LIZZIE'S POV
It's been two weeks and she completely ignores me.
The magazines only talk about the two of them, how beautiful they are together and even if none of the rumors has been confirmed by them, i believe more and more that there is something between them and if so, my hopes fades even more.
I do everything to be forgiven by her, but nothing, she was clear in this, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.
But i don't give up and i won't until i can be forgiven even if it means waiting for her for months or years.
I'm hers, i'm not going anywhere without her.
I went to the school basketball match, but only because she's there.
Now i look for her everywhere, but she's always so far from me.
I want to show her my support, to know that regardless of everything i'm here for her.
And there she is, playing.
She's fucking beautiful.
Her toned legs run all over the gym, her muscled arms stretch up every time she tries to hit the basket, and her incredible abs that show up every time the shirt lifts a little.
Yes, her body is perfect but she's not beautiful just for that.
Her heart is beautiful, the person she's and i fell in love with is simply gorgeous.
I was a fool for making her believe that what happened between us was just sex.
I mean at the beginning i was convinced too, but only because i wasn't able to understand that there was much more, something deeper and more pure... love.
I regret having understood it late, having only understood it when she put the truth in my face.
But now i know and even if it will be hard to make her trust me again, i don't lose hope.
I cheer for her throughout the game hoping she would notice me and in fact it happens, her gaze moves on the audience until she meets mine and i feel like i'm dying.
My heart beats fast but then breaks when she goes back to ignoring me as if i weren't there.
I deserve it, but i would like to run away and cry because all of this hurts me.
The game ends so i decide to go and congratulate all the girls on the team in the hope that she deserves me her attention.
"Congratulations girls, you were phenomenal" i say as i approach their benches while they're taking their things.
She recognizes my voice, turns to me and looks at me silently, saying nothing while the others thank me.
"Oh Miss Olsen i'm glad you came to look at us, you're my favorite teacher" says one of the girls touching my arm.
I know she's looking at me and even though she hates me now, i know that's bothering her.
"Thank you Miss Lewis" i say embarrassed while i feel her eyes on me.
"Uhm Miss Olsen, do you think when the year is over i'll be able to invite you out once?" the girl asks me, clearly flirting with me.
I feel something fall to the ground, i look at y/n and at her feet the water bottle she dropped.
She looks at me before reaching down to pick it up.
I could make her jealous but i know it wouldn't be the right way to get her back.
I don't want to mess with her anymore.
I've been too bad and toxic with her i can't afford to make another mistake.
"Lewis, i'm sorry but i don't do things like that" i tell her and she seems to be a little upset.
There is only one person who can be the exception in my life.
"Oh sorry then"
"Don't worry, no problem" i smile and then go back to look at the girl i love hoping she'd noticed the way i just behaved and instead i see her in the distance as she goes to the locker room.
Oh that's hurt.
I decide to wait for her in the parking lot near her motorbike just to be able to talk to her, hoping she will listen to me.
It's pretty cold but it doesn't matter i would do anything for her.
After what seemed like an eternity i see her coming and when she sees me her expression became cold.
She arrives in front of her motorcycle and even if i'm right here beside her, she ignores me while she puts her things in the trunk.
I look at her and the more i look at her more i realize what i'm doing to her. She lost weight and no i don't think it's my impression.
It seems she hasn't eaten in a lifetime.
She looks so weak and tired, she barely takes care of herself.
It's my fault.
"Do you want to stare at me another bit?" she says out of the blue, i hardly even recognize her from her voice that was once so soft with me.
"Hey..." i greet her
"What the hell do you want?"
"Talk to you" i say
"Go away Elizabeth or it would end badly for both of us."
She doesn't look at me, like if i'm a monster.
"Look at me please" i pleaded trying to touch her arm but she blocks my hand violently.
She looks at me but the only thing i see is darkened in her eyes.
"Don't try to touch me, do you understand? I never want to feel your touch on me again. You fucking disgust me" i would like to cry but i can't, i have to be strong
"Please i'm sorry i-"
"Fuck do you really think an apology would be enough? Do you realize how disgusting you are? You're like everyone else who hurt me. You're like Aubrey, you defended me from her but you acted in the same way, you treated me in the same way, maybe even worse, because you knew how much i suffered for her but you don't give a shit, you just needed to fuck me because you have a shitty sex life, because your husband doesn't give you what you wants, but i'm not your fucking toy Elizabeth "
I don't know what to say, because she's right, i treated her like her ex, i abandoned her when she trusted me so much to reveal her feelings and i instead of staying i refused her.
But it hurts me to know that she thinks it was just that to me, just sex.
I felt real emotions when i was with her, every kiss and every caress was me and her, Robbie never had anything to do with it, i was never interested in replacing him with her because it was her and only her that i wanted but not i knew how to admit it to myself.
"It's not what you think, really-"
"What the fuck is wrong with you huh? Do you understand what you did to me or do you need a drawing to figure it out? You fucking used me, you fucked me and then ditched me like a dog.
Do you understand how fucking toxic you are Elizabeth? I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore so disappear from my life for god's sake" she screams at me all the anger inside her, while i listen to her in silence, deserving this punishment.
I deserve to hear these words, i deserve all this hatred even if it hurts.
"Y/n i care about you, really" i whisper almost for fear that she might actually hear me, i would hate to hear her scream again but she doesn't, she sighs in resignation, tired of all this, tired of me.
