𝙸 𝙲𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝚂𝟹𝙴𝟸: 𝙿𝚒𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝙶𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝙱𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝙾𝚞𝚝

Part II of Piper Gets Weird

CW: This chapter contains strong themes of sex (nothing explicit)

Inspired by Community S3E2: "Geography of Global Conflict."

Piper POV

"Thank you so much-"

"Don't even." Jason slams the door of his new used Honda Odyssey minivan. He has to turn the key in the ignition twice to get the engine running. Piper wants to point out that Leo could probably fix it, but Jason doesn't seem to be in the mood for suggestions.

She reaches for the dial to turn on some music, but Jason slaps her hand away.

"Jesus," Piper says. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Jason pulls onto the shoulder of the road and hits the brakes. Hard. "Uh, maybe it's two in the morning and I just drove ten minutes to pick you up from a protest gone wrong? Really, Pipes? How hard is it to just show up for your friends?"

She slumps in her seat. When she was a kid she wanted nothing more than to have a mom that would pick her up from school in a minivan just like this, with candy wrappers on the floor and air conditioning that takes at least five minutes to kick in. She'd have squirmed in the seat while her mom grilled her about a bad grade, or told embarrassing stories about her to the rest of the kids in the carpool.

Piper's starting to regret that fantasy. "Tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm starting to get the impression that you're not just mad about picking me up in the middle of the night."

Jason takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I asked you to join our Mock Trial team because you're good at debating and I thought you might need it for your resume. Hazel invited you to her sleepover because she never had girlfriends until college and she wants to spend time with you and Annabeth. God, what do you think they're even doing right now without you?"

"Probably talking about the study group-"

"You ditched us for a protest organized in like two hours!"

Piper rolls her eyes. "Well, if it makes you feel better, Octavian slashed my Smokey the Bear plush with his pocket knife."

Jason freezes, probably because that's the bear he bought for her when they went to Mount Tam last year. Piper was touched by the gesture, but when Jason pulled his van up to her apartment to drop her off, he got all awkward and they ended up exchanging goodbyes for what's longer than socially acceptable.

For some stupid reason, Piper thought she might get him to kiss her first that time, and she'd finally have some confirmation that yes, Jason Grace likes her too, and then they could finally go on a real hold-hands-across-the-table date where he'd bring her flowers—white roses, to symbolize their new romance—and the night would be magical and they'd end it with a sweet kiss on the porch of Piper's apartment complex underneath the moths that circle the streetlamp.

Or better yet—yes, even better—she'd bring that boy into her apartment, not needing to explain the collection of Tristan McLean films or the designer clothes sent by her mother that she never wears because Jason doesn't care about her parents, he only cares about her, and then he'd carry her down the hall, asking her with those sky blue eyes which room is yours? And she'd grin the stupidest grin and push the door open with her foot.

Or maybe they wouldn't even get home. They'd just have mind-blowing sex in Jason's minivan.

But Jason didn't kiss her that day, and she couldn't bring herself to make the first move. Not again.

"I'll buy you another one," Jason says, bringing Piper back to the present.

"I don't want another one," she pouts. "I just wish I understood..."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Understood what?"

Piper sighs. "Why are you so hot and cold with me? You don't treat anyone else like this. You aren't mad at Annabeth for not joining your Mock Trial team."

Jason mutters something under his breath.

"Well?" Piper asks. "If you don't like me, then don't come to pick me up in the middle of the night and then pull over on the side of the road to yell at me-"

Normally, Piper wouldn't approve of a guy kissing her to get her to shut up, but it works for Jason. It's incredibly hot with Jason.

Maybe he's gripping her face a little too hard. Maybe their teeth clack once or twice, but this is all Piper's ever wanted—a real moment with Jason. None of that rushed hiding-in-a-closet or facing imminent-death bullshit. This is real.

Piper leans over the center console and presses her palm against Jason's beating heart. It's reassuring to find that he is just as nervous as she is.

He tangles his fingers in her hair, smirking against her lips at the moan it elicits from her.

