"I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall, the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will. What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?" - Oriah M. Dreamer
Maybe This Time - Chapter Two
"Have Umut send a police unit to the victim's house," Ilgaz requested politely. "I was under the impression that the brother-in-law lied in his deposition. We need to surveil him and watch out for his next move," the prosecutor added, as usual trying to stay ahead of the developments in his cases.
Eren nodded, but instead of leaving to set the plan in motion, the commissioner kept still, staring at his friend. It was the look of sympathy on his face rather than his presence that really annoyed Ilgaz. The prosecutor finally noticed that Eren had no intention of leaving.
"What is it, Eren?" Ilgaz took a break from reviewing transcripts and put down his pen after letting out a heavy sigh. "Do you have anything else to report to me?"
Despite years of friendship and the two sharing a close bond, Eren hesitated. He knew he could openly talk to Ilgaz about anything, but this was a sensitive topic.
The commissioner was aware that Ilgaz was a practical, reasonable person. The prosecutor usually had a very logical perspective of things and rarely allowed his emotions to get in the way to the point where he couldn't be objective. However, every now and then, Ilgaz would come across a situation he couldn't process resorting only to reason. In those moments, the prosecutor's stubbornness and intransigence made him shut down in denial and completely obliterate his feelings.
Eren was sure the subject he was about to mention fell into that category.
"I swear I tried to tell you so you wouldn't find out like that, brother," Eren held his arms wide open, an apologetic expression on his face.
Ilgaz knew precisely what his friend was talking about, but he refused to acknowledge the topic of the conversation.
"Find out what, Eren?"
The commissioner took a deep breath, trying to remain patient. Ilgaz's stubbornness was irritating, but Eren understood that such behavior resulted from a painful heartbreak.
"I get that seeing Ceylin so unexpectedly couldn't have been the best experience. I spoke to her a couple of days ago and found out she was back in the city. I wanted to tell you; I swear I tried, but you figured it out yourself before I could say anything."
Eren looked Ilgaz in the eye, waiting for the prosecutor's reaction to the discovery. But after a few seconds of holding his friend's gaze without saying anything, Ilgaz simply picked up his pen again and resumed reading the documents on his desk.
"I need you to talk to Umut," the prosecutor repeated in a low voice.
Eren rolled his eyes, frustrated. He should have anticipated that the conversation would be extremely frustrating.
"You can't just tell me you saw her again and not say anything else," Eren complained vehemently. "What's this story about Ceylin becoming Melis's lawyer? Has the world turned upside down now? How is this possible?"
Ilgaz sighed heavily, convinced that Eren would not leave to resume work until he shared a little more about what had transpired the day before.
"It was merely a coincidence," Ilgaz made eye contact with his friend. "Melis met Ceylin at the registry office, and it was only by chance that Ceylin became her lawyer. I didn't know about it until it was a done deal, by the way," the prosecutor anticipated the question when he saw the doubt on Eren's face.
The commissioner seemed to ponder for a few seconds before finally asking.
"Are you alright?"
Ilgaz frowned impatiently.
"Why wouldn't I be?" The prosecutor asked in an unusually curt voice.
Eren narrowed his eyes with equal shares of exasperation and disapproval.
"You can't seriously expect me to believe you didn't feel anything when you saw her again," the commissioner reproached him. "After everything you've been through the last two years, how could that be possible?"
Ilgaz glared at Eren. He wanted to formulate a convincing answer that made his friend drop the subject, but his prolonged silence and atypical sulking only confirmed Eren's suspicion.
Ilgaz had always been a terrible liar; now, it was no different. The prosecutor knew exactly what Eren was insinuating and couldn't hide his discomfort about the situation.
Ilgaz took a deep breath and turned his head toward his office window to gaze outside before exhaling slowly. Two years ago, the woman he loved had walked out of his life abruptly and unexpectedly.
The beginning of the end had come with the discovery of Zafer Erguvan's death and then with the revelation of Çinar and Metin's involvement in the mess. Ilgaz and Ceylin had stumbled across a vast abyss that had served to put them on opposite sides for the first time since they'd met.
The heavy emotional burden of their families becoming enemies had proved severe enough to eventually culminate in their separation.
