LUNA
Walking in to Chan's room he was pouring over the book. He looked like he'd been there for hours, taking notes on various scraps of paper. He had a desk light pointed at the book and was hunched over it trying to read the tiny print.
"Find anything?" I asked putting an arm around his shoulders.
"Kind of, but it's... not what you wanted to hear." He sighed heavily and looked up at me sadly.
"Am I going to die?" I asked seriously, for some reason that had been one of my concerns.
"No. Definitely not that." He laughed awkwardly.
"Ok. As long as I'm not dying." I laughed back. A silence fell between us as I pulled up a chair next to him.
"So, you're probably from one of the first four families, or you have a relative that is." He started, "In the beginning when the gene first started, people could only see one primary color. Then as people started having children with other people who saw a different color they started to mix into what we see today as all of the colors."
"So we're human art projects. Cool" I said sarcastically. He laughed and put a hand on my knee.
"Then in the last fifty years they started seeing more people that are reverting back to only seeing a single color, like you. There's a chance if we have a deep enough connection that you could still see all the colors, but it's extremely rare."
I nodded slowly as I took in the information and almost immediately felt tears sting my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I hated crying, I get all snotty and it makes my head hurt. I definitely didn't want to cry in front of him. I had just assumed I was going to grow up and see color someday just like almost everyone else. I had all my hopes pinned on doing something simple to fix this. I wanted to fix me, it was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to sit on the cliff with him and see the full sunset with all of it's colors. Before I knew it, there were tears coming down my cheeks and he had his hands on both of my knees as he leaned forward.
"I know." He said as he stood up and pulled me up with him. When he wrapped his arms around me I cried harder into his shoulder. "We are going to figure this out, Lu. I promise you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep, Channie" I sniffed loudly. "I don't even know why I'm crying." I said wiping my nose and eyes after pulling away from him. "I don't know what I was expecting."
"Because our society puts so much emphasis on seeing color. We're told about it from the time we're born. You don't expect there to be any problems. No one ever tells you about the problems." He kissed my forehead and looked down at me. "I know you're disappointed. I wish I had better news."
"It's ok. I'm just broken" I said frustrated. "I've always been broken. I'll just keep being broken." I'd spent my whole life feeling like this. I came from a broken family, bullied until it mentally broke me, and now this. It's just who I was at this point.
"You are not broken! Don't say that. You're mine, and I love you. You're perfect." He said rubbing his thumb against my cheek and soft kissing me.
"That all may be true, but broken is just my lifestyle. It's always what I've been. This just proves it Chan."
"Then we're broken together. I'm not perfect either, remember?" He said trying to get me to look at him. I finally looked up at him and gently nodded my head.
"Fine." I said finally giving up. "Can I stay here tonight? Bora's just going to grill me about why I've been crying and she'll assume it's you and then she'll get upset and I just don't want to deal with it."
"Of course. You can stay anytime you want. You don't need to ask." He said quietly, trying to calm me down. He was like a human Xanax when I was upset. He just instantly calmed me down and made me feel better. He'd hold me as long as I needed him to and then he'd sing me to sleep. I never expected that he could sing as well as he does, but his voice is so smooth and I found myself lost in it sometimes. Tonight was no exception. He let me wear his favorite hoodie. As I snuggled down under the blankets with him, he sang my favorite song and I was out almost instantly.
***
CHAN
I had meant to talk to Luna last night about moving in together, but after seeing how she reacted to the news, I didn't want to bring it up. After singing her to sleep I laid there for a few hours unable to fall asleep. All I could think about was how I could be more connected to her then I already was. We were so close already, I couldn't imagine feeling any more strongly then I do. I wanted to fix this, I wanted her to be one of those extremely rare cases that gets to see full color anyway.
She rolled over in her sleep facing away from me and I took the opportunity to get up. What was the point of laying here if sleep wasn't coming anyway. I sat down quietly at my desk and turned on the small desk lamp. Cracking open the book and sat there until the sun came up hoping to find something hidden in the pages that would fix everything.
I heard her rustling in the sheets as she woke up and I walked back over to the bed and sat down next to her stretching my legs out in front of me. She sat up and looked at me with her eyes swollen from last night.
"Hey..." she said sitting up next to me.
"Hey. How're you feeling?" I asked her as I played with her hair.
"I'm ok." She mumbled playing with the sleeve on the hoodie.
"Are you actually ok, or are you just telling me that?" I asked as she leaned against me.
