oh I want to paint it like you
Please
~
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It shouldn't reach the pit of his soul, it was just a voice. It shouldn't shake his heart every time he listens. But it does exactly the same thing and Taehyung ends up with the fear of being addicted to it as if he was now safe from the influence Jeongguk had left on him without even knowing him really.
He felt afraid of the voice, the words, and the truth that Jeongguk held on to him, only for him because Taehyung could never stay as the one Jeongguk portrayed him.
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~
I want to be your decalcomania
I want you
I want to be your decalcomania
I want you
~
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Taehyung withers like a cherry blossom, listening to the want. He felt like he was far too deep in the passion of Jeongguk.
He felt like a sin that Jeongguk would willing to commit, a flower he would keep in the pages of a book even after withering or a crown that had no precious jewels on it yet Jeongguk chose him.
He felt like the pride that Jeongguk would love to show off, a masterpiece to paint all day, and a memory to be captured forever.
But Taehyung held his heart tight. His truth was far from what Jeongguk imagined. Taehyung is a broken piece of the moon- that specific part that only had scars.
The voice faded just like that, and with that Taehyung sat frozen, eyes still closed and face pale with all those that happened right that moment. He wiped his cheek and took a deep inhale before stopping the record.
Standing up from the bed, he walked towards the window. The view outside was as pale as him and his heart. It was like he was burnt to ashes and the smoke was still there, hiding the starry sky and the moon with its shadow.
He wondered about the promises that were broken on one of those nights and the tears that would be rolling down their cheeks remembering the future that they dreamt together. The sky holds a lot, and the universe listens a lot but Taehyung doesn't believe in fancy things like that.
He sees what is in front of him, feels what his heart made him feel, and listens to what he wants to listen to the most. It felt good that way, putting everything in its place made him feel at ease.
Until now.
Now he feels like he should've listened to the wind, stare at the moon, or even count the stars above him. Maybe they left a little of their share of stories for him to listen to, to learn, and to grow. He felt like he should've reached out to the sky because he can't pause the time. He can't go back and change things, he can't do anything about the love that Jeongguk deserves.
A soft whisper left his mouth as he stared at the night through the window as if it was for someone to hear.
"Souls like you deserve to be loved, my dear. But not by the weak. Not by someone who doesn't have any light to share.
You deserve to be loved by the universe, but not by me."
~🍁 ~
The hallway was quiet. The small light coming from the window was the only source that led him forward as he took each step more carefully than ever. He scanned around to assure if it was safe to walk around like that, then felt relieved when saw no one following him.
His step halted in front of a closed door in the back of the mansion where the hallway ends. He was familiar with that room since it connects Jeongguk's house to the main house. He shifted the flashlight of his phone to the name board hung on the door.
Attorney Kim Namjoon.
As he read the name in his mind, he recalled what Namjoon's room looked like. He had been there before. But it was totally in a different environment. And today, his purpose was far away from anyone who could think in their right mind. That's why he felt the adrenaline rush through his body.
Without making any noise, he took out the hairpin from the pocket, scanning it before staring at the door in front of him. When he touched the handle, he felt the chilliness seeping through him. He took a deep breath while holding the pin tight and glanced at the lock.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The loud-pitched voice made him shudder as he turned slowly, hiding the hairpin in his fist. The man standing in front of him smirked at him, but he couldn't decide what reaction he should give to the other. He ruffled his hair, running his finger along the long hair while scanning the man.
"Oh, look who's here! My least favorite man on the earth!"
"The feelings are mutual, Sweetie. Now, care to explain what you are doing here?"
Yoongi stepped forward, meeting the eyes of the other as he glared at the man. The smug on his lips only widened.
"I could ask you the same."
"Fvck off, I live here."
"Same. I live here too."
The lawyer smirked at finding Jimin suppressing the curse and took a deep breath. He was enjoying how Jimin had his face twitched in amusement, suppressing the next taunting comment he wanted to say.
"What the hell? Who permitted you to enter here? Who the hell!"
"Oh, you didn't know? I'm always welcome here. You know now that my brother lives here..."
"So you two dumbheads are here for what? Aren't you done making us suffer?"
Jimin glared at the man, clutching Yoongi's shirt as anger oozed through his veins. The lawyer only kept his stare at the man, a stiffened expression giving off the disdain he was feeling.
"Listen, either you mind your business or mind your language. I'm not going to listen to your bullshits anymore."
"How dare you! How dare you talk like that to me, huh?"
"Then stop making me. Stop doing whatever you're trying to do and.."
"Hyung..."
The low voice from behind made them both step away from biting each other's necks and turn at the man.
"Yes, Tae. We were just chit-chatting. You know it's been so long since we last met and he was so concerned about my somnambulism."
"You have what?"
Jimin broke the silence, making Taehyung and Yoongi look at him dumbfounded.
