Fendan and I burst from the ship and jump upon the frozen lake. Frosted snow crunches under our boots and birds pause their song. Tall trees stand sentry on the edge of the lake. A magical place caught in an eternal winter. But life flourishes here and this continent is as active as any temperate forest.
The chilled air burns my throat, it makes my jaws ache. I don't care that entra can survive extreme temperatures, I hate the cold. My body shakes and I blame the bitter breeze, not the sight of Haroc as he stands upon our ship, draped in an intimidating suit of black metal.
The suit is different to the one that decorates every other entra, it's stronger than the one Fendan wears and it can only be removed by Haroc himself. The first time I have seen him wear it, but he's shown it to me before and I've seen it countless times on display in his apartment.
Fendan holds the knife to my neck, and my back presses against his chest. The beat of his wild heart fills me with fear. Fendan was my rock, the man who always had the answers, the man who never showed fear, even before Haroc. But I realise, that was never him, I just refused to see the truth, the real Fendan.
Haroc walks across our ship, the sound of his boots crashing against metal drowns everything. They quell the sounds of nature and erase the constant thump, thump of my heart. And then silence as Haroc pauses. He's being careful.
Fendan edges back and drags me too. His hand rests upon my shoulder and he pushes me to the ground. The snow brings a gasp to my lips, it numbs my senses. The click of a gun ruptures in my ears and Fendan's other arm outstretches and aims the weapon on Haroc. But what good is a gun against the suit Haroc wears?
"I wonder," Haroc says, with genuine curiosity, "if you'd be able to fire enough rounds to make a hole in my helmet before I reached you?"
"Would you care to find out?" Fendan replies and I hear the smile in his voice. "I've always been a good shot."
"You have," Haroc admits. "Fendan." He sighs. "Once, you were so much to me, once, you were everything, and now your life means little ... Now, you hold a gun to me and a knife to Cantral. The Entara were always unstable people, emotional people... and you are so very Entara."
"Yes, I am," Fendan snaps, his fake joy takes a hike. "My Entra heritage is so very weak ... You never meant anything to me! I propelled you into the position of power and now you have outlived your use!"
Haroc laughs, long and loud, it's the same laugh he used with me when I was a child, when I said something amusing, when I did something silly. A laugh straight from the pit of his stomach.
"Don't you realise Fendan the more you scream, the more visible your lies are." Haroc jumps from the ship, and a bullet whistles through the air above my head. It hits Haroc's visor, and recoils from the contact. Subtle cracks shimmy across the glass.
"I wouldn't take another step," Fendan says, to Haroc, and the knife pushes harder against my neck. "Drop your blade."
The blade hits the ice with a dull clunk and Haroc remains still. "You loved me, you still do. Fendan, you can't kill me," he speaks with a voice full of care and love, and it hammers in his words even harder. "You're weak, you're a failure. You're Entara. You are worthless, defective." He takes a step forward. "How old are you? And yet you are that same boy I first saw, you are a whimpering coward ... you cried when we first met, do you remember? You disgust me."
"Quiet!" Fendan screams.
"You disgust me!" Haroc takes a step forward. "Your blue skin disgusts me, your hair, your voice. Everything that is you makes me shudder with repulsion!"
Haroc's boots strike the snow as he sprints towards us. Too fast to register and yet it's as if everything happens in slow motion. Fendan's gun drops to the snow, the knife falls beside my knees.
And a whisper finds my ear. "Tell him nothing," Fendan says.
For a split second my gaze resists Haroc and I stare up at Fendan. He's given up. He's given in. We've lost. Haroc barrels into Fendan, he grabs him by the shoulders and throws him against the ice. I'm a child once more, watching as Fendan is beaten, watching helpless. What can a child do? How can a child stand against Haroc?
Haroc collects Fendan and rams his body against the ship. He tears the helmet from Fendan's head.
"You will suffer for this boy," Haroc shouts. "You think you have known pain? You think you have known heartache?"
Light finds me as the clouds part and the sun's rays rest upon my cheek. The snow shimmers and the silver metal nestled within it. The gun. I reach for it with shaking hands and hold it carefully. A primitive and bulky weapon, too heavy for its small size. I'm not a child anymore. I'm not helpless.
I rise to the sound of shouts. Haroc's shouts, he's always berated Fendan in front of me. But there were good times too, times when he would hug Fendan and tell him how important he was. I stride over ice, and thin layers of crunchy snow. There were times when they would laugh together. Times when everything would feel right and good.
The barrel of my gun clunks against Haroc's visor. His shouts grow silent, his body stills.
"Cantral? What are you doing?" Haroc says.
"Put Fendan down!" I grip the gun tighter, my knuckles pale, my hands shake.
Haroc lowers Fendan and gives him a push so he falls into the snow. "You were ... in on this?"
"Yes," I say, and even I detect the shake in my voice.
"She's lying!" Fendan snaps. "She's always had a tentative grip on reality."
