"Come on," Ramet says, "we're going for a walk. Or a run. Or a climb. Something, anything."
Ramet waits by the open door for me, she stares at me until I step outside. The moon is bright and contrasts starkly against the black star-strewn sky. A different set of birds and bugs fill the air with their chirps and squeaks. A unique experience if I don't include the simulation rooms, and I don't. The simulation rooms taught me nothing about reality.
I follow Ramet. We amble along the stream, that declares the barrier to the forest. Trees stand in formation behind the boundary line, like soldiers waiting for battle. Shadow claims them, their presence fades to black. A hooting comes from within the fortress, drawing us in, we cross the babbling brook and slip between the trees.
Our boots trample over the spongy ground, built from decaying remnants of forgotten leaves. My hands brush against mossy trees and their soft fuzz tickles my skin. Trunks climb upwards, they must touch the sky, but their looming presence, now I'm beneath them, feels less threatening and more benevolent. They're not soldiers, they're trees, homes for animals, they breathe life into the world. There's a freshness here I've never experienced before.
There's Energy all around me. Under my feet, the roots of trees tangle through the ground, bugs tunnel through the soil. Above my head, leaves covert the sun's energy, birds fly in formation. How can Haroc believe this to be a waste? How can he believe the Universe doesn't want to be filled with all this life?
"I can be a better person," Ramet says, "I want to be, for you, for Fendan, for everyone. And for myself."
"Yeah?" My scepticism isn't because I've heard all this before, because I haven't. It's because Ramet has always been watertight with her beliefs and ideals. She's stubborn to the extreme.
"You don't need to say anything. I'll prove it to you." Ramet takes my hand, and we walk in silence barring the scattering of footsteps behind us. Ramet turns. "We have company," she whispers.
She yanks my hand and pulls me into a run. We sprint round trees and stop at a wide trunk. I'm laughing and Ramet is too. Why is laughing and fun with Ramet so easy?
"Climb," Ramet whispers.
My hands grip the nobbled bark of the tree's trunk and my feet notch into grooves. Ramet climbs too and we race each other to the first branch.
"I win," I say, as I pull myself onto the wide branch, that creaks under my weight.
The tree's complaints grow as Ramet joins me. "You win." She smiles.
I smile back. You win, such a simple statement but nothing is simple with Ramet. This time however, nothing follows the admission, like, "because I let you." Ramet's highly competitive nature is a constant annoyance, and I was never just her girlfriend; I was her competition too. Throughout our entire relationship she has worked tirelessly to one-up me at every opportunity. But is this simple admission proof of a willingness to change, or has keeping me turned into another type of competition?
"Why are we up a tree?" I say as I watch our stalker, a garbled view through a myriad of oval leaves. "It's just Zafira down there."
Zafira walks cautiously, her head darts from side to side, and I hear her whispered shouts, that call our names. I reposition myself, ready to jump from the tree but Ramet stalls me, her hand rests on my arm.
"Cantral." Ramet shuffles closer. "I want some time alone with you. Just a few minutes, then we'll find her."
"I did a lot of thinking about us when I was in that cell," I whisper, from my pocket I retrieve the letter I wrote Ramet and hand it to her.
She unfolds the paper and reads. Her body stills, I think she even stops breathing.
"Ahhh," Ramet says eventually, and she folds the paper and stuffs it in her pocket, "you and I seem to have swung in opposite directions. I can't blame you for feeling like that, I've not been good for you since returning from the Trials..." She laughs. "Maybe before the Trials too."
Ramet stares ahead at the opposite tree, and I do too. We watch as birds dance through the leaves, wings fluttering in a blurred motion. Everything comes back to the Trials. They changed her, and I think they changed me too.
"I returned angry and confused." Ramet laughs quietly. "I'm sure you understand why I was angry, but my confusion goes a little deeper. I've always felt so sure about what entra do, but this made me look at things from a new perspective ... you weren't the only alien sympathiser and staying with you wasn't the only reason I turned down command of my own ship."
"You turned down command because you didn't want the weight of invading planets on you?" I say and Ramet nods. "But coming to Oneera was your idea?"
"It was Fendan's idea," Ramet corrects. "I don't know, Fendan saw me before we left, he gave me a long speech about how he believes in me, how I have to be there for you. I thought that if I could push through these doubts and take Onnera, I'd be fixed. I guess Fendan knew otherwise."
"I think Oneera has fixed you ... or it's put you on the right path."
"Yeah, maybe," Ramet glances drown through the leaves, "but has it fixed us?"
"Hello?" Zafira shouts from below and shuffles over the carpet of leaves. "Where are you?"
Ramet blows a high-pitched whistle, that rings in my ears and chases the birds we were watching into the sky.
