1 Month Later
Matrix, Ghost, Hurricane, and I make our way to the lockers to get ready for our next mission. Well, it's not exactly a mission. It's really just a training exercise. One that our commanding officer made sure to tell us not to screw around. Apparently there would be a lot of media coverage about it. We're gonna be doing a dog-fighting exercise with a couple of Japanese pilots today. We've been practicing with them a lot recently, mainly to show the Chinese and Russians that they're not the only ones with friends. I don't see how it's a big deal but I know the media likes to grab ahold of any news about the war that they can. Once I get to my locker, I slip into my g-suit and my other gear. I grab my helmet, staring down at the design. My squadron is called the Archangels. Everyone in the Squadron has something on their helmet that has to do with angels. Mine is mostly black, with a purple stripe stretching from the front to the back. Both sides have Binky written in cursive, and the white Trinity symbol is on the back, in the middle of the purple stripe. Everyone has an Angel's wing in their helmet somewhere. Mine are right next to the trinity on the back. I go to put it on when my eyes flick to Blaze's locker. My heart sinks. It still sits empty. I think about what happened every single day. Even though it's been a month, I try to have hope that he's still alive...but deep down, I know he's gone and I still can't shake the burning feeling inside my chest. I know it's my fault. I snap out of it as a hand slams down on my shoulder. I force a smile as Matrix stares at me, a huge grin on his face.
"Ready to show these amateurs how it's done?" he bellows. At first I think he's talking about the Japanese pilots until he slowly looks at Hurricane and Ghost, a mischievous smirk on his face.
Hurricane scoffs and rolls her eyes.
"The only amateur in this room is you, old man."
He gaps, flinging his head back and holding onto his chest as if he'd been shot.
"I was just messing around! Jeez why do you have to be so hurtful!"
Hurricane smiles as she nudges her elbow into his side.
"That's what happens when you mess with the greatest pilot in the room."
She raises her chin as she marches over to the door.
I chuckle as I follow her.
"Everyone in here has a god complex," I grumble. She looks at me with a sly grin and then rolls her eyes.
We all walk down the hall towards the flight deck. I place my helmet underneath my arm as I glance down at my vest, double checking to make sure I grabbed everything I needed.
"Out of the way!" someone screams. Matrix snatches my arm and pulls me to the side. My brows furrow as I glance down the hall. My heart drops. Coremen surround someone on a stretcher as they rush down the passageway. As soon as they pass me, I see who's laid out on the stretcher. I recognize his fire-red hair. Blaze. A blood-curling scream explodes out his mouth. All I see is blood and a lump of what used to be his leg. They turn the corner, disappearing but I can still hear him scream. He's alive? After all this time? He made it. I was right. I start towards him, but Matrix slams his hand against my chest. Hurricane and Ghost stare at me, the color drained from their faces.
"Go. We'll meet you guys at the flight deck."
They glance at each other before nodding and walking away. I swat Matrix's hand away, my heart pounding.
"I have to see him," I say, my voice cracking. Matrix grabs my arm, squeezing them tight.
"I know, but you can't right now. You know how important this training exercise is. The media is covering it and I know that's awful to say and I hate it too, but you can't afford to get in trouble. You can't afford to mess this up. This is bigger than you or me. Right after this exercise, you can see him."
I let out sharp breaths as I stare down the passageway. I can still hear his screams even though they're faint now. Matrix grabs my head, pulling it back towards him. I can't look him in the eyes. I stare down at his boots.
"Hey, look at me!"
I clench my jaw, finally looking into his dark eyes. His gloved hand lays over my cheek. "You got this, okay? I need you focused and ready to fly. Kay?"
My throat tightens as I fight back tears. I clear my throat, pulling my eyes back to the ground and nodding. Matrix lets out a deep sigh and pats my shoulder. "Alright. Let's get this done then."
We fly deeper into the Pacific Ocean until we meet up with the other four Japanese pilots.
"Good morning, Aviators," SuperFly says over the radio. SuperFly is normally our flight leader and our flight instructor for the day. He's honestly the best pilot I've ever met. That being said, I pray to God I don't have to go up against him. The old dudes with years of experience always win in a dogfighting exercise.
Always.
I take in a deep breath, forcing myself to push Blaze out of my mind.
"Today's lesson includes basic fighter maneuvers and dogfighting."
SuperFly pairs me up with a pilot whose last name is Kaneko. Kaneko flew behind me and got in position.
"You sure you want Binky training them?" Dice interjects. "Dude can't fly for—."
My eyes narrow into slits. I know this dude isn't talking about me.
"I'm not the one who's almost been shot down twelve times! Betty probably does all the work for you!" I interrupt.
"Yeah, but you can't hit a target to save your life. Some of us have actually shot down a plane, you know?"
"Ignore him, man," Matrix says.
"Jesus, Dice. Your callsign should've been the agitator," Hurricane adds.
I scoff.
"More like the douchebag."