"Quiet!" Haroc roars, and the full force of his gaze rests on me. "You want to kill me, Cantral? You have chosen the Entara, the man who hit you and screamed at you?"
"Fendan has done wrong by me, that I will not deny." My lips quiver as I speak, I want to be strong but strength, for me, has always been an illusion, never a reality. "But where was your protection? You knew, you saw everything, and you chose to ignore it, because all I ever was to you was a fun distraction."
For the first time I speak it, I allow these thoughts visitation rights. The same thoughts that have tried to find me my entire life. On some level I always knew Haroc never truly loved me, but I chose to ignore the voice in my head, because if Haroc never loved me, who was I? What did I have? Nothing.
"I was brought before you to ease your bad moods, I was no more than a pet and when you tired of me you sent me away. Like everyone else I was there to serve you and you didn't care what happened to me once I was out of your sight."
"I loved you."
"You don't know what love is!"
"Don't I, Cantral?" The force of his fist punches against my hand, that grips the gun, and I fire a bullet into the air. He rips the weapon from my fingers and flings it across the lake. "My love for you has kept my force from your flesh, but now, you shall not be so lucky."
His fist hits me like a sledgehammer, and I fall back into Fendan. Fendan keeps me upright, he holds me, he denies my shaking legs a release. Haroc swipes for me again and Fendan throws me from Haroc's fist. He takes the hit, but he doesn't fold.
Fendan pushes into Haroc. They fall against the ice, and roll. Haroc pins Fendan to the floor and sends fists flying into his blue face. I look around in the snow for the gun, for anything, but nothing catches my attention. I drop to my knees, cold and pain immobilise me.
"Hey!" Ramet bursts from the ship and sends her boot roaring towards Haroc's head. More cracks zigzag across his helmet and he falls from Fendan.
A metal case swings in Ramet's hands, she releases it into the air, and it curves towards me. It hits the ice by my side. My suit. My protection. It gives me hope, a chance against Haroc. Haroc stands as I ensconce myself in metal.
"Ramet." Does Haroc's voice shake, is that a wheeze I hear? "Your love for Cantral must truly be unmatched, to make you go along with this fools plan. Love makes us do silly things, does it not?" He laughs. "Love makes us trust those we should not, do you think your love for Cantral is well placed?"
"Yes," Ramet says. "You done, or do I have to listen to more of this?"
Haroc chuckles, it sends shivers up my spine. "After you refused my offer of being Captain, I spoke to Cantral, did you know that? Do you know what she told me about you?"
Ramet glances to me. "No."
I edge closer. "Ramet, please ... he's trying to drive a wedge between us."
Ramet's fighting stance relaxes, her fists lower. "Tell me," she says to Haroc, "tell me what she said."
"I told Cantral how much she meant to you, how much you loved her." There's joy in Haroc's voice and anger burns within me, because every word he speaks is the truth. "I offered Cantral a second ship under her command, one that you, Ramet, would captain. But Cantral declined. She said—"
"I said," I shout over Haroc, I won't cower under his words. I won't cower under my wrongs. "I said you were unstable, I said you weren't fit to Captain a ship. I said—" I inhale deeply "—that only I saw the true you, I said you were defective."
"Defective is what she named you. Defective. I argued her harsh judgement, you were from an exceptional batch of entra, a batch without flaw, one of the purest batches I have ever created. But Cantral held firm."
"I was jealous of you," I shout, my voice reeks of desperation. "I wanted something just for me, I didn't want to have you by my side for people take me seriously. I'm sorry."
Ramet's face scrunches. "You had my complete loyalty. I followed you, everywhere. I squashed the voices that shouted you were an abomination—"
"Are you too stupid to see what he's doing?" Fendan shouts, as he rises stiffly from the ground. "He's turning us against each other, right now, he's scared, he knows we can beat him."
"What are we?" Ramet says, her face twists in distain. "What tethers us together? Love? Admiration? No ..." she shakes her head.
Haroc smiles. "Ramet, I know if it were not for your misplaced love, you never would have joined Cantral here. But there is still a place for you on Prime, I do not see a defective entra. I see an entra who needs to step from the shadows and take the light you deserve, show the Universe who you are."
"You're right." Ramet glances to me. "I've lived in your shadow too long." She walks towards Haroc. "I'm going to show the Universe who I am."
Haroc rubs his hands together and a smile spreads across his face. "The bonds that hold people are so weak—"
Ramet's metal fist meets Haroc's helmet and cracks zig zag from the contact. He staggers back, his mouth parts and nose scrunches into a snarl. One more hit, that's all it will take. One more hit to expose his face.
"You're right the bonds that hold people are weak." Ramet aims another punch and Haroc ducks out of the way. "Love can faulter, admiration can wane, but you are what holds us together. It doesn't matter what Cantral said, or what Fendan's done, not while you're still alive." She stares at Haroc, a smirk forms on her face. "Can we just start this now? I'm bored of all this talking."