Zafira looks up. "Are you hiding from me?"
"Yeah," Ramet say as she jumps down, "that's why I whistled, you know, so you wouldn't find me."
"Why were you in a tree?" Zafira asks, accusingly.
Ramet grins. "You're too young to understand."
I jump down and land in front of Ramet, she wraps her arms around me and peers over my shoulder at Zafira. Has Oneera saved our relationship? Can a planet do that? I'm not certain, but maybe removing ourselves from an oppressive regime can.
"So," Ramet says, "anything fun or dangerous round here, bears to fight ravines to jump?"
Zafira shakes her head. "Oh! There's a nice field, want me to show you?"
"A field!" Ramet exclaims, with mock excitement. "Wow, it must have been a long time since you did anything remotely ex—" she pauses with a frown "—actually, I don't think I've ever seen a field."
Zafira jumps up and down and claps her hand. "It's the best field, my mum takes me for picnics. But I can go on my own too!"
Zafira runs ahead, spurred on by excitement and I walk beside Ramet, held back by doubt. The ground inclines, and rocky outcrops rise between trees as we climb higher. Animals with large black eyes watch our silent passage and as the ground levels I see the field.
Trees peel away, an expanse of grass spreads to the cliff's edge. Above, the sky unfolds, without leaves to shield my view. The moon illuminates the field and bathes it in a soft glow, a constellation of hundreds of stars speckle the black sky with yellow. Beauty and freshness transcend the forest, they live here too. My hair blows from my face and tangles in the air around me. The grass sways and the breeze rustles their droopy heads, laden with seeds.
I separate from Ramet and walk through the long storks of green alone. Yellow luminescent moths fly from my approach and illuminate the air around me. "Consider this," the memory of Ramet's voice echoes in my head, "there is no Energy, the Universe is no divine being, our lives are random, and existence has no meaning. Things exist simply because they exist."
I catch a moth in my hand and part my palms slowly. It's still upon my skin, careful, it's legs twitch and it edges to my fingers. What does existence mean for this creature? It reaches the tips of my fingers, its wings open and I watch as it flutters away. The moth's purpose is simply to exist. Is that the same for people too?
I walk to the edge of the field and zone out Ramet and Zafira's noisy chatter. No one should have to prove their right to exist. The view of trees stretches so far it almost tumbles over the horizon but then the ocean takes over and black meets inky waters. No one's life is a waste, even if they do nothing with it.
The Theory of Energy brought me peace, it offered me understanding, at a time when I had neither and I'm not ready to discard it entirely. But I am ready to interpret it differently. Consider this, the Universe created Energy so that living beings may exist upon her worlds, she created energy so a variety of lifeforms could enjoy and experience everything.
Consider this, Entra can no longer be made because we defile the universe. She wants us gone, she wants a variety of lives to flourish because one type of person, one type of being cannot experience the full spectrum that living has to offer.
The Universe is right, her wisdom cannot be doubted. I will kill Haroc, and I will ensure that the key to making more entra is a forgotten secret. The entra's rein will end, and it might end like how it stared, in flames and destruction, but eventually there will be peace. And entra, we will slip quietly from life, we will die, it might take centuries, but there will be a day when we are gone and surprisingly, that brings me peace.
I turn from the precipice and face Zafira and Ramet.
Zafira's arms outstretch, and her hands brush over the long grass. "Teach me how to fight," she says with gleaming eyes. "I want to be as equipped as I can for when we fight Haroc."
I walk through the field and sit on the grass by Ramet. "You're going nowhere near Haroc."
"Yeah, I'm with Cantral." Ramet leans back on her elbows.
"No! You sound just like my mum, I can help." Zafira marches to us, hands on hips. "I know I'm small and young and I act immature, but my extra senses can help. I'll know exactly what Haroc is feeling. I'll know if he's lying, and I might hear some thoughts. Tell me I'm wrong."
"You're not wrong," I say. "You're too young."
"You're only five years older than me," Zafira says, "and Ramet is younger!"
"This isn't our decision, it's Haari's," I say.
"So, you'll talk to her?" She grins.
"Have you ever killed anyone before? Or witnessed anyone being killed?" I ask.
Zafira plucks a strand of grass and twists it round her fingers. "No ... of course not," she whispers.
"I was twelve when I first killed someone." The same age as Zafira, how different our childhoods were. "But I've seen death for as long as I can remember ... from main command of a Battle Cruiser watching ships explode to right before my eyes because of Haroc's rage. These memories will haunt me, you don't need to be there when Haroc dies or when I die."
"I'd rather have those memories than have everything I know being destroyed." Zafira puts her hands together as if she's praying. "Please, I know I can make the difference."