"That's enough," SuperFly barks.
I shake my head and grit my teeth as I look forward into the never-ending horizon. I take in a deep breath and tighten my grip around the stick, waiting for SuperFly's signal. I'll prove Dice wrong. I can prove right here and now that I'm better than him.
"Three, two, one, fights on!" he yells. I push the throttle forward and yank the stick sideways, turning my jet to the right. I glance in my rearview mirror, seeing Kaneko on my tail. I push my stick to the left, sending the jet into a barrel roll. The g-force pushes me back into my seat. I level out.
"Where's he at, Matrix?"
"Tally! Six 0 clock high!" he yells back. I twist around in my seat to see him behind me, the underbelly of his jet showing. I yank the throttle back, slowing us down. Kaneko's jet flies forward. I drive the throttle forward again as I speed up behind him.
"Knock it off. Knock it off," SuperFly orders. I level back on the throttle and smile.
"There ya go, Bink!" Matrix exclaims.
I glance over at Dice to see him glowering back at me. I fight the urge to raise my hand and flip him the bird. After me, Hurricane and her back-seater Ghost go up against a nineteen-year-old kid. The kid was actually really good, but Hurricane had him beat. I watch as Dice and another pilot go at it. I watch intently, looking for any mistake to throw in his face. My eyes widen as Dice pulls off the cobra maneuver. The nose of his jet abruptly raises vertically. The jet behind him shoots in front. When Dice levels out, that was the end of it. He won.
The other pilots shout with excitement, praising him for pulling off such a move. I roll my eyes. I personally don't see the hype in it. So what, he got his plane to go vertical?
"Big deal," I mumble. "It's not that hard of a maneuver anyways."
"When's the last time you did that move, Bink?" Dice shoots back. I've never done that move. I've never even tried to do it. I shake my head and look away, biting my tongue until the taste of blood fills my mouth. He's always doing this to me, making me feel inferior. It's been going on ever since flight school, and I've had enough of it.
"I don't need fancy moves to win."
"Oh, really?"
My eyes snap to the right as he flies up from under my left wing. "Then I guess you wouldn't mind some friendly competition, huh?"
"That sounds like a great idea," SuperFly says. "Please, get it out of your systems so I don't have to hear this bickering anymore."
"Here," Dice starts, "I'll make it a little easier for you."
He speeds forward and gets in front of me.
"Don't forget you have another life in the back seat," Matrix grumbles. I ignore him and keep my eyes laser-focused on the back of Dice's jet.
I swallow hard and curl my fingers tighter around the stick. My heart pounds as I stare at the back of Dice's jet. This was it. Right here. A chance to shut him up for a while, if not for good.
"Fights on!"
I shove the throttle forward. Dice weaves his jet back and forth. I do the same, unable to get a lock on. He dips down towards the sea. I shove the stick forward, diving down along with him. Barrel roll after barrel roll, turn after turn, I still can't get a lock on him. His jet snaps upwards, racing toward the sky. I yank back on the stick, practically going vertical as we climb. My chest tightness. The G's press against my body, making me feel ten times my weight. I breathe strategically so that my lungs don't explode.
"Watch it, Binky! He's gonna—."
My eyes widen as he rips the throttle back. I watch in awe as my jet shoots past his. I try to slow down, too, but not fast enough. Dice gets behind me.
I yank my stick from left to right, trying my hardest to avoid him locking. I twist around in my seat, trying to find him, but he keeps evading my vision.
"Where's he?" I scream at Matrix.
"Break—."
But before Matrix can call out an order, I hear the lock-on tone. A string of curse words leaves my lips.
"Knock it off!" SuperFly yells.
I shake my head and clench my jaw until my teeth ache. A wave of embarrassment and anger washes over me. Dice laughs.
"Almost, sport. Give it a couple of years, and you'll get to my level," he says. I shake my head again, refusing to look over at him.
"That's enough for today," SuperFly says. We part ways with our allies and head back to the carrier. I don't say a word the whole time. No matter how much Matrix tries to start up a conversation, I just won't budge. I curl my fingers around the stick tighter and tighter until my knuckles turn white. I still stay quiet as we land back on the carrier. I'm quiet during debriefing, and I'm quiet as I stand in line for food at the mess deck. Once I get my food, I sit next to Ghost, Hurricane, and Matrix. I stuff my face with the cream corn because, despite my burning anger, I'm actually starving.
"I know how you get when you're in a mood, and I know you're probably still going to ignore me, but I feel like this needs to be said," Hurricane starts, "Dice only messes with you because he knows he'll get a reaction. Just ignore him, and he'll stop."
She's right; I ignore her. I scoff at her dumb suggestion. What am I supposed to do then? Let Dice walk all over me? I have to defend myself. Otherwise, he'll just see me as a doormat. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out and look at the screen. It's Mom again.
"Hey, look at that! She finally figured out the time difference," Matrix exclaims. I say nothing as I hit the decline button and put my phone back in my pocket. Ghost scoffs and shakes his head.
