Date on Earth: Monday, October 2
I hated Dr. Grey.
I hated his fake sympathetic voice and rough hands and the way he dragged me into the right spot in the colorless room so he could reiterate the fact—just like every other week—that my eyesight was increasingly getting worse.
Like I couldn't tell that without being forced to read random letters off a stupid board.
As always, I waited as Dr. Stuckup's footsteps headed away. When he stopped in front of the board and I could barely make out his figure, I knew the day was going to go horribly.
"This is useless," I mumbled under my own breath.
"It is more useful than it seems." Dr. Grey attempted—more like pretended—to reassure me.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah? In what way?"
The doctor sighed and ignored me.
"What's this?" It was obvious he was pointing to the board, but the scene mushed up so much that the fact had to be inferred. I squinted my eyes to try to decipher it. I haven't been able to read the board for months. What makes him think I'll magically be able to do it now?
"I don't know," I huffed.
There was a moment of silence before Dr. Grey tried again. "Do you know what this is?"
"No."
"This?"
"No."
"This one?"
"I said I don't know," I snapped. "I can't see a single thing on that stupid board."
The eye doctor sighed again. There was the sound of his pointer being placed against the wall.
"Wait here," he ordered and walked out of the room.
When he was gone, I put my glasses back on and tapped my foot impatiently. Dr. Stuckup was surely giving another speech to my parents about how what the doctors had predicted was coming about, and that my parents spending money on appointments for me weekly was "necessary".
The only reason it was deemed necessary was because it put more money in the pockets of the doctors. It was a scam. But my parents were so afraid that something bad would happen to me that they'd take anything the doctor said like it was Jesus Himself telling them what to do.
Usually through the hospital door, I couldn't hear any of the conversation between my parents and the doc. So it surprised me when I heard what sounded like shouting.
Quickly, I ran to the door, trying to catch any hint of what they were talking about. But when I put my ear to the door, they had quieted down again.
With a huff, I walked back to the other side of the room. I only had to wait a minute before Dr. Grey walked in with my parents.
There was the sound of sniffling, and confusion clouded my senses.
"What's...wrong?" I asked the doctor. He didn't have a chance to answer before Dad bent down and engulfed me in a hug.
"We're so sorry, sweetheart." He squeezed me tightly. Gently, I pushed away. I still didn't understand. I turned to where I thought Mom would be standing, but she didn't offer any sort of explanation either.
"Take a seat, Diana," the doctor said as he led me to one of the hospital chairs. I sat down and looked at his figure expectantly.
"This will be hard for you to hear," Dr. Grey started, "so I will try to ease it over for you. You have been attending our clinic for nearly eight years now in an attempt to treat your optic idiopathy. As you know, your condition is extremely rare and as of now, there is no cure for it. We predicted for you to have your eyesight until at least 21, but unfortunately the disease has progressed at a much faster rate than anticipated.
"As of today, you are legally blind. I'm sorry."
His words didn't register at first and I found myself shaking my head.
"No, you said I would see until I was an adult! You told me I'd be able to live my childhood normally!"
"And you still will," Dr. Grey falsely claimed. "Having the official label doesn't mean suddenly your quality of life is ruined. Everything will remain just as it is now. The only change will be the requirement for me to give you a guiding cane."
Picturing myself walking like one of those stereotypical blind women with their sunglasses and white stick caused my chest to tighten.
Maybe it didn't change anything for anyone else. But for me it changed everything.
I wasn't Diana, the fierce redhead anymore.
I was Diana. The blind girl.
I felt Dr. Grey place the cane in my hand, and I shoved it back at him.
"I am not using that." I hated the way my voice shook.
Mom took it for me. Her voice was full of melancholy as she said, "Thank you, doctor."
We walked out of the hospital through the waiting room. Even though I couldn't see the people sitting in the lobby, I could feel their eyes all over me. Like they knew what I was now.
I slid into the car and gazed out the window. Dad hopped into the front seat, shaking the whole car.
"You know what, Buttercup?" His voice was too perky for my mood. "I think we're way overdue for a nice dinner. What do you think, Ana? Wanna go eat out? You can choose the restaurant!"
"I just want to go home," I mumbled. My comment seemed to sober him up.
Mom reached back from her seat and rubbed my leg. "Okay, sweetie. We'll get you home."
We drove home in silence. Gazing out the window, I pictured what the scenery must look like. I closed my eyes while taking a shaky breath.