"Jason..." she groans as his lips pepper her jaw and neck. There's bound to be hickeys tomorrow, but Piper doesn't even care. She'll just wear a scarf or something.

Jason's hands trail down her body, taking time to feel the groove of her spine, the curves of her waist, and the shape of her ass through her jean shorts.

Piper can't take it anymore, and apparently, neither can Jason. They pull apart, panting for breath.

"Jason-"

"Please. Can we just stay in this moment?"

"Like, panting into each other's mouths? 'Cause, that's kinda weird..."

Jason chuckles. "You're too much, but I can't get enough of you."

"Must be my natural charm. I tend to have that effect on people."

"Dammit, Piper, do you want me to put the seats down or not?" Jason asks, giving her a playful slap on the ass.

"Bring it on."

Jason finally unbuckles his seatbelt. While he's reaching for the lever, Piper notes that he's swapped his usual business casual attire out for grey sweatpants and an Under Armour t-shirt that fits just snug enough for her to see the shape of his pectoral muscles. Can Ultimate Frisbee do that to a guy, or does Jason lift?

She can practically feel Jason's electric eyes on her ass as she wiggles her way into the backseat and searches for the... lever? Hook? Button? There's got to be something back here that'll recline the seats the whole way. Maybe if she just tugs on this-

"Woah!" she shouts in surprise as her entire body lurches forward. "Uh, I figured it out."

Jason chuckles. "Get comfy. I'm on my way."

Piper rolls over and gives her hair a little fluff even though no amount of quick pampering can erase her disheveled appearance. She wonders if maybe there's a chance she looks half as sexy as Jason does with his messy hair and red cheeks.

Jason props himself up on the passenger seats, then the middle back seats as he makes his way to Piper in the way back seats of the minivan. He licks his swollen lips and eyes her up like a pint of vegan ice cream.

She props herself up on her elbows and makes a come hither motion with her fingers.

The sweet excitement in his eyes reminds Piper that yes, this is the same dork who founded a Mock Trial team because it's something that genuinely interests him.

He prowls towards her, and she can't help but think that this is it. This is what she's been waiting for, and it's finally hers. He's finally hers. Piper McLean gets the guy in this one, not Tristan McLean's daughter.

She bites down on her bottom lip, which must turn Jason on even more because he jumps from his giddiness and instead of banging Piper, he bangs his head on the ceiling of his cruddy minivan with the Christmas tree air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror.

"Jason?" she asks.

He winces and rubs his head.

"Oh my god, Jason, it's pretty red. Let me see."

Jason kneels on the floor in front of Piper, and not in a sexy way.

"Oh damn, that's gonna swell up. We should probably get you some ice."

He sighs in defeat. "I'm sorry for ruining the mood."

Piper scoffs. "You didn't ruin the mood. You just banged your head while trying out this sexy animalistic persona and... If it makes you feel better, I can call you daddy and kiss your booboos."

"No thanks."

"Suit yourself."

They sit in silence, taking in each other for just a minute longer. Jason's eyes have lightened up a bit and regained some of their innocence. The little scar on his lip quivers as he tries to maintain a sheepish smile. The moonlight reflects off his glasses and turns his eyebrows ghostly white.

"I'll be okay to drive you home," he says, "but I don't think I should do anything more, uh, physical tonight."

"Oh, uh, that's okay."

"Another time, though! If you want..." he trails off.

Piper grips Jason's shoulders with her hands. "Yes. Yes, I would like that."

"Cool."

"Cool."

"I better get you home before Leo-"

"Oh, yes, Leo. He'll worry."

Not willing to risk another injury, Jason opens the sliding passenger door and walks around the car to get back into the driver's seat.

Piper buckles her seat belt and notices a barn owl watching her from the woods with wide curious eyes. "Jason," she says. "On second thought, could you please drive me to Hazel's? I think I should probably take her up on that sleepover."

