"You're on your own kid."
If following the reading guide (best experience), read chapter 7 WN before this chapter.
Song of the chapter: Better- Gracie Abrams (listen during or after reading)
Have you ever felt like an open wound, wandering around people, like they stare right through you and know every piece of your soul? Like your insides are filled with scars, the air is salt, filling you with pain. I don't know when I started to feel like this, maybe ages ago or this minute. But the part of me knowing and wanting to live is slowly fading away, and all that's left is a confused soul.
This morning I woke up feeling like I fucked up. I thought I had destroyed my life but what really happened felt even worse. Mattheo tried to talk to me, he tried to make things right, and all I did was run. I ran from my problems and acted like I didn't want to hear his words. But I did. I thought this group chat would be a great idea but now? Now I'm confused. Maybe I should have left from the very first minute. I didn't expect Mattheo to forgive me and talk to me that easily, and I didn't expect him to apologize. But he did, and here I am.
I should probably talk to Adrian about everything instead of feeling like this, but I can't. I can't always expect others to help me when I feel like shit. I have leaned against Adrian for years instead of taking care of my own problems, and I'm so fucking tired of it. I'm tired of myself. This morning after Mattheo texted me, I wished I was invisible. I wish I could escape reality and run to the book world, but I am stuck. I wipe away the tears on my cheeks, put my hair in a ponytail before a deep sigh leaves my mouth, and walk right into a hard chest.
"Are you okay?" Strong hands help me from falling to the ground, and I open my eyes, meeting the person holding me. Oh, fuck me.
"Daisy? I'm sorry I didn't see you there." That was kinda the point. I look down, not meeting his gaze.
"Can we talk? I know you said that you didn't want to "
"I haven't changed my mind." His eyes meet mine as I look up, and he looks sad.
"I'm really sorry for everything. I know I'm too late, but I wanted it said. And I mean it." I sigh, shaking my head.
"I don't care. I understand what you are trying to say, and yes, you did fuck up. I did, too, when I stayed in that stupid group chat, but it's over now, and I will leave, so please just forget about it. All of it, and leave me alone. He blinks his eyes a few times, looking at me with sad eyes before shaking his head.
"No, I'm sorry, but I can't let you just leave and let it continue like this. I'm sorry for what I did, but we can start over again and maybe-"
"No, we can't, Mattheo. I'm sorry, but I'm not what you think I am, and even if you fucked up with me, you don't want my mess in your life."
"What is that even supposed to mean? I know we hurt you, but we have stopped and-"
"So when you fall down a tower, but the pain disappears after a while, you are stuck with scars for life. You won't remember the fall every time you look at the scars?" He sucks in his lower lip.
"I'm the scar...." He whispers, and I nod.
"Forget about it, all of it." I leave his side, but his voice follows me.
"And if I can't?" I stop, but I don't turn to meet him. I open my mouth, but no words leave my mouth. Instead, I begin walking and leave the corridor.
M A T T H E O
"I'm the scar...." She stares at me with blank eyes and nods slowly.
"Forget about it, all of it." She leaves me alone in the corridor, and I stare at her walk away from me. Walking away from everything that could've been good. If I didn't mess up.
"And if I can't?" If I can't forget about her. I have tried for a year. She stops, and for a second, I think she is going to turn around and answer me, but she dont, she walks away again, and it feels like something inside me has disappeared. I have no idea what this feeling is, but it's stuck deep inside me and only around her. I'm ruined.
"Hey mate," Draco walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Hey..." I whisper back, still looking out at the corridor.
"Why are you always staring at corridors like this. It's depressing. You want the number of my therapist?" Theo smiles at me, and I suck in my lip. It's all our fault. It's our fault Daisy is like this. She told me I wouldn't be able to handle the mess in her life, but it's the mess we made. I dont think I can forgive myself for that.
"Hey, do you need water?" Theo asks, touching my other shoulder, but I shake both off.
"I'm fine, just a bit hungover." They nod slowly.
"Sorry, forgot about the party. We took some pills for that. Want some?" Theo asks, but I only shake my head. I'm not hungover at all. I didn't even drink.
"Okaaaaay, lunch?" Draco says awkwardly, and we all nod. I shouldn't be mad at them for this with Daisy. In the end, they dont know about her being Sunny, and I'm keeping it that way. Daisy has been through a lot, and the last thing I want is for her to get hurt and hate me even more.
"Hey, you think Sunny is hungover?" Theo asks as we walk into the great hall, and I see Daisy with Adrian. She is leaning her head against her hands, and he is giving her water. She must be really hungover and tired after our talk.
"Mate?" Theo holds me again, and I sigh.
"I dont know. She seemed really drunk yesterday in the chat. Maybe she took some pills. I dont know," they both nod before we sit by the table, a few seats away from Daisy. Adrian stares at me with cold eyes. He must know... I dont even bother looking mad back. I only nod slowly and turn back to my friends.
D A I S Y
"I'm returning to my dorm. I'm tired. Can you tell Snape I'm sick?" Adrian looks at me with sad eyes. He knows what happened between Mattheo and me, I told him. He nods slowly.
"Will you be okay?" He asks, and I nod slowly.
"Some day." I suck in my lip before leaving him and the great hall. One day ill be over it all, and that day I will get my power and happiness back. I promise.
Theo - Daisy
Theo
Hi
Sunny
Uhmmmmm
Hey
Fuck ok
Don't ignore me love
Fucking answer
My cat died
Not that I have one
Ok.
Did something happen?
I can bring you pancakes
With ketchup?
Daisy
Pancakes w ketchup?
Euw no thanks
Theo
Ducking finally
Where have you been
Daisy
I just needed some time alone
Theo
Oh
Are you ok?
Daisy
Yeah I'm fine
Theo
I'm here if you need to talk
Daisy
Thank you Theo
Theo
Sometimes I get the feeling that you're a hufflepuff
You're too nice
Daisy
Yeah?
I can say the same thing about you
Theo
It would be nice sometimes yeah?
Not acting like a devil all the time
Just being nice
Daisy
Ig
Are u ok?
Theo
I'm good
I just feel like you're off
Daisy
I'm just really tired
Theo
oh
Uhm
Maybe you can skip dinner and sleep early
Daisy
Yeah maybe
Theo
And I didn't say that to find out about who you are
Daisy
I didn't think about that.
Theo
Oh
Yeah.
I missed my chance there
Daisy
Thank you for looking out for me
Theo
That's ok
That's what friends do
Daisy
You think I'm your friend?
Theo
Yeah
If you want?
Daisy
Yeah I'd like that
Theo
Great
I think the others missed you in the GC today
Daisy
Really?
Theo
Yeah even Draco asked about you
Daisy
Hmm
I'll text you guys later then
Theo
Yeah do that
Take care sunny
Daisy
You too Theo <3
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Well this was depressing