I recalled my younger years, seeing the smiling faces of Mom and Dad. We were visiting the state of North Carolina, taking pictures of the beautiful autumn leaves. We drove to the top of one of the mountains. I looked down and stared in awe at how small the world appeared to be. Even the taller of the trees were specks of red and orange from the view. The height made my stomach twist into a knot, but in the moment I had ignored it.
Those days, I took sight for granted. I hadn't yet been diagnosed with the stupid eye disease so rare that it didn't even have a name. Back then, I would've never thought that one day I wouldn't be able to see the things of everyday life. Now, all I had were memories of the world that were nearly as fuzzy as my vision.
I groaned at my sappy thoughts. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes.
We turned into our house's driveway, parking next to the blue Civic that belonged to Ms. Beverly, my sister's babysitter.
My parents and I walked into the house. Ms. Beverly was feeding Cassie, my baby sister, a spoon of some orange mush.
"Mr. and Mrs. Miller!" she exclaimed when she noticed us. "Home so soon?"
"Oh, you know how it is," Mom responded. "Appointments vary from day to day."
Cassie, my baby sister, squealed excitedly and my dad laughed, probably holding her.
"Thank you for taking care of her again," Dad said to Ms. Beverly. "You're welcome to stay for dinner."
"Thank you for the offer, Mr. Miller, but I really must get going."
"Well, at least take your pay." Mom sounded like she was rummaging through her purse before finding a few dollars. Ms. Beverly thanked her and seemingly took it before saying goodbye to everyone and walking out of the house.
My sister started to cry a moment later, and I rushed over to the sound, holding out my arms.
"Can I hold her?" I asked Dad. He chuckled as he placed Cassie in my arms.
Gently. I started to rock her. I felt her grip my thumb with her tiny hands and she started to calm down.
Focusing my gaze on her, I tried to identify her features. Like what color her eyes were. Or if she had red hair like me. Or if any of her teeth had started coming out yet.
But I couldn't see any of it.
And I never will.
I handed Cassie back to Dad and retreated to my room before my parents could stop me, following muscle memory. I heard their calls after me, but I didn't offer a response. Locking the door, I slid down and buried my head between my knees.
I thought I was ready for the day I'd go blind. It was a day I had been mentally preparing for almost as long as I could remember.
But I wasn't expecting it to hurt so much.
Eventually, I made my way to my bed and flopped on my back. I stared blankly upward. Somewhere above me was a Disney princess sticker I had stuck to the ceiling when I was seven, the day after I got diagnosed. Or, not diagnosed, since the doctors still didn't know what it was. It acted differently than pretty much anything else they had ever seen, apparently. The only other recorded person to have similar symptoms to me had become legally blind at the age of eighteen and lost complete sight by the time they were twenty three.
I had put the sticker there to see how I regressed. Every day I would try to find it among the white ceiling.
At eight years old, the sticker seemed a little blurry.
When I was ten, it was a struggle to find.
At twelve, I could barely make it out, it being no more than a speck of color.
By fourteen, I couldn't see it at all.
I contemplated whether or not I should call Mia. She was the only person in my life that would actually listen to my ranting and try to comfort me while at the same time not treating me like I was about to break. Whether it was helpful or not however depended on how much coffee she drank. And since Mia was pretty much addicted to the drink, the chances of her saying "words of wisdom" were slim to none.
Plus, I wasn't in the mood to drag her into my personal drama. I'd do that on the bus ride to school.
The faint sound of the doorbell came from the front door. I heard my mom talking to someone and closing the door.
"Diana! Pizza's here!" Dad yelled from the kitchen.
I was tempted to ignore him and stay moping in my room a little while longer, but my stomach protested, growling loudly at the mention of food.
Groaning, I got off my bed and stumbled into the dining room. Not saying a word or looking at anyone, I picked up a plate and placed two slices of pizza on it before turning around and heading back to my room.
"Diana, come here," I heard Dad call from behind me.
Groaning, I almost said, ''Where is 'here'? I can't see you, remember?" But I bit back my tongue. Mom and Dad were pretty much the only people in my life who I shielded my snappy comments from.
Feeling my way around, I slumped into one of the chairs at the dining room table. I placed my plate down and started to eat.
The silence was suffocating. Even Cassie wouldn't make a single peep.