✎✎✎

Hazel and Annabeth are surprisingly not asleep, which is weird, because if you asked Piper to list the top ten people who are likely to fall asleep at a slumber party, Hazel and Annabeth would be tied at the top.

"You made it!" Hazel squeaks.

"Thank all things holy and unholy," Annabeth says, taking a swig from a bottle of bottom-shelf vodka.

"Of course, I did," Piper says through gritted teeth. She's still deciding if she should be here or not. Even Annabeth seems comfortable in the girly setting. Or maybe she's buzzed. It might be the latter.

It's when this awful pinging sound comes from the oven that Piper realizes she did, in fact, make a huge mistake by coming here.

"The cookies!" Hazel shouts. She slips on a pair of pink knitted oven mitts and pulls a tray of steaming peanut-butter cookies from the oven.

Those smell amazing.

No, resist the urge to be like other girls, says the voice in Piper's head.

But then again, is she really like other girls if she eats like six of those cookies?

"Wait! They need to cool so we can decorate!" Hazel protests.

Annabeth stuffs a cookie in her mouth and washes it down with a swig of vodka. That cookie was probably hot enough to start a fire when combined with the alcohol, but that's fine. Nobody's going to object to that. Annabeth can do Annabeth.

"So, uh, what did I miss?" Piper asks.

Hazel practically jumps up and down on the couch from her excitement. "Well, I taught Annabeth how to make cookies, I braided her hair, and I tried to teach her how to do my hair and she actually could kind of do it, and we made friendship bracelets, and then we watched Friday the 13th and now I'm too scared to go to bed."

Annabeth pats Hazel on the back. "That Jason is one freaky dude."

"I can't believe he shares a name with our Jason."

Piper yawns. "Wow, sounds like you did just about everything. Mission accomplished."

"Wait!" Hazel says. "I just realized we can play the game now that Piper's here!" She runs off into what Piper assumes is her bedroom.

"You don't mind, do you?" Annabeth asks. "She was disappointed when she figured out we couldn't play with just the two of us."

Piper wants to object because she's hella tired from a day of protesting and scheming, but then Hazel runs back into the room carrying a black box labeled For the Girls.

"Now hold up," Piper says. "You do know this game is like eighteen and up?"

"Yeah. I'm nineteen, and you guys are twenty."

"Okay then."

Hazel takes a seat on the Ottoman and sorts the different card categories: Never Have I Ever, Rapid Fire, Truth or Dare, Best of the Best, and Most Likely To. That seems promising.

Piper rolls the die and then picks a card from the Best of the Best category. "Give this card to whoever stirs the pot the most. I'm going to have to go with Hazel since you're the one making us play this."

"Do I want cards?" Annabeth asks.

Hazel pushes her glasses higher up on her face and squints at the instruction pamphlet. Funny, Piper never realized that Hazel wears glasses in the evenings. "It says you win when you get twenty-five cards or if you have the most when the Uber shows up."

"Sick."

"Gameplay continues to the left," Hazel reads. She rolls the die. Purple. That's the Never Have I Ever category. Knowing Hazel, there won't be any juicy details here.

"Keep this card if you've ever given someone the wrong number on purpose," she reads. She does not put the card on the bottom of the pile.

Annabeth knows exactly what kind of bonding Hazel is looking to get out of this game. "Is there a story?" she asks.

Hazel looks down. "Well, there are the times at the mall when I've been pressured to sign up for like, essential oils subscriptions and stuff, and I've given them fake numbers. Emails too."

"How rebellious," Piper says.

"I also gave that boy from my English class a fake number."

Annabeth gasps and screws the top back on the vodka.

"Yeah," Hazel says. "He wouldn't stop asking for my Snapchat, so I told him I didn't have it, but then he started asking for my number, which I thought was even weirder, so I kind of just gave him a random number."

"Damn," says Piper.

"Anyway, it's Annabeth's turn."

Annabeth shrugs, not caring that Hazel dodged talking about a persistent guy in her life that she just neglected to mention to her friends.