"Did you just decline a call from your mama? You got a death wish or something?"
I say nothing and don't even look up. "Man, if that were my mama, she'd come down in a helicopter to whoop me!"
Matrix laughs and nudges my side with his elbow.
"You really not gonna take her call?"
My narrowed eyes flick to his. Matrix's face hardens as he takes in my scowl.
"No," I growl. I look down at my food and shovel in another spoonful of corn. Matrix sighs. I know that sigh. I brace myself for the lecture that's about to come.
"Look," he says in a quieter tone. "I know it's none of my business—."
"Then stay out of it."
He hesitates before speaking, but I know Matrix. He's gonna get his point across no matter what.
"Not to sound morbid, but we're at war. You could be dead tomorrow, and you're really not gonna answer your mom's calls?"
"Uh-oh."
My eyes narrow even more as I stab my corn with my fork as Dice sits in front of me. "Is someone having mommy issues?"
I look up and glare into those pale blue eyes of his.
"Out of every seat, you had to pick this one?" Hurricane growls. He shrugs.
"What? You don't think I like hanging out with my wingman—or—I mean, wingwoman?"
She scrunches up her face in disgust and rolls her eyes.
I curl my fingers into a fist, fighting the urge to clock him right in the jaw. He must notice this cause he smirks and cocks his head to the side. "Awh. Is someone upset that he took an L this morning? Can't handle a little friendly competition?"
With everything going on between him and Blaze, I feel like I'm about to explode. I open my mouth to cuss him out, but Matrix practically throws himself between us before I can.
"It's not a civil war, you know," he laughs nervously. "We are on the same team. I think you guys shouldn't have even gone against each other."
He leans back in his chair and shakes his head.
"I mean, we all knew how it was gonna turn out anyways," he whispers so quickly and quietly that I almost don't hear it. For a split second, Dice and I make eye contact. His face is a mix between shock and happiness, while mine is just downright confused. Meanwhile, Ghost and Hurricane are just keeping their heads buried in their food, pretending not to listen, but I can tell they are.
"What?" I ask as I turn towards Matrix. Matrix raises his thick eyebrows
"What, what?"
"What did you just say?"
His eyes dart between Dice and me. He opens his mouth, but no words come out as he fumbles over them. "What do you mean, you knew how it was gonna turn out?"
Dice laughs and leans forward.
"Now, this I'd like to hear."
"Dice, don't you have anything better to do?" Hurricane asks. Dice chuckles.
"Better than this? No!"
Matrix swallows hard and gobbles down a few mouthfuls of corn.
"You weren't supposed to hear that," he whispers through clenched teeth.
"No, Matrix, what did you mean?"
Dice laughs again.
"It's obvious, Binky. He knew you were gonna lose. I mean, who didn't?"
My eyes narrow into slits as I glare at Matrix. He doesn't say anything in response. He doesn't even look at me. My heart dips slightly. He's supposed to have my back. How could he even say something like that?
"Matrix!" I snap. He sighs and sets his fork down.
"Look, Kid. You're obviously distracted because of Blaze and...Dice...does have more experience than you. Anyone with more experience is gonna be—."
I shake my head and grab my tray as I stand.
"Bro, don't even bother finishing that sentence."
I walk over to the trash and dump out my remaining food. I march down the passageway and make a B-line for my quarters, but Matrix grabs my arm before I can.
"C'mon, Kiddo. It's nothing personal. You'll get better and better as you—."
I flip around, yanking my arm away from his.
"Don't do that!" I yell. His brows shoot toward the ceiling.
"Do what?"
"Treat me like that! Like how everyone else treats me!"
He shakes his head and shrugs, obviously not understanding what I mean. I hesitate, not really wanting to say it because I've kept it bottled up for so long. But I was done. I need someone to hear it.
"Despite the fact that I look like one, I'm not a kid! I am a naval aviator! You're pilot, and that is it! I'm so sick of everyone treating me like their little brother!"
Before Matrix can say anything else, I turn and walk into my quarters.
I sigh as I sit here, alone with my thoughts. I should see Blaze but now looking back, I'm not sure if I can. I don't know if I can face him, knowing that I could've prevented everything he went through but failed. I contemplate it all night long until I finally realize that I can't see him. Not yet. I lay in bed, wondering how he managed to make it back here. Maybe he found the Russian Friend? I scoff to myself. Other pilots, mostly British and Japanese go MIA in the area Blaze landed. A lot of them don't come back but the ones that do claimed that a Russian man helped them escape. A lot of them change their story though, saying that there wasn't actually a Russian who helped them. I find it weird that they all change their story. There's a small part of me that thinks the Russian Friend exists. But then reality takes over. The Russians hate us and the feeling is pretty mutual last time I checked. Why would a Russian civilian help soldiers that want to defeat his country. His home. It doesn't make sense which is why I don't think he's real.