Ilgaz was not an impulsive person. He had never been comfortable making decisions on the spur of the moment, hence why proposing marriage to Ceylin without much deliberation had been one of the most unsettling things he had ever done.
But nothing compared to how difficult it had been to agree to divorce her.
Ilgaz suspected that he already had feelings for the audacious lawyer by the time he suggested they got married to save her license. But when they broke up, Ilgaz was sure he had never loved anyone so intensely.
Ceylin had been like a hurricane in his life. She had turned his world upside down, disrupted the status quo of his existence, and made him question the way he viewed everything around him.
The lawyer had challenged him as no one had ever dared to do. She had enchanted him and filled his life with color, but she had also drowned Ilgaz in pain and suffering when she suddenly decided to move to another city.
But even after all this time, Ilgaz didn't hold it against her.
He was still haunted by the blistering pain he'd seen on Ceylin's face two years ago when he'd informed her that he could no longer stay in their new house. Ilgaz had done so because he knew that if they forced themselves to stay together, the damage to their feelings could be even more significant.
At that moment, Ceylin was facing many losses simultaneously, and the pain was clouding her vision. She couldn't dissociate those around her from the trauma she'd endured. Ilgaz knew she needed to let go of everything to gain a new perspective and finally process her emotions. It wouldn't be easy or fast. But it was the only way.
If Ilgaz could go through the painful process of coping in her place, he would. But if Ceylin wanted to get rid of her demons, she would have to face and defeat them herself.
And Ilgaz hadn't doubted for a second that she could.
He'd agreed to divorce Ceylin because he didn't want her to feel trapped, forced to face and overcome so much pain and loss by his side just because they'd signed their names on a piece of paper. Not if seeing his face every day would only remind her of her loss, and increase her pain. Their marriage hadn't started in the most orthodox way, so it was unfair to expect Ceylin to honor the vows she hadn't really meant when she'd made them, even if somewhere along the way, their feelings had transcended any sense of obligation that the formal union implied.
By agreeing to divorce her, Ilgaz had imagined that his absence from her life would make Ceylin realize what they really meant to each other. He would still be around if she needed him, far enough away to give her space and time but close enough for her to come back to him as soon as she was ready.
Eventually, the longing for each other and the need to be together would prove to be bigger than their problems, and then a reconciliation would be inevitable.
Or at least Ilgaz had hoped things would turn out that way.
But to his surprise, Ceylin accepted a job offer in Ankara shortly after their formal separation. After a brief conversation in which she informed him of her plans and returned some of his personal items, the lawyer had left suddenly and seemingly impulsively, as she often did.
The following months had been the worst of Ilgaz's life.
Not being able to see Ceylin anymore, to feel the heat that ignited his body whenever she smiled, or to even catch a glimpse of her coming down the Courthouse corridor had been excruciating. To have her so distant from his eyes yet deeply rooted in his heart had been a daily inner battle for Ilgaz, one he felt he always lost.
But the prosecutor had endured every second of it because deep down, he was sure Ceylin would return.
After all, Ilgaz couldn't imagine how the lawyer could simply give up everything they once were and might still be over something that neither of them had any control over.
He understood why it was necessary for Ceylin to leave. Running away was in her nature. But Ilgaz thought that after all they'd been through, Ceylin would have also learned how to come back.
However, a long succession of months without news from her gradually lowered his hopes.
The prosecutor had once told Eren that he didn't ask those who wanted to leave that they stay. For Ceylin, he'd already had to eat those words once. Eren knew that. Just as he knew that exactly one year after Ceylin had left Istanbul, Ilgaz had finally convinced himself to put an end to all the uncertainty that still lingered in the air.
The prosecutor had driven to Ankara hoping to talk to the lawyer and maybe even open the door to a possible reconciliation. But Ilgaz had returned to Istanbul alone and surprised his best friend by adamantly refusing to talk about the trip.
From that day on, Ceylin had become a forbidden topic. Eren didn't know what exactly had unfolded between the two of them in the capital, but he'd never had the chance to ask. Every time the lawyer's name was mentioned, Ilgaz closed off completely and became defensive exactly as he did now.
"I didn't feel anything when I saw her, Eren," Ilgaz insisted, knowing he sounded unconvincing. Still, he insisted on it because he refused to consider any other possibility. "Ceylin and I went our separate ways. She seems okay. I'm glad to see that she's okay," he added, and this time the way he looked straight into Eren's eyes showed that at least those words were true.