"Well, I'm convinced." Ramet stands. "Show me what you've got, punch me as hard as you can." She points to her stomach.
Zafira lands a first in Ramet's abdomen and shakes her hand as her eyes stream. "Ow," she squeaks.
"That was rubbish, now, this is a punch." Ramet swings a fist towards Zafira, who doesn't flinch. "Wow! Thought that would have at least made Cantral nervous. I don't think she cares about you." Ramet looks at me with mock disapproval. "Did you want me to punch her?"
Zafira groans. "Uh, five-year olds. Is she always like this?"
"Yeah, I am." Ramet grins. "I'm also the only one willing to teach you anything. So, shut up and stand like this."
Zafira copies Ramet's stance.
"You're small, you're weak, you are literally not a threat to anyone," Ramet says and Zafira opens her mouth to protest. "Pretty sure I told you to shut up." She smirks. "Looking like that will be your best defence, cause I'm going to show you some moves that can take down someone my size."
I lie back and stare up at the sky and the stars that make up the outer arm of the galaxy. Ramet barks instructions and Zafira completes each move far more competently than I anticipated. But regardless of her competence, Ramet lied. There is no move Zafira could do to take down someone our size. People succumb to us fighting or cowering, it makes no difference. The moon moves across the sky, and for the first time in my life I don't feel guilty for doing nothing.
I sit up as a long yawn escapes from Zafira and I flash Ramet a look that I hope says, enough.
"Okay, you're tired and I'm fed up of you, time for you to go," Ramet says, she got the look.
"You have to walk me back," Zafira says, "it's dark."
"Fine." Ramet looks to me. "You coming?"
"No. I'll wait here," I say and lie back on the grass.
Ramet sweeps Zafira, who squeals with shock and delight, off her feet. Grey hands grip Zafira and Ramet places her upon her left shoulder.
I stare at the stars as the chatter and footsteps fade away. Haroc enters my mind, the prospect of killing the man I once loved fills me with fear. I'm not sure when I figured out Haroc was an awful person, perhaps I'd always known, but despite the knowledge there was a smugness, that this terrible, frightening man liked me.
Barring Fendan, Jaxa and Ramet most other entra shunned me. I was always the other, the different one. Older entra saw me as something unnatural and newer entra followed their elders lead. Having Haroc on my side gave me a much-needed ego boost.
I met Ramet a year ago, Fendan pushed her into my life. We became friends almost immediately. She looked out for me, she stuck up for me, no one dared anything with Ramet by my side.
Ramet jogs into the field and lies down next to me. Her head leans over me and she kisses me gently. And despite my doubts I kiss her back.
"I'd have children," she says, "they're fun."
I raise my forehead. "Really, and how would you do that, steal one?"
Ramet sits up. "I've been thinking, if we kill Haroc, things can really change. Entra can change, I have ... it's like here away from Prime the veil has lifted. If we kill Haroc we don't ever need to return to that life. We could live on a planet." She leans over m. "We can be together, we can be safe."
"You're mapping out our future together but a few hours ago you shoved me up against a wall."
Her scarred hand strokes my face. "I know. I have no excuse, I can be terrible, but I don't want to, and I never want to hurt you, in any way, again. I know the person I've been, and I know the person I can be, let me show you?"
"You know that in a few days we're probably going to be dead?"
Ramet shakes her head. "No. we're not."
She stares at me seriously and my eyes trace the lines of a puckered scar. I reach up to touch it and this time she allows me.
"I don't hate them. They don't repulse me. you don't need to be self-conscious around me." A few weeks ago she would have shouted at me, she would have slammed her fist down and called me names, but there's no rage in her face now.
Her eyes search my face. "Okay," she whispers, and she takes my hand to a scar under her top, upon her stomach. Wide, deep, as if a chunk of flesh was cut from her body. "When you look at me do you see the pain I endured? Do you hear me screaming? When you touch me do you imagine the blade sinking into my flesh."
"No," I say, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about what you went through, but these thoughts don't come because of what I see or feel. When I look at you, I see the person I love, when I touch you..." I laugh. "I don't want to stop."
Ramet smiles but it fades once more into seriousness. "When I look at myself, it's like I no longer exist, like this isn't my body. I lost myself in a room that smelt like my blood and my burnt flesh."
I move my hand from Ramet's stomach and pull her into a hug. "I've found you. I know where you are and I'll spend the rest of my life reminding you, that you are the most amazing person."
It seems I made a decision about Ramet and there are no doubts. This is the right choice and I believe Ramet can change, I believe she wants to be better. And I do too.
Ramet hugs me back and we lie on the grass together. "I'm so scared," she whispers.
Me too, Ramet, me too. But I don't say it out loud, instead I just stroke her hair and stare up at the stars.