It was a few minutes before I felt someone rest their hand on top of mine.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" My dad's voice was unbearably soft and almost made me start to cry again. "We know this is not easy, but me and your mother are here to help in every way we can. We know how strong you are. And we are so proud of you."
I pinched back tears that threatened to fall. I hated people seeing me at my weakest points.
"Can...can I go back to my room now?"
He remained silent for a bit before saying, "Okay, sweetie. We'll be here if you need us."
Without a response, I stood up and headed back to my room, plate in my hands. I couldn't bring myself to eat. When the food was too cold to be appetizing, I placed it on the dresser next to my bed, no energy to stumble around the house to find the trash.
I was too tired to change. Crawling under the covers of my bed, I pulled the blanket tightly and shut my eyes. The sooner this day was over, the better.
——————————
I turned to my side and resisted the urge to scream. It had to be at least one o-clock in the morning, and I hadn't slept a wink.
Why might you ask?
Well it might've had to do with the fact that my sister had been crying. For hours. Someone explain to me how an eighteen pound baby could have enough air inside of it to be able to create such a loud noise continuously. Surely by now she would've been out of it. But she proved me wrong when she let out another wail.
No amount of love I felt for her could've stopped the temptation to strangle her.
Suddenly, I heard my phone start to vibrate. I felt around for it to turn it off. An AI voice came from it: "Incoming call from: Mia. Would you like to answer?"
I sighed. Only Mia would be crazy enough to call in the middle of the night.
"Yes," I mumbled tiredly to the phone. There was a pause of silence before my friend's high-pitched voice sounded like an alarm in the dead of night.
"Hey Ana! You awake?" I frantically reached toward the sound to lower the volume before my parents could hear. I finally felt it in my hand and quickly lowered the volume.
With a relieved sigh, I rolled my eyes. "If I were asleep, I wouldn't be able to answer this call now would I?"
"Great!" She sounded unfazed by my retort. "Okay, so I know that it is pretty late, but can you please come over? You can sneak through the window. No one will even notice you're missing!"
I shook my head to myself. "As much as I would love to sneak out in the middle of the night and walk a mile to your house, I'm pretty comfortable in my bed."
"Pleaseee?" She persisted. "It's really important."
"Only you would call at midnight to hang out."
"Is that a yes?"
My sleep deprived brain actually considered it. It had been a horribly long day and I wouldn't have minded the distraction.
Another cry from Cassie made the decision for me. "I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Yes! You're the best!"
"Yeah, I know."
"See you soon!"
"Bye Mia," I ended the call, shaking my head in disbelief at her insanity—and mine. I couldn't believe I had just agreed to walk a mile to her house, without even knowing what she needed. One thing was for sure; she was going to get some epic payback.
It took extreme effort to get off my bed, the aspect of trying to find my friend's house blindly not even penetrating my state of mind. As quietly as I could, I lifted the window open, wincing when it made a loud squeaking sound. Carefully, I stepped onto the grass, shivering as a gust of wind blew. When I was completely out, I turned around and shut the window.
I let out a breath of relief. My parents probably wouldn't have been able to hear me anyways over Cassie's neverending wailing anyways, but I didn't want to take any chances.
I walked down the silent street. I assumed it was empty, but if someone did happen to be hiding in the shadows, they would be invisible to me. I tried not to think too hard about that, and instead thought about the things that I could see, like the light.
A really bright one at that.
One that seemed to be growing.
And growing.
Heading straight at me.
As soon as I pieced two and two together, I ran.
I stumbled blindly down the road and threw myself to the ground, covering my ears when I heard a loud crashing sound.
After a few seconds, I slowly looked up. A bright light illuminated from something in front of me.
What the he-
I stood back up and looked down at the glowing object. It would've been nice to actually see what it was. Then I may have been able to tell how alien-like it looked. That I should've probably gotten away from it as fast as I could. And that touching it would be a very bad idea.
But of course fate had to intervene.
I moved towards it to try to get a better look when I tripped over a crack in the road, falling on the glowing thing.
The moment I made contact with it, I felt my insides start to burn. It traveled through my body, causing indescribable pain everywhere. My limbs twitched and didn't stop no matter how hard I tried.
I felt myself fading and fading until after what felt like hours, everything stopped. The flailing of my arms and legs. The fire burning through my veins.
I was left there shaking and in shock. Out of pure exhaustion, I lost consciousness, welcoming the dark abyss.