The die comes up pink. Truth or dare.

"This better be a truth card because I don't think I have the energy to get up right now," Annabeth says. Then, she reads the card. "Venmo the last person you hooked up with for 'my virginity.'"

Piper thinks she knows who the last person Annabeth hooked up with was. That is unless she's the kind of person to casually sleep with multiple guys at once, but why would you want to do that if you're in a friends-with-benefits situationship with Percy Jackson?

"You don't have to do that one," Hazel says quickly.

Is Piper missing something?

"Oh, thanks," says Annabeth. "It's okay though. I don't want to be a buzzkill with the drama stuff."

"It's not just drama though!" Hazel says. "That's sad what happened."

Piper doesn't like feeling left out of things. She guesses that's probably on her for trying to skip out on the special girls' night Hazel planned, so now she has to suck it up and ask, "Can someone catch me up?"

Hazel squirms a little but quickly stops when she almost slips off the Ottoman. Annabeth doesn't look so comfortable either.

"Moving into this year, Percy and I agreed that it would be best to end our arrangement."

Hazel scrunches her nose. "That's not what you said earlier."

Annabeth sighs and tries again. "Percy decided that it would be best to end our agreement."

Her words are so flat, that Piper can't discern any feeling from them. "Are you okay?" she asks. That seems like something you would ask someone who just ended the benefits part of her friends-with-benefits situation.

Annabeth slumps against the back of the couch. "I guess. I don't know. I didn't see it coming, so I was sort of blindsided when he sat me down on his couch a week ago and said we need to talk. I bought new underwear for my first hookup of junior year and everything."

It's kind of refreshing seeing Annabeth worked up over a guy. Internally, Piper's sort of like ha, now you know how it feels! I had sex this week and you didn't! Externally, she's more along the lines of, "Did he say why?"

Annabeth struggles to find the words to explain, but luckily, Hazel cuts in. "Didn't he say he was looking for a real relationship for junior year?"

"Uh, yeah..." she says. "A real relationship. Something like that."

Something tells Piper that Percy did not say something like that, but it's not her place to pry if Annabeth's upset over this.

Then again, Piper thought that if anyone was going to catch feelings, it would be Percy... Or maybe he did catch feelings and that's why they had to end it. So many possibilities...

Stop. It's not her place to speculate either.

"Hey, Google," Piper says, "play 'Hard Times' by Paramore."

"Sorry, I can't play 'Hard Times' by Paramore, but I can play a station similar to that song," the Google Nest says.

Annabeth fakes a laugh. "Take your turn Pipes." She passes the die but quickly pulls away when her hand touches Piper's.

The die turns up pink. Another dare. Start sharing your location with the last person you hooked up with. Piper sighs. "Before we get into this, I have to tell you guys something."

"Did you get a truth card?" Hazel asks.

"No," says Piper. "I did something tonight. Something... Well, it's kinda weird, but I liked it."

Annabeth chokes on her vodka. "What did you do and can you hook me up?"

"I did... I did Jason."

Hazel and Annabeth speak in unison. "Oh. My. God." Have they been practicing that? Because that had Mamma Mia energy, and Piper sure as hell isn't about to start singing.

"When?" Annabeth asks.

"Like, an hour or so ago."

Fed up with her scandalized good-girl persona, Hazel tears the bottle of vodka away from Annabeth and takes a nice long swig, scrunching her nose as she removes the bottle from her lips.

For some reason, Piper gets all defensive. "We didn't go the whole way. He hit his head before he could take his sweatpants off."

Annabeth, speechless for once, reaches for the vodka.

Hazel tightens her grip on the bottle, refusing to hand it over. "So like, you just did... you know..." She trails off because she doesn't have enough of a buzz to say it out loud.

"There was foreplay. Can I do the dare?" Piper asks.

Annabeth stands up and almost robotically, announces, "I forgot to brush my teeth."

Shoot. Piper didn't remember to brush her teeth either, but then again, she didn't pack a toothbrush. Or pajamas. Or anything, really. She came here straight from New Rome's makeshift jail cell.