The commissioner held his friend's gaze. Eren had no doubt that Ilgaz wished Ceylin well, but he still didn't believe that the prosecutor was as indifferent as he tried to make it seem.
In a way, Eren understood why Ilgaz acted like that.
The prosecutor had waited patiently for twelve months, and Eren had been a witness to the entire process. He had watched closely as his friend's optimism withered before his eyes, despite Ilgaz's determination not to accept that things were over for good between him and Ceylin.
Eren had hated to see Ilgaz in that limbo. It had taken a year to convince the man to finally go to Ankara. Although the trip's outcome was not what Eren had wanted - after all, he'd hoped that Ilgaz and Ceylin would make up - at least the journey had served as some sort of closure, allowing llgaz to finally move on with his life.
Eren had been there when the prosecutor gave up and decided to turn the page to write new chapters of his story, this time without Ceylin as the main character.
And it was somewhere along that context that Melis had entered the picture.
The young woman had been Defne's teacher at school during the year following Ilgaz's divorce process. Eren knew that she had never insinuated herself into the prosecutor's life, but she'd always made it clear that she admired him.
In parallel with Ceylin's departure, Aunt Makbule started traveling back and forth to the Netherlands to see her son. Their absence and the sudden turnaround in Metin's career had taken a toll on Defne. To compensate for the emotional roller coaster around her sister, Ilgaz had become more involved in her life, hoping to assume a more present role and represent the figure of stability that the girl so desperately needed.
Ilgaz had been around Melis a few times when picking up his sister after class or attending a school meeting as Defne's guardian.
About six months ago, a year and a half after Ceylin left, Ilgaz had finally taken the first step toward rebuilding his life. The prosecutor had always wanted a serious and stable relationship as a foundation for starting a family. Ilgaz knew he wasn't getting any younger. With his usual practicality, he had decided it was time to start taking action instead of settling for watching life happen around him.
Melis had promptly agreed to go out with him, and Ilgaz had enjoyed her company from their first date.
Eren knew that the teacher was everything Ilgaz had been looking for in a woman for most of his life. She was just like the prosecutor's exes — Ceylin being the exception: predictable, dependable, patient, and resigned. In addition, Melis was also joyful, empathetic, and kindhearted. The fact that Defne adored her was a big bonus.
In theory, Melis would be the ideal wife for someone like Ilgaz. However, Eren didn't know if in the long run, such perfection wouldn't turn out to be boring.
"You didn't tell Melis you were married to Ceylin, did you?" Eren asked, intrigued.
Ilgaz stared at him as if the commissioner had just asked an absurd question.
"Of course I did," Ilgaz frowned. "If I have any intention of having something serious with her in the long run, how could I lie about that, Eren? Lies have no place in a relationship."
Ilgaz's insinuation and the way he expressed himself made Eren confident that the prosecutor wasn't over his failed marriage. Ilgaz could deny it to himself all he wanted, but Eren would not be so easily fooled.
"But, brother, if Ceylin is Melis's lawyer, where does that leave you?" Eren scratched his head in confusion. "Your soon-to-be fiancé legally represented by your ex-wife... How is that going to work?" The man shook his head, conflicted. "How did Melis take it?"
Ilgaz took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. His conversation with Melis had been brief and objective. The details didn't matter as much as revealing the truth, which was precisely what he did.
"I told her Ceylin is my ex-wife. I said we met during the investigation of her sister's murder and that we got married in an attempt to save her career as a lawyer," Ilgaz spoke collectedly, aware of the judgmental expression on Eren's face as he underlined a paragraph in the transcript he was reading, "No need to glare at me. I mentioned what happened after," Ilgaz added casually as he flipped a page, "I told Melis that Ceylin and I had a short-lived relationship after we were already married. But it didn't work out, we got divorced, she went her way, and I went mine. And that's all there is to it."
"A short-lived relationship?" Eren grimaced, unable to accept the words. "You can't seriously believe what you're saying. You're downplaying everything the two of you had!" The commissioner scolded Ilgaz.
Eren knew that these three words couldn't even begin to describe the intensity of what had transpired between Ilgaz and Ceylin, nor how it affected them both. The time they'd spent together might have been short, but the impact of everything that had united them was hard for anyone on the outside to understand.