"No, I'm ok. Just processing." She mumbled again, this time giving me the most fake half smile I'd ever seen.
"It's ok if you're not ok, Luna" I said holding her to my chest and kissing the top of her head.
She shrugged her shoulders, "I know."
I didn't want to bring this up now, but if we were moving out we had to start looking for places and soon. "I really don't want to say this right now, just because I know you're not feeling the best. But Changbin's parents want to know when I'm moving out." I cringed waiting for her to get upset. "I know it's fast, but maybe after graduation we could get a place together..."
She looked up at me with a smile on her face "Really?"
I laughed at her excitement "Is that a yes, then?"
"Yes!" She said sitting up straight and smiling at me. She looked adorable in my oversized hoodie that was pulled down over her hands.
"Ok, if I knew that would have cheered you up this much I would have asked you sooner." I joked as she lauched herself at me and wrapped her hands around my neck.
"I get to sleep next to you every single night..." She whispered into my ear as she hugged me.
"Yes you do, baby" I smiled whispering back to her.
***
LUNA
After taking a shower and heading back to the dorm, Bora opened the door just as I was about to.
"There you are!" She said excitedly. "I've been waiting for you to come home, I have good news!!" She bounced up and down on her toes with her hands behind her back.
"Me too! You go first!" I said as I walked into the room and threw my backpack down on my bed.
Bora took a hand out from behind her back and wiggled her fingers showing off a beautiful diamond on her ring finger.
"Oh my god, Bora!!!" I yelled as I grabbed her hand and got a closer look at the ring. "Last night?! I need to hear it alllllll!"
"He was going to wait until after graduation, but he got too excited and did it early." She sighed happily and laid down on her bed staring at her hand.
"I'm so happy for you, Bora. You two are adorable together." I said sitting on my own bed cross-legged and facing her.
"What's your good news? Cause I hope that it's about Chan" She said sitting up again and facing me.
"We're moving in together after graduation!" I said happily. "He asked me this morning, I guess Binnie's parents are kicking him out." I laughed.
"I'm glad you two found each other, it's good to see you so happy, Lu" She smiled at me and stared at her ring again. "I have so much planning to do now."
"Just don't put me in an ugly bridesmaid dress. Ok? I wanna look pretty."
"I'm gonna find the ugliest dress I can find and put you in it." She joked.
Bora and I joked about how she could make her wedding the ugliest in history before my phone rang with an unknown number.
"Hello?" I answered unsure of who it was.
"Luna? It's Bin."
"Hey, what's up? Why are you calling me?" I asked confused.
"It's Chan." He started
"What about Chan? Is he ok?" I asked starting to panic.
"He was in a really bad accident, we're at the hospital. Someone t-boned him in an intersection. You should get down here." He said, I could hear the worry in his voice.
"I'm on my way." I said throwing my phone down and instantly getting up and throwing on my shoes.
"What happened?" Bora asked looking at me.
"Chan was in a car accident, I gotta go."
"Take my car" She said throwing her keys at me.
"I'll call you and let you know what's going on."
Fifteen minutes later I got to the ER and Jisung met me at the door. He jogged up to me with a worried look on his face.
"What the hell is going on, Jisung?" I asked quickly as he led me back to the waiting room.
"The other car didn't see him, they weren't paying attention. They crashed into him at almost fifty miles an hour."
"IS HE OK?" I asked widening my eyes and staring at him, I didn't need all the details right now, I just needed to make
sure he was going to make it. My heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were sweaty.
"They're working on him now, we don't know anything yet. I guess Changbin was still his emergency contact." He replied as he sat down next to Bin. Changbin sat there wringing his hands nervously staring into space.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes. This can't be happening, not now. Not when I was so close to getting my happy ending with him. I had flashes of a funeral, flashes of what could have been our life together, and flashes of my life without him. I didn't want anyone else if I couldn't have him. No one would ever replace him if he left me.
"Stop concentrating on doom scenarios." Jisung leaned over and whispered to me as he put a hand on my arm.
"I can't lose him. I can't--" I choked out before the sobbing started.
"I know. Neither can I." He said pulling me into a hug. Just as I was starting to lose it, the nurse came out and called us back to his room.
Walking into the dark hospital room he laid in bed with tubes and wires coming off of him. The machines by his bed beeped and chirped as they monitored his heart beat and oxygen. I went to the side of his bed and took his hand in mine and kissed his forehead. He wasn't awake. He had one wrist wrapped in a cast, a big cut on his forehead, and a brace on his left ankle.
