Haroc charges for Ramet. His boots slam against the ice so hard I imagine cracks forming and being swallowed whole by the frigid water beneath. My instincts faulter, I stall. Fendan charges too and meets Haroc head on. Their metal bodies clang and send vibrations through the ice but it does not crack, it does not forsake us.
Fendan, Ramet and Haroc crash and clash. My helmet slips over my head and still I do not move. My courage has deserted and Zafira's words flee from my mind.
Ramet tears Fendan from Haroc's grip. Fear renders me useless, as frozen as the lake I stand upon. All my life I've trained in the simulation rooms, and they were dangerous, I was injured, I could have died but nothing has ever felt as real as this.
Haroc's boot crashes into Fendan's chest and he falls with his back against the ice. Slow and steady, with the arrogance of someone who believes they have won, Haroc approaches, his foot lifts, ready to crash down on Fendan's head.
"Hey!" Ramet shouts. "Did you know I used to laugh at you?" She laughs now too. "Haroc, Prime's oldest prisoner ..."
Haroc turns, he stares at Ramet.
"I never liked you," Ramet continues. "Surprised you came here today ... was it my poem? Or Cantral? You'll do anything for Cantral, won't you?" She shakes her head. "Misplaced love, don't worry, we've all been there."
Haroc charges for Ramet and she sprints away. Over the lake and into the forest. I run to Fendan and kneel beside him.
"Fendan ..." I whisper.
Fendan sits up, he rubs his bruised temple. "I'm fine."
"I can't do this," my voice is hysterical, my body shakes. "He's chasing Ramet, and I can't do this!"
Fendan stands. "Cantral," he snaps, "you are not favoured by the Universe, you are not special, you have no prophecy. Haroc was wrong—"
"How is this supposed help?" I shout.
"Haroc was wrong." Fendan smiles. "He is not imbued with the strength of the Universe, he is but a person, who hurts and bleeds, and he can die. And you are just Cantral, caring, loving, fearful and strong. You took Haroc on when you were twelve and you can do it now too." And before I can answer Fendan sprints away.
The ghost of the Detrie woman stands beside me, my first kill, my only kill. She seemed old at the time, to a child, but she can't have had many years on me. But she was braver than me, her life meant more than mine. I owe it to her to wipe Haroc from existence. I owe it to everyone.
On that day, she looked at me, she saw me. She knew it was not my fault, it was not a child's fault. But I'm no longer a child. I'm an adult and my actions have consequences. I'm scared but I'm strong too. Zafira's words find me, if I don't kill Haroc, I'm with him.
I run into the forest. Footsteps show the way. Fresh white snow crunches under my feet, it feels different here, than it did in the simulation room. Softer, crunchier. Shouts drive me forward and I ignore the prints in the snow. I run faster. Anger, guilt and hope spur me on.
And then I see them. A nightmare. A horror story.
Haroc flings Ramet against the trunk of a tree. Metal cracks against woods. She slumps to the ground, lifeless. Her suit conceals the horrors of the injuries I imagine she has endured. And the tree bears the scars of attack. Ice and bark no longer cling to a portion of the trunk and yellow sap slips from a deep wound. She won't be dead, Haroc wants her to suffer, he said it himself and I never doubt Haroc.
Blue blood colours the snow around Fendan, as if the ground swapped places with the sky. His suit is a mangled mess, his head, a shade of blue unnatural to him. If Fendan cannot match Haroc, why did he believe I could? Doubts creep in, but will they guide me? Or will they debilitate me?
"Haroc!" I shout and I fling my helmet to the ground. "Will you fight me?"
Haroc approaches, he sets a steady stride. "You wish to kill me?" He stops in my personal space and forces me to look up if I want to meet his eyes. I do.
"Yes." I stare at him, at his face behind his cracked visor.
Ships fly overhead. Entra and Oneeran, locked in their own battle. The Oneerans can't help me, they won't have chance, Haroc will have ensured that. His entra will have strict orders, he'll want this victory for himself and I hope his arrogance will be his downfall.
"I remember your face the day I first met you, so tiny, with huge black eyes," Haroc talks as he always does when he recounts this story. "Your hand reached out and you grabbed my finger—" he removes his metal glove and his hand touches my cheek "—and since that moment I have loved you. I thought you loved me too," regret seeps into his voice, "when did hatred bloom?"
Huge white birds perch on the trees around us, with circular black eyes, that bear witness to our exchange.
"I loved you, what choice did I have as a child? I feared you too," I say, the warmth of his hand spreads throughout me. "Hatred bloomed every time you killed someone, every time you invaded a planet, every time you hurt Fendan. What has all this death achieved?"
"We serve the Universe—"
"We have served her wrong! That is why she refuses us more entra, she wants us gone!"
"No!" Haroc roars and he drops his hand from my cheek.
"Then why can't we make more entra? Why after you have freed so much Energy?" I stare at Haroc. "Answer me!"
"Cantral," he whispers softly, "we will, soon. I promise you. We are not wrong, the Universe she speaks to me, she guides me."
We will, soon. We. I stare into his eyes. I'm a child again before this man. We. Would he forgive me for this? Would he take me back? Would he wrap his arms around me when all feels lost? Would he tell me stories and whisper how much he loves me before placing me in my incubation unit?
I look away, at the blue snow. Sometimes bad people can be kind. Bad people can love. They can manipulate. They can take your love and use it as a tool against you. That's all anyone is to Haroc, a tool. We're not people, we're things he can wield. We're things he can dominate.