Ilgaz didn't bother answering his friend and used the following seconds to finish his reading. He had no desire to keep talking about something he had already decided belonged in the past.
Eren sighed loudly, trying to get any kind of reaction from the man behind the desk, but it proved unsuccessful. Only when Ilgaz finished the whole report did he look up in the commissioner's direction.
"I need Umut or whoever has a shift today to go check the victim's brother-in-law's house," Ilgaz repeated his earlier request as if the conversation about his personal life had never happened.
Upon realizing nothing else would come out of that exchange, Eren sighed loudly and walked out the door, finally complying with the prosecutor's order.
.
Ceylin rubbed her tired eyes, trying hard to concentrate on what she was doing.
It was after ten o'clock at night, but she knew that trying to sleep would be futile, so she'd better focus her energy on work.
Two nights ago, she'd found out in a brutal way that her new client was her ex-husband's new girlfriend.
Ceylin hadn't exchanged another word with Melis ever since, so she didn't know how much the teacher had found out about her involvement with Ilgaz in the past. Still, she knew the prosecutor well enough to assume he wouldn't withhold the information.
Melis hadn't reached out to discuss her case and the sale of her house, so Ceylin figured she'd just lost the client.
The other case she'd managed to get in the last few days - a dispute between a senior citizen and his internet provider - was already well underway. Earlier that day, Ceylin had finished writing the petition she would submit to the legal system in the morning.
For the past month, on nights when Ceylin couldn't sleep, she would settle for drowning in work until dawn. The lawyer would extensively research details about the case that had culminated with her being kidnapped and physically assaulted.
Despite the risk she knew she was taking by digging into that subject, Ceylin couldn't help it. She wouldn't be able to relax until she was sure that the people responsible for those moments of terror and the death of her client were behind bars.
Maybe then she would be able to relax and stop seeing threats everywhere.
Tonight, however, no threat from the outside world seemed as severe and painful as the one coming from within her heart.
Her efforts to use work as an escape valve were in vain, for Ceylin couldn't help but replay in her mind the scene she'd lived a couple of days ago.
Hello.
The simplest of greetings. That was all she'd gotten from the man who'd meant more to her than anyone else in her life.
Ceylin couldn't even hide her shock at that moment. She was too transparent to be able to hide the truth.
Ilgaz had been the complete opposite. He had remained impassive and emotionally distant, just as when Ceylin had spoken to him for the first time. At the time, she had judged the prosecutor before getting to know him and simply assumed he was as ruthless with words, actions, and decisions outside of work as inside a courtroom.
Ceylin wondered what he was like now.
The prosecutor was clearly over their divorce, she thought. He had moved on with his life and was with someone else now. The news shouldn't have come as a surprise to Ceylin. She knew that, unlike her, Ilgaz had always been the kind of person who had wanted to get married, have children, build a family, and create roots somewhere. It wouldn't make sense for him to hold back from achieving any of that just because their relationship hadn't worked out.
If Ceylin had ever needed proof to accept that her fantasies about a possible reconciliation with Ilgaz would only work in her childish dreams, here they were.
But despite rationally understanding that time healed wounds and eased the pain, Ceylin couldn't deal with the truth right before her eyes.
Not having Ilgaz by her side any longer hurt deeply. But seeing him with someone else was just pure torture.
The best thing to do was to stay away. Ceylin no longer cared about the financial loss she would be in for if Melis fired her from the case. The less she saw the woman — and consequently, Ilgaz — the faster she could get her life back in order and start over.
Until the night she'd talked on the street with Melis, Ceylin had been harboring naive hopes that time and distance would serve to ensure she wasn't as susceptible to Ilgaz as she had been in the past. Today she saw how wrong she had been.
Her urge to run away and avoid pain should have taught her better. She could postpone grief, but she couldn't avoid it forever. Life had already proved that many times over.
And Ceylin had no one to blame for her blindness other than herself.
.
The courthouse had already started to empty by the time Ceylin got out of her only hearing that day. The lawyer walked the familiar hallways, the sound of her heels clicking on the hard floor resonating louder than the few conversations around her. On her way out, she had to dodge a reporter who rushed to the parking lot to catch up with a prominent young judge before the woman drove away.