"You wouldn't have done what you did then. Now please let me go" her voice is low and yet full of pain.
She gets on her bike, puts on her helmet and i let her go.
Once again i lost her.
I go inside my car and start venting everything i feel.
I scream, cry and punch the steering wheel, even if my knuckles hurt nonstop masochistically as if i deserve this pain.
I destroyed the most beautiful thing i had in my life and i can't live without it, i can't go on without her.
Please, i just want to have her back with me, i just want to be happy with her.
I know i was terribly wrong but it was never meant to hurt her.
Please i love her i repeat to myself hoping that someone from Heaven hears me and can help me, but the truth is that the only one who can fix things is me and i have to start taking steps if i want to have a second chance with her.
I arrive home and i immediately dive in my bathtub giving myself a hot bath to relax.
In the meantime i think about what to say to Robbie hoping he understands my decision even though i fear he won't and i'm afraid, but i don't care, i won't let fear win once again.
After putting on a sweatshirt i go into the living room looking for a way to distract myself but my mind always comes back to her.
I take my phone and look at our photos.
The day in the hills, our evenings watching movies and hugging in the bed, our stupid selfies we send to each other and the day of the Funfair, the best day of my life but also the worst.
I smile maliciously, with a sense of nostalgia for something that may never return.
While i'm lost in our memories i hear the door open and i see Robbie join me
"Hey" he says while he puts down the keys
"Hey Rob ..." my heart beats a lot, now that i have him in front of me i almost forget the speech i've prepared before
"I thought you were staying out with your friends"
"Michael has to look his son and Josh had an unexpected mishap at work, so i have to be here with you" he takes off his shoes and goes to get a beer in the kitchen.
Another confirmation that makes me understand that my decision is more than right.
"Did you cook?" he asks coming back to me
"Uhm no, i thought you were staying out and i'm not very hungry," i say
"So? Come on Lizzie move your ass and cook for you husband, i'm going to wash in the meantime" he's about to go up the stairs but i stop him
"Wait Rob... uhm i need to talk to you, it's an important thing" he turns to me and snorts bored
"Can't you tell me about it later?" he asks listlessly
"Uhm no it's better to talk about it now" i insist and he rolls his eyes
"God Lizzie what is it? Come on what do you want to tell me" with a heavy step he comes back down and dives on the other sofa while sipping his beer.
I take a deep breath and then decide to speak
"I want a break" i say without hesitation
"Sorry can you repeat, what do you want?" he asks, frowning
"I want a break Robbie" i repeat again and this time i see him squeezing the beer he's holding hard
"Do you want to divorce me Elizabeth?" his tone is so deep it scares me, but i don't get discouraged remembering why or rather, for who i'm doing it.
"No, i mean yes, but not immediately, there will be time for that but in the meantime i want a break" he gets up and walks close to me, raises his arm and for a moment i think he wants to hurt me instead he takes a sip of his beer
"And let's hear it, why would you want it?" he asks me, he doesn't seem angry and maybe this is even scarier because he's not showing any kind of emotion and i know he could break out at one time or another
"You know why Robbie"
"No no i want to hear it from you" he insists
"There's nothing left between us and you know it well, you don't love me the way you used to. We've become like two strangers living in the same house and it doesn't make sense now. You go out every night with your friends and fuck some girl and i know you've been cheating on me for months now but that's okay, i'm not angry, but i can't stand this situation anymore, i don't want to wait for you at night anymore.
I need to find myself Robbie and you would clearly be free without me so this is the best solution" i say everything in one breath for fear that he might interrupt me and instead he listens to me.
"So is all my fault huh? I'm the asshole here right?"
"Robbie please-"
"No now you listen to me bad bitch, here the problem is you understand? I'm not the one who fuck their students, look in the mirror before you speak Lizzie "this time he's not calm anymore but he raises his voice, blocking me against the wall and his body and preventing me from running away from him
"Robbie what the-"
"Oh please do me the favor, i know it's her, isn't it? You want to leave me for her" i think i've never seen him so angry, for the first time in months even if he feels negative emotions towards me
"No Robbie is not for y/n, between me and her there is nothing, i leave you because i don't love you anymore" i say firmly but he grabs my neck and tightens it violently
"I don't believe you, be careful not to play with me Lizzie you might regret it"
"Robbie you hurt me please" i whisper in a low voice trying to hold my breath
"I won't lose everything because of that bitch" he squeezes even tighter and i feel like i'm dying
"R-robbie-" at my begging, he lets go and i breathe again
"Please respect my decision, there is no need for all the media to know, i just want you to leave this house, leave me free" he looks at me without saying anything, then takes his jacket and his phone
"Okay you made your decision but i'll make your life hell for you and that little girl. You are finished" said this he slams the door and leaves.
What scares me is not the threat but the calm tone in which he said it.
What will he be able to do?
What if he really hurt y/n?
I could never forgive myself.
I'm finally free, but at what cost?
....................................................................................
A/N
Hiiii guys
Sorry for the inactivity but university killed me in these days 🫠
How are you?
Hope you enjoy this chapter
Many things are going to happen so stay up to date
I'm curious to know what you think will happen in the next chapters, who knows if anyone will guess 👀
See you in the next chapter
Love y'll🤍