"Come on, Tae. Let's go and sleep. Someone must be tired after patrolling around their home. Let's not disturb them"
"Are you talking about ghosts?"
Jimin butts in, for which Yoongi sighed softly before answering.
"Hm, if you consider yourself as one, then yeah."
"Yah!"
The scream left from the other as Yoongi chuckled dryly.
"Hyung... Please..."
They stopped talking and teasing each other, turning away to walk towards their room. Taehyung walked in front as Yoongi was behind him. Before walking away, he turned to Jimin who was still leaning on Namjoon's door, glaring at the back of the both. The lawyer glanced at Taehyung and found him already reaching his room. He smiled at Jimin softly then, before saying.
"Don't worry, we'll meet again. 'Cause I can't just leave Taehyung here in between you demons. Watch out your every step, Park Jimin."
Jimin let out a humorless chuckle before fixing himself and keeping his eyes steady on Yoongi.
"Thanks for your advice, Mr. Lawyer. We'll see who needs it the most."
~ 🍁 ~
The days, while they were at the mansion passed like the flower petals that were waiting to fall. Taehyung and Yoongi had been living under the same roof, causing some chaos with Jimin and ignoring the other people in the home.
Taehyung would spend most of his days in his room with the indoor plants or staring at the paintings sticking on the wall while Yoongi would go out to the court sometimes, or even take a tour of the home.
The younger would tell him that it was a stupid idea to search the home in broad daylight since all they could find was Park Jimin's boring eyes on them.
It was tiring, to be honest. Taehyung had missed his old life but at the same time, he too was as curious as Yoongi and wanted to discover the deepest mystery of his life and that was Jeon Jeongguk.
The thought that he was aimlessly spending his time in those walls was indeed hurting his head, especially these days when he couldn't even get a chance to meet Jooan.
Yoongi had told him that the members of the house were doing it intentionally to him since they don't want Jooan to get closer to Taehyung. But the truth was, he missed that little sunshine. He missed their interactions, and their play sessions even though it was just a mere number of times.
Taehyung stopped the recorder playing the last song Jeongguk wrote for him and sat on the bed, covering his face in his palms.
A small knock on the door brought him back to his trance and he was too tired to get up and open the door, so he screamed.
"Come on in, Hyung..."
The door opened slowly, revealing the person Taehyung was least expecting.
"Hey, Tae..."
The little voice reached his ears and the elder blinked twice. Jooan was standing in front of him, peeking her head inside the room and scanning him with her wide doe eyes. It had been weeks since they spent time together and as he witnessed her in front of his eyes, Taehyung felt the overwhelming feeling coming back to him. He got up from the bed to reach out to her as Jooan walked towards him hesitantly.
"Are you free today?"
Jooan asked, fidgeting with her fingers. He smiled softly, nodding at the girl.
"Yes, princess. What do you want to do today?"
"Can we go out somewhere?"
Her little voice was shaking a bit, eyes wide, and waiting patiently for a positive reply from Taehyung. The elder held her hands in his with a smile.
"Of course princess, just tell me where you want to go..."
"Hmm... That's a surprise. I'll be out there while you get ready, okay? Come fast"
Once Taehyung dressed up in casual wear, he walked out to join Jooan who was standing outside, wearing a black hoodie top and matching black pleated skirt. Her hair was tied in a purple bow ribbon and her face glistened with the sunlight hitting on the side of her cheek. Taehyung smiled to himself as he looked at the girl and stretched his hand for Jooan to take it.
"Let's go"
"But where?"
"Told you that's a surprise. Now, come on, Tae..."
She led him towards the parking lot, they ignored the looks the guards gave them, and got in the car in silence. Taehyung held the steering hesitantly, peaking at Jooan who was sitting on the side seat, humming to a song.
"Why so excited?"
Taehyung asked mindlessly, starting the car and accelerating to the road ahead of them. While they went in silence, Jooan guided him from time to time, passing the busy roads, skyscrapers, mountains, and even deserted areas.
The sun was lurking behind the clouds when they reached their destination, and Jooan told him to park the car at an isolated spot. She held his hand before Taehyung was about to get down from the car and asked.
"How do I look?"
Though it was obvious that the little girl looks beautiful more than any princess he had ever known and read, Taehyung didn't know how to explain it in his words. He smiled softly while patting her hair and replied.
"The most beautiful princess."
Jooan passed him a shy smile, and then stepped out of the car. She patted her dress, wearing her backpack while glancing at Taehyung. She held his hand as Taehyung scanned the surroundings. The valley-like area didn't help him figure out where they had reached. But he felt calm as Jooan said something while leading his way.
"I'm going to introduce you to someone special..."
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[BehindofHTA: Song name- Decalcomania by Jeon Jungkook of BTS]
Don't know what's more painful, Jeongguk putting the bar of love so high or realizing that fiction cannot be a reality...
Hope you had a good time with this chapter.
See you soon...
~AnecdotesOfABroken