After a busy afternoon, Ceylin's neglected stomach protested with hunger. She took a quick look around and spotted the old diner where she used to have meals almost daily in the past, and her mouth watered.
Ceylin walked into the bustling small restaurant just a block away from the Courthouse and delighted herself with the fantastic aroma of spices and fresh ingredients. Despite the worn and cheap premises, the place served some of the best freshly cooked food in Istanbul.
Ceylin had spent the entire morning helping Parla and Aylin with matters related to their niece's studies and, after that, working on two new cases she'd gotten over the last week. She was exhausted. All she wanted was to go back to her office and relax with a nice, warm meal.
"Three meat pides and one with cheese to go, please."
Ceylin heard the familiar sound of a deep male voice and froze.
The place was crowded with Courthouse workers and people from nearby commercial buildings who waited for the opportunity to buy dinner before heading home.
It was not difficult to distinguish Ilgaz among them. The prosecutor was taller than most people and easily stood out. Also, there was a certain magnetism about him that made his presence known wherever he was.
Ceylin thought about turning around and buying her meal elsewhere but gave up on the idea soon after. She had worked hard all day. She deserved to eat what she wanted for dinner. Besides, it wasn't in her nature to back down from anything.
If Ilgaz Kaya had already proved that he had moved on with his life, then it was up to Ceylin to do the same.
"The next batch just went to the oven now, Mr. Prosecutor. It'll be at least fifteen minutes until it's done," Ceylin heard the voice of the man behind the counter.
Ilgaz stood up straight, his hands in his pockets. Even though she couldn't see his face, Ceylin could imagine his typically austere expression.
"I'll wait. Thank you."
The lawyer dodged two people discouraged by the wait who tried to leave the diner and stepped forward toward the counter, next to the prosecutor.
"I'll have a portion of chicken pilaf and a slice of baklava to go, please," Ceylin handed over a bill to the man taking orders and waited.
This time it was Ilgaz who couldn't hide his surprise after unexpectedly seeing her. To finally have a reaction from him served at least to give Ceylin some level of satisfaction.
"Hello," she repeated his line using the most ironic intonation possible.
Ilgaz looked at her and briefly nodded, acknowledging her presence, but didn't say a word. Ceylin remained utterly silent, too. Both were standing facing the restaurant counter, keeping busy watching the staff move as they served new customers.
Ilgaz took his hand to his neck and loosened his tie almost imperceptibly. The tension in the air became more palpable with each second of silence.
Great, the prosecutor thought wryly, struggling to hold back a heavy sigh. The last thing he needed right now was a direct confrontation with Ceylin. Having agreed to wait for his order, he couldn't even make up a silly excuse and leave.
Ceylin felt suffocated by the heavy silence. It seemed incredible to her that she and Ilgaz could keep their mouths shut when there were so many unspoken words between them.
"How is your family doing?" the lawyer asked after the tension finally defeated her.
Ilgaz seemed to take a fraction of a second longer to realize that the question was addressed to him. Ceylin's tone wasn't hostile or ironic anymore, so he decided to answer.
"Everyone is good," the prosecutor glanced at her before focusing his eyes on the counter again. "Yours?"
A few nights ago, the dark surroundings had limited his vision inside the car, so llgaz didn't get the chance to see Ceylin's appearance. Now, with the white light from the ceiling reflecting on the lawyer, Ilgaz could clearly see that even after two years, Ceylin looked just as beautiful as always.
The prosecutor secretly condemned himself for noticing it so quickly.
"They're good, too. Parla will be off to university soon," Ceylin tried to input a casual tone in her voice.
"I'm glad to hear it," Ilgaz replied serenely, not carrying the conversation.
Ceylin wanted to scream.
Why didn't Ilgaz look her in the eye?
Why didn't he talk to her?
Why didn't he give her one of his signature looks with loving eyes and confess that he'd missed her terribly over the last few years, almost as much as she'd missed him?
But Ceylin knew exactly why. Her heart sank inside her chest as she felt the weight of her actions once again. Her cheeks reddened, and the lawyer made a superhuman effort to keep an impassive façade.
Ceylin glanced nervously at the clock behind the counter. Another ten minutes and the agonizing wait would be over.
Nine minutes and fifty seconds.