"He's in a coma." The doctor said as he came into the room, "He has quite a few internal injuries. We did a surgery to stop any bleeding, but he does have a brain injury also."
"Is he going to be ok?" I asked looking the doctor straight in the eyes.
"If he wakes up, he'll be fine." The doctor said grimly.
"If?" I asked feeling the tears start to come back.
"If he makes it through the night."
I sat in the chair next to his bed and stared at Chan as the doctor left the room. Changbin and Jisung nodded at the doctor and left the room to give me time with him. I brushed his hair back from his face and kissed his hand.
"I'm here now." I whispered into the room. Hoping somehow that he could hear me. "You better not leave me, Chan." I cried with tears falling down my cheeks. I laid my head down on top of his hand and just let go. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I sat there and cried for what felt like an hour before Binnie came back in and put a hand on my back. He stood there in silence staring at his friend.
"I'll be in the waiting room with Jisung if you need us, ok? Did you eat recently?"
"I'm fine." I mumbled as Changbin nodded and left.
I collapsed onto the side of the bed holding his hand and cried myself to sleep for a couple hours before realizing I needed to be awake in case something happened. I sat straight up and instantly flicked my eyes towards the monitor next to his bed to make sure his heart was still beating. Letting out a breath, I started to relax when the small rhythmic chips were still showing activity. I got up and walked to the window in his room, staring down at all the people milling around the parking lot. I sat down on the small couch next to the window and put my elbows up on the window sill. I'd never had someone I cared so much about in the hospital before, but now I understood why it was so stressful. I just wanted him to wake up and smile at me. That was all I wanted. I sat there for another couple hours thinking about what I would do if he was gone.
Just as I was getting lost in my thoughts, the beeps on the monitor started slowing down. I ran to his bed and pressed the nurses call button screaming at them that something was wrong. As they rushed into the room he flatlined.
"NO!" I yelled as they laid his bed flat and pulled out carts and medications.
"Get her out of here!" The doctor yelled as he ran in the room.
I fought against the nurse that tried to remove me, "NO! CHAN! GOD DAMNIT, LET ME GO!" I cried loudly in the hall as Changbin ran down the hall to me.
"What's happening?!" He asked quickly as he looked inside the room. He must have heard me screaming.
"Noo" I cried as I slid down the wall and collapsed into a heap at the bottom. With my eyes closed I sat there an cried more than I had in my entire life. Even with Changbin and Jisung on either side of me I felt empty. He was going to leave me and I'd be alone forever remembering the few months I got to spend with him and how they'd never be enough. The feeling of his arms around me first thing in the morning, the way he would hug me, the way he'd comfort me when I was upset. I'd forever be chasing the memories of him and how he made me feel.
I could hear them working on him, they shocked him three times. Screaming and yelling for more medication and yelling code blue. The whole world slowed down around me, everyone was in slow motion. I blinked a few times, starting to think I was in shock. Just this morning things were perfect, now they're falling apart.
Just as I started to feel hopeless, the doctor came out and looked down at me. "I don't know how, he was clinically dead, but he's awake. You can see him."
In shock I scrambled to get up and ran to the side of his bed and grabbed his hand again, not even comprehending what the doctor was still saying. Groggy, he shifted his eyes towards me and smiled.
"Ouch" He mumbled trying to make a joke.
"Christopher, I am going to kill you for trying to leave me here alone." I joked back, not realizing that slowly color started to drift into my vision like paint in water.
"Wasn't trying to. Sorry." He said quietly. I pulled the chair up next to him and sat down holding his hand, but that was when my frenzied emotions starting fading and I realized I could see the blue blanket and cream colored walls. I could see the yellow shirt I was wearing and the blue of my jeans. I looked around dazed at what I could see.
"What's wrong, Lu?" He asked, his voice still hoarse.
"I can see the sunrise..." I said quietly as I stood up and walked to the window. Finally seeing the red, orange, and yellow that was painted across the sky. "Chan, I can see all the colors." I smiled widely as every color finally found it's place.
"So all I had to do was die?" He said looking over at me.
I ran back over to him and wrapped my arms around him. "You fixed me" I whispered in his ear. Pulling away he cleared his throat.
"I promised you I would." He rasped, "I just didn't think it'd be like this."
"Me either, but I would have seen only red forever if it meant I got to be with you."