Piper opens her mouth to say something but then decides to revert to the Jason talk. "It says I'm supposed to share my location with the last person I hooked up with."

"Huh?" Hazel asks.

"It says-"

"Oh. Yeah, go ahead. I'm kind of done playing."

"You guys are acting weird."

"No, we're not." Hazel ties some rubber bands around the card stacks and tucks them away in the box.

Annabeth emerges, at last, only to grab a Nightmare Before Christmas throw blanket and quite literally nose dive onto the couch. "Yeah, I'm ready for bed now," she says, her voice muffled by the cushions.

"Where do you want me?" Piper asks Hazel.

Hazel shrugs. "I didn't really think this through. I guess one of us can sleep on the opposite end of the couch with Annabeth and the other can take the recliner."

Piper swipes the blanket from Annabeth, who is close to sleep already, and wraps herself up. "Hazel?" she asks. "You got like a magazine or something I can read to settle down?"

Hazel opens a drawer on the coffee table. "Don't tell Nico I let you borrow his magazine." She hands Piper a rolled-up tabloid from the grocery store. The headlines include WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING AUTHOR ON TRIAL FOR MURDER, and AMBER SPOTTED AT TRADER JOE'S. Why do we still care about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard? They're both messed up if you ask Piper, but what's even more messed up is that there are these major global issues—take climate change, for example—and society turns a blind eye in favor of a he-said-she-said court case.

Speaking of climate change, Piper's mission isn't over. Maybe you can do girly things and save the planet at the same time.

Hazel's brother won't read this fake gossip article about the royal family, will he? Piper doesn't think so.

"I'm going to shower quick and then I'll turn off the lamp," Hazel says as she disappears into the bathroom.

Now's Piper's chance.

"Hey, Annabeth."

"I'm sleeping."

"No, you're not."

"Shut up and leave me alone." She yanks the blanket over her head, leaving Piper without any to cover her torso. Great. Annabeth's having a diva moment.

It would seem as if Piper McLean is on her own for this mission. She reaches over the side of the couch and to the drawer in the coffee table, which is no easy feat. Once she's stretched her arms like they're made out of rubber, she pries the drawer open and finds the... Yes! She finds the scissors.

She spins them around on her fingers and then gets to work, cutting the letters out of the magazine and taping them onto the back of a takeout menu. It's like a ransom note, but better.

Perfect! Magazine cutouts that read OCTAVIAN, BE READY FOR CHAOS. The V is an A flipped upside-down, but it's fine. Everything's fine. The planet is fine. Annabeth and Hazel are fine. Jason is certainly fine.

Piper folds the paper and sets it on the coffee table. There's no point in trying to stifle her yawns. It's time for bed.

"Can you please stop... Cutting things?" Annabeth mumbles.

"I thought you were sleeping," Piper retorts.

"Screw you, McLean."

And it's at that moment that Hazel emerges from the bathroom, her hair in a black bonnet and a pink toothbrush in hand. "I think Annabeth used my toothbrush."

Piper squints. "That's gross."

"I'm not mad. She's dealing with some stuff."

"Hell yeah, I am," Annabeth says from the couch.

"Go to bed," says Hazel. She reclines the chair and tucks herself underneath a purple throw blanket from the New Rome Community College spirit wear catalog. "What time's your protest tomorrow?"

"Six-thirty. Get there early if you want a cute sign. Most of ours were confiscated by Octavian."

"I think I'll make my own, but thanks," Hazel says.

"You can come too, Annabeth," Piper says.

She wants to pretend that Annabeth fell asleep, and that's why she's not answering, but Piper can see her picking at a loose thread on the couch.

Whatever. It's one thing to let Piper down. She probably deserves it for bailing on Mock Trial and almost bailing on the sleepover, but bailing on Will's environmental politics project is another thing. Annabeth Chase, despite being an architecture major, is probably one of the most politically influential people on campus, and she's not making an appearance.