The lawyer rolled her eyes and studied her surroundings without really focusing her gaze on anything.
Nine minutes and thirty-five seconds.
Ceylin was pretty sure the guy waiting in line next to them had been in her constitutional law class.
Nine minutes and...
"Melis seems really nice."
Ceylin surprised herself by blurting the words out, but Ilgaz looked even more shocked to realize that she had actually touched on the subject.
The prosecutor took a few seconds longer than usual to pull himself back together, still avoiding Ceylin's gaze.
"She is," Ilgaz answered diplomatically.
"I take it that she was Defne's teacher?" Ceylin's voice was apparently unpretentious. Upon noticing Ilgaz's stunned expression, the lawyer clarified before Ilgaz could even ask, "she is a teacher. You have a school-age sister. Melis clearly loves her students. It wasn't hard to do the math."
Ilgaz nodded, and once again, the room remained silent for minutes that dragged on.
Ceylin tried to contain a frustrated sigh. She had already noticed that Ilgaz had no interest in talking to her. The lawyer knew she should leave him alone, but the idea of picking on the prosecutor and making him uncomfortable was way too tempting.
Knowing that she had some effect on Ilgaz, even if only to annoy him, hurt less than imagining he was completely indifferent to her.
"I know you don't want to talk to me, Ilgaz, but I am glad to see you're doing good," Ceylin resisted the temptation to tease him and confessed with honesty, struggling to conceal her own emotions. "I hope you know I never wanted anything other than that for you."
Once again, Ilgaz looked astonished at the turn the conversation had taken. Except that this time, he finally turned his face toward Ceylin and held eye contact with her
"I do," the prosecutor answered in a low tone, believing the sincerity of her intentions in wishing him well.
Ceylin noticed that Ilgaz wouldn't give her anything else, even if merely out of politeness. He hadn't even bothered to deny her accusation that he didn't want to talk to her. At that moment, it became evident that, as far as Ilgaz was concerned, whatever happened between them had stayed in the past, and the prosecutor wanted things to stay that way.
"I swear I'll stay out of your way this time," Ceylin took a deep breath. She watched as the guy to Ilgaz's right received his takeout order. Theirs was probably coming next. "I have reopened my office. I still don't have that many clients, but if one of my cases gets assigned to you, I will do whatever I can to have it changed or refer the client, and..."
"I would never ask you to do that, Ceylin," Ilgaz interrupted her gently. "Just because we're not married anymore doesn't mean we have to be enemies now."
Ceylin stared at him in shock. This was one of the those rare moments when she had no idea what to say. Not even the jokes and quips that came so easily to her would make any sense now.
Ilgaz's eyes were glimpsing with something that almost resembled a plea. It made her question how much it cost him to exercise self-control with that level of unfaltering discipline. He was staring at her as if a thousand words were choked in his throat. Yet, all Ceylin got from him was a deafening silence.
The lawyer finally accepted that Ilgaz couldn't or wouldn't say anything else.
"We don't have to be enemies," she agreed with a sheepish smile, wondering if she was too optimistic to view his attitude as a truce. After noticing that Ilgaz hadn't put his guard up like before and maintained eye contact with her, Ceylin perked up and added nonchalantly, trying to ease some of the tension, "which, of course, means you're telling me you think we should be friends."
The lawyer noticed that the expression on Ilgaz's face softened a little more at the lighthearted provocation. She was encouraged by the nonverbal reaction.
"Yeah... I guess I could be your friend," she frowned at him suspiciously as if she was still trying to decide. "It would be great to have a friend in the prosecution, but before you think that I want to take advantage of our friendship, I'll have you know I can be very useful too," Ceylin winked charmingly as if revealing a trick she had up her sleeve. "I know you have Eren, and he is great and all that, but I doubt he knows how to get around Judge Zehra as well as I do."
Ilgaz's smile widened as he saw in his head a scene of the strictest judge in the courthouse wrapped around Ceylin's little finger. Even though he knew the woman's reputation of being uncompromising and severe, Ilgaz wouldn't be surprised in the least if Ceylin's unconventional yet very persuasive methods worked on her.
"Thank you for the offer, but I'll have you know I've never lost a case with Judge Zehra in it," the prosecutor replied amiably, slightly more relaxed.