"You're deluded, I see that now. If I allow you to continue, bodies will pile beneath you, and you will not have your entra. You'll have nothing." From a sheathed pocket in my suit, I retrieve a curved blade. "I Cantral of the entra, favoured by yourself, and the Universe, will Renew your Energy. I will return your soul to the Universe, I will ease her pain. Will you comply?"
I take a step back. I stand ready. My hands tighten around the hilt of my blade. Ready for anything. For movement, for attack. Ready to kill. I'm ready to kill Haroc.
There's a softness in Haroc's eyes and his head points to the ground. His hand opens and the blade he's holding drops. Snow cushions the sound of impact and conceals the blade from view.
Haroc's eyes meet mine. "Cantral, I have been deluded." A laugh comes from him, like a bitter chill and a tingle runs up my spine. I'm not ready.
He strikes like lightening; he grabs my arm and squeezes. A shriek comes from me, betrayed by my own lips, as my metal glove pinches my wrist. My hand opens of its own accord and my blade drops into the snow.
"You wish to Renew my Energy? Fight me with your hands, girl, and we shall see who the Universe favours, we shall see who she picks." He strikes again, a punch to my chest, that sends my flying back.
The snow cushions my fall and for a moment I stare up at the iced canopy, too dazed to move. Too stunned to breathe. My fingers twitch, I gasp for air and shaking legs raise me from the ground.
Haroc moves with confident strides. I position myself; I plant my feet in the ground. He laughs, his hand lunges towards me, but I duck from his approach. I aim a punch. He grabs my arm and spins.
My feet desert the ground, the momentum raises me higher, above his head as I'm swung round and round. Dizziness consumes me. Nausea too. My view blurs to just white. I think I shout or scream, I think Haroc laughs, but sound takes a backseat to the whoosh that rips through my ears. He releases my arm and I fly again, through the air and into the snow.
I hit the ground with a groan and roll onto all fours as vomit spills from my mouth. The world still spins, and from the side of my eye Haroc rotates closer. His metal boots crush the snow. They crush everything they stand upon; they'll crush Oneera. And they'll crush me too.
"Fight me, Cantral!" he roars.
I stand and drop, my legs won't hold me. My head won't still, the spinning won't stop. Cold bites at me, it nips my cheeks and for once, I'm grateful. The snow numbs the pain in my head, it numbs my fear. It numbs my snowballing thoughts. I stand again, steadier this time.
"I thought you were something." He looks at me with distain. "But I will admit when I'm wrong."
The spinning relents, but I never will. If I fail, I stand with Haroc, and I won't ever stand with this man. I ram my body into Haroc, I punch him again and again and he laughs. He laughs.
"Is this it Cantral?" Haroc's palm hits my nose.
Black blood erupts from my nostrils and sprays circular drops upon the white snow. Black and white. Everything used to be so simple to me, everything made sense in the delusional world Haroc created. It was all black and white. But life isn't either or, it's everything in between too. I have to kill Haroc, but even that isn't black and white. It's not a simulation. There are real emotions, real fear. I must fight him. I must win.
I channel Fendan's voice, he'd reprimand me. He'd shout, I can almost hear him now. Stop using force, of course you can't beat Haroc in a fight, he'd say. I stare at Haroc, what does he want? He wants to make more entra... no, he wants to believe the Universe is pleased with him.
Think smaller, Fendan would say, what does he want from you? ... What does he want from me? What has he ever wanted from me?
"Was I to be your successor?" It seems laughable, that he would choose me, the half breed.
"Not my successor," he says in the same voice as the man I've known all my life, "you were going to rule beside me."
"Why? Why me? Why some baby, an accident ..." I hold the back of my hand against my nose, but it does nothing to ease the pain or soak the blood. "I'm a half breed, to every entra I'm an abomination, so why aren't I that to you?"
"You are no abomination; your bloodline is superior to mine. The Universe made you, she birthed you, you are her daughter, she made you so you would aide me."
I shake my head. "The Universe did not birth me!"
"Once, thousands, millions of space demons stalked space," Haroc says, as if I'm a child once more and he's telling me a story. "Huge beings, as black as space. But the Entara did not want the Saskquine, so they created a version of them they could control."
"The Entra," I say.
Haroc nods. "The Saskquine are hiding," Haroc says, his voice is pained. "The Universe is angry with me because I have not found them... because I lost the last one... but you will find them. She wants them gone. You will aid me, you will find them."
I want to laugh, but there's nothing funny about this, these delusions have killed countless people. "And what makes you think I can do that?"
"Saskquine blood runs through your veins. You don't have the tainted blue blood of the Entara... you are the purest Entra and when I find the Saskquine I will make more of you."
This isn't the first time I've heard of the Saskquine, of course not. Entra are a hybrid of two species, Saskquine and Entara. Haroc has told me stories of them my entire life but it's the first time I've heard that I'm a direct descendant of these majestic creatures. And this doesn't surprise me, Haroc's delusions know no bounds.
I raise my hand, I've heard enough. You can't reason with a man without reason. My middle finger presses against my palm and a grapple hook shoots from my wrist. It penetrates Haroc's helmet. Glass implodes and shatters against Haroc's face. I lunge towards Haroc, my metal fist rams into his eye, and he screams with pain and fury.
"I will never serve you!" I shout.
Haroc backs away and rips the helmet from his head. Blue blood congeals around his eye. His nose scrunches as he stares at me. He might love me, I might know what he wants but with Haroc everything comes down to physical strength. If I want to win, I must fight him.