But that doesn't mean Piper can't find the numbers to make up for it.

She crawls off the couch and finds her phone plugged into an outlet. Aha! Just what she needs. Back when she was a senior in high school, she joined the New Rome Community College student Facebook group in hopes of meeting a roommate and maybe some best friends. None of that worked out—Piper's parents insisted she lives in a single dorm, but thanks to the baby boomers' social media platform of choice, Piper has a ton of Instagrams from people that go to her college.

✎✎✎

"Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Climate change has got to go!"

Piper finds Will on the outskirts of the protest group. She doesn't want to interrupt a guy who's in the middle of using his inhaler, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Did you get the sign-in sheet filled out?" she asks.

"Yeah, there's like fifty people here! We crushed our goal!"

Piper smiles. "That's amazing, Will."

"I should be thanking you; your popularity came in clutch!"

She waves him off. "This was a team effort, really. I just hope you get an A on your project."

Will shrugs. "You could help by gathering some eyewitness accounts from people that showed up."

"I can do that."

Cecil Markowitz waltzes over to Will's safe spot. "Hi! Cecil here from the New Roman Times. Think I could get an interview from the man of the hour?"

"Absolutely!" Will says. He calls to Piper before she walks away. "Videos would be nice, please!"

She rolls her eyes but opens the camera on her iPhone anyway.

Let's see... who is there to interview?

"Aha! Grover!"

Grover tugs his rasta cap lower on his head when he sees the camera.

"Tell me about your demands. What are you trying to accomplish?" Piper asks.

Grover beams. "That's easy! The government is not doing its part to make sure that young people like us can have a future on this planet. I believe in equal rights for nature; we need to stop abusing it!"

"Thank you!" Piper calls before he's sucked back into the crowd.

This job is overwhelming.

"Butch!" Piper shouts to be heard. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," he says.

She clears her throat. "Why are you here?"

Butch rolls up his t-shirt sleeve, showing off his tattoo of a rainbow. "When's the last time you've seen a rainbow? I don't mean one that you make with a prism. I mean natural, the kind that Mother Nature makes. Big corporations are buying and selling pollution in this whack-ass cap and trade system, so you just can't see nature's beauty anymore. I got this tattoo just in case. I never want to forget what these look like."

"Wonderful, thank you!"

How awesome. Everyone's here for their own reasons, but they're here to accomplish the same overarching goal.

"What are you doing?" Nico di Angelo asks from behind his DEATH TO CLIMATE CHANGE sign.

"Interviews," she answers. "Want to tell me why this cause is personal to you?"

Nico emerges from behind his shield. "I was raised Catholic. I'm not practicing anymore, but back in high school religion, we studied Pope Francis's Laudato Si. Basically, he warns about the dangers of climate change and says that the poorest people on the planet are already being affected. Uh, anyway, the document's intended audience is broader than Catholics. He wants everyone to take action. I don't know, I guess... Well, you know it's bad when the Vatican says we need more than thoughts and prayers, right?"

"Uh, right. Thanks, Nico," Piper says. That's a really good point he just made. She's going to have to look more into this Laudato Si thing. Maybe she should consider signing up for environmental politics next semester. If Annabeth ever speaks to her again, they might be able to take it together.

And then she sees him.

Now she could be all awkward about this; most girls probably would.

But Piper McLean is not like other girls.

"Jason!" she calls.

He pushes his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. "Hey, Pipes! How was the sleepover?"

She tells him the truth. "I actually had a really nice time. Thanks for knocking some sense into me." Maybe she is a little bit like other girls, and that's okay. She can save the planet today and then make friendship bracelets and talk about boys with Hazel.

"But I'm the one asking the questions here," she adds. "How long do you think you'll stay at the protest today?"

Jason smiles. "I'm guessing through clean up when this thing wraps up. I don't mind though. I happen to really like one of the organizers."

If liking Jason makes her like other girls, then Piper is a carbon copy of every girl out there.