"You sure?" Ceylin playfully narrowed her eyes as if doubting him. She knew as well as Ilgaz that what she was proposing was absurd. There was no way a friendship between them could ever work out. "Don't forget I am pretty good at throwing surprise birthday parties. But of course, you wouldn't care about that, would you? You never cared about celebrating your birthday..." the lawyer shrugged as she scoffed at him, talking about the subject like it was an unforgivable sin. A few seconds later, her eyes lit up again. "Oh, wait! I got it!" Her lively face radiated joy as the lawyer unconsciously bewitched Ilgaz with her captivating smile, "Turkish tea! You love the tea I make. I could bring it to you in the morning."
"Tea?" Ilgaz raised an eyebrow, telling himself he was indulging in her bantering merely out of curiosity and nothing else. "Of course, I wouldn't have to worry about being poisoned by the opposing counsel," he surprised himself with how laidback he sounded.
Suddenly, it felt like they were frozen in time, and the past two years hadn't passed. Ilgaz felt a different type of warmth flowing inside him, but he didn't allow himself to analyze what it meant.
"How immoral of you to even suggest that. I would never poison you," Ceylin said very seriously, even though the smirk on her face revealed that she was about to say something absurd. "Not without knowing whether you'd be okay with arsenic or if you prefer something more original in your tea."
The sound of a poorly contained chuckle escaped Ilgaz's lips. He looked at Ceylin again, and when their gazes met, both smiles grew wider on their faces.
Across from them, a diner server started packing Ilgaz's order.
"For your information, I can also give good advice now. Non-legal advice, I mean," she explained after Ilgaz had composed himself. "I mean it!" Ceylin frowned, offended to see that judging by the way Ilgaz stifled his laughter, the prosecutor very much doubted what she was saying.
"Knowing that you mean it is probably what scares me the most," Ilgaz teased her, watching with pleasure as her face lit up with that smile he knew so well.
The most beautiful smile Ilgaz had ever seen.
The prosecutor suddenly realized the direction his thoughts were taking and tried to put an end to the senseless conversation. Ilgaz cleared his throat nervously before shifting his gaze back to the man behind the counter.
Ceylin understood the playful exchange was over and told herself to stop there. That short conversation had already been a big win. There was no reason to change the direction of their interaction and risk going separate ways with different circumstances surrounding them.
Ilgaz seemed determined to watch the young man wrap his pides. Ceylin noticed that he had bought enough food for two or more people. Ilgaz would probably take the meal home to share it with Melis, the lawyer assumed. The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Ceylin knew she wasn't in a competition. There could never be one. Ilgaz was with someone else now, and life had made sure their paths went in opposite directions. But despite being aware of that, her tenacious nature made her impulsively try to provoke him once more.
"Can she make you laugh like that too?"
Ilgaz didn't need to ask to know whom they were talking about.
His serene expression gradually faded from the prosecutor's face as he was brought back to reality, aware of how easily Ceylin could get under his skin. He wasn't about to let her pester him again. Ilgaz shouldn't have allowed himself to get carried away by her games and good-natured teasing.
Ceylin was big trouble. Ilgaz had learned that the most painful way, and there was no point in fighting reality.
The prosecutor stepped forward to get the bag the server handed him. He intended to leave without dignifying Ceylin's provocation with an answer. But before he could control himself, Ilgaz looked into the lawyer's gorgeous green eyes one last time.
"She doesn't make me cry."
Ceylin didn't need him to elaborate to understand the insinuation. She was the one who had been responsible for the tears the prosecutor had once shed.
Ilgaz's elegant rejoinder had served not only to remind her of the pain she had brought to his life but also to hurt her pride in a catastrophic way.
If Ceylin had suspected she shouldn't have tried to fight a battle she couldn't win, now she was absolutely sure. The lawyer felt the urge to cry, but despite her burning eyes and clogged throat, Ceylin held back her tears.
When passing her on his way out, Ilgaz seemed to identify the change in her attitude. He replaced his serious and impatient frown with a softer, tender gaze that only served to tear Ceylin apart on the inside.
The prosecutor opened his mouth to say something but seemed to hesitate several times before finally looking away and heading towards the street, taking home with him every word that seemed destined to remain unspoken between them.
---
What happens now?
Tough choices lie ahead for Ilgaz...